Judging from the scent of bergamot on the sheets, I’d fallen asleep with Ozzie the night before, but he’d only wanted to hold me. Reminding them that it hadn’t really been me suffering at the hands of the god wasn’t enough to wipe their memories of what they had witnessed.
This would take some serious patience to get to the bottom of, but I still couldn’t help but test their limits in an effort to break through their resistance.
I slipped out of bed, reaching through the bond we shared to locate each of them. Llyr was awake in the next room, reading, and only acknowledged me with a slight flare of awareness.
Keagan was asleep in his bed, and Bodhi and Rohan were tangled in Rohan’s bed, snuggling adorably. The three of them had formed a deep bond over the past couple weeks, and when one of them wasn’t sharing a bed with me, they would rotate between Rohan’s and Keagan’s.
I was still in Rohan’s old T-shirt, which had survived the night once again. As much as I adored my preferred nightgown, I was starting to wish one of them would rip it off me.
I took a cursory glance in the mirror on the way through Ozzie’s room, found myself passably tidy for having just woken up, and headed out into the gray light of the hallway and the living room beyond.
The tile floor was pleasantly heated, a feature no one had realized the house even had until Llyr discovered it and proceeded to keep it cranked up. Mornings tended toward chilly, and I didn’t mind the cold any more than the heat, but the warm tiles felt nice under my bare feet and always made me think of my temperature-sensitive satyr.
I briefly considered turning around and seeking him out. His morning calm might make him more receptive to my particular proposal, but Ozzie was the one I wanted to talk to. He was in charge, and if I wanted to convince the others I was strong enough for sex, he was the one whose opinion I had to sway first.
I didn’t just want one of my mates to make love to me—I wanted them all.
He was in his favorite morning spot, outside the French doors at the far end of the study, occupying one of the wooden Adirondack chairs with his enormous coffee mug in his hands. I quietly slipped through the door, but he sensed me and turned, giving me a warm smile.
At least that look was genuine, the love in his gaze undeniable. He’d always looked at me that way, but for so long, I had been too uncertain to trust it. I’d spent an entire year receiving such mixed signals from him that I hadn’t known up from down. He’d looked at me like he loved me, but had kept me at arm’s length.
Now I knew he loved me, but he was holding back for other reasons.
I sidled up beside the chair, gently took the hot coffee from his hands, and set it on the small wooden table beside him. He regarded me in silence as I faced him and swung a knee over his lap, sliding up his jeans-clad thighs and straddling his hips. His cock swelled between us and he leaned back with a slightly put-upon expression, hands resting lightly at my hips as if he couldn’t decide whether to hold me tighter or push me away.
I sighed. “We both have all our memories now. You can’t hide from me anymore, Oz.”
For the sake of argument, I projected a memory of our first night together when we’d explored all my considerable limits and he’d been more than game to manhandle me. And I’d been an enthusiastic recipient of his manhandling.
“Deva, I can’t,” he said, wincing and closing his eyes.
“I need you to. The others won’t come around until you do. You guys are all too annoyingly in sync with each other.”
He sighed and opened his eyes, took my hands in his, and pressed them against his sternum. His heart thumped against my palm, and I impulsively sent a little surge of magic into him. He smiled briefly, then grew serious again.
“I love you more than life. We all do. What we witnessed isn’t going to leave us for a long time, though. The possibility of hurting you . . .”
He paused and shook his head, pressing his lips together. Then he took a deep breath and let it out before continuing.
“We’re all just questioning our motives too much when we get turned on. What used to be fair game feels wrong now for so many reasons.”
“This china-doll treatment is what’s wrong. I need more, and I think you know it—all of you. If I didn’t know better, I’d think you all suddenly stopped wanting me completely.” I hadn’t intended to let any hurt bleed through, but when I said the words, it welled up unbidden anyway.
Ozzie clenched his jaw. “You know that isn’t true,” he said, glancing down to where our groins were nestled together, his erection more than apparent through his jeans. My bare pussy warmed and tingled from that simple awareness.
“I do,” I said huskily. “It’s very easy to tell I still turn you on. But maybe it isn’t as easy for you to tell that I still feel the same way.”
I turned one of my hands and hooked my fingers around his, pulling it down between my legs. I raised up on my knees slightly and lifted the hem of my T-shirt just enough to brush his fingertips across my spread folds and through the wetness that had pooled there.
He didn’t resist, but he closed his eyes and sucked in a deep breath. When he opened his eyes again, his pupils had dilated, and the hand still holding one of mine against his chest squeezed.
He swallowed and reclaimed control of his other hand but didn’t remove it from between my legs. Instead he glided his fingertips through my wetness until he reached my clit, which he lightly flicked.
I gasped as a surge of pleasure shot through me, sending more heat pooling between my legs. Ozzie let out a low rumble and the bulge at the front of his jeans kicked against his zipper.
“I need you inside me,” I whispered. “Please.”
“No, szívem. I can’t. But I can do something else for you.”
With his free hand, he snagged the hem of my shirt and tugged it up. I lifted my arms and helped him pull it over my head, my breath coming in shallow pants, anticipating whatever he had in store. I desperately wanted to make love with him, but would take anything he offered at this point.
He kept his other hand between my legs, lightly stroking back and forth, teasing a fingertip around the sensitive underside of my clit, then back to stroke around my entrance. Hooking his other arm around my waist, he dipped his head to my breasts, easily capturing one nipple between his lips. He bit and sucked, mixing the slightest pain with the pleasure he inflicted until I let out a desperate moan and clung to his shoulders.
Surging up out of the chair, he deposited me in the matching one opposite and knelt between my legs. He licked his lips as he pushed my thighs wide, forcing me to hook my legs over either arm of the chair. I couldn’t help but remember the last time I’d sat here, craving his attention with no hope of receiving it, at least not to this degree.
There was no doubt that I had him now, but I wanted so much more. I wanted him to lose himself in me, to abandon all control and take what he wanted the way he had our first night together.
“Ozzie,” I groaned when he buried his face between my legs, capturing my clit between his lips and sucking.
He continued tormenting me with his tongue as he slid his hands up my stomach and cupped both my breasts. He thumbed my nipples until I was entirely awash in pleasure, but I still ached to be filled by him, and the orgasm that rocked me a moment later felt lacking for all that it had satisfied that itch.
Ozzie rocked back on his heels, still crouching, and swiped a hand over his chin to clear away my juices. But he didn’t look at me, and within my soul, the thread of our connection dimmed. A tremor of hurt passed through me and I surged to my feet.
“No. You don’t get to shut me out,” I snapped. “I thought I lost you, and it nearly destroyed me. We just got each other back. We’re finally whole now, the six of us. Whatever the fuck is up with you guys, we’re going to fucking sit down and talk about it. Now.”
My last word came out as a deep note that resonated within my core. The wind picked up around us, and the sun chose that moment to
break over the eastern hills and shine down directly on me.
Ozzie’s head shot up and he fell back into his seat. Behind me I heard doors opening and closing, followed by footsteps. The other four men filed in around me and sat, Llyr, Keagan, and Rohan occupying the three other chairs while Bodhi settled atop the wooden side table next to Ozzie. I stared in astonishment at their rumpled, sleepy expressions.
Keagan gave my naked body an interested perusal and then met my gaze, brows lifted. “You summoned us, princess. Mind explaining what the hell is so important?”
32
Deva
I settled my gaze on Ozzie again. He gave a little nod, then took a deep breath. “We need to quit acting like a bunch of cowards and come clean,” he said.
Keagan coughed into his fist and averted his gaze when I looked at him. Bodhi frowned and shuffled his bare feet against the flagstones. Rohan’s gaze darted between the other men, looking everywhere but at me.
Llyr was the only one who looked directly at me, so I pinned him with a look, nudging our connection with a subtle promise. I could compel them, but I didn’t want to. The call they’d just answered was the extent to which I ever wanted to exert my control over them, even accidentally.
But Llyr only deferred back to Ozzie, whose blue eyes had gone stormy when he started speaking again.
“We all know you weren’t the one Ouranos raped, and you didn’t intend to let us see any of what we saw. But none of us knew it at the time. The experience still haunts my dreams. Of all the things I could imagine filing under the ‘worst nightmare’ category, that image is solidly at the top.
“But I know you’re all right. I just tasted how all right you are, and I am grateful for that. If that was the only issue, I think we’d be able to get past it. It isn’t as if we can’t feel your desire as clearly as if it were our own.”
He paused, and I waited for the “but,” but instead he tilted his chin to Llyr.
“You just single-handedly destroyed a god, Deva,” Llyr said. “I think it’s safe to say what we feel most is conflicted. One moment we were witnessing him hurt you, and in the next breath, you were more frightening than Typhon himself, and just as destructive.
“Then we found out you’d not only claimed your full power, but that you’d ascended to full godhood. When we pooled our power to take down his castle, we all felt how strong you were. It was humbling, to say the least. So I know I’m not alone in saying we simply need time to adjust.”
I didn’t feel particularly god-like. I just felt alone and frustrated, which was way too close to how I’d felt when I ran away from home more than a month earlier.
“I get it,” I said in a shaky voice. “Trust me, no one gets it as much as I do. I’m the one who changed. I kind of just need something familiar now so I don’t feel so fucking lost. Because even though I know you’re all here for me and you’re not going anywhere, part of me feels like I’ve lost you all. You look at me like you don’t even know me, but I’m still me.”
It was a struggle not to break down in tears, and I covered my face with my hands in an effort to fend off the rising flood. A warm, gentle squeeze on my upper arm made me drop my hands, and I looked up into Bodhi’s gray-green eyes.
“I’m with you, angel,” he said. He turned to bare his back to me, and I stared at the delicate shining beauty of the flying fish that arced and shimmered across his broad shoulders, the wind clearly rippling across its wings.
He looked over his shoulder. “See that? It’s alive now, my last tattoo. Now that you’re complete, they’re all awake. I don’t quite know what it means. All I know is that I’m not the same person I was when we met. We’ve all changed over the past month, and mostly we’ve managed to take it in stride, but this last thing . . . it’s a lot bigger. And I’m not too proud to admit that I think we’re all a little afraid of you now.”
He turned back around to face me, and I gawked at him. “Afraid? I would never hurt you!”
He chuckled and closed the distance between us, cupping my cheek and dipping his head to eye-level.
“I know. We all know you wouldn’t, but instinct has a funny way of overriding logic. I think you’re well-acquainted with that fact, after your fever. You are a literal goddess now. And I used to be an atheist, but I can’t deny the fucking awe I feel when I look at you. It’s hard not to kneel whenever you walk into the room, but I don’t because I know you wouldn’t want me to. Actually going so far as to defile you with my lowly penis is a lot more to ask.”
I shook my head, laughing at the absurdity of that suggestion. “So what am I supposed to do? I need contact. I need you. All of you.” Glancing around at each of them, I added with a smirk, “And your lowly penises.”
Bodhi astonished me by stripping off his pajama bottoms, dropping to his knees, and clasping his hands as if in prayer. “All I am and all I have is yours, Deva. Take what you will.”
I stared at him, then at the others as they each slipped out of their seats, stripped, and knelt around me.
“Is this what you need to allow yourselves to be with me?” I asked. I turned to Ozzie, the man the others all deferred to—the Maestro, which was an appropriate title for a variety of reasons, but even he knelt before me.
“For now, yes,” he said. “I might be able to work up to what I know you want. Trust me, I haven’t forgotten.” He gave me a sly grin that made my pulse race.
“And you?” I asked, turning to Keagan. “Even a rule-breaker like you is okay with this?”
“More than okay, princess. For the first time in my life, I can fully embrace the ursa tradition of being bossed around by a female. Whatever you want, just ask, but make sure you’re extra bossy.”
I looked at Rohan next, and his golden eyes twinkled with joyous anticipation for the first time in a week. My cheeks warmed, because I knew he was picking up on my rising interest in this new dynamic. I stepped close and raked my fingers through his mussed golden curls, stroking him like I would a pet.
He rumbled deep in his chest, closing his eyes and tilting his head toward me. I pulled him close, cradling his head against my breasts. He nuzzled against me for a moment, sighing when I pulled away and moved to Llyr.
The big satyr was almost at eye-level, despite kneeling. I bracketed his face in both my hands, stroking thumbs across his cheeks, tracing the strong lines of his jaw, his nose, his full lips that could bring such pleasure. An intensely proprietary surge went through me, and at the same moment, the dragon mark on his chest brightened. His placid aqua eyes swirled in a steady spiral.
I closed the distance, pressing my lips to his, hearing his missive in my mind through our bond: “Take me; I’m yours.”
He accepted my kiss as if it were a gift, and it struck me what it meant, this utter trust they all gave me. It settled like a heavy mantle over my bare shoulders, but one I knew I would always happily bear.
I stood up again and looked around, sinking into this new role. Goddess. Or, as my father Nikhil would say, ‘Iilahatan—his pet name for Belah.
For the first time, I thought I understood their dynamic better. Belah had always been the focal point of the three men—Nikhil, Iszak, and Lukas—and I’d always sensed their utter worship of her. Yet I knew from whispered stories around the turul Enclaves that Belah preferred when the roles were reversed—when she became their pet.
I would let this submissive compulsion of my mates play out, would even enjoy it, but I hoped once things settled, they might be willing to find a different balance.
I ended my kiss with Llyr and threaded my fingers through his long hair, tangling my hands in the black waves and pulling his head back. With my mouth still hovering close, I swiped my tongue slowly across his lower lip, tasting him.
At the same time, I reached through the bond I shared with the others and plucked their strings teasingly, ensuring that I had their attention.
And I did have their attention, Llyr’s especially. His gaze was fixed on my mouth, and
I sensed his undeniable desire for me to assert myself over him.
This new power they’d given me was a heady thing, so potent my body ached with the need to prove I could wield it well.
I pulled back enough to look down at Llyr’s upturned face. His eyes were closed, his mouth parted slightly, his chest heaving. I glanced farther down to see his cock rising thick and rigid from between his thighs, moisture beading at his tip.
They were mine to enjoy, mine to please, mine to love. And they accepted my ownership of their hearts and souls. That realization was perhaps the most powerful thing I’d ever experienced, even more than this new magic thrumming through my veins.
I took Llyr’s mouth again, kissing him with a deeper hunger. He responded with a moan when I captured his lower lip and sucked it gently. As I pulled away, his neck stretched out as if he would follow before he blinked and settled back on his heels, dazed and panting.
I turned around, looking at each of them, overwhelmed by the possibilities and not sure where I should begin. They all stared back expectantly, eager for whatever I decided, and they were all aroused.
Bodhi shifted slightly on his knees to ease his discomfort. The gesture was so absent I doubted he realized he did it, but it hit me how less than ideal this particular venue was. If this became a regular occurrence, we’d need a space that could accommodate us comfortably.
For now, I would have to improvise.
I glanced around the expansive patio, to the pool, the hot tub, the bluffs overlooking the beach, and finally landed on the row of cushioned chaises across the way. There were only four, but one would probably be enough for now.
I turned to Ozzie, smiling. He lifted his eyebrows and smiled back, pleased that he had my attention now. When I bent to kiss him, he whispered, “You know it doesn’t matter to us where we are as long as you’re there, right?”
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