by Raven Scott
“That’s a dumbfuck question. I know your father runs the Syndicate, and you’re second in command or some shit like that. I honestly don’t care about the details.” I rolled my eyes at the surprise that brightened Carlyle’s eyes, and curiosity rippled across his hard features as I sunk in my seat. “As long as I get paid, I don’t give two fucks. I can count on my bad hand how many times Mateo complained about Daddy Dearest and being shoved into the corner, and I really wasn’t paying attention at the time.”
“Do you know what your name means, Theo?” Irritation raked my eyelid, and I shook my head as Carlyle propped his elbow on the table to hold his chin on his fist. “It means ‘divine gift.’ Ironically, the name Mateo also means ‘gift from God’. You know what my name means? It was originally a girl’s name, firstly. It means ‘from the walled city’.”
“I really couldn’t give a lesser shit, Carlyle.” My bland tone earned me a smirk, but I didn’t think too hard on what subliminal message he was trying to send me. “Why do you think I want to know what your name means?”
“You don’t. I’m only trying to make conversation. I just thought it was funny— Illya is a boy’s name, and mine was originally a girl’s.” The hairs on the back of my neck bristled, and my eyes narrowed on Carlyle as he feigned ignorance. “You wouldn’t think because the connotation of ‘a’ at the end, but it fits her quite well. I’m sure you agree. Have you seen her chest yet?”
“I bet you’re going to tell me all about it.” My lip twitched in a faint snarl, and Carlyle caught my gaze levelly. He was trying to push me, to find a button, but this wasn’t a month ago. I wouldn’t threaten him— I’d just fucking pop his brains out of his mouth. “Careful what you say, Carlyle, because I have a feeling that threatening to kill you won’t do shit, so I’ll have to really kill you to get my point across.”
Lucky for him, Carlyle didn’t laugh, and he leaned forward with a graveness dragging down his features.
“I was jealous.” My brow rose quizzically at the admission, and Carlyle smirked a little self-deprecating at me. It almost seemed like he was genuine, but even that caused my suspicion to rise. “When Mateo hired you, I was jealous. I admit it. In all seriousness, when I met you, I kinda wanted to kill him myself just so I could transfer you to my service. You’re not afraid to say it straight, Theo, and I appreciate that, especially in a person that’s guarding my life.”
“Right. I don’t suppose you have a reason for not doing that?” The more time I spent with Carlyle, the more I realized that he was a fucking asshole. He was a two-faced, smart, beady-eyed asshole that liked to play mind games, and I fucking hated it. I hated the conversations more than I hated Mateo’s whining.
However . . . Carlyle didn’t require round the clock babysitting, so I had free time, which more than made up for some of the more unpleasant experiences.
“Do you remember how you felt the first time you met me?” Carlyle’s face twisted in disgust, and I shook my head as the soberness of the moment blanketed my skin in goosebumps. “That’s how everyone is, and I’m not going to lie— sometimes, it gets annoying. If I killed Mateo, you would’ve failed at your job, and, well, then you’d have to die, too. Not exactly what I want. So, I figured why not kill three birds with one stone?”
He so casually admitted interference that I had to doubletake, and I cocked my head as I sucked in a sharp breath through flared nostrils. Leaning back, Carlyle laced his fingers behind his head to blow out a breath, and I clenched and released my jaw hard.
“I’ve had my eye on Illya for a long time. My father hired her mother— did you know that? Illya seems to believe her mom was going to the FBI, but . . . anyway, I started looking into it, and whaddya know? I found her. I shipped Mateo off to California after I got word that she was there. I didn’t necessarily consider he’d meet you, but Mateo goes through bodyguards like candy. It wasn’t luck that you three got together— well, not entirely. Every situation requires a little bit of luck.” He talked so casually even as his frown became more and more prominent and nasty, and his biceps flexed under the strained fabric of his button-down. “I didn’t expect Mateo to get that thing involved, but it’s an added bonus in my book. Maybe, he’ll break under the pressure? Maybe, he’ll grow up and stop acting like an angry toddler? Either way, he’ll finally be out of my hair. I’ve always hated him.”
“You boarded him up in his house like he had the Plague. You legitimately boarded up the windows and doors.” It was fucking insanity to think that Carlyle had plans for me long before we met— that he had plans for Illya— and he arched a brow quizzically.
“So? Mateo acts like a child, I’ll treat him like a child, and children sometimes need a nice, long time out to reflect on their behavior.” Snorting roughly at that, I scowled when Carlyle frowned disapprovingly at me. “Didn’t you threaten to cut your own sister’s fingers off when she was insensitive about it? How is my forcing my considerations on Mateo so outlandish?”
“I can’t wait to see how your kids grow up if you make that mistake.” My grumble only darkened Carlyle’s frown, and I cast him a pointed look. “You never answered my question. You just changed the subject.”
“I was genuinely curious. I haven’t seen her naked.” The flippant reply intensified the blood pounding in my ears, and Carlyle lowered his arms as disinterest masked his features. “Regardless, I’m not interested in seeing her naked. I’m sure she’s got some horrifying scars, and I’m not particularly attracted to that kind of thing— although, I’m sure it’s a different story for you, Theo. To be perfectly clear, here, Theo, I have no interest in her. If she wasn’t so ruined, physically, then, of course, but . . . ”
Theo shrugged, and disgust clawed up my throat before his eyes wavered from mine. Twisting as the conversation stumbled to a halt, I frowned deeply as a familiar body stalked over. That chick worked at the same club as Illya.
“Marcella, my darling.” She slid into the booth next to Carlyle, sinking deep, until her head couldn’t be seen over the top, and sighed a huge, exaggerated sigh. “How was your flight back?”
“About as bad as working in that shitty club for three years for nothing. Are you positive she doesn’t know I’m in cahoots with you, Carlyle, because I— ” Carlyle held up a hand to stop her, and Marcella’s expression darkened as she glanced around wearily. “I hate you.”
“That’s all I ask for, Marcella. Next time, don’t do anything stupid, and I won’t get involved. Do you have what I need?” Casting me a suspicious look, Marcella stuck her hand deep into her purse, and my mind whirled frantically trying to put this together. Marcella. Illya had mentioned that name a few times, that she danced ‘because she liked it’ but her parents were rich and . . .
And it was all a lie? That sucks.
“There won’t be a next time. I’m never doing anything for you ever again, Carlyle. That was horrible. I’ll never live that down. This is it. Done. Over. Never contact me again.” Carlyle chuckled, and Marcella stiffened as he grabbed her neck and forced her head up. Watching outside their little bubble, I would’ve thought it was almost romantic if not for her thinned lips and pale cheeks.
“What are you going to do when I contact you again? The only person that says ‘no’ to me is dead.” He held out his palm, and she stuck something in it before he let her go, and she couldn’t get up fast enough to run away. Arching a brow, I kept my mouth shut because, well, fuck this shit.
30
Illya
Eight Weeks Later . . .
Straddling Theo’s waist, I couldn’t help but smile as his palms dragged up my calves, and he grumbled deep in his chest.
“Fucking creep . . . watching me sleep.” His mumble tugged up the corners of my mouth, and Theo cracked open his eyes to stare at me blearily. Kneading the butts of my palms against his chest, I relished his tired, languish groan, and he reached to grapple my ass in powerful palms. “You mad at me? What’d I do to deserve this, huh?”
“I’m not mad.” My simple reply earned me a grunt, and I arched into Theo’s hands to hum as warmth pooled in the pit of my belly. His cock stiffened against my thigh, and I rolled my hips as he spread my bare ass cheeks. “Theo . . . ”
Ducking my head, I ground against Theo as tingles shot down my spine, and my chest tightened when I brushed my lips along his jaw. Strong fingers squeezed and groped my ass, and he buried his face in my neck to nibble deliciously. Hopefully, this morning, things would go farther. The notion in itself was exciting, and my core clenched as I popped my ass. Goosebumps blanketed my body when my folds wrapped around his cock, and he pushed down on my ass to slather my juices along his shaft.
“Are you sure you can handle me, Illya?” Gasping as Theo sunk his teeth deep in my shoulder, I braced my fists on the pillow under his head, and he caressed up my back. Shivers lodged between my shoulder blades, and I shuddered in expectation as I nodded against his cheek. “Yeah-h-h . . . I bet you think so.”
“P-please . . . ” My lips trembled against his ear, and Theo swept his fingertips down my back at my whimper. Reaching around my thigh, he pumped his cock, and excitement almost numbed me as I spread my knees. Palming his chest, I bit down on my bottom lip as pink crept up on my field of vision. My ribs warbled from the intense desire that battered them, and my juices seeped out of me as he slapped his cock my core.
“Why are you so fucking good to me, huh?” The growl caught me off guard, and I paused as Theo teased my entrance with his left hand. His eyes met mine, and he frowned under furrowed brows at what must’ve been a troubled look on my face. “What?”
“What about this is good, Theo? This is what happened last time, and the time before that, and the time before that. We almost fuck, but we never actually do. Do you not want to?” Sourness twisted his features, and I pushed down on his shoulders insistently. “It’s been weeks, and you won’t kiss me. You’ll stuff your cock down my throat, but you wo— ”
“Illya, we talked about this. Take your bandages off.” The fine hairs on the back of my neck stood up at that, and my nails dug into Theo’s shoulders as I frowned darkly. He reached for my face, but I pulled back, and I climbed off him with his glare strafing my back. “It’s not unreasonable to want to see you naked. Just because your last boyfriend was a spineless bitch doesn’t mean I am, too. In case you didn’t notice, I’ve got my fair share of scars, Illya.”
“Whatever.” Tiny, angry tears pricked my eyes, and I stood up to run both my hands through my hair roughly. The long, rich strands sucked the heat from my palms, but it just ended up zinging down my face and sternum to ball in my chest. “What’s the point?”
“Illya— ”
“No!” Whipping around, my face flamed as my hair sliced my cheek, and Theo stiffened with his feet on the floor. Pointing at the door with a trembling hand, I blinked back the sting in my eyes as my heart throbbed painfully. “Get out if you’re not gonna. You’re a fucking liar, Theo. Everyone I know is a liar. It’s been weeks— weeks— and all I get is . . . is . . . is your cock in my mouth? And you won’t even kiss me. What the fuck!”
Sputtering wildly from the force of my emotions, my ruined skin started to burn from the flames that licked down my neck. This time, my bandages couldn’t help me, and I heaved harsh pants as Theo stared at me with daggers in his eyes. His jaw clenched and released, the silence ringing louder and louder beyond the blood drumming in my ears. Goosebumps washed my arms, and my breath caught when he slowly stood up with a deep, stabilizing inhale.
“I told you before that I wouldn’t say ‘no’ to you, Illya. I wouldn’t take advantage of you, right?” Stiffening when he took a threatening step towards me, I gasped harshly when Theo grabbed my face with his good hand. His frigidly cold fingers sucked the heat from my cheeks, and his eyes blazed with icy sharpness that could cut steel. Short, sharp nails dug into my jaw, and a tiny sliver of fear lodged in my heart. “It’s been weeks, and all you get is my cock in your mouth? I won’t kiss you? That’s what you’re complaining about? Do I want to fuck you? Are you really that fucking stupid, Illya?”
My heart nearly stopped beating when he leaned in so close to my face, and I squeezed my eyes shut and held my breath in quivering lungs.
“I need it. I need your tight pussy around my fingers. I need to taste that slick juice. But you don’t want to give me all of you, Illya. I thought we had something deeper than skin.” Theo’s nasty snarl sent spit flying into my face, and I flinched when he bumped his right knuckles against my bad shoulder. “I guess I was wrong. You’re not obligated to show me yours, but I’m done investing more than you. If that’s all you really want— to get fucked without any of the rest— go ahead.”
“Stop it.” My whimper earned me a vicious growl, and Theo pushed me against the wall but didn’t press against me. The hairs on the back of my neck bristled wildly, and I squeezed my eyes tighter shut as his stubble rubbed my cheek raw.
“I thought we were beyond all this shit, Illya. Do you really want to give this up? Are we just together to break up? Over a toss in the sack? That’s what you want to fight about? Really? If that’s what you think— that I’m content not having all of you— then I’ll walk out that door and not come back.”
“I’m trying.” Theo was deathly quiet at my admission, and my muscles locked when he pressed his mangled palm against my chest. With the bandages, it didn’t hurt— his gentle, bare touch— and my eyes popped open to catch his.
“Try harder. I don’t know why you won’t take your bandages off, Illya, but you’re right, what’s the point of any of this if you still don’t trust me?” My heart hammered against his palm, and he tilted his head to brush his lips against my temple tenderly. “When you take your bandages off for me, I want you to do it because you trust me, not because you think it’ll get you laid.”
“I just want to be closer to you, Theo.” I was so fucking pathetic, and his cheek twitched when he pulled back. Carefully releasing my face, he caught my gaze and held it in a vice grip as he scratched his jaw almost casually.
“Do you think you can get that close without compromising yourself? That’s the point, Illya. You can’t pick and choose. You can’t decide in one moment that something makes you vulnerable and then another thing, another moment. It doesn’t work like that.” An ugly blotch smeared across my lungs and strangled my heart, and I tore my eyes off Theo as shame crawled up my throat. He sighed heavily, cupping my cheeks in both his palms, and I pursed my lips thinly against the dense lump that tried to burst through. “I won’t wait around forever. If you can’t be as honest with me as I am with you, then there’s nothing more to say.”
“A-are . . . ” Clearing my throat roughly, I licked my dry lips heavily as anxiety bubbled up like thick, black tar in my gut. “Are you on call today?”
“No.” The large gap between the fingers on his left hand shrunk a little as he caressed my cheek, and I ground my teeth. “Where do you want to go?”
“A cemetery.” My eyes flickered up to watch Theo’s expression from under my lashes, and he smiled so tenderly. “If . . . if I start anywhere, it’d be there.”
Reaching to wipe his saliva from my face, Theo traced my lips with his thumb, and I tilted my head to rest my forehead on his sternum. Closing my eyes as he cupped the back of my head, I inhaled a shallow breath of his musky smell and held it deep in my lungs.
“I know it’s different, Illya. You do this a lot, get all huffy about opening up.” Kneading my scalp, Theo pressed his lips to my crown as shame rattled my ribs at his mumble. “Trusting me will get you farther than this superficial shit.”
“I don’t think it’s superficial to want to be under you.” Taking him by the wrist, I dragged his palm down from my chin, and he tensed as he palmed my breast gently. Covering all his fingers with mine, I exhaled slowly, but my bandages kept the friction from his callouses from causing me any pain. It was almost symbolic, and he held my head firmer to his chest as his heart thundered
against my eye sockets. “It doesn’t hurt like this.”
“It doesn’t feel good, either, does it?” No, not really. But Theo already knew the answer to his own question.
31
Theo
Glancing at Illya out of the corner of my eye, I pursed my lips against the frown that threatened to twist my face. Over the past eight weeks, things had stabilized for the most part. Illya was actually a little excited to do some corporate espionage, and I got two days off of my choosing a week. I hadn’t seen hide or hair of Mateo, but I knew he was around because, every so often, I’d hear one of the cleaning ladies talking about cleaning his pigsty of an apartment.
After the whole mess with Sylvie resolved, he seemed reclusive and quiet, which was a-o-fucking-kay with me. I liked the silence, and Carlyle wasn’t too bad to listen to, at the very least.
Tightening my grip on the wheel as we drove the rolling back roads towards Massachusetts, I rubbed my tongue against the roof of my mouth.
“You didn’t tell me you used to live in Mass.” Every time I thought we were getting a little closer, Illya would push me back somehow. She hummed softly from the passenger seat, and I craned my neck as I adjusted in my own. “Where else have you lived?”
“Just Springfield and in Mexico.” The short answer was more than I had a right to expect. I knew I was pushing buttons that I shouldn’t. Illya didn’t abandon her family— didn’t have that decision to go back and try to make amends— the way I had. Her whole family had been burnt to a crisp, and that really sucked.