by Zoe Dawson
“It feels wrong.”
She pressed her fingers against his mouth to silence him. “I understand you have regrets, but I want to hear more. Everything you’re feeling.”
“I can’t talk about how I feel without involving you, Jo. First off, I don’t know how to thank you for being there for my mom, for supporting her financially and caring so deeply about her health. Secondly, you have admirably and skillfully raised Ceri so far to be happy, healthy, and amazing. In your shoes, I’m not sure I could have done so well.”
“That’s all well and good, but it’s praise, not what’s in your heart.”
Capturing his gaze, she slowly smoothed her hand down his chest, savoring the damp texture of his skin and the denseness of the underlying muscle. She pressed her palm over his heart.
“I’m sorry you had to go through the pregnancy and birth alone. I’m overwhelmed by everything you have done for my mom. I think I’m already in love with my daughter, and I want to get to know her better.”
“I didn’t go through it alone. Your mom was there every step of the way. I had no idea she was Ceri’s grandma. I don’t know what I would have done without her. She took good care of the two of us from the moment I knocked on her door for a cup of sugar.”
“That eases some of the guilt. I wish things had been different. That’s all.”
She nodded.
“I want to get to know both of you much better than I do now. I have a few weeks of leave if you don’t mind me staying here.”
“I don’t mind. That sounds great. Why don’t we start tomorrow? Ceri is way ahead in school, and I can take her out for the day. I also can rearrange a few things at the shop, and we could have an outing for the day.”
“What did you have in mind?”
“Ceri loves Central Park, and the weather is fabulous. How about that? There’s plenty to do there and will give us a chance to get to know each other.”
“I love being outside, so I’m definitely game for that. You sure about your schedule and Ceri’s?”
“Positive. Sometimes moms can be irresponsible for the right reasons.”
There was a glimmer of humor in his tone. “Yeah, I guess moms can pretty much do as they please, especially when they’re the boss.”
She had to acknowledge that she needed to be in control here. Mostly because Dragon was irresistible, and he was going to be here for only a few weeks. She couldn’t justify keeping Ceri from him. Luckily, she would be out of school next week and they could plan something else. They had a lot to discuss, but it was getting late, and he looked even more exhausted now.
“We should go to bed,” she said, then realized how that sounded.
She looked up, her gaze connecting with his. He had moved the door open slightly so the light slanted across his skin, burnishing him in gold.
He’d frozen when she’d said that. His serious expression gave nothing away, but there was something in his eyes that made her pulse jump into overdrive. The hint of amusement instantly faded, replaced by a glint that was more heated, far more potent, far more intent. And Jo remembered that instant when he’d entered her for the first time, when she’d experienced the full thrust of him, and her body tensed from the pleasure of the memory, her breath jamming up in her chest.
“Of course, I mean separately,” she said, her voice barely above a whisper.
Dragon stilled, his eyes narrowing, and Jo could feel the heat of his gaze from where she was standing. She wanted to be somewhere dark and private, somewhere where…
“Thanks for the clarification,” Dragon said. He ducked inside and came back with Ceri’s dirty clothes. Affected by his thoughtful gesture, she smiled and reached out, taking them from his hands.
“If you’d like, I can wash yours as well.”
He dipped back in and handed her his garments. “That’s generous of you. You sure it’s not too much trouble?”
She shrugged as if it wasn’t a big deal. “It’s just another load.”
Casting her one final glance, he said, “Good night, Jo.”
“Good night,” she whispered as he disappeared into the bathroom and closed the door.
Biting her lip against the increasing fullness in her throat, Jo deposited Ceri’s clothes in the laundry room. She finished tidying up the house, and when it came to the couch, she saw the bedding there. Glancing toward the hall, she heard the water running. Was he shaving that sexy stubble off? Without thinking about it, she pulled off the cushions and made up the bed, tucking the pillow into the case. She pulled one side down.
She smoothed the pillowcase and thought about Dragon lying here. Then she pushed away that dangerous thought and retreated to her room. It was safer here, but did she want to be safe? Tired as she was, she couldn’t sleep. She had too many things racing around in her mind, and no matter how much she tried, she couldn’t shut her brain off.
She sat up and pressed her forehead into her knees. Her life was already mapped out for her before he’d shown up. He was just here for a visit, to check on his mom. A couple of weeks, then he’d be gone again. She had to acknowledge that this gave her a measure of peace knowing that Ceri’s father, the man from that passion-soaked night, knew about her, and he could make his own decisions. Decisions she didn’t have to feel guilty about. This was a blip in her life, one that would pass, and she would go back to her life, and Dragon to his, albeit with a new understanding about how they were going to handle Ceri. She felt much better after classifying and categorizing all the parts flying around in her head.
That was the easy part.
Sorting everything out would be the hard part.
Dragon exited the bathroom, the weariness really pulling at his shoulders, fogging his brain with the need to sleep. He still had the bed to make up. He rounded the hall and stopped, blinking in the dim light from the lamp on the side table near the now fully made bed.
He turned and looked down the hall to Jo’s closed door. He wondered again what his life would have been like if he’d reached out to Jo, just once. That thought disturbed him all over again. Just knowing that she was alive and breathing in the world had kept him going more than once. Together they had done something amazing.
His throat got thick, and he walked to the bed, noting how she’d folded the sheet down invitingly. It was a small detail tacked on to more small details about her, all adding up to big things.
He turned off the light and slipped into bed, drawing the covers over him. He would keep his perspective as to why he was here. His mom and convincing her that San Diego was a good place for her to move. He wanted to be sure the next time she needed him, he would be there.
But now he had a new reason for being here. Getting to know Ceri. And if he was honest with himself, this trip was also about reconnecting with Jo. He couldn’t hide that tidbit of information from himself, not when every mile he’d gotten closer, his anticipation of seeing her again increased.
Then there was closure, for Speed, for Asahi. He wanted the knowledge he would need to get past these nightmares. Being distracted during missions would eventually get him killed. Getting his head straight was crucial for him to continue as a SEAL. He’d always kept himself apart, had been doing it since he’d been a kid and started to recognize the danger he faced every day he went to school. That threat had found his brother, and he’d succumbed to it, but Dragon had gotten out. He was proud of escaping the influence of the street. He’d kept his freedom to make his own choices, and now he fought for his country, for that freedom, on the world’s battlefields.
He closed his eyes, his thoughts slowing down, inevitably focusing on Jo. He hadn’t idealized her in the time they’d been together. His memories of her had been spot on—so was that sizzle that always ignited beneath his skin when he was close to her. There would be time to figure all this out, he told himself. He was a father now, and he had responsibilities. There was much he would need to work out.
When he opened his eyes, it was still dark, but
he sensed it was right at the brink of dawn. He grabbed his cell from the bedside table and looked at the time. It was his normal waking time. He stretched, his morning wood as hard as a rock, and his mind went to Jo and how warm and snuggly-soft she probably was this early in the morning. Those thoughts ached in his groin and set his dick to throbbing.
Just as he stripped off his sweatpants, light flooded the room from the hallway, and Jo came into the room. Buck-assed naked, he turned to look over his shoulder.
She stood in the middle of the room dressed in running clothes. She’d been preoccupied with pulling her dark hair back and now her arms were above her head, her movement halted. Her eyes ran down his back and lingered over his backside, then took a leisurely stroll up. He grinned and cleared his throat.
She blinked, then her mouth formed a small O.
“I should say I’m sorry…”
He laughed and shook his head. “You are determined to see me in the buff.”
“It was an accident. Some would say a happy accident.”
He laughed softly, reached for his compression shorts and slipped them on, adjusting his thick dick to fit.
“Now you’re just teasing me,” she said, turning and heading for the kitchen. She pulled a bottle of water out of the fridge, unscrewed the top and took a sip all the while her eyes caressed his body.
He was aware that women found him attractive. He was fit and had the kind of job that drew the opposite sex in droves. He pulled on a pair of black running shorts, a gold T-shirt with “Navy” in blue across the front, socks, and his running shoes.
“I guess I should realize you don’t embarrass easily. With the tattooing, you’ve seen it all I’m sure.”
“I’ve seen plenty of butts during my career, but yours is mighty fine, sailor man.”
“I’m passably good looking,” he said.
She snorted and shook her head. “Passably? Dragon, you are not in touch with reality.”
He frowned. “What is that supposed to mean?” He walked to the kitchen and took the bottle out of her hand, drinking the rest of the water.
She looked up at him and smiled. “You are clueless, aren’t you?”
He breathed in the scent of her, sweet, floral, swirling with a heady mix all her own. He threw the bottle to the recycle bin and scored a hit, then braced his hands against the counter on either side of her.
“I guess I am clueless. Why don’t you enlighten me?”
“Drop-dead gorgeous. You.” She poked him in the chest. “There was a lot of whiplash going on yesterday, a lot of open-mouthed staring.”
“Maybe you’re just jaded since you’ve seen so much skin.”
“I don’t think so.”
She smiled and looked down at his hips. “If you get any closer, you’re going to be on top of me.”
He’d suddenly realized that he’d not only corralled her between the counter and his body, but he was definitely crowding her personal space without even realizing it.
She pressed her hand to his chest and shoved. “If we’re going to have some fun today, I need my run.”
“That was my plan too. Join you?”
“Sure. Try to keep up.”
He chuckled as they slipped out of the apartment, and she used her key to lock the door, then laced it into her shoe. Down at street level, they stretched, the faint light in the east a glow of yellow as dawn approached.
“Let’s cross the bridge. This early it will be deserted and quiet,” she said, then started off at a quick pace. Even after being away for six years, Dragon remembered these streets. Following her, he headed toward the Brooklyn Bridge taking them to Williamsburg. It was summer, but the air was still on the cool side this early in the morning. As they hit the walkway to cross over, the towering buildings were still lit up as the sun broke the horizon.
“I want to do my share for Ceri,” Dragon said. “I could contact JAG for a referral to a family law attorney if you feel we need to get lawyers involved, but I don’t think we have to do that. Do you?”
“You trust me when I say that she’s your child? If you’re comfortable with the paternity, we can talk about the child support and custody of her? I agree. We don’t need to get lawyers involved.” Their footsteps echoed on the empty footpath as the lights started to wink out like stars, the buildings now more light than shadow, showing like indistinct watercolors in the distance.
“I can see she’s mine.” He glanced over at Jo, her face solemn. “It’s in her face.” There was no denying Ceri was his. He knew it the moment he laid eyes on her. What was tough was that it was as if he was looking at a stranger, and that didn’t sit well at all. “Also, you’ve never lied to me, Jo. I appreciate you trying to track me down. I’m not one to shirk my responsibilities. I’m sorry you couldn’t contact me.”
She reached out and touched his bare forearm, her eyes soft. “I think I knew enough to understand that you wouldn’t. We can talk about it at length and work out the details. I know it’s going to be difficult to see her…if that’s something you want to do.”
He kept running, thinking about spending the day with Ceri and Jo. He was anticipating the outing and interested in interacting with Ceri some more. She was quite the character. “I do,” he answered hastily. “I want to be in her life.” There would be a tremendous number of barriers in the way of him being a dad to her from San Diego, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t determined to make sure he made her a priority in his life. “It will be hard, but I get leave and we can video chat. I know that’s not as good as having me here in person, but I’ll do my best to be there for her. I promise.”
“We can see how it goes,” she said. He couldn’t blame her. She didn’t know him that well. He certainly didn’t want to hurt Ceri by making promises he couldn’t keep, but he was also not the type of guy to make those promises and then not follow through. He suspected time would prove him out and Jo would know that he was committed to helping her raise their daughter, regardless of the obstacles.
In ten minutes, they were across the bridge, losing their view of the Statue of Liberty, the Empire State Building and the smaller Chrysler Building.
Turning around, they retraced their steps, this time having to deal with more foot traffic and racing bicycles. They made their way back to Jo’s, sweating freely now, taking the slight incline at her street fast to make his legs work harder.
Jo pulled out slightly in front. “Come on, sailor man. Aren’t you a Navy SEAL? You’re getting beat by a girl.”
She was in amazing shape, and he increased his speed to catch up to her.
He barely did, both of them heaving for breath by the time they got to the door. He bent over, breathing hard, and she giggled. “Dibs on the shower.” She slipped into the building and he laughed softly as he chased her inside.
All of a sudden it hit him. He had a ready-made family here. It would be ideal if he and Jo could somehow make this work together. She was doing funny things to his heart, messing with his head, and stirring up his body. But they each had their lives.
Maybe in this he would also have to just take it one day at a time.
8
“When did you want to leave for our outing?” Dragon asked.
Jo turned to look at him over her oatmeal. Both of them had showered and she’d made them some breakfast. She could hear Gen moving around in her room, and Ceri should be up any minute.
There had been so much routine and monotony in her life up until now. Taking time off hadn’t been something she did often, but this wasn’t about her or even about Dragon. This was about Ceri and her getting to know her dad.
She’d be lying if she told herself she hadn’t wished for a second chance with Dragon. Wished that things could have been different. She didn’t waste a lot of energy on what might have been. That wouldn’t be productive. But sitting here with him, after the teasing and the closeness during their run, Jo had to wonder how much she was participating in her own life. Was it just passing her b
y, and she was letting it go along in sepia tones instead of in color?
Where was her engagement in life? She went to work, she took care of everything Ceri needed, but she had to acknowledge that she had been doing it under what felt like fathoms of water. All her relationships had been superficial because that’s all she’d allowed herself. After hearing what Ceri’s ballet teacher said, she realized there was even a barrier between her and Ceri. She was even dreading her parent-teacher conference on Friday.
Was she intimidated by Ceri’s needs as a gifted child, as if her own life took a backseat to Ceri’s? Was she afraid that if she did look at what she had, it would all revolve around her daughter and giving her the best life she could manage, no matter what that took? Did Jo need to recognize that she wanted to get to know Dragon as much as she wanted her daughter to experience him as her father?
Did she dare open that door and let in all those bright ideas and feelings? The sense of being overwhelmed made her rise from the table and set her half-eaten breakfast in the sink.
Physical had been the only contact they’d had, but it was clear there would have been more to their relationship if the circumstances had been different. What was Dragon hiding from? Had he fallen into the same pit she currently found herself? The walls were high and unclimbable.
Or were they?
What if she only needed to find the right tools?
“The zoo opens at ten.”
“We picked a beautiful day. A bit on the cool side, so it’s a good time to be outside.”
“Outside where? Can I go?”
Dragon turned to look at her…their daughter standing in the kitchen in her pink-and-white bow pj’s, flushed from sleep, her hair mussed up, one pigtail down and the other one up.
“Central Park.”
Ceri’s eyes lit with interest and excitement. “That’s where they have the carousel with the pretty horses, the zoo, and the ducks!” Talking a mile a minute, Ceri said, “Have you ever seen the zoo? I fed the ducks once when Gen took me. Did you feed the ducks when you were little? Do you even like ducks? Who cares? I think ducks are so cool. They quack and shake their tail feathers and waddle.” She squatted down and started to waddle around the room.