But what would he have said? I just told the truth.
Mark hums in approval as I finish, and Bruce lays his arm around the back of my chair in what would be a casual move in any other situation. This one, as his rough fingers tease along the bare skin of my shoulders, is a bold claiming, telling everyone that’s enough and to fuck off. I’m thankful for the backup, but my basking in his support is a flashing neon danger sign to me.
All of this is too much, too soon, too fast, too strong, too scary.
I’m having dinner with his family, for fuck’s sake! He’s throwing about words like ‘mine’ and talking about ‘us’ like there is such a thing.
I can feel myself rebuilding the walls that came down when it was just the two of us, slapping up brick by brick to give me a quick defense against it all. Cold settles in my veins, and I stay stoic and quiet.
The rest of dinner, no one says a word to me, no more questions, no more snarky remarks, nothing. It’s exactly what I want, but it feels like I’ve already been dismissed as unworthy.
Not soon enough, dinner ends and I make my escape.
“Thank you so much for dinner, Mama Louise. And for hanging out with Cooper, Shayanne.” The two women smile in response, a rare and appreciated kindness given the mood of the rest of dinner. “We need to get going with the drive back to town.”
“Of course, dear. Drive safely, and you’re welcome at my dinner table anytime,” Mama Louise says with a smile that says she knows the gauntlet I just endured and is maybe a bit apologetic about it. Or is that pride glinting in her eyes? “You too, Mr. Cooper!”
She hugs him, and he hugs her right back without hesitation, making my heart stutter.
Bruce walks us out, using a flashlight from by the door to shine the way back to our car parked closer to the Tannen house. When I unlock the doors, Bruce holds up a fist and Cooper pounds it. “Your family is awesome, Coach B! Shayanne told me I can visit Bacon Seed anytime I want. Is that true?”
Bruce nods. “If Shayanne said it, she meant it. But only if your mom says it’s okay too.”
Cooper looks at me with puppy dog eyes, pleading his case over clasped hands. “Please, Mom?”
“We’ll see.” He hops around wildly like I agreed and then climbs in the car, still wiggling happily. I close the door behind him and then it’s just Bruce and me in the dark night as he clicks off the flashlight.
“You okay, baby?” he murmurs. I know he sees the flinch the endearment triggers when he sighs. “Two steps forward, one step back is fine if that’s where you’re at, Allyson. I just need to know if we’re still dancing.”
I bite my lip, not sure how to answer that.
“Maybe?” It’s all I can honestly give.
Bruce nods his head, and I wish I could see his eyes. “I can work with that.” He bends down, his breath hot on my cheek, but he pauses, giving me time to stop him. The refusal doesn’t come, and he presses his lips to my cheek.
I want them on mine. I want him to leave me alone.
I am such a clusterfuck of emotions . . . want, desire, and hope battling safety, routine, and fear.
“I’ll see you at practice on Tuesday,” I finally say.
I know he’s disappointed in my reluctance, but he agrees. “Yeah, see you Tuesday. Call me if you need anything. Or text me. But if I don’t respond, assume it’s a glitch or bad cell service. I promise, I’ll respond to you PDQ.”
My brows knit together. “PDQ?”
Even in the moonlight, I can see the glint of his smile. “Pretty damn quick . . . for you.”
I smile, ducking into my car. “Good night, Bruce.”
“Good night, Al.”
Chapter 19
Bruce
Tuesday’s practice is a tough one. I go hard on the boys, recementing the expectations and team building we did previously, even though Allyson already handled their behavior. Those bonds and boundaries shouldn’t crumble so easily.
I pay special attention to Johnathan, who actually apologizes to Allyson unprompted. Guess he had a bout of conscience later. I’m glad because he’s a good kid. He just lacks some impulse control and a filter. But didn’t we all need some growth in those areas at this age? Fuck knows, I did. Hell, I probably still do.
When we’re done, the team cheer dying in the wind, I try to talk to Allyson, but she’s not having it. She’s fighting me, fighting herself, fighting us and doing a damn good job of retreating in an attempt to hide away.
“Sorry, we have to hustle tonight. Cooper has a science project due in the morning for his STEMP summer camp and we’ve got a busy night of cutting and gluing ahead of us. He’ll definitely be up past his bedtime.” She sounds like it’s a personal failure on her part that he’s going to stay up late. She’s even nibbling on her lip like she’s second-guessing herself on her evening agenda.
“No problem. Raincheck?” I keep it casual, not wanting to scare her off, but I can see the hamster in her mind hitting that wheel like a speed demon. Even though I want to force the issue with every instinct I’ve got, I fight to use my brain instead and make a strategic retreat before she can say otherwise. “See you Thursday. Call me if you need anything.”
I press a quick kiss to her forehead and she flinches. I have an echoing twinge of hurt in my gut until she presses her fingers to my lips, wiping the kiss off them. “Don’t kiss me like that when I’m all sweaty and gross. Ew!”
I grin beneath her fingers. “I don’t care if you’re sweaty. Hell, I’ll make you sweaty and then lick you head to toe just to taste your salty sweetness.” I stick my tongue out against her fingers, demonstrating.
She blushes fiercely and the freckles on her nose stand out in stark relief. She might cringe away from serious talk, but she’s all too willing to listen to my dirty talk.
If I have to win her back using my dick and some filthy words, so be it.
New plan—I’ll get her pussy and then her heart. It’s not bad as far as plans go and maybe won’t scare her off so badly. My cock agrees with my brain for once, and I put the new plan into action immediately.
I lower my voice, letting that gravelly bedroom sound into my vocal cords. “Allyson, fresh from the shower with your soft skin smelling like flowers . . . I want you. Sweaty and wet with salty trails running down your body . . . I want you. Anytime and anywhere, I’ll bend this body over and fuck you so raw and hard that you forget your own name. You won’t give a single fuck about whether your hair is fixed or even clean because all you’ll care about is the way I’m twisting it in my hand as I feed you my cock. I’ll make you forget everything but how good I can make you feel. Because you know I can. I know you didn’t forget that. I’ll make you come so hard you fucking leave your body to float around in bliss while this pussy creams all over me. And even then . . .”
I’m on a roll, and she’s panting, her tits rising and falling to brush against me because she’s stepping closer, leaning into what I’m promising her. I don’t think she even realizes she’s doing it, but I don’t call attention to it. Not yet.
“Even then, after you’re messy with juices from your clit to your asshole, I’ll lick up every drop with my tongue. Happily, greedily, thirstily. So I don’t give a rat’s ass about a little sweat, baby.”
I kiss her forehead once again.
This time, she leaves it. On my lips, on her skin.
She’s breathy and weak, but still, she argues. My little spitfire. “Bruce. Science project. Cooper.” I love that I’ve made her unable to string words together to form sentences. I actually feel damn proud and want to strut around like a peacock a bit. But I’ll save that for when she’s truly speechless.
“I know. Go take care of Cooper. Mom gig first and foremost, always.” I get that and would never begrudge her need to spend time with him and help him. “But if you get a little time alone after he goes to bed and want to call me or send me some dirty pics, I’ll be sleeping with my phone in my hand, praying to God that he’ll bless me with
some spank bank material.”
It’s irreverent and silly on purpose. I need her to leave feeling good about this. It’s a long game, not just a quick ambush to get in her pants. Though I definitely want in there, it’s a directed step toward more.
She giggles, slapping lightly at my chest. “I think that’s blasphemy. It’s definitely not how prayer works.”
“To-may-to, to-mah-to. Agree to disagree. But you need to get home. Do some science or something.” I tilt my voice, letting her know that I’m not nearly as invested in Cooper’s project as I am in what she’ll be doing after his bedtime.
Her smile is easy, which feels like a win, especially considering how ready to run she was a few minutes ago. This new plan is a fucking brilliant one, I decide. I’m making progress, a little bit at a time.
“I’ll talk to you on Thursday,” she says emphatically.
I hold my phone up, waving it back and forth. “If I don’t hear from you sooner.”
* * *
By Thursday, I’m desperate to see her. She never called, never texted, and I’m afraid I overplayed. Direct scared her off. Indirect might’ve scared her off too.
Shit.
I’m not a player by any stretch of the word’s definition, but I should have better game than this. Especially with her. She’s the one person I know almost as well as I know myself. Or at least I used to. Maybe that’s how I should go at this? Not with promises, not with sexy talk, but with . . . a date to get to know each other again?
Or maybe everything at once? If I come at varying angles, she’s got to see reason. See that this is happening, that we’re meant to be. We would’ve been together all along if not for the stupid shit kids pull and our being too immature to use our words. I curse the silly little fucker I was, but I’m not that kid anymore.
Which is what I keep telling Bobby. He’s been a bitch all week, saying ‘remember when’ and ‘what about . . .’ as he asks me questions to make me ‘see the light’, as he calls it. That’s even after I explained what happened all those years ago.
He means well, I know that, but I’d rather have him on my side, helping me figure out how to get Allyson back, because talking it all through with him, even with his being pissy, has actually solidified things in my mind.
I want her, should’ve had her all along, but damned if she’s not going to make me work for it, fight for her smiles, and earn her heart. But I’m man enough for the job, and she’s worth it, no matter the obstacles she throws in my path.
Practice is a bubble where we focus on the kids. Drills, coaching, throw the ball, catch the ball, run for TDs.
But there’s also tension. I can feel Allyson shyly watching me when she thinks I’m not looking, can feel her arousal like it’s a palpable thing in the air between us. By the time we do the team cheer, I’ve decided on my move.
“So, what’s for dinner? I’m starving,” I say, throwing my arm over Cooper’s shoulders. Yep, I’m using the kid as an in. But I like Cooper, so I don’t think I’m too damned by it.
He grins excitedly. “Mom made lasagna. It’s in the oven at home already.”
I pat my belly and groan. “Sounds delicious. I can’t wait.”
His brows climb up his little forehead. “Are you coming to dinner?”
“Why, thank you for the invite, Cooper. I’d be delighted.” Kid doesn’t even realize he just got played, but it’s for a good cause so I don’t feel too guilty.
Allyson walks up at the perfect moment. “Mom, Coach B is coming over for lasagna! Woo-hoo, I’m gonna go tell Liam!”
He runs off and Allyson gives me a hell of a mom look, but it doesn’t have near the impact on me that it would on Cooper. “Can I pick up some wine or bread or something? It’s not far to your house, and I pass by a grocery store on the way.”
“I know what you’re doing.” She makes it sound like I’m hiding shit, but my intentions are crystal clear so I just shrug. My smirk’s answer enough. There’s a pregnant pause where there’s a very real chance she’s going to tell me no. But she sighs and rolls her eyes. “Fine. You can come to dinner. I’ve already got bread and beer. But you can get wine if you’d rather have it?”
I chuckle, scratching at my lip with my thumb. “Hell naw. I’d rather have a beer any day, but I was trying to be fancy for you.”
She laughs and teases, “Do you even know what fancy is?”
I love the brightness of her eyes, the relaxed slope of her shoulders, the flush on her cheeks. I realize all at once that the haunted look is fading, the shadows are receding, and her smiles are more frequent. She’s less rushed and rigid, more chill and relaxed. Does she realize that too?
Is it because of me, the football team, or something else? I’m not saving her like some prince in shining armor, but I want it to be because of me. I want that because making her happy makes me happy. I’m such a sappy shit for this woman.
“Yeah, I know what fancy is. It’s when I wear clean jeans without holes and a shirt straight from the laundry. Not just one from the floor that passed the sniff test.” I turn my head, taking a big whiff of myself, and make a face. “So we’re definitely not doing fancy today.”
Her repeated laughter bolsters me, as does her confirmation of the invitation. “See ya at my house in a few.”
Hell yes.
I drive around the block once, chomping three cinnamon mints nervously before pulling into her driveway to give her an extra minute to prep for company she wasn’t expecting. I considered stopping for flowers but decided they might spook her, so I’m saving that idea for another time.
I knock on the door, and it opens quickly, like she was waiting for me. The thought that she might be excited to see me sends a warm buzzing though my entire body, making me feel drunk.
“Hey,” she says. I think she’s aiming for casual, but she fails spectacularly, leaning against the door with her hip popped out and her hair falling around her shoulders when minutes ago at practice, it was up in some messy pile of a bun.
Oh, yeah, we’re dancing and dinner tonight is a good two steps forward.
I just need to watch out for the backslide.
“Hey yourself,” I reply, keeping my tone the casual she tried for. I step inside and she shuts the door behind me. I’m officially in.
“Coach B!” Cooper yells, beelining toward me from down the hall. He stops short in front of me, holding up a fist. I pound it, liking that he initiated the greeting this time.
“Wash up. Dinner’s ready.”
Cooper and I disappear down the hall to wash up as ordered and hit the kitchen. I wait to see where they sit and take one of the remaining seats, choosing the one that puts me across from Al. I think she expected me to sit beside her, but I want to see her face, read her reactions, and make sure I’m not fucking up, so this angle is better.
We dig in, moaning in ecstasy at the pasta goodness. “This is delicious. Did you make the sauce yourself?” I ask Allyson. “Shay might need this recipe.”
She laughs, her smile bright and her eyes crinkled. “No, I didn’t make it. I bought it jarred . . . from your sister. Well, Debra did. She’s a big fan of Shayanne’s goodies and is basically my dealer for all things homemade by Shayanne now. Apparently, there’s some pumpkin concoction she makes? Debra has the first sale date on her calendar already, says she wants to make sure she can get the hookup before Shay sells out.”
“Mmm,” I hum in blissed-out carb heaven, and Allyson looks pleased at my positive reaction to her food as I shovel another bite into my mouth. “Yeah, she makes smashed pumpkin. Jarred and whole pies. She’ll start running around like a chicken with her head cut off here shortly. My watermelon water delivery route has nothing on her pumpkin season orders.” I shudder violently and dramatically. “I’m exhausted just thinking about it.”
“Will you still coach us if you’re that busy?” Cooper asks. I can see the concern swirling in his blue eyes, several shades lighter but so much like his mother’s.
&
nbsp; “Of course. With me coming into town three times a week, I can do deliveries then or people can pick up their orders at the park. Might even be easier if we offer that option.” I purse my lips, thinking and praying that’s true. “Actually, I should see if we can offer that for the last of the watermelon water too. A bit of a trial run.” I wink at Cooper, thanking him for the inspiration for an idea that might give me some time back, time I’ll happily spend getting to Allyson.
We talk about everything and nothing, letting conversation drift here and there. It feels good, homey with the three of us around the table chatting about our day, and I have an image of what could’ve been. Maybe even what could still be.
“I had an idea I wanted to run by you . . .” Allyson’s voice fades like she’s unsure of herself. She’s fidgeting with the placemat in front of her, and I take a leap of faith, reaching across the table to cover her hand with mine. Her eyes meet mine, a tiny gasp escaping. I know she’s freaking a bit. I can see her pulse racing in her neck, but she doesn’t pull away. I’m acutely aware of Cooper’s gaze too and hope he’s okay with this. I wouldn’t ever disrespect his feelings about the situation.
But the situation is . . . I’m trying to make Allyson give me a shot. A real one.
And risks must be taken.
Eventually, after what seems like an eon, she settles and relaxes without moving her hand. It feels like a great fucking victory, and I gently rub my thumb over hers in celebration.
She licks her lips and starts again. “I thought it would be fun to do a sleepover with all the boys before the first game. Not the night before, because I don’t have a death wish. But maybe the weekend before? A team-building thing and a celebration of how great they’ve been doing with practices. What do you think?”
Rough Love Page 19