by Virna DePaul
As he left, he yanked the door shut behind him with an audible thud.
Barrett and Nick passed through several NSA security gates before Nick pulled into a slot relatively near the vast glass block. The parking lot seemed to extend for miles in all directions.
He was about to open his door when she said, “I’ll wait for you here.” She didn’t look at him when she said it, instead focusing on a point just over his shoulder, but she sensed him stiffen anyway.
“Goddamn it, Barrett—”
She shook her head and forced herself to meet his gaze. “I’m sorry. I should never have questioned your commitment. I know you’re doing the best you can. So I’ll just stay here. It’s okay. Honest.” She forced a smile.
“Yeah,” he said, rolling his eyes. “Like that smile looks believable.”
She laughed, but the sound cracked and she had to close her eyes to try and hold back the sudden moisture in her eyes.
“Oh, angel.” Nick pulled her in for a hug, and for several seconds she allowed herself the comfort of his embrace. “We’ll do our best, I promise.”
She nodded, sniffed, then pulled back and stared at her wringing hands. “I know. I—I just keep thinking of Jane. I have to help her. I have to. I wasn’t able to save Noah, my own brother, but Jane—”
“You know Noah wasn’t your fault.”
“I know that. But how I feel is something else entirely.”
He tipped up her chin so she couldn’t look away. “It was just his time. It’s not Jane’s. I feel it. Even though we have no guarantees, you know how accurate my instincts are. Let’s choose to focus on that.”
She took a deep breath and nodded. “Go.”
“You’re okay?”
“Yes.”
He handed her the key to the ignition. When she reached out for it, he caught her hand and lifted it to his lips, placing a kiss on the palm and curling her fingers as if instructing her to hold the kiss tight. “You should be safe. Can’t think of anyplace safer than here, as a matter of fact.”
While he was gone, she thought about what had happened and gave it up after a while, her mind as blank as the walls of Jane’s white room. Nick came back more quickly than she’d thought.
“That’s done,” he said, sliding behind the wheel of her car. “And let’s get one thing straight before you even ask. You’re not spending the night alone.”
Not what she wanted, either, but she joked, “I wasn’t expecting you to sleep in the helicopter.”
Nick’s forehead creased in a puzzled frown.
“I forgot to ask how you got here. No whirlybird?”
“It can’t get from Tennessee to D.C. without refueling. Besides, it was due for a tune-up. If you really want to know, I thumbed a ride on an army jet.”
“Lucky you.”
“Like I said, you’re not spending the night alone. The way I see it, that’s going to make both of us lucky.”
He waggled his eyebrows up and down, and unbelievably, despite everything, Barrett laughed and felt better. And she continued to feel better while she was in his arms.
Chapter 13
Barrett’s bedroom looked invitingly shadowy with the candles she’d lit and placed in front of the dresser mirror. Barrett felt like taking things nice and slow.
The hotel had been all about lust. After what Nick had said, about being fully committed to her? Sure, part of her was scared out of her mind, but the other part of her had instantly clasped his words to her heart and refused to let go. She wanted lust and loving now, and Nick seemed to guess as much. He stood slightly to one side behind her, studying her reflection in the mirror as she took off her earrings.
She held the sparkling drops in her palm for a moment before she poured them into a shell.
“You’re beautiful,” he murmured, still keeping a little distance as he watched her brush her hair.
She wasn’t seeing it. As far as Barrett was concerned, the emotional strain of the investigation already showed on her face, even in the candlelight. “Tell the truth.”
“I am,” he insisted, taking a step toward her. “I still can’t believe that I got my girl back.”
My girl. The words and the tender tone in Nick’s voice combined to fill her with fear.
She’d been willing to let herself go. To hope, given the earlier fervency in his tone, that they could have a future together. But as soon as he said those two words …
The intimacy and the intensity of their lovemaking was almost too much. She didn’t trust it. Sex was easy. Loving him—and keeping it to herself—had always been the hardest part. That wasn’t going to change.
It couldn’t.
Barrett put the brush down, allowing her gaze to meet his dark eyes in the mirror without turning around. “Well, thanks for the compliment. But I’m not—that.”
“How about for just one night?” he asked gently.
He finally was close enough to touch her. Nick raised his hands and placed them on her shoulders. Then he moved them slowly down over her upper arms. Stroking her. Warming her. The sensation was unsettling. What with everything that had happened—and being constantly aware of the long odds against ever finding Jane—Barrett already felt too much like a stray come in from the cold.
She gave a highly indecisive shrug. Nick reached around and undid the first two buttons of her blouse, then drew down her top on one side to bare some skin.
“You’re not sure? Let me convince you.” He bent his head and pressed soft kisses on the subtle curve where her neck flowed into her shoulder.
“I might change my mind,” she breathed, after a few minutes of that.
“I’m going for something a little more definite.” He smiled against her cheek, still meeting her gaze in the mirror.
“Such as?” she murmured. “Tell me exactly what I’m getting into.”
Nick undid some more buttons, admiring the fragile camisole she was wearing underneath. “Nice. You might as well be wearing nothing.” He stepped back and began to unhook her bra.
Barrett couldn’t catch his hands. “Nick. Stop for a sec. Answer me.”
He didn’t stop. “For one night, you swear to be my girl and nothing but my girl.”
The bra back was clasped by a single remaining hook. He lifted her shining hair away from the nape of her neck and proceeded to kiss her there. Barrett had to hang on to the dresser.
“I’m not swearing to anything.”
His lips moved to her ear again. He kissed it and took a suck of her bare earlobe. Then tickled it with a whisper. “Okay. Want me to stop doing this?”
Barrett didn’t hesitate to answer that question. “No. It feels too good.”
“All right then. Swear.”
“I damn well won’t—”
“That was a swear word. That counts,” he said with amused satisfaction. He stepped back and took off his shirt, standing tall when Barrett whirled around, wearing nothing but a clean white tee and jeans. Somewhere along the line he’d taken off his shoes.
She put her hands on his chest like she was going to push him away. And then she didn’t. The muscles under the thin knit material of the tee were hard, almost hot to the touch after being confined under clothes all day. Her palms rested on small male nipples.
He drew in a breath as she made small circles, teasing them. Then she spread her fingers and dug all ten of her nails into his chest right through the T-shirt. Nick winced with pleasure.
In less than a minute, he’d stripped her and shucked the rest of his clothes.
Then he backed her toward the bed, his hands clasping her waist as if he was thinking of throwing her onto it if she gave him any more guff.
Barrett had no choice but to fall into the peach silk comforter, her arms reaching for him. He rolled her over and pushed aside the fancy thing, getting down to the smooth sheets and down to business.
Nick gave as good as he got. Thrusting into her deeply and repeatedly, but holding himself up so that she could move
. And breathe. He paid exquisitely sensual attention to both breasts when she arched up as he bent his head down and suckled her nipples into wet, tender points.
She knew he was close to climax—very close—when he finally slipped his big hands down to hold her ass, squeezing her cheeks with each uninhibited thrust of his thick, raging cock.
Nick moaned as he buried his head in her neck, calling her name with raw urgency. Barrett came once, pulsing so strongly she cried out, and then came again with dizzying speed and intensity as he pumped. Harder and harder.
Then stopped. Dragging in a breath like a low howl. He filled her. Body and soul.
And it was in that moment that Barrett thought:
Maybe.
Maybe it was time not just to hope.
But to believe.
Later, Nick and Barrett sat across from each other with a better bottle of wine than Barrett had offered Justine. He’d dressed again, putting on the clothes he’d been wearing. So had she, just to keep things equal. She didn’t have a robe that was big enough for him. He’d actually seemed pleased about that.
“Still my girl?” he asked in a low voice.
“The night’s not over.” She didn’t quite meet his eyes as she popped the lids off the containers from a Chinese take-out place that delivered. “Let’s eat.”
“Gotta keep my strength up.” Nick set out plates and napkins and cutlery and chopsticks in red paper wrappers. She dished up the food, starting with her favorites, and they both stuffed themselves.
“What is this?” Barrett said, peering at the rubbery thing that dangled from the tips of her chopsticks.
“Looks like part of a Szechuan sandal.”
She made a face and put it inside a folded napkin.
“Try the kung pao chicken. It probably won’t kill you.”
She nibbled at a bite of chicken. “It’s okay.” She put down her food. “I’m done.”
“Yeah? Well I’m not done with you.”
He got up, picked her up in his arms, and carried her to the sofa where he dropped with her in his lap. She giggled as he kissed her, but when a masculine hand flicked the steel button of her jeans out of its buttonhole, her fingers encircled his strong wrist.
She rested his arm diagonally on his chest. Nick crossed his other arm over it, closing his eyes. “This is what I’ll look like when I’m dead,” he intoned. “Because you’re killing me.”
“You’ll survive, dude. We can’t just have sex, then eat, then have sex. We’ve got work to do!”
He raised aggrieved eyes to the ceiling. “Fine. But can I at least have more wine?”
“It just so happens I have another bottle.”
She went to retrieve it. And when she returned to the living room, he was sprawled out on the sofa, absently rubbing his hand along his jaw. The dark stubble she’d seen in the morning was getting a tentative start.
She pushed a large pouf next to the sofa and perched on it. A reluctant smile curled one side of his mouth. “Is that thing a tuffet and are you Little Miss Muffet?”
“No to both. I’m just staying out of temptation’s way.”
“If you’re so tempted, why’d you stop me?”
She shook her head. “I have no idea.”
“Then get up here and cuddle with me, goddamn it. I promise I won’t try anything more and that we’ll get right to work.”
He slung an arm around her when she rose and joined him, fitting her body against his side, sliding a hand over his chest.
“What’s that?”
Nick slid two fingers into his pocket and retrieved a grayish stone, tossing it into the air and catching it again. “A lump of gold.” He showed her the cut he’d made in it. “Found it on the mountain after Murphy was there.”
The name made her stiffen slightly. “How about that. It will come in handy.”
“How? I mean, I know it’s valuable, but I’m keeping it for a souvenir.”
“Pure gold keeps a vampire from reading your thoughts. Didn’t you know that?”
“Nope. The question is how you do?”
She bit her lip and he narrowed his eyes. “I’m sorry,” she said. “I can’t tell you. Does it really matter how I know?” Barrett rested a hand over his heart to feel the strong beat. “It’s not that I don’t trust you, Nick. It’s not my secret to tell.”
He studied her for several seconds, then nodded. “Okay. If you don’t feel it’s important for me to know how you got that little bit of information, I won’t push. But if things change—”
“I’ll tell you. I promise. We’re a team and I’ve got your back. Just like you’ve got mine.” She peered at him, hoping he caught the full significance of her words. When he didn’t look at her, she said, “Did you hear me, Nick? I know you’ve got my back. That you’ve always had my back.”
He cursed and rubbed his forehead roughly. What the hell? She hadn’t said anything worth cursing about.
“Nick—”
“I’m the reason you got kicked out of the army, Barrett.”
Huh? She gave a disbelieving laugh. “No you aren’t. I got kicked out because I disobeyed orders. Because I refused to stand back and let a woman and her teenage daughter be victimized by rebel soldiers even though you warned me it was too soon to move.”
“Yeah. And when you didn’t listen to me, when you put yourself in danger yet again, I reported you to headquarters. Anonymously. I’m the one who blew the whistle on you. Because I was worried about you, yes, but I still betrayed you.”
Shock held her immobile. Speechless. But only for a few seconds. She believed him. It actually made total sense, and she’d been an idiot for not considering it before. With a violent lunge, she got to her feet and took several steps away from him.
Wearily, he came to his feet, as well.
“And why are you telling me this now?”
“Because we’re at a crossroads, Barrett. You feel it and so do I. Finally, you’re starting to let me in—”
She laughed scornfully. “And this is the result. You fuck me over.”
He narrowed his eyes at her. “I’m not fucking you over. I made a decision last year. Was it the wrong decision? Maybe. Because it backfired on me and I ended up losing you for over a year.”
“You’ve lost me for more than a year, you bastard. You’ve lost me forever.”
“No, I haven’t,” he said calmly.
“What?”
“I said I haven’t lost you forever. Right now, you’re pissed and that’s completely understandable. But you’re also so angry that you’re missing the fact I was honest with you. I told you what I did, Barrett, because I don’t want any more secrets between us. I want to deserve that trust you were giving me. I want to acknowledge our past but move beyond it into a future, and if you care about me, if you love me the way I think you do, you’ll see that and you’ll forgive me.”
She felt like he was landing one blow after another. “I never said I love you.”
“No,” he agreed. “But you do. Just like I love you.”
“You love me? Since when? We only saw each other again less than a week ago.”
“Since when have I loved you? For a long time, Barrett. I loved you back when I was scared you were going to get yourself killed and I did something stupid as a result. I’ve loved you the entire time I’ve carried your picture around with me in my wallet.”
“What?”
Nick reached into his pocket, pulled out his wallet, opened it, then retrieved a photo so she could see it.
“Are you kidding me?” She vaguely remembered him taking it. She still had that camo hat on the top shelf of her closet. But she’d never seen the photo. It was hard to believe he’d been carrying it around for all this time.
Nick let her look her fill. Then he turned the photo around so the back was to Barrett and studied it himself. “Gorgeous girl. Beautiful. And fearless. But she scared the shit out of me. Because I didn’t want to lose her.” He lifted his gaze to hers. �
��That’s why I did what I did, Barrett. But I lost you anyway. I don’t want to lose you again.”
She didn’t know what to say. Felt her anger dissolving into nothingness. And it scared her how much power this man had over her. She believed him. He did love her. And he had been trying to protect her.
And she loved him.
But she couldn’t tell him. Not yet. Maybe never.
When she said nothing, a shadow crossed his face and he slid the photo back into the wallet and tried to flip it shut. Wanting to say something to make things right between them, at least until she gathered the courage to say what she really needed to say, Barrett grabbed for his wallet. “I want to see what else you have in there.” She was trying to defuse the tension in the air. To be playful. It didn’t work.
Nick snatched the wallet so fast Barrett gasped. Then he cursed. Then he shook his head. “God, you really want to kick me where it counts. Why not,” he said. “Why not get everything out in one fell swoop. Here.” He held the wallet out to her. “Take it.”
She shook her head. “No, I’m sorry, Nick, I—”
“No. You wanted to see it, here it is. I’ve put myself out there about everything else, why not this, too.”
Nick—”
“Take the fucking wallet, Barrett.”
She took it. She opened it. With shaking fingers, she explored a hidden, smaller pocket behind the ID. It was another photo. Barrett took it out.
She paused before she spoke. Her confusion was obvious in her voice. Why had he reacted so strongly about her seeing this?
“It’s your brother, Gary, right?” Nick had mentioned him in passing, but that was years ago. “You resemble each other.” The man in the photo had the same dark hair and ruggedness but seemed weaker somehow. She didn’t see a trace of Nick’s inner strength in his face. “Is he younger than you? I forgot.”
Nick nodded. His troubled gaze bothered her. Barrett had a sickening feeling that she’d gone too far without knowing why. “What’s going on, Nick?”
“He’s dead, Barrett.”
Oh shit.
Oh no.
Nick hadn’t talked of Gary often, but when he had, it had been obvious he’d adored his brother.