by Zoe Dawson
Ryuu stared at her, looking as concerned as his mom. Her thoughts slipped back, and she remembered when he’d come into the tattoo parlor with his brother looking all tall and dark, with a lean but wide-shouldered build. He’d gotten plenty of female attention from both her employees and the patrons.
Their only time together had been stupid on her part. To this day she couldn’t even remember if he’d used a condom. She was so hot to have him, building up a fantasy in her mind. Every time she saw him, she could barely breathe.
That hadn’t changed.
She remembered what he felt like, and the memory was like electricity shooting through her. Then she remembered when she didn’t hear from him, and Asahi had disappeared. She didn’t even know his last name, and he was gone before she had a chance to get to know him. She regretted that, but the regret had soon turned to alarm. As the due date for her next period came and went, the fear became insurmountable.
When she did the pregnancy test, she sobbed for two days. She was alone, working in a tattoo parlor. She couldn’t have a child. But she had been foolish, and the consequences were her responsibility. Only weeks after she’d confided in her mom, she’d passed. It had been a turbulent time being pregnant by someone she didn’t know, then having to deal with the grief of losing her mom. The only bright side was the inheritance her mom had left Jo. When her boss retired and sold the parlor, she bought it from him and now owned it.
Even her irrational anger at Ryuu for ignoring her and leaving her to have their daughter alone had dissipated. She couldn’t hold on to it after she’d had Ceri. There was too much joy. Really all that had been left was the feeling of rejection, the loneliness, and the pain.
She leaned heavily against the door and said, “Come in, Ryuu. It’s good to see you after all this time.”
He flushed as if he was embarrassed that he hadn’t reached out to her before now. God, what a nightmare. How was he going to feel? Would this bring back unpleasant memories? What about Ceri? She wanted to protect her daughter in the fiercest way, but Ryuu had been robbed of knowing her for all of her life due to some crazy circumstances. Neither one of them was to blame.
He entered with his duffel and dropped it near the door. He looked around. “This is nice, Jo.”
“Thank you,” she said. Everything still felt surreal.
“Have you eaten?” his mother asked.
“No, I came straight from the airport.”
“Okay, I can cook.” She bustled off to the kitchen.
Ryuu looked after her and said, “But Mom—”
“Sit down, and I’ll explain. This is where truth is stranger than fiction.”
He smiled again, and she lost her train of thought for a moment. This man was so dangerous on so many levels. But when he moved toward the couch, she came out of it.
He took off his jacket, and she reached for it. Their hands met and that sizzle she’d been feeling ran through her blood like wildfire. His skin was so warm. The residual heat from his coat was another shot of sensation as she hung it in the closet.
The sound of pots and pans clanging in the kitchen made him smile. “My mom loves to cook for me.”
“She does? She’s a great cook.”
“How is it that she lives with you?”
“I noticed that she was having a hard time making ends meet. Ryuu, she wasn’t eating well.”
“What? But I send her money every month.”
“I didn’t know that. I’m not sure what she’s been doing with it.”
He let out an exasperated sigh. “Dammit. Why didn’t you let me know?”
She took a breath and looked away. This was where the rubber was going to hit the road.
“I didn’t know she was your mom.”
“What? How can that be? You called me.”
“Yes, that’s true. I called you on her phone and saw your last name on the caller ID. She was a little out of it that night. But it wasn’t until that moment when I heard your voice that I realized it was you. Your mom has a different last name.”
“She went back to her maiden name after my dad got arrested.”
His dad had been arrested. God, there were so many things she didn’t know about him. “She didn’t mention you, and it wasn’t until I made that phone call that I realized the deceased son she talks about was Asahi. I had no idea he had died. When he disappeared, I thought he was doing it for my safety. I’m so sorry, Ryuu. He was a good man.”
“He was a gang member, and he died in the streets because of his choices. He almost took me with him.” He ran his hand through his hair. “I had to get back to San Diego since I was only on a short leave. I would have explained, but things happened so fast, and we were…”
“Right. I get it. We had a one-night stand—”
“This is bizarre. I had no idea you didn’t know who I was. I thought you knew my brother.”
“No. He was a customer, and I did a couple of tats for him, but he always paid in cash, and I’m not much of a chatterbox when I’m working.”
His expression remained tight, and he continued to stare at her. “So you found out he was dead when you had to call me about my mom,” he said quietly. “That’s when you figured out that you were sheltering my mom. Thank you for that, by the way. I wish she would have told me she was struggling. You must have thought I was a huge jerk.”
“I did think you were neglecting your mom. I’m sorry for that. I am very fond of her.”
“I can see that. It’s obvious she likes you or she wouldn’t have moved in here.”
“How do you want your eggs?” his mom called from the kitchen.
“Scrambled,” he said, raising his voice.
“Jo?”
“The usual,” Jo said, but Gen came into the living room, stopping in front of her with her hands on her hips.
“Oh, no. You’re in trouble,” Ryuu said, giving his mom a sidelong glance.
“You are not getting black coffee and a piece of toast. Egg choice or I’ll make the decision for you. Bacon too,” she said, waiting.
Jo sighed. She really didn’t have time for breakfast or for eggs or for any of this. Thank God she had a very competent manager and luckily no clients until late morning. “Over easy made with butter. Okay?”
Gen nodded and smiled at her son, then walked back into the kitchen. She really needed to get to the meat of the problem. Ceri.
She berated herself all over again. She should never have listened to her body. She should have stayed sober and smart. But looking at him now sitting on her couch, she had to give herself some slack. The man was so beautiful it hurt.
He settled back, his eyes roving over her like he’d missed her. “I’ve thought of you often, Jo. But I’ve been deployed a lot, not to mention we’ve had almost a whole continent between us.”
She nodded. She thought about him too but couldn’t get the words out. Every time she looked at their daughter, it all came rushing back. That wild tumble of a night. The way he’d made love to her, the smooth feel of his skin, the silk of his hair, the hard, hot length of him deep inside her. He’d awoken something in her that night. Something she hadn’t trusted. Something she hadn’t ever found with another man. Not that there had been many. She was wary of men getting close to her daughter, and she’d often talked herself out of being with anyone because, as irrational as it may seem, she was afraid for some strange reason she couldn’t fathom.
There was no mistaking the fact that Ceri was his. How had his mom not noticed? Maybe she had and it had been a painful reminder of the son who was so far away. How could Gen know Jo had slept with her son? There was no way. The thought of Ceri being related to Gen had never crossed her mind.
He leaned forward, his voice dropping an octave. “I wasn’t even sure you’d remember me.”
She snorted. It just came out. “Not remember you? Really. Have you looked in a mirror lately?” She flushed. She felt it in her skin as it went hot. God, she really needed to keep her wits
about her when he was near. Her stupid brain went…stupid.
Feeling suddenly very exposed, her heart hammered against the wall of her chest. She wasn’t prepared for this, for him to show up and be sitting in her living room. And because she wasn’t prepared, his presence had stripped away a defense system that had been in place ever since the stick had turned blue.
He smiled and her heart turned over. How could she have forgotten how charming he was or how that smile melted her inside?
“I often look in a mirror, you know, to shave and shit. But all I see is my dumb ass.”
His self-deprecating laugh twisted her up inside, and the longing she’d felt and thought she had put away rushed over her. This was how she got into trouble before.
A strange, heavy feeling unfolded in her chest, making her suddenly restless. She got up, needing the distance, and he stood up, too. There had been a thousand times when she’d wished he would come back, get in touch. She’d wished that Asahi would walk through her tattoo parlor door and she could ask him about Ryuu, but it had never happened. She was on her own, and no matter how shell-shocked she’d been, she was determined to be the best mother she could. She intended to raise Ceri to the best of her ability.
Folding her arms tightly around herself, she tried to will away the heaviness inside her. She didn’t know why she felt so vulnerable. Especially when he didn’t even know her at all. Her heart sank. He didn’t know Ceri…he didn’t know about her.
She dropped her arms. It was time to get a grip. She wasn’t a wilting flower or a coward. Even though she’d spent much too much time thinking about him. It was time to use her head, not her heart. She squared her shoulders and straightened her spine.
“Ryuu…” she started, then motioned back to the couch. This wasn’t the kind of news to deliver standing, “please sit down.”
He must have picked up on her serious tone. His eyes narrowed, and he frowned. He watched her with an intent gaze. “Is something wrong, Jo?”
Wrong? What an understatement. Ceri wasn’t wrong in any sense of the word, but it was wrong that Ryuu didn’t know she was his.
“I need to tell you something that happened after you left. I’m not really sure how to do this, so I’ll just say it.” When she did, it was going to move them from acquaintances to a not-so-comfortable zone of intimacy.
“Mommy? I can’t find my ballet shoes.”
Jo turned at the sound of Ceri’s voice. Her daughter, already tall for her five years, looked boldly at Ryuu. The girl was way too confident for her age, but it was something Jo admired about her.
“Who are you?”
Jo turned back toward Ryuu, but when she saw his face, she realized he knew. The shock was evident in his dark eyes and slightly open mouth. He was also speechless.
“He’s Gen’s son come for a visit.” She walked over to her daughter to usher her back down the hall. But she eluded Jo and marched over to Ryuu, who was still staring at her.
She held out her small hand. “Hi, I’m Ceri.”
3
For another few speechless heartbeats Dragon looked down at the little girl, his gut churning. The moment she walked into the room everything spun out of control, like on an op when things went haywire and he was reacting, trying to handle the situation, but there was no way to get control of this one.
She was unequivocally his. He could see the resemblance in the straight blackness of her long hair, the subtle tilt of her deep brown eyes, the same shade as his. But it was the similarity not only to him, but to Jo. The high cheekbones, the shape of her little mouth, even the delicate shells of her ears. She was striking in her looks and had the kind of energy that seemed to sizzle the air around her.
The shock to his system continued to wash over him in waves of disbelief, then realization, then disbelief again.
Six years ago, he’d fathered a child, and Jo had been the one left to handle the consequences. He tried to remember if he’d used a condom, but he couldn’t. All he’d wanted to do was get inside her. How could they have been so reckless?
He reached out and clasped her hand, trembling inside as she tightened hers in a firm shake. His thoughts were already starting to rearrange themselves; worries and responsibilities that hadn’t been there seconds ago now crowded his mind.
He smiled softly at her, realizing that his life had just irrevocably changed. He was now responsible in a way he’d never been before. He was so unqualified for this, for the job of fatherhood. He might not have been prepared for this, but he was a SEAL, and he was programmed to wing it.
“Wow. You have a pretty ratio.” She leaned in and whispered, “Is that too personal? Mommy yells at me when I comment on personal stuff.” She screwed up her face. “She says it’s not my business.”
“Ceri…”
“See. I told you.”
Taken aback, he frowned, and she smiled. She glanced at her mom, and Dragon couldn’t deal with this little girl and Jo right now. He kept his attention on Ceri.
“Right, sometimes I say things and people react that way because I’m a kid and they think I don’t know things, sometimes because they don’t understand. Eye spacing goes with intelligence.” She looked toward her mom again.
“That’s right, honey.” Dragon looked over at Jo and she smiled. “We watched a show that talked about the Golden Ratio. The science of attractiveness. It was about how there is a mathematical connection to phi and beautiful things. Math is one of Ceri’s strengths.”
“Uh-huh. I looked it up on the internet. Gen is smart too and funny.” She leaned forward and whispered, “Sometimes she doesn’t mean to be.” She giggled and Dragon felt his heart melt. “Being young doesn’t mean you don’t know things. Sometimes you just do. I’m still working on how to explain it. So we have the golden ratio going for us. You’re a walking, talking proof of phi.”
She was telling him he was beautiful, and Jo was agreeing with her. “Thank you,” he said, thoroughly charmed with a sudden need to get to know this girl much better.
“Phi is a ratio—1.618. Math is so cool. Do you like math?”
“Love it.”
She brightened. “Do you? Mommy does too. She needs it in her business. Tattoos are very mathematical. Did you know that?”
“I didn’t. I have several tattoos, so I guess I should know it.”
“Really?” she asked. “Can I see them? Did Mommy do them?”
“She did the dragon—”
“Ceri,” Jo said with a firm mom voice he’d never heard before but had to acknowledge he liked quite a bit. “Your ballet shoes are in your closet right where they’re supposed to be instead of where you usually drop them.”
Still obviously curious about the dragon her mom tattooed on him, she swung her eyes back to him, looking chagrined but unrepentant.
“Now,” Jo said, more firmly. Anyone who’d had a tough but great mom knew that tone of voice.
“Yes, ma’am,” Ceri said respectfully, but with just a touch of mischief that he recognized in himself when he’d been her age.
Jo went with her, saying something to Ceri Dragon couldn’t hear. He folded down onto the couch, panic setting in now that the girl was out of the room and he could…disassemble a bit. Not very SEAL-like, but fuck that, he was human here. Human and a dad!
He leaned forward and clutched his head in his hands, trying to breathe around the sudden constriction in his chest. He’d expected this trip to be filled with unpleasant memories and a tough sell. He was here to inform his mom that he thought it would be best if she moved to San Diego. Especially with her heart condition. He’d wanted to talk to her, talk to her doctor and ease her into the transition from this armpit of a city to the sunny shores of San Diego.
Everything had just been flipped over onto its head. He’d been wiped out by this revelation.
He squeezed his eyes closed tightly against the unexpected emotion. God, he hated it here. Hated the memories all around him. Memories of his own dad and what h
ad happened to him, his mom’s desperation to raise them free of the influence of the streets, free from gangs and violence that lurked in the hallways at school and shadowed them on the sidewalks in front of their home. Danger had been everywhere, and it might have been why Dragon had developed such a need to protect. It was the core of him. He was first and foremost a protector and secondly a warrior. If he could end a conflict without violence, he would take it. Conversely, if force was required, his aim was coldblooded and true.
He took a breath, trying with all his might to keep the wad of watery emotion from escaping. The soft touch of a hand slipped over his shoulder and he raised his head. Jo was looking down at him, her expression pained and regretful for the way he’d found out about his daughter.
She folded down next to him. He was struck by her compassion. He’d left her hanging. He’d left her pregnant. How could she be so kind to him right now?
“Don’t,” she whispered. “There is no blame here, Ryuu. There’s only Ceri, so precious and beautiful. We’re adults. We’ve matured. It won’t be easy, but we’ll work this out. I promise you.”
Her response only made him feel even worse. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw his mom walk into the room carrying two plates.
Jo chose that moment to say, “She’s your daughter, Ryuu. We conceived her the only night we were together.”
The sound of smashing crockery made him sit up, and Jo turned. His mom stood there, eggs, bacon, and toast littering the floor, her face white in shock.
He got up, meeting his mom’s eyes, and everything was just too much. He backed up toward the door as Jo went to his mom and slipped her arms around her. Something he was quite aware he was supposed to be doing. But there had been so much distance between this life and the one he’d been living. He bent and snagged his duffel.
Jo turned to look at him.
“I’m sorry, Jo. I-I—” He trailed off, and her face softened even more, and guilt and pain spiraled out of control. He went out the door as his mother called out his name.