by Raven Scott
Lucy
“Mom stop yelling. I’m fine. I’m calling from a hospital because it was the only place I could find with a free phone.” Sliding down to sit on the floor, I held my forehead in my palm as my mom breathed fire in my ear. “Just stop yelling. I didn’t mean to worry you, but I had a lot to think about, and I didn’t want anyone trying to poison my opinion.”
The explanation was weak, but I was tired and couldn’t think of anything else. Leaning on the edge of the nurse’s station ominously, the guy who’d rescued us— not Mateo’s brother, but the other guy— pretended not to be monitoring what I said. Pulling my knees up at my mom’s astonished silence, I inhaled deeply, closed my eyes, and held my breath for a long second before continuing. “
“I’m gonna be home, like, tomorrow. Who’s been taking care of Marshal?” It was telling, how I missed my dog more than I missed anyone else. Of course, I did miss my family, but they’d be pissed and judge me and not bother trying to understand why I ‘went to think’. When Seth and I had been dating for about eight months, I’d wanted to break up with him over his fifty-fifty rule, but my mom convinced me not to.
Which was stupid, because she cheated on my dad, got divorced, then got dumped. It’s not like she knows good men, and that went for my dad, too.
“I have. You know how busy Seth is. He doesn’t need a dog that’s not his on his plate, too. You know, Lucillia, you’re so irresponsible not telling anyone and leaving your phone and everything! Something could’ve happened to you!” She flew into a rage again, and I held the phone away from my ear before she blew out my hearing as well as my sanity. “Everyone was so worried about you! Do you even understand what trouble you’ve caused? The police came to my work to talk to me about you being missing. My work! And you call out of the blue to say you were just thinking things out! Honestly, Lucy!”
My gaze drifted up to the guy watching me out of the corner of his eye— Theo, I think— and he scowled darkly. I could only shrug, since this was fairly normal, and I just had to wait for my mom to run out of steam. No amount of explaining was enough for her, and I knew that when I got home, she’d act like this conversation never happened. She’s good at that, ignoring the unsavory shit and pretending she was nasty sometimes.
“I went to a casino and won ten thousand dollars, so, obviously it wasn’t a total loss.” Theo snorted a laugh at my attempt to cut through my mom’s blind fury, and she sputtered a little as I put the phone back against my ear. “I stayed in a hotel and they accidentally double booked, so I got a room for free. I went to the casino just to pass the time, and I hit the jackpot on some game. It was just a decision, Mom, to just step back and look at my life and decide where it was going and where I wanted it to go. I felt like I had to, so I did, and I don’t regret it.”
I don’t know why I was explaining myself to my mom I could do what I want, when I wanted, and she wasn’t entitled to know about it. True, I was lying out my teeth, but Mateo’s dad gave me a lot of money- way more than just ten thousand dollars. He even hugged me and thanked me, for why I wasn’t sure, but . . .
“You know, Mom, when Grandma died, she told me not to let anyone’s expectations of me get in the way of my expectations for myself. Even though I’ve lived there for almost ten years, I feel like I forgot what she really gave me.” The fine hairs on my face prickled at the silence, and I rested my cheek on my knees to sigh. “I have to go, but I’ll be back around noon tomorrow.”
I held up the phone before she could speak up, and Theo snatched it to stick it on the receiver. Only then did I feel like I could breathe, and the anxiety gripping me in a vise relaxed as I leaned against the wall of the nurse’s station.
“That’s your story?” Shuffling to sit next to me, Theo rubbed his face with his mangled hand, and I stared at it unashamedly, almost in adoration, before he held it out. “A tire exploded while I was deployed and sliced my fingers off. It wasn’t so bad. My girl likes it.”
“Did you go in because you were told to?” Scrunching up my face at how insensitive my question sounded, I frowned when Theo shook his head.
“Honestly, I did it because I was poor, and they paid for college. I was gonna be an engineer, but I wound up in the infantry. No one ever told me not to. No one wanted me to, though, either. The only person that cares about your happiness is you.” Theo’s gruff voice scraped my ears almost painfully, and he shot me a grim smirk as he propped his bulging forearms on his knees. “Mateo’s not the same kid he was when I met him. It’s fucking insane, honestly. That little brat that threw a drunk tantrum for no reason, spent money like crazy . . . you know, I was his bodyguard, but I always felt like his fucking nanny.”
“That’s what he said, too, but I don’t see it.”
“Good. I’m sure he’s not proud of who he was, but at least he grew out of it. Carlyle’s always going to be a heartless, cruel asshole. The only reason he gave in is because his father is even more a cruel bastard than he is.” As he spoke, I fiddled with my engagement ring, and my frown darkened as the crease between my brows deepened. “Is that guy a loser?”
“He’s an ambitious, stingy gentleman.” The scrubs a nurse had been so nice to give to me rustled as I stood up, and I shook my head. “I’m gonna go see Mateo before I leave.”
Walking away from the nurse’s station, I knocked on Mateo’s door gently, and his muffled call to enter eased some of the tension between my shoulders. I stepped into the room, and he was stuffing a battered onion ring into his mouth and froze when he saw me. He’d trimmed his scruff, and I blinked to capture the image of him sitting on the bed in just a towel, cramming his face. My throat tightened, and I clenched my jaw hard when he gulped down his bite without really chewing.
“Lucy, hey, what’s up?” Clearing his throat, Mateo sat back as I perched on the foot of his bed, and I pulled up my legs to sit cross-legged. “I thought you’d be gone by now. What time is your cab supposed to be here?”
“Pretty soon.” The atmosphere became somber, and Mateo’s lips twisted in something between a smile and a grimace. “I-I came to say goodbye. I was hoping . . . I was hoping maybe I could convince you to come visit me sometime. You don’t have to come to Tennessee—”
“Lucy, I don’t think that’s a good idea.” Discomfort and sadness thickened his tone, and my heart stuttered painfully as Mateo sighed heavily. “You should go home and try to forget everything that happened. Lie to yourself until you believe it.”
“What if I can’t forget?” No, I didn’t want to forget, and I probably never would. Mateo wasn’t responsible for what happened, but he was the reason I got through it with minimal scarring. Because he has all the scars that were meant for me. His cheek twitched as the silence stretched into a still void, and I wrung my hands in my lap in distress.
Did Mateo blame himself for my getting snatched after work? Did he blame himself for me agreeing to overtime, and being in the wrong place at the wrong time? A gaping hole opened up in my chest when he just sat there, quiet, not looking at me, and I managed a shuddering, shallow breath.
“If you’re ever in Jackson, Tennessee, look me up.” Cold slithered to wrap around my bones and infect every part of me as I sluggishly stood up, but Mateo didn’t answer. Leaving his room, I leaned heavily on the door as tears clogged my throat and nose completely and leaked from my eyes.
Why? What was I supposed to do, now? Get in a cab that’ll drive me ten hours to my house? And when I got home, I was going to just ignore everything that happened in the last nine days?
What if I never saw Mateo again?
8
Mateo
“I’ll be heading to the airport in, like, three hours, May. Mateo’s more important right now than—” We were walking, talking, and Oran cut himself off with a slight scowl as he slipped his phone into his pants pocket. “She hung up on me. Anyway, are you sure you don’t want me to stay a couple more days, Mateo?”
“She’d probably stab you if you did.” My observation earne
d me a wry smirk, and Oran ran his hand through his hair as I hiked up my jeans. He’d been kind enough to grab me new clothes, but contrary to popular belief, I didn’t feel as good as I looked. “I’m gonna buy a car and just start driving. I’ll end up where I end up.”
“It was strange being on my own. I hope you have an easy time figuring out what you want to do in life, Mateo. Your college educated, have more money than you can ever spend, and you can do just about anything. You’ve already proven that.” Humming softly, I tensed when Oran clapped a palm on my shoulder gingerly; every time I breathed, my stitches would tug at my skin, and I ground my teeth against the sting. “I’m proud of who you became. It took a while, and it wasn’t pretty, but you endured, Mateo. That counts for a lot.”
“I appreciate that, Oran. I just want to leave this all behind. You know, my new last name is ‘Turnin’. My name is Mateo Turnin now.” We shared a laugh at that, but the fact that I had a new last name was fucking wild- and it wasn’t even a cool last name. Mine wasn’t even a common name like ‘Smith’ or something. “I’m just glad I don’t have to go back to New York City. I hate that place. I’ve always hated that city, and Carlyle knew it. That’s why he sent me there. And that crazy bitch of a secretary . . . ”
“What about Lucy? Are you going to ignore her and how close you two got so quickly?” I didn’t answer immediately, instead stepping through the automatic, sliding glass doors and into the thick, beautiful rays of the sun. Closing my eyes, I turned my face to the warmth and took a deep breath, ignoring the sting in my back under my plain, gray t-shirt. Oran didn’t press me for a reply, and I exhaled slowly to crack my eyes open.
I didn’t know Lynchburg, Virginia, very well, but I could buy a phone and figure things out. The warm air was just bordering on sweltering, and that was because of the nice breeze that weaved through the strands of my clothes. Savoring this moment, like I’d just got out of prison after years and years, I gazed around at the hospital’s side lawn and couldn’t help but smile.
But, all too soon, Oran’s question infiltrated my mind, and my smile drooped into a frown as an abyss opened up in my chest. My stomach churned, and I clenched and unclenched my jaw as I glanced over at my brother.
“Lucy . . . I guess it doesn’t matter anymore what I felt in that room. If it wasn’t for those stupid grease monkey’s idea to get me, get someone else from half a dozen states away, and meet up in the middle, we would’ve never met.” And that was so, so sad. Lucy would haunt me forever, I knew, and what was worse, she knew it, too. “Besides, she has a dog to go home to. That’s enough of a reason, I think.”
“Oh, speaking of which, you should take a trip to Nevada. Esmarissa’s brother’s monster dog had his last litter a couple of weeks ago. There’ll be no more, and those are supposedly some great dogs.” My brows rose at that, and Oran nodded firmly as he squeezed my shoulder. “You should snatch one or two.”
“You know, I will. Hey, can you check any nearby used car dealerships?” He pulled his phone out again, and I cleared my throat as I arched my back gingerly. “So, your girlfriend, May, does she get jealous easy?”
Discomfort dribbled from my tongue, talking about something so mundane, and Oran scoffed lightly. Shuffling over to a bench, I sat down but couldn’t relax. All I could do was stretch my legs, and even that sent pinprick pain up my spine.
“She’s just stressed, and when she gets stressed, she needs someone to be mad at. It’s been a rough ten months for her with the business. They’re getting ready to start production. It’s a huge step.” Dropping down heavily, Oran tapped away on his phone screen, and I ducked my head in a nod. “I don’t get why she’d stab me. It’s not like she lets me have any say-so in her business. All she does is snap at me, and then she apologizes afterwards, and all is good.”
“You love her?”
“I wouldn’t put up with her if I didn’t.” The answer came surprisingly fast, and Oran paused his tapping away to glance over at me. His eyes flashed, and he inhaled deeply through his nose before opening his mouth again. “I think you letting Lucy go is honorable and stupid. You should go after her and not let her go. But I don’t think you’re wrong, Mateo.”
“If I ever see her again, I’m not gonna make the same mistake twice.” The promise flooded the void in my chest, and I sighed as it pushed my lungs up against my shoulders. Mine was the only thing I could think of— one time, a single traumatic event that wasn’t supposed to happen but did. I couldn’t put stock in that. A second time, somewhere neutral, somewhere that wasn’t a concrete box . . .
I didn’t care if Lucy was married already. Everything in me screamed that making her leave was wrong, and if I got the chance to make it right, I would. Without hesitation.
“I hope you get that chance, Mateo.” The conversation fizzled out, and I enjoyed the calm, warm weather as my mind wandered to what was next. Lucy had already left, so my opportunity was definitely beyond my grasp. I wanted to go to Nevada, like Oran suggested, but I doubted my back could handle all that driving. Reaching to scratch my face, I rolled my jaw as an itch spread down my neck ravenously. “So, there’s a car dealership about two miles away. Did you want to walk, or . . . ”
“I don’t think I should push it right now.” My brother nodded, easily navigating his phone for an Uber or Lyft, and I inhaled sharply as I straightened to push against my thighs. The joints all up my back popped, and relief slumped my shoulders as that garbage I’d eaten flooded my body with a pleasant sludge. “The doctor says I’ll be on the antibiotics for my infection for another two weeks, and I need to get my stitches removed in, like, ten days. The cuts aren’t bad. They’ll heal up completely in a month or so, I guess. He seemed surprised I didn’t have any broken bones.”
“Yeah, well, we’re not gonna worry about the Italians anymore. When Dad ordered Carlyle to storm their place when we figured out exactly where you were, he was so pissed. I’ve never seen him so mad.” A small smirk tilted my lips at the mental image, and I exhaled slowly before standing up to stretch my arms over my head. Wincing at the ever-present sting that flared in protest, I clasped my hands together to crack my knuckles, and Oran stood up himself with a chuckle. “So, what kind of car do you want to get?”
“Honestly, I haven’t even thought of it. I’ll see what there is when we get there.” That was going to be my only answer for everything from now on, and damnit if it didn’t feel good to not have my life planned out. Oran smirked broadly, and I rocked back and forth on my heels to stretch my legs as I thought about that. Ever since I graduated college, Carlyle sent me everywhere he thought I wouldn’t make a mess, but I always managed to impress him anyway. He couldn’t get rid of me— he could only send me somewhere else. I’d been to a few places, but never because I wanted to.
But that was all different, now. Now, I was Mateo Turnin, Bachelor of Music and Bachelor of Science in Music . . . not Mateo Santino, snot-nosed little brother to the great, psychopathic Carlyle.
At least, starting over, I was able to keep my degrees. My father hadn’t given me a new identity, he’d just changed my last name, expedited by a hefty sum, of course.
“You know what’d be cool? If you renovated a bus—” Barking a laugh at that, I turned to Oran as he downright grinned, nodding furiously at his own suggestion. “Seriously, Mateo, don’t you think so? A home on wheels, and it could be a small bus, so you don’t need an extra license.”
“Yeah, that would be cool.” Agreeing with him just because, I rubbed my jaw and neck as a car pulled up on the curb, and Oran’s phone gave a shrill ping for attention. “Let me know if you see a bus . . . but I still need a car.”
9
Lucy
“Thank you again for driving me all the way here.” Leaning into the window, I patted my hips for my wallet only to realize I had no money. I had no pockets, and I surely didn’t have my wallet on me. The guy in the driver’s seat smiled tiredly, a guilt warmed my cheeks even as he waved me off.
Slowly turning to my mom’s house, like that iconic scene in most horror movies when the monster is over the girl’s shoulder, my eyes instantly started to throb. I could already hear her bombarding me with questions, and none of them were ‘are you okay?’.
But I wanted my dog, and my mom’s car wasn’t in the driveway, so maybe I’d get lucky.
Walking up the path lined with little flowers, I reached above the door frame for the extra key to unlock the door. I could hear my dog’s nails scraping against the wood as he plodded his way over, and I pushed open the barrier before he smelled me. Marshal instantly started wagging his tail, his chocolate brown fur bristling, and he shivered as he bounced around on his paws. He didn’t bark, but he did smile that dog smile at me as he promptly peed all over the floor.
Guilt clawed at my throat, and I crouched down to gingerly pet Marshal’s head as tears welled in my eyes. My chest tightened, and he licked and licked as he tried to get as close to me as he could. He was so careful about it, not jostling his body to knock me over, but to buffer against me, and I sniffled harshly.
“Let’s get out of here.” I was a few hours early, and the morning sun and heat stifled my words and dried my mouth. Without bothering to clean him up, I reached around to lock the door and stood up, and Marshal hugged between my legs and licked my hands and fingers. My house was a block away, and, at the very least, I was glad I had forgotten my purse that day and didn’t come back to get it.