by Raven Scott
“Uh, um, n-no. I’ll be one-zero. It’ll be fantastic.” I held out the gun, and Erik nodded with a grin as he took it. Rubbing my hands on my jeans, I inhaled sharply, and the smell of barn wood flooded my lungs. My gut tightened, and I stepped back from the huge barn doors as he shouldered the strap. “It wasn’t as . . . jarring as I expected.”
“The person you shot, did he deserve it?” The question struck me hard, and I turned to Jason as he locked eyes with me. “You never said you didn’t, that’s why I made Cathy leave. If she knew, she’d report you. Cathy’s not a soldier— she just wants to be special, and reporting is the ‘right’ thing to do.”
“It was my mom.” Like Erik, Jason’s cheek twitched, his eyes narrowed, his shoulders tensing. He seemed to grow physically in realization and anger. Scrunching up my nose, I sucked my teeth, and Erik took my hand to rub with his thumb. “She did. Why do you say she’s not a soldier?”
“I mean, she has the title. She’s a soldier in the sense that she’s got the job,but she’s doing it for glory, not for the regular reasons— patriotism, family, free fucking college and job opportunity. Cathy does it to make herself special, to do something very few other women can or want to do. She likes being the good one.”
“She’s not the good one. I’m good.” My eyes narrowed into slits, and my lip curled as I clenched my fists by my sides. Jason stiffened, and I pointed my finger in his face as a hard shiver lodged between my shoulder blades. “I’m good.”
“Natasha.” A huge hand wrapped around mine, and I blinked hard, and a horrified gasp breached my teeth. Stepping back, I tore my eyes off Jason to glare at the barn floor, and silence rang in my ears. “Take a breath. It’s okay.”
“I’m okay. I’m sorry, I . . . ” My teeth clicked together hard when I closed my mouth, and I shuttered my eyelids tight to take a deep, calming breath. Rolling my head and shoulders, I exhaled a shuddering sigh, and Jason and Mark both watched me with the same, critical brown eyes. “I’m fine. Just . . . don’t say that, please.”
“Mmm.” Jason hummed softly and I forced my eyes open even as colorful spots assaulted their edges. “I apologize. How about we get back to the party? I could use a beer.”
“You and your sister were on the news.” Speaking up quickly, Mark nodded to himself as his older brother took his gun, and my expression soured darkly. “That’s where I remember you from.”
“You’re probably the only twenty-two-year-old in the world who religiously watches nationwide news on individual outlets online, Mark.” Squeezing my hand comfortingly, Erik, his brother, and I walked back to the gun cases so he could put away the rifle. “Anyway, this conversation is over. We’re not talking about it anymore.”
“I guess it’s not something to dredge up from over ten years ago. I mean, I work for intelligence. I can’t help being good with faces.” My brows rose at that, and Mark shot me a sly smile as he rubbed his buzzed head free of dust from the barn. “I’m almost positive no one else will recognize you. It was a lot time ago.”
His attempt to reassure me was endearing, and I simply nodded as the pressure eased off my chest. Rubbing the spot with the butt of my palm, I gulped down the tightness in my throat, and we left the barn to be engulfed in unfiltered, cloudless sunshine. Gazing out at the beautiful landscape, I couldn’t help but be struck by how quaint everything seemed. I’d never been on a farm, and I’d stuck to mid-sized cities that wouldn’t remind me of Dallas.
“Your mom seems really nice.” Changing the conversation none-too-subtly, I could feel her staring even at this end of the yard, and Erik snorted a laugh. “Everyone seems really nice.”
“Oh, damnit.” When we got close enough to feel the music pumping through the air, Erik paused, and I frowned under furrowed brows. “Mike’s here.”
“Don’t bother, Erik. It’s not worth it.” His hand around mine tightened, flashed a little warmer for a fraction of a second, and Jason clapped a hand on Erik’s shoulder hard. Strolling past us, Jason and Mark left us a dozen yards from the edge of the party, and the embarrassment I should’ve felt back in the barn roared up to clench my gut in a vice.
“Oh, my God, that was so damn . . . I can’t believe I did that. I’m so sorry, Erik—" Holding up a hand to stop my apology, Erik smiled sympathetically, and I cleared my throat roughly as he turned to face me fully.
“He didn’t know what set you off, but now he does. It’s alright. No worries.” Gnawing on my bottom lip furiously, I jerked my head in a nod, and he cupped the back of my head to massage my scalp gingerly. “Relax. Jason and Mark are the smart ones around here, but that doesn’t mean anyone else will ambush you. You want me to beat him up?”
“No.” Smiling a little at the offer, I huffed a small laugh, and Erik grinned as the sun shimmered off the smoothness of his crown. “I don’t know, maybe.”
“Just say the word.” We starting walking again, and I caressed the coarse hairs on the back of his knuckles as my mind wandered some. This wasn’t nearly as uncomfortable as I was expecting. My excitement earlier had been thickened with anxiety, but no one asked me any questions. There was this air of . . . of relaxation and calm, and no one judged me for what I did or didn’t do . . . at least, not outright.
Of course, they were all simply being polite. They just met me, and Erik never brought someone here before. It could be wariness on his family’s part.
“Hey, Mom.” Speaking up a little louder than he should’ve, Erik tugged my arm gently, and I blinked hard before his mom appeared. She wore her greys and wrinkles well, and an automatic smile stretched my lips as a tightness strained my heart. “What’s up?”
“I’m taking grill orders. What do you two want? We got steaks, hotdogs, hamburgers, and porkchops . . . ” Trailing off, Erik’s mom arched a brow quizzically at me, and I blurted out the first thing on her list. Questions swirled in her hazel eyes, but she kept them to herself as she turned to her son. “I already know you’ll pick a burger.”
“You know me so well, Mom.” She rolled her eyes, flashing a smile with white teeth before walking off into the crowd, and I crossed my arms over my stomach as it grumbled hungrily. “See, told you she would keep her mouth shut.”
“Yeah, I believed you, Erik.” We started walking again, the longish grass tickled my bare ankles, and I inhaled the fresh, warm air to sigh heavily. “It’s kinda surreal, to be honest.”
“You’re doing a great job, though. That could’ve been a lot worse in there, you know. I’m really proud of you, Natasha.” His praise warmed my cheeks and eased the tightness in my chest, and I ducked my head as Erik squeezed my hand firmly. “It’s true, though, about Cathy. She’ll rat you out because it’s the ‘right’ thing to do, and it’ll intensify her halo.”
“Yeah, I . . . ” My words dried on my tongue when I saw a flash of long, brown hair flailing in the breeze, and I halted mid-stride. This little girl talking to a few other little kids, she looked exactly like me when I was twelve years old. She was a little taller than the other kids, and had a nose and mouth just like mine, even though her face was a little wider than mine. “Who’s that?”
“That’s Natalia. Why?” The blood drained from my face, and I whipped around on my heel to take a huge breath and cover my mouth to hide my frown.
“You said she’s a twin. What’s her twin’s name?”
“Valentine.” Dread burrowed deep into my gut, and goosebumps washed my entire body as Erik positioned himself right in front of me. Twisting to glance over my shoulder, my eyes narrowed to search for the faces I didn’t recognize when we’d rolled up. “What? What? I don’t get it?”
Holy shit, holy shit, holy fucking shit! A bark of humorless laughter burst from my throat as the music changed, and that little girl looked at me. She looked at me with my eyes. Clamping my hand over my mouth, I turned back around as disbelief surged through my veins, and my heart throbbed painfully.
I was going to have a heart attack. This couldn’t be happening!
“What’s wrong?” My face heated until my cheeks threatened to melt off, and I hiccupped a shallow, ragged breath as I closed my eyes. Abruptly, my dazed mind caught up with what I saw, and I twisted again to peek at that girl, still staring at me in confusion. Even then, she looked so much like me, and she didn’t break eye contact until her sister came up to her.
33
Erik
I saw it. I fucking saw it in her eyes, even though I didn’t understand it. Natasha straightened, a fury shaking her arms noticeably as she panted through flared nostrils. I saw the second she gave up trying to control herself, and I saw the shimmer of absolute apoplexy that rippled across her features. She let go of my hand to roll her shoulders, take a massive breath and hold it, and there was no point in asking any more questions.
She probably couldn’t hear me, anyway.
“Luke. Hey, Luke.” Gesturing my little brother over, I held a finger to my lips at his questioning glance as Natasha turned back to the crowd. Several people were staring at her now, and I licked my lips at the sudden, crushing tension in the air. “I might need your help in a sec.”
“I’m down to break up a fight.” Nodding in thanks, I didn’t have a chance to open my mouth again when Natasha strode forward. We followed at a safe distance, and I scanned the yard as more and more people noticed what was going on. If there was one thing I wasn’t dense about, it was violent intent, and everyone felt it. All the conversation stopped, the backyard eerily quiet and confused, and I pursed my lips thinly when Natasha made her way toward the patio. Mike and my dad manned the double grills, and my dad noticed her before Mike did.
Natasha didn’t say anything as she rounded the counter, and she moved so fast even I almost missed it. She smashed her fist into Mike’s face so hard the crack of bones breaking echoed above the music pumping from the speakers. He fell back into the house’s siding, and Luke and I both leaped forward to grab her when she tried to advance on him again.
“What the fuck! Wh—" My words dried on my tongue when I glanced at Natasha’s face. I had never seen her so emotionless. Not when she talked about killing her mom. Not when she talked about her past. She was completely blank— there was no trace of that rage she just displayed. Maybe, it was the fact that she didn’t struggle, but Luke and I both lost our grip on her when she lunged like a fucking animal.
“Stop!” Before I could snatch her, Natasha was jabbing Mike in the face again, and I wrapped her in a bear hug to get her off him. Her sneakered foot flung up, catching him right in the chin, and Mike let out a pained cry that seemed to break the barrier in her.
“You . . . you fucking piece of shit. You think that hurts? I’ll fucking hurt you! You . . . you asshole! You monster!” Dragging Natasha around the house as she screamed and flailed violently, I hissed when she scratched my arms, and Luke had to wrestle her legs. Jason flew into my field of vision, and it took the three of us to pin Natasha on the grass. “L-let me go! Let me go! That fucker! I’m gonna fucking kill you! You’re dead, you son of a bitch!”
“What the hell, Erik?” Holding both her forearms beside her head, I glanced up through narrowed eyes as Jason and Luke both held a leg, and Natasha writhed like a snake. “Not that I don’t get it, but—"
“I have no fucking idea, Jason. And we’re not gonna get anything out of her like this.” I didn’t like Mike from the moment I met him, but this . . . this was far beyond simply feeling off about the guy. Sniffing hard as Natasha’s bloodied knuckles stained the grass, I winced when she panted so hard that spittle and snot dribbled down her cheek. “She asked about Natalia and then fucking blew up.”
A cold sweat dribbled down my back, and my brain ran rampant trying to figure out what the fuck was happening. Natasha stopped struggling at some point, but that vast emptiness in her eyes made me not want to let go of her. Taking both her hands in mine, I squeezed and released, trying to get her to snap out of it, and Mark came careening around the corner of the house with my dad.
“I demand an explanation! What the hell just happened!” My dad’s booming, authoritative tone blanketed me in iron, and he glared hotly at me as he propped his fists on his hips. “Erik—"
“I don’t know, okay. Can you just fucking give me a minute to figure this shit out? Back the fuck off.” Turning to Natasha as she spasmed weakly on the ground, I pursed my lips thinly as I tried to think. Everything was fine until Natasha saw Natalia.
Wait . . . Nat and Nat. Val and Val. Fourteen years ago, Natasha would’ve been twelve, and that’s when her dad faked his death.
“Mark, can you pull up a picture of that news report from Dallas fourteen years ago?” Dread sharpened my tone, and Mark pulled out his cell phone to type away on the screen. Expectancy thickened the air, and my elder brother tensed as his head whipped up and around.
“Oh, no. Oh, fuck no.” I could tell he didn’t want to show me the pictures, but Mark slowly turned his phone to me, and Jason gasped audibly. At twelve, Natasha looked exactly like Natalia. They could be genetically identical twins with their pictures side by side. “Erik, this is bad.”
“He replaced her.” Mike— which wasn’t even his name— had new kids and used the same names as his first. He abandoned Natasha and replaced her with a look-alike and treated that look-alike better than he had the original. Because he didn’t like her, her mother, because it was easier to leave and forget.
“Erik.” Caution thickened Mark’s voice, and blood droned in my ears as my heart thundered against its cage. “Erik, don’t do anything stupid.”
“I’m gonna kill him.” Grinding the declaration through my teeth, I panted as rage enflamed my lungs, and my vision spotted at the corners. “I’m gonna kill him.”
“Wait, wait, wait, okay. What about Natasha? Maybe she wants to kill him. Don’t make this about you, Erik.”
“Will someone explain what the fuck is going on!” The hairs on the back of my neck stood up at my dad’s bellow, and emotions battled in my chest. Natasha’s wasn’t my story to tell, even a little bit, and I blinked hard and shook my head to clear my eyes. A brave tear trailed down to drip into her hair off her ear, and I winced as I nodded to my brothers to let her go.
“Does this mean we have to break up? We’re cousins. That’s so fucked up.” A hysteric croak of a giggle escaped Natasha, and I squeezed her hands as hard as I dared to keep my own grip on sanity. “That’s so fucked up. That’s so fucked up.”
“No, no, no, we’re not breaking up, Natasha.” My voice cracked at the sick sense of humor that clung to my ribs like black tar, and she repeated the sentence over and over again.
“What the Hell does that mean?” Huffing a hot breath, I sat back on my heels to sniff hard as my chest emptied of everything. My dad glared at me for an answer, but when I opened my mouth, nothing came out. Stunned silence met Natasha’s declaration, and Jason covered his face with both his hands while everyone else was just plain confused.
“Is he conscious?” Mark nodded, rocking back on his heels as he stuffed both his tightly clenched fists into his jeans, and I cleared my throat roughly. “I knew there was a reason I hated him so much.”
“Oh, my God. Is it his fault that she—" Nodding as my eldest brother cut himself off in horror, I managed a shallow, burning breath before helping Natasha to her feet. She hung on me heavily, the most she’d ever touched me in all the instances combined, and I carefully wrapped my arm around her waist. Frigid to the touch, she trembled violently, and Jason growled low in his throat. “I’ll get you some water.”
“Thanks.” Jason disappeared behind the side of the house, and I turned to Natasha as she developed a green hue. “Do you need to leave?”
“I don’t know. Is staying worth it? To them, I mean.” Pursing my lips thinly, I ground my teeth down to my gums— at least, that was what it felt like. Natasha freaked out, but she didn’t seem to want to force on those three kids what had been forced on her. If she outed Mike, she’d no doubt ruin his family. My Aunt Kathy would
leave him and take the kids, and he’d probably end up in jail for some reason I couldn’t think of right now.
“I can’t answer that, Natasha.” I guess, that was all the answer Natasha needed, and she slumped against my side. “Let’s . . . let’s go inside and take a look at your hand. We’ll figure this out, sweetheart.”
34
Natasha
“Illya, hey . . . hi. I know things probably aren’t the best between us right now, but if you could . . . if you could call me back, please? Um, okay . . . bye.” Hanging up my phone, I winced as Luke examined my broken hand— at least, it hurt enough to feel broken. “I . . . I messed up, didn’t I?”
“No.” Frowning darkly at Erik’s swift denial, I rubbed my face as I debated what to do next. “I don’t know what to do. I can’t believe this is happening. How the Hell is my dad married to your aunt?”
“I always hated him, but I could never put my finger on why.” The growl was chilling in its intensity, and I rolled my lips between my teeth uncertainly. “Whatever you want to do, I’ll support you, Natasha. If you want to oust him, you can. If you don’t want to, you don’t have to.”
“I . . . ” Inhaling deeply, I sat back in the kitchen chair and blustered a sigh through my lips. “I saw him— a decade ago. I specifically researched him to figure out if it was worth it, and . . . it wasn’t. His wife was nice. I didn’t know he had kids, but I saw on Facebook that he was married and . . . but now . . . seeing him in person . . . here . . . ”
“If you tell Aunt Kathy, it’ll put those girls in a similar situation you were in— they’ll grow up without a father, probably resent him for lying, and fearing what could’ve been. On the other hand, what’s that going to do to you, Natasha? You can confront him in private, but the way you went at him before, there’s no way to disguise that you have history some way, somehow. Even if it buys you a few years, you’ll be lucky if those girls get to eighteen before it gets out. So, I guess the real question here is do you want to do whatever it is you want to do now or later?” My mind churned as Jason spoke slowly, measuredly, and I scrunched up my nose in thought. How long can I wait?