Seeing how hurt she had been when the horrible, awful women tried to tear her down. But not letting their words sway her. Staying true to herself. And holding her head high like a queen, instead of running away, like most did.
He saw how her brother steadily gambled away their family fortune. How horrible it was to watch her knowing that Sterling was gambling away the funds needed to keep her safe, to keep her fed and in new clothes.
But knowing that he didn’t care that he spent Eden’s share. That Sterling only cared for himself and Eden was left to fend for herself.
That it was so hard to see just how he spent it so quickly after they had passed away. Sterling had taken it all, and within a few short months, it was gone.
He had taken the small fortune their grandparents had left to him as well, and it too was gone in a matter of months.
Cole had decided to step in, wanting to pay off some of their debts, but Sterling had gotten his hands on that money as well, and had lost it in one game.
Their debts remained unpaid and Cole felt like an idiot. He never tried to help them again. Not that way at least, but he left a small amount of money for Eden to use on herself.
Though Cole had yet to see her use the pin money for herself.
She didn’t know who the money came from, she just thought it was from an old aunt that had left them some of her fortune. She was always grateful when the money came in, and she would take it and use it on the orphanage, and never once for herself.
Cole loved it and hated it. He wanted her to have new things. New ribbons, new material for dresses, something, but she never would spend it on herself.
Only using it to buy the children toys or books or treats she would see on her way to the orphanage. He also hated that she walked so freely in the streets, seeming as if she had no care in the world.
He would follow her in the streets of Whitechapel, wanting to make certain nothing harmed her.
The silly girl would smile and talk to everyone, and Cole once again wanted to take her in his arms, show the men who leered after her that she was his and his alone. But that voice in his head always brought up his past, and his father.
So, he settled with keeping watch from afar.
Years passed as Cole watched the love of his life become a phenomenal woman right before his eyes. She had gotten more beautiful as the months turned into years, and he hated seeing the spectacular curves she had. Well, no he didn’t hate them, just hated that they made him want to throw her to the floor or take her against a wall and break the vow he had made to not touch her.
That the slight chubby cast to her face lessened as she walked the streets day after day to the orphanage.
He hated knowing that she was spending time with a large and handsome man who she looked at with love in her eyes.
It took everything in him to stay outside and not storm in the house, throwing her over his shoulder, after punching the large man in the face whenever he came by the orphanage to help Eden.
It made him clench his jaw so hard, it ached by the end of the day and Cole would often go back to his townhouse and throw himself into sword fighting or his own boxing ring.
He also had his stables, which he would clean out when he was particularly worked up over Eden.
He had his seat in Parliament that would keep his mind off her as well, and his only friend in London, Cabe. But, Cabe had bought a commission in the Navy years prior and had been called away to fulfil his duties.
Cole was alone. Lonely and aching for the woman who haunted him every single day of his life. He never spoke to anyone at functions, refused to listen to their banter, to the gossip and the slanderous words that would fly at him and around him when he would go to functions. He never gave anyone the time of day, just watched his woman.
After the last season, Eden hadn’t attended as many functions as she normally did. He knew it must have been Sterling’s doing, and he hated not being able to see her.
Parliament had also been very busy, so Cole hadn’t gotten to see her walk to the orphanage every day.
And since Cole struggled with not seeing her every day, he hadn’t been as aware of his surroundings as he normally did. So, when his cousin and aunt cornered him at the last function and told him of their plans, Cole knew he needed to help Aidan.
Leaving his heart behind in London was difficult. He knew he needed to figure out his feelings, and he decided that after talking to Aidan, that if his brother could claim the love of his life, that he too would stop being an ass, and finally talk to her.
It was beyond time. She probably didn’t even know who he was. Maybe had never seen him before, since most of the time he would stick to the shadows, but he wanted to talk to her just the same.
After he got shot and went through the hell of getting a bullet taken out of his shoulder, and dealing with the aftermath of Braddock, and his healing, Cole knew then and there that he had to talk to her.
He needed her in his life, as more than a stranger in a ballroom, and he needed her to help him find the answers he sought.
Cole shut his eyes. He really needed to sleep so that he could get things done in the morning. It would be a long day as it was, and Cole needed the rest.
He took a deep breath, and then another. His biggest consolation was knowing that Eden was safe, helped a lot.
He shut his eyes and dreamed of the love of his life.
The next morning, Cole woke early. He had slept some, but it hadn’t been a lot. His mind was too busy, full of thoughts of Eden, and of the unanswered questions that seemed to provoke him and no matter what he tried, he couldn’t stop his line of thinking.
He had remembered dreaming about Eden, of their life together, and how happy he had been, but then something had made him jolt awake.
He didn’t know what it was that made him wake so suddenly, but he could no longer sleep. And he gave up trying after that, his bed no longer the escape it once was. Going to the desk in his room, he decided to write Aidan a letter.
He had asked him for advice. Needing his older brother’s opinion on many things, namely on how he should ask Eden to marry him, what other options they should use to find the answers they sought.
As the way they were looking seemed to hold no secrets. Hold none of the information Cole had hoped to find. And he told Aidan of meeting Burk and Brooks in person. How nice it was to speak with them about their situation.
It felt good pouring out his soul to his brother, even though he wished Aidan was here so they could talk in person. This would have to do. He made certain to tell Aidan to kiss Rhia’s cheek for him, to hug their mother and give Rose his love. He missed them dearly and hoped that one day Rose would come to London to stay with him, so she too could see the sights and joys that London held.
After writing his letter to Aidan, he walked around his room, trying to distract himself from his sleepless night until he could take the confining quarters no longer, and he quickly pulled on some breeches, and a shirt, and went down to the library.
He didn’t want to wake Eden, or Lily so he opened his door silently, listening to make certain he hadn’t woken the girls, and quietly made his way downstairs.
He shut the door to the library, and lit a few branches of candles, and the fire in the fireplace to give him more light to work with, before he climbed the ladder, picking up the books he hadn’t had the chance to look through and put away yet.
He wanted to find something. And soon. But it felt as though there was nothing to find. No sign that Braddock had been telling the truth of Jacob and Edward. After all, even Lydia had a hard time believing that Jacob had been a twin.
It was discouraging to have things that needed to be confirmed, answers that needed to be found, and yet not getting anywhere with the search.
He knew they hadn’t been there long, and that he shouldn’t expect to find something that soon. It would have been unbelievable had he stumbled upon the answers, and Cole knew that it wasn’t a fairy tale
. That he had to put in the work before they found the answers they sought. If Braddock was right and Harold had indeed made it seem as though Edward had died, then it wouldn’t be sitting around for the world to see or find.
Cole went back to his search, and opened book after book, going through page after page, making certain to check the spines, and the covers for any abnormality.
So far, there was no success, but Cole had looked through over half the library and was now at the heart of it, right beside his grandfather’s favorite chair.
Or so he had heard. The staff that lived at his house had been only with their father when Cole had moved into the house, and most had no idea how to deal with the son of the man who terrorized their waking moments. They didn’t know if Cole would be like Jacob, or if he would treat them with respect.
Cole showed them from the start he wasn’t the same. He worked alongside them, figuring out how to run his own household and the staff in turn knew that Cole was a good man, who never hurt or ridiculed them.
They had told Cole stories of hearing Jacob in the library, yelling at this chair, and finding out that the chair had been Harold’s favorite place to read whenever he had the time or was even in town at all.
So, Cole often sat in the chair to read his books as well and loved that he and his grandfather had that in common. He wished he had met the man, as Lydia often said he was a wonderful person, but it could never be. As Harold had died not long after their third birthday.
Lydia had been so saddened by the news of Harold’s passing, that she had wanted to come to London with the boys, but Jacob was having none of it.
Lydia had let it drop and they never spoke of Harold again after that day. Not once did Jacob talk of his father, or his family. And Lydia always worried. She knew how close the two had been, but after Harold’s death and the return of Jacob from his 6 month long stay in London, Lydia had come to find that Jacob was not the same man she had come to love.
Cole shook his head. The thoughts of his father not what he needed right now. He needed to look through these books, to find the answers. Not reminisce of a past that needed to stay buried.
He turned from the chair and started pulling down books again. Shutting down any outside thought that made him stray from his purpose.
He was looking at a shelf of books and had just pulled one out of the stack when something caught his eye. It was a small book that had been hidden behind a bunch of others. So, moving the other books aside, and setting them on the table, Cole reached for the small, leather bound book.
When he pulled it out, he was nervous. Not wanting to get his hopes up, and yet at the same time, knowing this was so different than anything he had seen before.
He turned it over in his hands, but this small book was blank. It had no title, no marks of any kind on the brown surface. When he opened it, it too was almost completely blank.
Except for one page, that had a few dates and names. There on the page in front of him were the handwritten notes of his grandfather, of his family. His wife and children and their dates of birth, death. Cole’s brow furrowed.
The names written on the page were, Harold Charles Edward Saint Andrew, born October 13th 1740.
Harold married Cecilia May Williams, on the 4th day of June 1764.
Cecilia was born on the 14th day of May 1745 and died on the 23rd day of December, 1779.
They had three children-
Edward Harold James Saint Andrew, born on the 2nd day of April, 1765 and died the 30th of April 1783.
Jacob William Adam Saint Andrew, born on the 2nd day of April, 1765, married Lydia Katherine Burtell, the 4th day of June, 1786 they had two sons- Aidan Jacob Edward Saint Andrew born on the 12th day of April, 1787 Nicholas Jonathan Pierce Saint Andrew born on the 12th day of April, 1787
Koryn Olivia Elizabeth Saint Andrew born on the 1st day of March, 1768, married Colbert Harrington, the 5th day of June, 1787
One daughter-Katarina Margaret Cecilia Harrington born on the 6th day of August, 1789.
The names and dates stopped there, and Cole sat down hard in a chair.
After Braddock’s mention of Edward being completely disowned, it made perfect sense that his father made it seem like he had died.
There was nothing else in the book, no other names, dates or any more information regarding the family.
Cole ran his finger over and over the names of his father, his grandfather and grandmother. It made no mention of how his grandmother died, but she had died young.
It left more questions, but someday those would be answered. Or they wouldn’t. It didn’t matter right now. No, right now, this was the biggest clue they had gotten.
Everyone in the ton believed that Edward had died. It was why no one questioned his disappearance. Why no one had suspected that Jacob had gone from Jacob, to Edward.
Cole jumped from his chair, he needed to go to the family plot and see for himself. He should have done it right when he got to London but was certain there would have been nothing to find. He was kicking himself for his stupidity now. This would have given them a small clue at least.
He ran to his room grateful it was still rather early in the morning and that the sun was just starting to peek over the horizon.
He quickly added more to his letter to Aidan. This was important, and if he was right and there was a grave for a man who had never died? He didn’t even know what to think.
He didn’t like the implications of it. Or that his grandfather must have felt it was more important to maintain his image than to have his name tarnished by the fact that his son was in prison.
Isn’t that pretty much what Braddock had said though? Cole shook his head, hating that Braddock could be right and that his grandfather had covered up his son’s evil deeds by pretending he was still a wonderful man, and saying he died.
He put his boots on as quickly as he could, needing to know. He was still hopping on one foot, trying to get his damn boot to get on his foot, when he opened the door of his bedchamber.
He came to a stop when he almost hopped into Eden. She had come out of her room and was rubbing the sleep from her eyes.
Those eyes widened when she saw him standing in front of her. He gave her a sheepish grin and she giggled behind her hand. Her smile happy and reaching her beautiful eyes.
She was still dressed in her nightgown, and her long hair was braided off to the side, and Cole loved seeing how comfortable she looked in his home.
She looked down at herself when she saw the direction of his gaze and let out a squeak.
Her cheeks turned pink, and Cole laughed. “I am sorry. I completely forgot that I wasn’t at home.”
Cole smiled at her, “It is all right Eden. This is your home, as far as I’m concerned. You don’t ever have to feel as though you need to apologize for living in your own home. Didn’t you just see me jumping around? Like a loon?”
She laughed, “I certainly did. All right, then I won’t stress over this. I will try to let myself be comfortable in your house. But, if you will excuse me, I will go get dressed. Are you headed downstairs for breakfast?”
Cole shook his head, “No, I am not unfortunately. I found something this morning and I really need to go see about it.”
Eden’s face fell for a second, “I understand.”
Cole came forward and cupped her face in his hands. He loved seeing her beautiful hair down in a long braid that touched her waist, and her cheeks still rosy with sleep.
“I would love nothing more than to spend every single moment with you this day. I just need to see about this first. It is my second purpose for being back in London.”
She looked up at him with big eyes. “Your second purpose? What is your first?”
He kissed her, “I would have thought it was completely obvious my love.”
She smiled, “All right, but will you be safe, won’t you? I can send a note to Burk if you need help?”
Cole shook his head, “It won’t be necessary. It
isn’t dangerous. Or at least it shouldn’t be at all.”
He laughed, “I just have to go to the cemetery and my family plot there. To see about a person who was buried there.”
Eden’s eyebrows went down, “All right, but please be safe Cole. Come back to me soon.”
Cole kissed her again, her face still cupped in his large hands. “I will always come back for you my love.”
He pulled away from her and walked down the hall and out to the stables, where he saddled his horse. He was still only in his shirtsleeves, but he didn’t care at this point.
Could care less about decorum and if it was proper or not to be out in public in something most would consider indecent. He was too far past caring now and had to know.
He swung his leg over the saddle and rode out into the morning. He didn’t stop, didn’t slow his frantic pace, just rode to the cemetery and the family plot that was here in London.
They had a small plot at their estate in Northumberland as well, but it only had a few bodies buried there. Most wanted to be placed in the family plot, as it was what people expected.
Jacob had been buried out in Northumberland though. No one needed to know the truth of his death, so Lydia had Mr. Peabody and a few of their footmen bury him as soon as they could have.
That was why he needed to know about this grave. If it was here, that is. But, as he got closer, he was more and more certain that there would be a grave. He knew there wouldn’t be a body, he just had to know the lengths his grandfather had gone to to protect his family.
He hated and grudgingly respected his grandfather. All the men in their family had made hard choices, and this one must have been the hardest. He rode his horse up to the cemetery and walked quickly around.
Spotting the family plot Cole rushed over to it. Here, he found his grandmother’s name, and bent his head in respect toward the woman’s gravestone. He touched her gravestone softly and waited a beat.
She deserved flowers or something that showed his respect for her. He would need to do that soon. He found his grandfather’s name, next to his grandmother’s grave.
The Marquess Who Adored Me Page 11