I sighed and eased forward, regretting the emptiness that set in when his thick length slid out of me. Putting my back to the fire, I looked up into his wild eyes. True to expectation, I saw nothing but raw lust, no hint of the tenderness that had flickered there for a moment when we’d began this face-to-face. Yet that absence of emotion struck me, and I longed to bring back the loving, adoring Llyr, even if seeing him look at me that way still hurt.
For the first time, I wished like hell I could truly trust him. That there might be some merit to his insistence that my memory about my first time with him was faulty. I didn’t doubt that he deserved love—I just knew I couldn’t give it to him without hearing the truth. But a part of me wanted to, even though I knew it wasn’t the part Llyr wanted me to listen to.
“We don’t need to keep going, unless . . .” I considered making the offer for a second before rejecting it. His absolute willingness to fulfill my every need spoke volumes for his devotion to me. I owed him honesty, and I needed to respect his wishes that I not let my feelings for Ozzie influence my behavior with him.
“Unless what?” he asked, licking his lips and stretching out a hand to palm my breast. His gaze drifted down my body, the heat flaring once again and his cock growing fully hard. Sweet Mother, it took no effort to rouse him for more sex.
But I didn’t need more just now, and I couldn’t give him that gift in good conscience. I couldn’t make love with him and accept the piece of his soul I was sure he held in reserve for me. I was on the verge of wholly forgiving Llyr for how he’d damaged my trust, if I could trust that feeling. Perhaps after Bodhi was well and with more time to be sure what I felt for Llyr was real, but even then I didn’t know if I could bring myself to complete my soul. If it could never really be whole—if I couldn’t have Bodhi too—why should I risk the pain of adding a third fragment to the mix?
“Nothing,” I said, wrapping my hand around his and kissing his knuckles. “You gave me what I needed. You can relax.”
I had barely blinked before his body transformed, shrinking and softening into the smooth-skinned, beautiful man once more. His black hair was a tangled mess, but the horns were gone and his cock had softened and lay against one thick, hairless thigh.
He reached for me again, his brow creased and his gaze filled with uncertainty. He didn’t go for my breasts this time, but squeezed my hip and shifted closer, sliding his hand up and down my back in a gentle, comforting stroke.
“Before you go to him, may I indulge myself for just a moment and hold you?”
I smiled softly and turned onto my other side, shifting back against him. Simply lying in his arms without any other expectation was something I would gladly do.
He slipped one strong arm around me and held me tight, a satisfied sigh gusting across the top of my head. A moment later, he emitted a less pleased groan and I twisted my head around to look up at him.
“I need to let Oz know what happened. I’ve stalled him long enough. If I don’t give him something, he’s going to show up with all the others, and I suspect you don’t want that.”
Dread spiked through me. I wasn’t prepared for Ozzie in the least, and I also hated the idea of Maddie appearing before I’d had a chance to fix her son. I shook my head. “Tell him what you need, but how have I not heard his messages? He’s sending them via Wind, right?”
“Not exactly. I can hear them fine that way, but as you know, it isn’t the most private mode of communication if you’re with other turul—or other creatures capable of hearing those messages. But our blood link is private, and he hasn’t hesitated to take advantage of having a direct line into my head.”
He didn’t sound pleased, but the tone was less irritated than patiently tolerant. “You care for him, don’t you?”
He appeared almost surprised. “He’s in my blood, Deva. I would never have allowed us to meld that way had I not cared for him or sensed some reciprocation, no matter how fucking bristly the bastard is. Besides . . .” His voice softened and he lifted a hand to caress my cheek. “We have something quite compelling in common.”
I blinked, my face heating as I turned back to the fire. Swallowing harshly, I summoned the nerve to ask the question that had been nagging at me. “Does your blood link tell you why Ozzie’s been so distant? You’d think even being in the same room with me offends him somehow.”
His fingers stilled against my cheek and he dropped his hand to my shoulder. With a soft sigh, he curled his big body around me even closer. I closed my eyes, reveling in the affection that too much of my mind wanted to believe was coming from a different man. I realized with a jolt that I wanted it to be Ozzie, but it wasn’t.
“He doesn’t hate you—far from it. He just can’t give you what you want. If you think Fate has taken issue with you now, you don’t want to know what it would do to a turul who broke its link to its fated mate. Trust me when I say he’s doing it to protect you both.”
I made a guttural sound, trying to choke back tears, and Llyr squeezed me tighter. “You will always have me, Deva. Nothing could make me run from you.”
“I know,” I whispered. “It just hurts to be reminded that he already has someone, even if he doesn’t know who it is.”
19
Llyr
I hated the pseudo-lie, though it was effectively the truth. As much as I wanted to reap the reward of divulging Ozzie’s secret, we were too closely bound to each other through our blood meld for me to actively betray him that way. If I didn’t actually care for him, I could have told her, but the fact that I harbored affection for the stubborn turul compelled me to keep my mouth shut. The bastard would have to tell her on his own, and I’d just have to endure her conflicted looks at me until she knew the truth.
The impression of Ozzie’s impatience pressed at the back of my mind, but I kept a solid barrier between him and my immediate senses. I could have let him in earlier just for kicks, let him experience the absolute ecstasy of fucking Deva until she fell apart from pleasure, but I doubted he’d have appreciated a need that raw and unhampered by deeper feelings. Emotions ran deep with the turul—after being blood melded with him for only a day, it was clear he couldn’t easily turn that off. Not the way I could by setting my primal nature free.
I sent him a vague impression that I had things handled and would fill him in later. It wouldn’t be enough to ease his mind, but my nonchalance might keep him from drifting to us to be sure. He seemed to care more about keeping his distance, after all. It was selfish of me, I knew, but after what Deva had revealed, it was clear we didn’t need to give Fate any more ammunition against us.
I stroked my hand down her back. “He will always care for you, Deva.”
Her sigh blew warm against my neck, and a second later I sensed the emotional retreat. As she buried the despair, her walls went up once again. In that second, I hated Ozzie for what his secret had done to her. I didn’t try as hard to block that sentiment from him, either; he knew damn well where I stood on the issue.
Deva pushed herself up off the rug and gave me a sad smile. “Thank you for not lying to me,” she said, bending to press a quick kiss to my mouth. I closed my eyes for a second, savoring the contact. I had a feeling it would be the last time we touched for a while.
As she stood, an iridescent cloud of magic flooded from her mouth and nose, coalescing around her into her preferred outfit of black leather. I resisted the urge to protest and pull her back down, to use my magic to seduce her to stay. But if Fate was likely to take issue with her gathering more pieces of her soul, I shouldn’t tempt her. What I could do was try to find more satisfying answers for her.
I waited until she climbed the stairs again, then banked the fire and drifted back up to the bathroom where I’d left my clothes. Beyond the closed door to the bedroom, I could hear her gentle tone followed by Bodhi’s raspier, sleepy voice.
Pausing just inside the door, I closed my eyes and reached for Bodhi’s mind through our fading meld. It only took a brief g
limpse to confirm what I suspected: He loved her every bit as much as the rest of us did, and not even the dragon mark she’d given him would be enough to satisfy his need for her. But his mind was perfectly sound, so whatever threat had been made, they could weather.
I clutched the doorknob and pulled it open slowly, leaning against the frame for a second until they noticed me. I didn’t want to intrude on the moment, a bittersweet exchange that made me grit my teeth with the need to act—to fix this so the woman I loved no longer hurt. But I held my tongue.
Deva had crawled up onto the bed and was leaning on the pillows beside Bodhi. His face was tilted to hers, their eyes locked and their foreheads resting against each other. She had one hand pressed against his cheek, murmuring softly. Bodhi shook his head and blurted out a harsh protest.
“No, Deva. I don’t give a fuck about my goddamn soul or that fucking bastard’s threats. I want you.” His gaze shifted to me, and a second later Deva turned.
I cleared my throat. “I apologize. I need to head back to fill in Ozzie and the others. What should I tell them?”
“It’s going to be hard to explain what happened to my truck, so the truth probably makes the most sense,” Bodhi said.
Deva grimaced. “Just leave out the part about his injury. I don’t want to worry Maddie, and by the time we see her again, he’ll be fine.”
“And your little visit from Fate?” I asked.
Deva nodded. “That is at least something positive we can share. We don’t have to be on the lookout for its hounds anymore. Not as long as I stay on schedule. Tell Ozzie about the deal we made. Just don’t tell them about the threats, okay?”
“He’ll see the deal for what it is—a test of your powers. None of us trust Fate’s intentions. She doesn’t do things out of the goodness of her heart.”
Deva shrugged. “Well, the way I see it, I’ll have another opportunity to negotiate once I’ve done what it asks.”
Fate didn’t negotiate unless she believed she could get what she wanted, but I knew full well that we’d only waste time by arguing. Instead, I nodded. “I will be back as soon as I can.”
As I drifted, I reoriented to a new destination. I’d rejoin Ozzie and the others soon, but before I did, I had a god to talk to.
20
Deva
The squeeze of Bodhi’s hand around mine tore my attention away from the empty doorway Llyr had stood in only a moment ago. When I looked at him, his brows were raised in a silent question.
“Are you ready?” I asked. “It might hurt—healing always does, so I’m told.”
He grunted and shook his head. “You can take care of me in a minute. I’m not blind or deaf. Did he give you what I couldn’t?”
My cheeks heated. “I thought you were asleep.”
“I was, angel,” he said with a smirk. “But not even the dead could have slept through that noise.”
“It was just sex,” I said, shaking my head. “Let’s get you healed now, all right?” I brushed off any further explanations about my tryst with Llyr and shifted down the bed, tugging the covers off Bodhi’s prone form.
“It’s never just sex with you guys. I know you did it for me, but did you get anything out of it? Besides screaming orgasms—those were obvious.”
The small hint of humor in his tone belied his bitterness. I tried to ignore it, but couldn’t help feeling some of the hurt. I kept my gaze on his body rather than meeting his eyes, glancing down his muscled torso to the edge of his tattoos. The relaxed muscles of his lower abdomen normally held more definition.
“You’re right; it wasn’t just sex. But we didn’t make love. He didn’t give me anything more than his energy so I could heal you.” I rested my palm lightly over his sternum and closed my eyes, exhaling. “Breathe in for me.”
He sucked in a deep breath, his chest rising beneath my hand. Focusing, I followed the path of my smoke through his lungs and into his bloodstream, sliding my hand down his chest and stomach to direct the flow of magic through his body to where it was needed most. When my hand reached his navel, I paused and opened my eyes.
“Everything okay?” I asked.
“I still don’t feel anything,” he said. “No pain, at least. Whatever Llyr did knocked that shit on its ass.”
I curled my mouth into a small smile. “He’s had eons for his magic to mature, though I honestly had no idea he could do that. I’ve only seen him use magic once. But I think you need to roll over. The damage is in your spine. I need more direct contact.”
“Okay. You’re going to have to help me, though. Those things aren’t moving on their own.” He gestured to his legs.
I nodded and took hold of one hip and the side of his knee, lifting as he twisted his torso and maneuvered onto his stomach. His tattoos still glowed faintly from Llyr’s infusion of magic; the sunburst between his shoulder blades was luminescent, his veins showing through with subtle blue fire. The design ended right at the base of his spine with the odd little symbol that I understood carried more power than Bodhi realized.
I gently traced the outline of the strange shape, like a tulip with a circle at the top of its stamen and a cross for a stem. Bodhi twitched but didn’t make a sound when my fingertip completed the design.
“Can you feel this?” I asked.
He clutched his pillow lower beneath his chest and looked back at me. “Yes and no. I could tell without looking that you were touching my tattoo, but couldn’t actually feel it. Is that weird?”
“It’s a powerful symbol,” I said.
“What does it mean to you?”
I pressed my lips together and glanced at his face. “Do you remember what I said just before we crashed?”
His throat worked as he swallowed, and he dropped his gaze. “Yeah, you said that I was the reason you could be with Keagan and Rohan together yesterday.”
“This symbol kind of embodies what you are to me. Somehow, you unconsciously knew it already. If we made love, your soul-gift would allow theirs to bind together . . .”
I couldn’t say more around the sudden ache taking up residence in my chest. Instead I flattened my palm over the symbol at the base of Bodhi’s spine and pushed a burst of power into him, focusing my magic on the damage hidden within.
He let out a grunt of surprise and turned to face the headboard. I eased off and he exhaled with a groan. “Jesus. Warn me next time, all right?”
“Sorry,” I said. I brushed my hand down the smooth, toned curve of his ass, admiring the strength in his thighs. “Do you feel this?”
“No.” He darted a glance back at me. I avoided meeting his eyes. “Deva. I heard what that . . . person said to you. It doesn’t want you to have whatever it is I can give you. That’s what it meant, isn’t it?”
“It doesn’t want me to have a complete soul,” I said. “But it is giving me a chance to save the bloodline, so I can’t really argue. Ready for another round?”
He nodded and gripped the pillow tighter.
I released more power through my palm, marveling at the light spreading beneath his skin, filtering through his veins, and making them glow again. Bodhi tensed and I kept pouring power into him, mentally seeking out his damaged cells from the scars I was unable to heal before. Cells reformed, and flesh knit in the patterns it was meant to hold.
He let out an anguished gasp and I halted.
“You can tell me when to stop,” I said.
“No, it’s fine,” he breathed. “I want you to fix me as fast as you can. Go again. I still can’t feel my legs.”
“Brace yourself,” I warned and summoned fresh magic.
“What do you think it’s afraid of?” Bodhi asked, twitching when the power flowed into him again. This time I sent it the other direction, down through the base of his spine and into his legs.
“Afraid? I don’t think it’s afraid of anything. You’ve seen what it can do.”
He snorted. “You’re a threat to it. Why else would it want to keep you from gaining power
? Correct me if I’m wrong, but that’s what you get from having a complete soul, isn’t it? Power?”
“Yes, but not the way you make it sound. I just want to know who I am. I don’t want to take over the world or anything.”
“I know you don’t, but does it? Whatever it’s called?”
“Fate,” I said. “That’s what we call it.”
He exhaled as if I’d punched him. “Wow, that was Fate? I wasn’t sure I believed Sophia when she told us about it before. Or him? Didn’t she and Ozzie refer to Fate as him?”
“It’s genderless, but the others have different associations with it. Sometimes Fate appears as a man, sometimes a woman. Its aspects change to suit its needs. Llyr refers to it as ‘her.’ ”
I knew that much from my studies, but had also overheard enough conversations to know that most of the higher races weren’t fans. I wasn’t one either, even though its behavior toward my hounds suggested it wasn’t necessarily malicious.
Yet it hadn’t elaborated on why it didn’t want me to accept a soul gift from Bodhi, only that it would kill the people I loved if I did. And it was especially keen on retribution against any turul I might even think about binding myself to, if its treatment of Sandor was any indication.
Bodhi began to shake, and I eased off, but he shook his head vigorously. “Don’t fucking stop. I can handle it.”
I nodded and rested my free hand on his shoulder, giving him a squeeze while I continued pushing power into his back. He covered my hand with his, clutching me.
On the mattress, his legs suddenly jerked.
“Jesus fuck!” he yelled, letting out another agonized cry. I stopped and slid my hand down over his ass again to his thigh. He jerked away with a curse. “Goddamn, that hurts.”
“What hurts?” I asked, pulling back, adrenaline shooting through my limbs. I didn’t think he was aware of the change yet, since it had only been a reflex. I reached out again and lightly rested my hand on his thigh. “Does this hurt?”
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