“What do you mean?” I asked, turning my head away from his hand and staring across the kitchen through the window over the sink, seeking the horizon to help stem the surge of vertigo brought on by looking into his eyes.
“Meld with me. Share your mind and let me find the link for you. I’m not blinded by love for Rohan. I’ll be able to see beyond your bond, find Bodhi. Protect him and Keagan both.”
He tightened his grip on my head, his thumb grazing my jaw as he turned me to face him. His eyes were calm, clear pools of pure want and my mouth watered at the memory of our first kiss, my first kiss, and how sumptuous his lips had been.
“I can’t. I’m with Ro.”
“The dragon sees more than you give him credit for,” Llyr said. “He’ll understand. Just say yes and I’ll drift us away someplace private. It doesn’t have to mean anything if you don’t want it to—a means to an end. We taste each other’s essence, complete the meld, and we’re done.”
“What the dragon sees is none of your fucking business.” The air heated beside me and Ro’s smooth, rumbling tone caused a pleasant prickle to run down my spine, obliterating the confusion of feelings Llyr’s touch had incited. Rohan’s aura enveloped me in an almost tactile cloud of warmth and protection and I slipped sideways to sink against him and closed my eyes when he slid his arms around me, steadying me.
Llyr let out a frustrated breath. “She knows it’s the only way to access the link to the bloodline again. A blood meld would be ideal, but I wouldn’t expect her to agree to that. I’m not asking for anything more than a taste the normal meld requires. We can even use a surrogate. Someone else to distribute our essences. As long as we ingest each other’s essence, it will work.”
“I know, dude. But I also know she’s losing her shit right now, so I think you’d better just cut your losses, all right?”
I barely registered the quaver in Rohan’s voice. Was that my fault? I didn’t know what it meant, but I twisted in his arms, burying my face in his shoulder and clinging to him as though my life depended on it. Something about Llyr’s touch, the way he looked at me, twisted my mind around in a way that made my hold on reality uncertain. I wanted to look, some unbearable compulsion made me almost need to agree to his proposal, but not for the sake of the bloodline, for the sake of my own sanity. As if depriving myself of his touch would send me into a downward spiral that I’d never be able to find my way out of, even on dragon wings.
After a moment, Rohan whispered, “He’s gone, baby. You can open your eyes now.”
He touched my cheek lightly and I looked up into golden eyes shot through with worry and an underlying taint of pure agony. Those two feelings were only partly for me, though. The rest, I knew, was for Keagan.
“I’m so sorry, Ro. I just couldn’t. I know he was right. I can’t see the bloodline anymore because our bond blots it out, but it still hurts too much to touch him.”
Rohan’s throat rippled with the effort of swallowing and he nodded tersely. “I know. We’ll find them our way. Besides, Keagan’s an ursa. It takes more than a mauling to kill an ursa.”
“So we what? Wait until we can fly without being seen?” I asked.
“I’m not about to sit on my ass and do nothing,” Rohan said. “Maddie said one of his favorite spots is on San Francisco Bay. Let’s get on the road and head in that direction up PCH. At sundown we stop and take to the air. If he’s there, we’ll get to them by dawn, and if he’s anywhere in between we’ll see them from the sky.”
He pursed his lips and whistled, emitting a puff of golden smoke at the same time. The four hounds came bounding in from the other room, just in time for him to toss a glimmering ball of golden smoke through the front door. The four chased it straight through the heavy wood.
I stopped just as we stepped out onto the porch. “I think we forgot something. How are we going to drive without a car? We drifted here.”
“No worries there,” he said, shoving his hand in his pocket and pulling out a set of keys. “Keagan’s bike was parked out front and I’ve got his spare. The trick with a motorcycle is to try to resist spreading your wings when the wind picks up. It’ll be good practice.”
“And what about them?” I asked, nodding beyond the porch to the hounds who were happily chasing the little magic ball around. To any passerby it might have just been a trick of light, but it looked like four happy pups to me.
“Well, considering they seem to be able to find you instantly no matter where you go, I doubt it’ll be easy to lose them. But I have the sense they’ll enjoy a good run, too. I’m curious to see how fast they can move.”
7
Keagan
Chilly wind whipped through my hair as we unloaded the truck at the tiny, secluded campsite on the San Francisco Bay. I wasn’t sure if it was even an official campsite. We’d turned off the paved road and driven down what could generously be considered a dirt path before coming to a stop near a shady inlet that had a view of a more populated recreation area about a mile across the water.
Bodhi and I swiftly set up the tent beneath a stand of scrubby trees and he dug around in the sand until he uncovered a fire pit that looked like it hadn’t seen flame in ages. He unloaded a bundle of the firewood we’d picked up on the way up and set it up for later, then directed me back to the truck to help him with the pair of windsurfing rigs.
“I’m game to just, you know, watch while you get your rocks off out there,” I said as we settled the two boards side-by-side on the beach.
“Fuck that, dude. You haven’t lived until you’ve windsurfed. Sea and sky together are the perfect combo to clear your head. You got those trunks I loaned you? Put them on and I’ll get these ready to go.”
Getting out of my own head was the goal. I eyed the cooler with the booze as I passed on my way to the duffle Bodhi had filled with clothes before we’d left. I felt like such a fucking mooch for borrowing all his shit, but he hadn’t said a thing about it. I think he’d been just as eager to leave my house as I was, and we hadn’t bothered discussing plans before hopping on my bike and just riding off, too eager to put Deva and Rohan behind us both. I’d only made up for it a tiny bit by insisting to pay for the gas and food and alcohol.
His shirts were tight on me, but his pants and shorts were only a little snug and the board shorts he loaned me were at least comfortable, if not roomy. They had a lace-up placket in front that accommodated my dick in a comfortable arrangement and that was all I asked for. I wandered back to the beach and crossed my arms, apprehensive about even dipping a toe in the water with the enormous rigs he’d assembled.
It’s not that I was afraid of water. I was a strong swimmer and grew up diving off waterfalls and swimming in mountain lakes. It was the addition of the sails that spooked me. I was perfectly aware of how dangerous the wind could be. I lived with a fucking turul, and when Ozzie was in a bad mood you learned to tie shit down or it’d blow away.
“It’ll surprise you how easy it is,” Bodhi said, pushing one rig into the water with the sail lying flat across the surface. He certainly made it look easy, climbing onto the board and hoisting the sail up, talking me through each step as he went. Almost immediately, the power of the wind pushed him across the surface of the bay at a faster and faster clip until he let out a whoop of excitement and pumped his fist in the air, grinning back at me.
My stomach clenched but I wasn’t one to shy from a challenge. I tried to remember the steps he’d demonstrated a moment ago, got the board into the water, got myself up onto it, and promptly took a dive into the chilly bay before I could even get control of the sail.
Bodhi’s laughter carried as clear as a bell across the water as he sped past, which only provoked me. Cursing loudly, I tried again, and again, until on the seventh or eighth attempt I finally remained steady enough to feel the power of the wind filling the sail as I held onto the boom and figured out how to steer.
“Fuck yeah, you got it!” Bodhi called, tacking around to align his board wi
th mine. He gave me a few quick tips and the pair of us were off across the water, the wind whipping against my face and nothing but the adrenaline rush of absolute freedom pumping through my veins.
Once I’d figured it out, I never wanted it to end. The rush was akin to the first high dive I’d ever taken off a waterfall, only even more intense because I had full control of my speed and direction. I could harness the wind to do my bidding instead of simply surrendering to gravity. I was fucking in charge, which was a far cry from the helpless feelings that had been building up over the past few days since Deva had walked in the doors of that fucking music store.
I even managed to not think about her for several hours. Or about Rohan, or anything but challenging myself to go faster across the water, to catch the swells that surged along the surface, and go airborne with elated whoops that incited cheers from Bodhi several yards away.
The sun was nearly setting by the time I caught his silhouette heading toward shore. I reluctantly followed, marveling at how energized I felt despite the day of excitement following the brutal attack I’d endured. I was still aware of the odd pressure in my core reminding me of the damage done to my soul, but it had taken a backseat to the sense of absolute release I’d found out on the water.
I pulled the board out and let it rest on the sand beside Bodhi’s and accepted the cold beer he tossed me as I settled into a low-slung camp chair.
He didn’t seem any more inclined to conversation than I was, and I appreciated the silence, closing my eyes as I swallowed down the cold, hoppy beverage and let the alcohol do its thing to add to the numbness I needed to feel right now.
In my periphery I heard Bodhi rustling around, the flick of a lighter and the scent of burning wood filled my senses a moment later. Then another, greener scent reached my nostrils and I opened my eyes to a proffered pipe and took it, happily toking on it for a few seconds before handing it back.
“The best way to escape the world, huh?” Bodhi asked. “All the best ways, really. Beer, weed, and the water and wind.”
“We should bring Rohan next time,” I said. “You want an escape, just ask him to breathe a little gold dragon magic into things. We’ll feel no pain.”
I realized my mistake a second too late when the memory of what we’d run from caught up to me.
Bodhi just shook his head and sighed.
“Sorry,” I said. “We’ve been together a long time.”
He hoisted himself out of his seat and clapped me on the shoulder. “Don’t apologize dude. Push through it. Get it out of your system.” He poked at the fire until the wood collapsed into a bed of coals with low, steady flames flickering above it, then produced a grate that he laid across the stone walls of the fire pit. A few moments later, juicy chunks of steak on skewers were cooking alongside whole cobs of fresh corn, sending off aromatic steam that came close to making me forget my woes entirely, but not close enough.
My hunger was twofold. I couldn’t help but think about cooking without remembering the other night when I’d fucked Deva in the kitchen. Worse, I couldn’t stop thinking about what an utter ass I’d been after the fact. I’d as good as ensured my own loneliness with that stunt. Would she have chosen us both had I offered to join her in Rohan’s room, to continue to “assist” with keeping his power topped off?
“You’ve gotta let it out, dude,” Bodhi said. “I’m not saying I want to hear it, but whatever’s eating you up isn’t going away if you don’t talk about it.”
“What the fuck good would that do? He’s still got her and I don’t. I mean, she has him. Fuck!” I scrubbed my hands over my face, pissed at the confusion of desires.
Bodhi settled back in his seat and reached into the cooler beside him, pulling out one of the bigger bottles we’d brought. The amber liquid inside caught the firelight as he offered it to me and I cracked the seal and took a long swallow, becoming one with the fire as the whiskey burned a path down to my belly.
“You know, I didn’t get the sense that Rohan felt he had any kind of solo claim on her,” he said. “And from what she said, don’t your kind pair up to find mates? The ursa, yeah?”
“He was the one who needed her when he got bit. I’m not sure why, but the second she showed up it was like I ceased to exist.”
“She makes you forget, that’s for sure, but be real, man. If the situation had been reversed . . . if you’d been the one bitten, can you honestly say you’d have done things differently?”
“I am bitten, in case you forgot,” I snapped. Bodhi only lifted his brows at me as if to say, And what of it?
He shook his head. “Dude, if I thought I had a shot with her, I’d have never let her leave that goddamn hospital last week. But it’s crystal clear to me that there’s no way in hell I’d ever be enough for a woman like Deva. Maybe you’re feeling a little of that too? Like she needs a fucking five-hundred-year-old dragon. Not some weak-ass schmucks like you or me.”
I just grunted at him and we didn’t speak for some time after that, simply digging into the food in satisfied silence. We steadily worked our way through the bottle of whiskey until the night was a haze of smoky heat from the fire reflected in the tingling warmth through my limbs as the alcohol took hold.
“Would you believe I was fucking jealous of you the other night?” I blurted out at the starlit sky above me after about an hour of silence filled with simply listening to the fresh logs crackle on the fire while I stewed in my thoughts.
“You didn’t exactly hide the fact,” Bodhi said. He’d switched back to beer and slowly guzzled from one longneck bottle. “But I get it now. And I’m sorry. I thought it was just Rohan who had a thing for her, but then he was all, ‘I’m an equal opportunity dragon,’ and shit. And then we were, like, making out. First time I ever kissed another dude.”
“Dragons don’t count,” I said.
“I don’t know if that’s true, but I think having my fingers inside Deva at the time maybe helped relax my own boundaries a little.” He smirked at me and raised his beer again. I could’ve sworn he darted his tongue out to lick the mouth of the bottle before pressing it to his lips, and my cock twitched with interest.
I groaned and tilted my hips up to ease some of the pressure in my shorts and had to force my gaze away from Bodhi’s crotch.
“What was it that got you so hard so fast?” he asked, tilting his head to the side just a touch. “The idea of me making out with Rohan or me with my fingers inside Deva’s pussy?”
“That thing you just did with your tongue,” I confessed, my own tongue loose enough now not to hold back, and my blood running hot from the whiskey and every little flickering thought of carnal oblivion teasing me with different images, some built from memories, others made up from the shirtless, tattooed eye candy in front of me.
His brows twitched. “What thing?”
“Doesn’t matter,” I said, getting up from my seat and closing the distance between us. Bodhi sat up straighter and stared up at me warily. “I’m not gonna fucking touch you without asking,” I said. “Even though I hate asking. I didn’t ask her and I should have.”
His gaze darkened and he glared up at me. “What the fuck?”
“I don’t mean what you think. I mean, for ursa males there are rules that are a little extreme compared to human conventions of . . . ah . . . courtship,” I said, crouching low until we were eye to eye, my hands braced on the arms of his camp chair. “We’re supposed to wait for explicit instructions from a female before we even so much as touch. But most women, Deva included, kind of forget how to speak if they get worked up enough. I didn’t ask. And I didn’t wait. What I did do was touch her until she begged me to fuck her, and I promise you, she begged.”
“I’d like to have heard that,” he said, his voice a low rumble, thick with desire. This close, his erection was painfully apparent, the outline of his thick cock perfectly defined within the thin nylon of his shorts.
“I bet. Now I’m not going to make you beg, but I am going to
make you an offer. Before I fuck you tonight, Bodhi, I’d like to suck your dick. That little move you made with your mouth on that bottle was what made me hard, on top of all the talk about Deva’s pussy, but it also made me hungry.” I hovered closer and grazed my lips along the top of his cheekbone until my mouth brushed his ear. “If you’re game for all of this, you just have to peel off those shorts for me and let me at you. If not, just say so and I’ll back off and we can both go to sleep horny.”
I fell back on my haunches, idly gripping my erection through my shorts, and looked at him. He looked a little uncertain at first—a little shaky as he set his beer down on the ground beside his chair. My gaze held his as he dropped his hands to his waistband and tugged at the laces that held his shorts closed. When his tongue darted out and slicked over his lower lip it was all I could do not to lean in and kiss him. I’d had enough of kissing him and tonight wasn’t really about that level of intimacy for either of us anyway.
Tonight was about escape. About forgetting what we’d both lost, whether we’d lost it through bad luck or our own incompetence and stupidity.
I lifted up on my knees in front of him, just as he pushed his shorts down his thighs and his massive hard-on sprang free. His eyes were bright and excited, regarding me in what I’m sure he saw as a submissive pose. But he’d learn pretty damn quick that sucking dick had nothing to do with submission.
Because when I grabbed him by the shaft and wrapped my mouth around his salty head, all his control went out the window and he was completely mine.
“Jesus fuck!” he blurted as I stretched my jaw to take him in all the way to the back of my throat. He brushed a palm against my cheek and I lifted my gaze up to see wide eyes and a mouth opened in astonished ecstasy. Then his head fell back and he groaned when I put my tongue to work, sliding along the underside while I sucked and slipped my mouth back along his entire length.
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