I shook my head. “I told you, Fate doesn’t exist.” What the fuck crazy world did I wake up in where they believed in Fate?
“Yet Ouranos does?” he asked.
“Well, yeah. He created the turul race. You too, if you’re really the fucking West Wind.”
“We have a mother,” another man said, shoving forward. This one had the bearing of a Viking, tall and muscular with blond hair flowing around him in a breeze that seemed to blow just for him.
“Does it matter who he fucked to create us? He wasn’t exactly a discerning fucker. He is a fucker, and he made us in his own image. He’s incapable of love, and so are we, thanks to that fucking curse.”
“That isn’t true, and you know it,” Deva said, her tone accusatory and more painful for me to hear than what the others had said.
“How would you know?” I asked.
“Because I know you. You may not know yourself right now, but I know you, and there has to be an explanation for your messed-up memories.”
“Okay, fine. I’ll bite,” I said. “What do you think is wrong with me? Want to fill me in? Maybe start with where the fuck you brought me, because this isn’t any beach I’ve ever been on. The higher races don’t mix, and there are way too many fucking nymphs around for comfort, yet nobody seems afraid of them.”
“You’re in the Haven, Ozzie,” the scary nymph said. “I am Nyx, and this is my brother Neph. You know us as the Dionarchs of the Haven, leaders of the nymphaea race. And you are the chimera’s protector. Without your help last year, we would have lost the war against the Ultiori.”
I barked an involuntary laugh. “No fucking way. The Haven belongs to Nikhil and the Ultiori . . . When did you guys reclaim it and come home?”
The sunrise had started casting faint pink light across the group, and I fought the urge to look at Deva again. Her eyes were what drew me to her; the strange variegation in her irises was the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen, but she was luminescent in the dawn light. If what they said was true—that my memories and what I knew about my world were all wrong—would it be so bad? Something about her made me dare to wonder, to hope, that maybe they weren’t lying.
They all looked at each other and Nyx shook her head. Gently, she said, “No. The Ultiori lost the war. The higher races won. The Ultiori’s leader, a nymph named Meri, has been dead for more than a year and Nikhil wielded the blade that killed her. He is not our enemy.
“Will you come with us so we can try to understand what happened to you? We only wish to help.”
2
Deva
I clung to Llyr’s hand so tightly it must have hurt, yet he didn’t complain. Maybe he was as desperate to find out what had happened to Ozzie as I was.
Ozzie looked the same as he had when I last saw him, if a little rougher around the edges. His aura was washed out, as if he lacked enthusiasm for life and hadn’t had any in a very long time. But he was still the same handsome man with angular features, a long nose, and unruly dark blond hair that curled around the collar of his pale denim button-down. He looked like he hadn’t shaved in a few days and his eyes were bloodshot, but the way he looked at me now was different from the way he had mere moments ago, and despite his lack of memory, it gave me hope.
His gaze was filled with curiosity, as if despite not remembering me, he wanted to.
When he agreed to Nyx’s invitation to return to the palace and have a private discussion, I had to hold back the urge to tell him everything. Part of me thought if I shared with him the details of my own recently returned memories, he’d finally look at me with recognition. Perhaps his gaze might fill with the love I recalled so vividly from that night we’d spent together—the night I’d lost and had only recently reclaimed.
But he’d pushed me away so many times over the past year, and the memories of those hurts still hovered as present in my mind as my recently recovered memories of our time together in the realm of the gods. I didn’t feel like I really knew this version of Ozzie that had reappeared, and I was too afraid of how he would react if I bared my soul to him so soon. As much as I longed to do exactly that, I knew it would be safer to hold off.
As we walked up the path through the Haven’s rich forest, Ozzie marveled at the surroundings as though he’d never visited, though I knew he had. He’d visited me here a few times, though the visits had only been brief music lessons followed by chaste walks on the beach. Somehow we’d managed to avoid stumbling across any residents engaged in sex, but I’d always felt like something was missing. If I’d held onto my memories, would we have spent that time making love?
It also became clear that whatever messed-up world Fate had sent Ozzie to was one where the higher races had lost the war and fallen under Meri’s control. But it didn’t sound like there had been much of a war—in fact, it didn’t sound like I even existed in that world, which was a chilling thought.
We gathered on one of the palace terraces overlooking the courtyard. Nyx allowed only me and my mates in, along with herself and Neph. The two Dionarchs stood in the center, sweeping their arms wide in a graceful dance that erected a shimmering dome around us.
“We wish this to be a private discussion,” she said. “The barrier is also a precaution against escape.”
“I said I’d cooperate,” Ozzie reminded them, “but I get it.” With a shrug, he settled onto one of the pillow-strewn sofas and rested his elbows on his knees.
“So, you guys seem pretty convinced I’m your Ozzie West, just without the memories you think I should have. And what’s missing is that Ms. Rainsong here is my soul mate. Have I got it right?”
He looked at me, his aura flaring with arousal before he tore his eyes away to focus on Nyx. It wasn’t the response I’d hoped for, but it was something.
“Not exactly,” she said, then nodded to me. “Deva, will you fill him in?”
“We aren’t soul mates anymore,” I told him. “That’s the issue. It’s . . . complicated.”
I left it at that, exhaustion setting in at the idea of rehashing the last few weeks for his benefit—particularly the events that had led to Fate removing the soul fragment Ozzie had given me the night we’d first made love, only to return it to him.
Ozzie gave me an understanding nod. “Try starting at the beginning.”
“Mine, or yours?” I asked with a shaky laugh. I moved to the seat across from him and settled down with Llyr and Keagan on either side of me.
Llyr said, “Just give me five minutes with him, I’ll make him remember.”
“No offense, man, but beating me up isn’t going to help knock anything loose,” Ozzie said.
“We are blood-melded, or did you think you were just a special breed of turul who could drift all this time?”
Ozzie’s eyes widened. “I don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about. I can’t drift. That’s what nymphs do to sneak into people’s houses and steal their minds.”
“Perhaps in the world you were sent to,” Nyx said. “That sounds like something Meri would have done, and if she controlled the Haven in your world, it’s highly likely she mind-controlled all the nymphs too. But that isn’t the case here; she’s dead, and the nymphs are as sane as they can be.”
“Which is still a stretch on most days,” Keagan added, earning himself a severe look from Nyx. “Not saying it’s a bad thing.” He chuckled, but shot me a concerned glance, and I knew he was worried about my own state of mind.
I squeezed his hand, holding tight to Llyr on my other side. Simply staying in contact with these two did wonders for my sanity, but even I knew it wouldn’t last, especially now that Ozzie was back and didn’t show any inclination toward loving me the way he used to.
Ozzie sat back with a sigh. “Your world’s a lot fucking better off than mine is, I’ll give you that.”
I bristled. “This is your world. Don’t you get it? Wherever you were was a lie, some alternate reality where you were forced to relive bitter memories. That was all Fate could tel
l us about your whereabouts. Since we’d broken the turul curse, it had no longer had control over you.”
“Bitter’s the right fucking word,” Ozzie muttered. “Nothing but bitter memories exist in my world. Is it really better here?”
“That’s a matter of perspective,” Llyr said. “But if we can fix you, it’ll be an improvement.”
“Tell me this,” Ozzie said. “Why am I so fucking important to you guys anyway? Couldn’t she just get over me and find a new soul mate?” He pointed at me as if I weren’t sitting right in front of him.
“You’re the Maestro,” Rohan said. “Of course you’re fucking important to us. You’re the heartbeat of the band.”
He’s my heartbeat, I thought, biting my lip to hold back more tears.
Rohan rubbed his dragon mark. Ozzie’s gaze dropped and he frowned. “Those tattoos . . . those are the only things throwing me off here. What do they mean to you?”
“It’s our band logo. Fate’s Fools,” Rohan said. “You’ve got one too, don’t you?”
“Yeah, but mine doesn’t mean the same thing. It’s just wings and a hurricane, meant to signify how goddamn chaotic and pointless my life is.”
“Pointless enough to etch it permanently into your skin?” Bodhi asked. “That makes no goddamn sense. I haven’t known you long, dude, but you’re not the kind of man who’d commemorate something pointless.”
“It is what it is,” Ozzie said, shrugging.
“Are you willing to entertain the possibility that it isn’t?” I asked.
“I don’t believe you, but sure. If it’ll make you feel better, let’s pretend for a minute that you guys didn’t just rip me out of my own world into yours because your version of me was a chicken-shit who couldn’t follow through on his obligations. I bet he’s still out there somewhere hiding.”
I winced. Chaos had told us Ozzie was hiding. What if we were wrong?
Llyr squeezed my hand. “You are our Ozzie. I would know the difference. In your world, the satyrs are dead. It’s possible a few of them, including me, are in fact still alive, but held captive. But in this world—the real world—you and I are blood-melded. I lost the ability to sense you while you were missing, but knew you weren’t dead. Some power obscured our link.”
“Let me guess: You can sense the link now?” Ozzie asked.
“If you allow me to touch you, I can prove it,” he said. “Perhaps rekindling that link will bring back your memories too.”
Ozzie stood and stretched his arms out. “Have at it, brother. The memories I have really aren’t all that special.”
Llyr stood and met Ozzie in the center of the room. When he reached up and cupped the size of Ozzie’s face, Ozzie twitched.
“This had better not mean you and I were ever . . . ah . . .” Ozzie’s cheeks reddened. He looked up into Llyr’s eyes for a second, but Llyr only stared back at him. Ozzie cursed.
“You were on top, if it makes you feel better,” Llyr said, then gripped Ozzie hard by the back of the head and claimed his mouth so quickly I gasped.
My entire body tensed as I watched the scene unfold. Rohan slid close and took my hand, Bodhi covering both of ours with his own from where he sat on Rohan’s opposite side.
Ozzie was gripping Llyr’s biceps, knuckles blanching white. Llyr didn’t do anything more overtly sexual, however, and after a few seconds, he released Ozzie’s mouth and merely gazed into his eyes.
Ozzie licked his lips, looking dazed and a little pissed. Then his expression changed to shock, and finally he blinked back at Llyr in wonder.
“Llyr?” he rasped. “How do I know your name?”
My heart leaped and so did I, but Llyr stuck his hand out behind him, stalling me. “He doesn’t remember,” he said over his shoulder, then looked back at Ozzie. “But something more than my name came to you, didn’t it?”
“This is fucking impossible,” Ozzie said. “I can feel you inside my head. This is what she does, how she turns her victims on the ones they love, isn’t it?” His face darkened with rage and he pulled back his fist, but before he could land a blow, Neph appeared behind him and had both Ozzie’s arms wrenched behind his back.
“You aren’t wrong,” Llyr said grimly. “The difference between me and Meri is that she never held any affection for her victims. You and I, however, are much closer. I admit we weren’t, at first—we were adversaries when we met. But when we learned we shared a common goal, we moved past that conflict. Now it’s safe to say I love you. Quite deeply, in fact. I would never use our blood link against you.”
Ozzie blinked rapidly and swallowed, then licked his lips as if tasting some remnant of Llyr left behind by their kiss.
He pulled against Neph’s restraining hands, but my father gritted his teeth and held tighter. He barely had to strain to keep Ozzie immobilized, but bent low to Ozzie’s ear and said, “I will not hesitate to tear you to pieces if you hurt any of them. You got that?”
Ozzie pressed his lips into a line and nodded. “Yeah. But bear with me here, all right? I’m not going to take a swing at anyone, but this still isn’t easy for me to process.”
Neph released him and Ozzie sat again. He was a little shaky as he closed his eyes and took a breath.
“What was the thing we had in common?” he asked. “Was it the band?” His gaze fell to the glowing mark on Llyr’s chest.
“No,” Llyr said, still hovering over him. “It was our love for Deva.”
Ozzie’s gaze shot to me, and he studied me for a few moments before giving me a sad smile. “I wish I could say I felt something, but I don’t. Love isn’t something I’m capable of.”
“But you are the Ozzie we lost,” I said, then looked at Llyr. “Isn’t he?”
“He is.”
We all sat in silence, Ozzie’s gaze fixed on me. I chewed my lip, waiting for him to say something, to acknowledge more of a bond, or a spark, or anything while I clung to Rohan and Keagan for dear life.
“Okay,” Ozzie said. “For the sake of argument, let’s say I take your word for it. Why does it even matter whether I remember you guys? I’m nothing special.” He glanced at me again. “Definitely not worth your trouble, at any rate. You’ve clearly got all these guys, and apparently that little tattoo is a dragon mark, so I’m guessing you’re a dragon, yeah?”
He rubbed at his chest through the denim of his shirt and frowned. The spot he was worrying was where his own tattoo was.
“She’s more than that,” Llyr said. “She’s a chimera, a hybrid of all the higher races as well as human. But her soul is incomplete; you are the last piece. That honor would have been mine, except Fate stripped her of the fragment of soul you gave her. That was when we lost you. That emptiness is killing her.”
I winced at the break in his voice and stood up, slipping beside him and twining my fingers through his.
“He’s exaggerating,” I said. “It isn’t going to kill me, but losing you didn’t exactly help my sanity any. I am part nymphaea, which includes all the fun side-effects.”
“That isn’t the only reason we need you,” Keagan said. “You’re the fucking Maestro. The band just isn’t the same without you.”
“Fucking hell,” Ozzie finally said, falling back against the cushions and rubbing his hands over his face, then through his hair. He looked up at Llyr.
“What do you want me to do? Take a love potion or something? If it’ll work . . . if it’ll help you, then I’ll try. But I warn you, the turul curse isn’t just fun and games. None of us have ever fallen in love in the entire history of our race. Some have come close, only to have it destroyed. You may as well just send me back, because I honestly have got nothing.”
His words were like a slap to the face. I pulled in a sharp breath and Ozzie stood.
“Hey,” he said, “I didn’t mean . . . There’s not nothing. You’re beautiful. More than beautiful—I can’t take my eyes off you. I’m just fucking broken, okay? My life is a string of failures. I am probably the loneliest
most worthless piece of shit on the planet, though my cousins might argue they deserve that honor more. Iszak and Lukas are pretty much the only friends I have, and all three of us are pathetic losers. You don’t want me.”
“But you aren’t that person—don’t you see?” I asked him, my throat so tight the words came out high-pitched and strangled. “You are loved, successful . . . wonderful. You were there when I needed you most. I wouldn’t be alive if not for your love, Ozzie. Or I might be, but Meri would be using my body as her vessel right now, and things would be very different.”
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Rohan pull Nyx aside. A moment later, she made a gesture in the air. The shimmering barrier that sheltered us from other ears fell and she drifted away.
“We needed backup,” Rohan said when I gave him an inquiring look.
“Listen,” Ozzie continued, “I would love nothing more than to be the man you think I am. All I’m saying is that you can do better.”
“Well, that certainly goes without saying,” a sardonic voice chimed in from the edge of the balcony.
We all turned as Nyx released her hold on Lukas North, who stood there, grinning. A second later, Nikhil materialized from a drift, hands linked with Belah’s and Iszak’s.
I turned with a triumphant smile to Ozzie, only to be greeted with a look of horror.
3
Ozzie
I thought the day was starting to get better, but all bets were off now.
I glanced at the door, but Nyx had lifted the barrier again, blocking me in. When I turned my attention on my cousin again, he was giving me the strangest look—as if he didn’t quite recognize me.
Well, the feeling was fucking mutual. These two men were the closest friends I had, but everything was wrong with this picture. We’d been through hell and back, enduring the worst kind of loss at the hands of the Ultiori—their own sister’s murder. I’d loved Evie like a sister too, and her death had nearly destroyed all three of us.
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