by Linda Broday
“I vowed to protect you.” His quiet words had the effect of a rifle shot. “Don’t you trust me to keep my word?”
Tally kept her eyes averted, her voice lowered. “I can’t trust anyone, but I’m really trying with you, Clay. I’ve suffered the sting of betrayal before, and a lesson was hammered into my brain. Tarver, Finch, and Abram knew a million ways to make you wish you were dead.” Tally chewed her bottom lip. She swung to face him, and he couldn’t bear her hard gaze that cut like bits of glass. “They caught me once”—she struggled to speak—“and I paid dearly for trying to escape. That’s why even to this day, I walk with pain. You’ve seen my misshapen feet.”
“I think it’s time to talk about it.” Unimaginable horrors flashed into mind, squeezing the narrow passage of his throat, and his words came out bruised. “What did they do?”
“Maybe it will help you understand my reasoning.”
“I’m listening. I want to know what made you so distrustful.”
“A woman I thought was a friend betrayed me.”
Clay’s heart ached as he listened to her speak about Rowena and the foiled escape plan that led to Tarver beating Tally’s feet with a board, breaking the bones. With each new revelation, he wondered again at her will to survive. There was surely a lot more that had happened deep inside Creedmore. The darkness inside him roared, fighting to get out, to find some balm to soothe her wounded spirit. He moved his large paint closer and took her icy hand.
Her eyes met his and he saw the depth of her suffering. “I meant my marriage vows with all my heart.” Her voice broke. “Leaving was foolish and I realize that.” She paused and was silent so long he didn’t think she’d continue. Finally, she spoke, anguish in each word. “If they catch me again, they’ll kill me. I know that as sure as I’m breathing. That’s what drove me to saddle up.”
The fear and anger in her voice shot an ache deep inside him that no tonic, medicine, or ointment could fix. Her blue gaze had darkened to almost black and all the makings of a frightening summer storm roiled in their depths. But she still held that jutting chin raised. Tarver and his group might’ve put the fear of God in her, but they hadn’t destroyed her will.
“I’ve found men who prey on women turn to worms when up against someone who’s not afraid to call them out.” He leaned to brush a tendril of hair back. “Darlin’, I’m not afraid of the devil. I’ve faced him many times. They won’t get near you again. I’ll make sure of it.” Clay would do whatever it took to guarantee her safety. He understood a lot better now, and all the hurt and bitterness he’d held toward her for leaving vanished. He’d made a lot of headway into figuring her out, but even so, he knew he’d only scratched the surface.
What else was buried so deeply that maybe she could never share?
And there was more, that much he knew.
“I know you’re not afraid.” She moved her hand from his to steady the reins. “It’s me. I have trouble believing that good will triumph over evil because I’ve seen too much bad.” Her brittle laugh appeared to mimic her state of mind. “You got a rotten deal when you married me, Clay Colby.”
The set of her mouth, her words, her stiff posture seemed to brace her against a raging storm.
“Let me be the judge of that. Tally, I have to make sure… Do you want to return to Deliverance Canyon? If so, I’ll take you and make sure you get there safe. But, if you stay with me, I need to know you’ll never sneak out again. Make up your mind now, so I’ll know what to expect.”
“I won’t make promises I can’t keep.”
Her words sent hurt barreling bone deep into him. He blew out a breath. “Fair enough.”
“I only know that I want to live in Devil’s Crossing. With you. I’m just not sure Slade Tarver will let me and that makes me fighting mad.”
The silence between them was broken only by the scolding of nearby birds in a scrub oak and a rabbit hopping across the trail.
At last, Tally spoke. “Clay, you’re a good man and don’t deserve someone like me. I don’t know how to be a wife, how to let anyone into my heart. All I know is how to be me—a woman who’s had to be a caretaker and protector. I don’t have a clue how to turn that job over to someone else, even though I yearn to. I can only depend on myself with certainty.”
Her chin quivered. He wanted to pull her into his arms and tell her everything would be all right. But he didn’t deal in falsehoods.
“Tally, we both have things to overcome. We’ll never be perfect. I won’t give up on you.” He glanced at her, wishing he could read her mind. “But don’t you give up on me either.”
His words were met with stony silence.
“Can you at least tell me the next time you take a notion to leave? That’s all I’ll ask.”
She swung her cool winter gaze to him. “I can do that.”
He had to try to fix this situation—give her some room to decide what she truly wanted.
“To ease your fears, I’m going to implement a few changes.” He maneuvered his paint around a patch of cactus. “I’m moving out of the dugout. You and baby girl will have it to yourselves. I won’t come back until I can earn your trust and I know for sure you want me.”
“Clay, that’s your home. I can’t ask that of you.”
“It’s not anything but dirt without you there in body, mind, and spirit.” His voice became raspy. “When you get ready, we’ll try again.”
Although he understood why she had trouble trusting, disappointment flared at having a wife he couldn’t hold, couldn’t lie next to. But clearly things had been moving too fast. Besides, he had to protect himself. The lesson he took from this was that Tally had the power to destroy him. If she left for good, he feared the deep, dark pit he’d fall into. Only this time, he wouldn’t have the strength to crawl out.
The best thing he could do was protect her and Violet, no matter what.
“I’m blocking the back entrance to Devil’s Crossing, and we’ll post guards at the front day and night,” he continued. “I’m going to do everything within my power to make you safe. I won’t betray your confidence, but I’ll stress to the others how critical this is and that we have to keep strangers out. Given what happened, they won’t argue.”
“Your town won’t survive if you bar everyone from coming in.”
“We can close the way in until we get the town built. By then, I will have taken care of the threat.” He glanced at Violet, asleep in Tally’s arms. “I haven’t seen this vision of what life can be like only to have it slip through my fingers.”
Tally sucked in a quick breath. “What are you going to do?”
“Whatever I have to. Might be best to take the fight to them.” Already, a plan was forming. He needed to make a trip to Creedmore and settle this once and for all.
“No! Please.” She clutched his arm, color drained from her face. “You could be caught, Clay. They’ll kill you. Don’t do this because of me.”
A glance at her poor foot in the nearest stirrup set his blood boiling. He’d kill the torturing bastards as soon as he got the chance.
His eyes locked with hers. “If not for you—who?”
He’d vowed to protect and care for her for the rest of his days, and no one and nothing would stop him. Tally had given his life meaning and brought peace to his soul.
Now it was time to give the same to her.
Eleven
Tally stood silently, looking out the window of the dugout at the men working on clearing the last of the burned-out buildings. It was just past the noon hour and the sun created shimmering waves on the rock walls of the hideout.
Jack Bowdre, who had a little medical training, had just checked Violet’s leg and said that to his untrained eye it appeared to be just a sprain and scrapes. After treating the scratches with salve and wrapping her knee, the former lawman had limped out.
T
ally realized she was twisting her wedding ring and glanced down. Light from the window glinted on the silver band, bringing out the sparkle from the small stone. The day she’d arrived, she’d stood in this same spot and worried about having to settle, and just once wanted to be all of someone’s world. She had gotten that only to ruin it. Now she had to settle for what she could get. She wondered at Clay’s real reason for moving out. He’d claimed it was for her sake, but was it? He’d been so angry. Not that she blamed him. He had every right. And he’d never believe she’d changed her mind and had decided to come back before Violet disappeared.
Maybe he’d already had a gut-full of trying to live with someone haunted by dark memories she couldn’t shake.
Behind her, Clay quietly stuffed some of his things into a burlap sack. Her heart was breaking. Violet was on her bed, playing with Bullet, even though she kept turning toward Tally. Whining, the dog laid his muzzle on her hip.
Strange how the girl had the ability to sense trouble in her world of blackness. Violet seemed to know she and Clay were having difficulties. The back of Tally’s eyes burned.
Why couldn’t she find the right words to say, to tell Clay to stay? Who would hold her when the night terrors came?
Clay put his sack by the door and stared at the pile of raw leather in the corner. “Do you mind if I leave that? I have no other place that will protect the leather from the elements.”
“Yes, of course.” Tally would welcome things that reminded her of him.
“Are you mad at us?” Violet whispered.
He glanced at Tally. “No, I’m not mad, honey. When you grow up, you’ll understand.”
Violet frowned. “Where are you gonna sleep?”
“I have a place all picked out in the house I’m building for you and your pretty mama.”
Tally moved to Clay, yearning to lay her head on his shoulder. She needed him to ground her, but she didn’t dare be so familiar. Instead, she rested her hand on his arm. Violet’s questions were ones Tally wanted to ask him. He was solid beneath her touch. Only, would he vanish like smoke if they couldn’t reconcile?
Violet let out a deep sigh. “Someday when I get real big, I’m going to find all the bad people and shoot ’em.”
How the child related Clay’s leaving to bad people, Tally didn’t know. Maybe she thought Clay was going to look for them. She swallowed a rising sob. Watching him pack up was tearing her heart out. This was his home. If anyone was going to leave, it should be her.
“Tally, can I have a word outside?” Clay asked.
“Sure.” She kissed Violet’s cheek and put her doll in her arms. “I’ll be right back, honey.”
Violet raised her head and whispered loudly, “Tell him you’re sorry so he’ll stay. Please?”
“I will.” Though it probably wouldn’t do a lick of good. Tally picked up the sack Clay had dropped by the door and followed him out. Why did it feel like he was moving to the other side of the world? She already felt so alone, so sad, the house an empty shell. Nothing more than a place to sleep—and pray that daylight would come.
Since her arrival, she’d thought the windmill sang a song. Now it seemed to be crying.
Several of the men shot curious glances their way when they stepped into the sunlight, then went right back to work.
“Clay, what will you tell the men?”
“That I need to guard, that you and Violet don’t feel safe, and that I need to work on our house.” He held his hat in one hand and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear with the other, his hand moving to her jaw as if desperate for some connecting touch. Sorrow in his brown gaze pierced her. “Don’t worry. I’ll protect your confidence.” He inhaled deeply, the two-inch scar on his face white against his tanned skin. “I’ve never been much good at sorry-saying, but I do apologize for failing to see how deep your fears go. I should’ve known.”
“No, the apology is mine to make. I betrayed you and I’m so sorry.” She nuzzled her face against his hand. “I don’t want to lose what we’ve found. Will you hold me in your arms and dance with me each night before bed until we can live together again?”
Surprise rippled across his features. “I’ll do anything you want.”
His sudden smile sent her heart into a frenzy. His white teeth dazzled against his tanned face. The breeze blew a lock of hair onto his forehead and she yearned to brush it back. To press her lips to his. But she stood there like a smitten schoolgirl.
“Dallas Hawk can play the heck out of a fiddle. I’ll ask him to play for us tonight.” Clay put on his worn hat and adjusted it. The shadow of the brim made it difficult to see his eyes.
“I’d like that.” Tally took in his lean form and her heart raced.
“I’ve been meaning to talk to you about something. We still need to teach Violet how to get around. Blind folk usually walk with a long cane that lets them manage quite well to avoid obstacles and alert them to danger. The men and I will build trails for her to follow around the town, and stretch ropes to guide her.”
“You’re right, Clay. I’ve been remiss in teaching her here, but I did work with her some at our home in Deliverance Canyon—like counting steps to chairs and the door, feeling her way around the house—but I wasn’t able to build her anything special.”
“Glad we’re in agreement. I’ll make her a walking stick.” Clay lowered his mouth to her ear. “Meet me by the campfire tonight and we’ll have our waltz.”
“Tonight then.”
He pushed back his hat just a bit and winked, sending flurries slow-dancing up her spine. This outlaw seemed an expert in knowing how to flirt. Heat swept the length of her body.
Before she could think of anything to say, the moment passed and Clay straightened. “Right now, I need to block off that entrance and post a guard.”
“I’ll take Violet to see the goats. I’m truly sorry. About everything.” Tally glanced down, unable to bear the sadness in his face.
Why couldn’t she could be a true wife to Clay, trusting him with all her heart and soul?
Clay put a hand under her chin and gently brought her face around. “I’ll gladly work my fingers to the bone every second of every day if it means taking worry from you. I chose to care for you from the start, and that hasn’t changed. This is what a true husband does for his wife. Never feel guilty for anything where I’m concerned.”
But I do, and pretty words can’t change that.
He turned to walk off.
“Clay?”
“Yeah?” He swung around.
“Despite how it appears, I’m no quitter. Please understand. I didn’t want to leave but I thought I had to protect Violet.” She was going to fight to keep her marriage.
“Glad to hear it, Tally. I hope you find what you need to give us a chance.” Without saying more, he picked up the bags and his bedroll and went to join the others at the burned buildings. Loneliness seemed to ooze from his tall, powerful figure.
Tally bit her trembling lip. Why couldn’t she forget and live her life? Why hold on to her pain?
Violet groped her way through the door, accompanied by Bullet, and slipped her hand in Tally’s. “It’ll be okay, Mama.”
Tally closed her eyes for just a moment and took a calming breath. An empty feeling sat in the pit of her stomach. “Let’s go see the goats.”
“Can I sleep with one of the babies?”
“No, honey. They have to stay with their mamas. If not, their mamas will be sad and cry. They need their babies with them just like I need you with me.”
Violet let out a long-suffering sigh. “Okay, but I really want to.”
“I know.” Tally helped Violet navigate up the incline where the goats usually stayed. A sudden thought hit her and she wondered if the root cellar, small though it was, had something in it to make a pie with. That would help dispel this heavy gloom. She
sat Violet on a rock and gathered two goat kids for her to play with. Bullet lay at her feet, his eyes sharp, always on guard.
The men were also only a few steps away. Violet would be all right.
“Sit right here for a moment.” Tally kissed the top of the girl’s head.
“Okay, Mama.”
Tally hurried to the root cellar next to the house that Clay must’ve dug when he made his home here. She brushed aside the spiderwebs and stepped inside. The shelves were only partially filled. Nothing was put up, because of course they didn’t have a garden. A few non-spoilage items from a mercantile sat there. She blew off the dust and rotated each can, finding three large containers of peaches. Those would work. Instead of a pie, she’d make a cobbler for everyone. With the fiddle music and dancing, it would seem like a party.
They might just find a moment of fleeting happiness—even if it vanished with dawn.
* * *
That night, Clay sat with the men around the campfire. Darkness spread over them like a wool blanket. His heart was heavy that everything he’d yearned for seemed to be slipping away, and he kept losing track of the conversation. A few hours ago, he’d sent two of the men out with instructions to find Slade Tarver and the others and make sure they weren’t doubling back. Now, he regretted not telling the men to kill them. Every fiber of his being wanted them dead and in the ground. His family wouldn’t be safe until they were.
He drew his attention back to the men around him. They’d feasted on rabbit and quail for supper but Tally hadn’t come out. Maybe she’d forgotten her promise to dance with him. Or maybe she hadn’t meant to at all.
Maybe his wife was a person who couldn’t keep her word. He’d met folks like that, who had good intentions but never followed through.
Had she made the request out of guilt? Who knew?
His fellow outlaws kept glancing at him. Sure, they wondered what had happened. He saw the questions in their eyes, but no one asked. Instead, they talked of plans for the town and whose turn it was to relieve the guard at the entrance.