The group hit the trail half an hour later, and Wes quietly took up the rear as Shane led them uphill and across a log bridge over a silty stream. The bugs were thick, so Sierra smeared her face, hands, and legs with repellent. She put on her baseball cap and pulled down the sleeves on her flannel shirt. Even though the mosquitoes flocked to her, the repellent worked well. Only one bite appeared on the back of her left hand.
Sierra watched Drake’s red backpack sway as he hiked ahead of her this time. She set aside her happy mountain-girl feelings long enough to let some of her insecurities rise again. Over the last few days, she had been overwhelmed with emotions. Her feelings had taken over everything, and she was experiencing for the first time how strong they could be.
She didn’t feel good about the way Randy and Amy were ignoring them. Did it have to be that way once a couple started going together?
She thought of how her feelings for Drake were different from what she had felt about Randy. Randy was like my training wheels, Sierra decided. He helped to break me into this whole world of dating. He helped me keep my balance when I was just starting off. Now I can go on my own.
Sierra liked her analogy. As the trail led into a peaceful forest of tall silver firs, Sierra pictured what it would be like tonight around the camp fire, nestled in Drake’s arms. Maybe they would go for a little walk and sit together on a rock, watching for shooting stars. He would kiss her, and it would be perfect—the most romantic first kiss a girl ever had.
“Wait till you see this!” Drake said. He was standing on a small rise in the forest trail a few yards ahead of her.
She caught up with him and gazed out at the sun-kissed meadow where thousands of brightly dressed wildflowers waved in the afternoon breeze, welcoming Sierra and Drake to their corner of the world.
“Wow,” Sierra agreed. “It’s beautiful. I love it!”
“I thought you would,” Drake said, reaching over and taking her hand in his. It felt warm and strong. Drake held her hand tightly and said, “You’re really at home here, aren’t you?”
Sierra nodded, her eyes still drinking in the beauty stretched out before them. If she didn’t have the bulky pack on, Sierra imagined Drake would wrap his arms around her and pull her close. Even though her face was covered with sticky bug repellent, Drake would look into her eyes and tell her she was enchanting, just like the meadow, and then…
“Are we taking a break? Tell me we’re taking a break.” Amy came up behind them with Wes and prepared to take off her pack.
“We’re admiring the view,” Drake said, casually letting go of Sierra’s hand. “The others are way ahead of us.”
“Can’t we rest for a minute?”
“It’s better if we keep going,” Wes advised, adjusting the brim of his hat and surveying the meadow. “Wow. That’s incredible.”
“What’s incredible?” Amy asked.
“Those flowers. The meadow. That view.”
Amy took a glance and then looked down at her shoes. “Yeah, it’s nice. My feet say it’s time for a rest.”
“Come on,” Sierra said. She was glad Amy was at least sort of talking to them. “Let’s keep going.” She wondered if Wes had noticed that she and Drake had been holding hands. Why should it matter anyway? she thought.
The four of them hiked silently while Sierra returned to her thoughts. This was all new to her—guys, dating, dreams, hopes, and wishes. She hoped she could talk everything through with Amy once they set up their tent. Amy would understand her feelings since she’d had several boyfriends before. And Amy might have some good advice for Sierra on how to keep her friendship with Randy even though she was Drake’s girlfriend.
The trail continued to ascend. When they finally met up with the rest of the group at Green Timber Camp, Sierra was tired.
But now the real work began. They had to clear the ground, set up their tents, start a fire, and catch some fish for dinner. Fortunately, the group was still in high spirits, for the most part, which helped the tent setup go quickly.
Sierra was surprised when Amy told her she had decided to share Jana’s tent with her.
“Nothing personal,” is all Amy said.
Sierra couldn’t help but feel it was something personal. Even though Amy said everything was fine about Drake, she had turned aloof and barely made eye contact with Sierra.
As soon as Sierra had her tent up and sleeping bag rolled out, she grabbed her biodegradable soap and her cup and headed for the stream. So what if she didn’t have Amy’s or even Randy’s friendship? She had Drake’s, and that’s what she really wanted.
Following the process her dad had taught her, Sierra filled her cup with the clear, cold water and walked away from the stream, where she used the soap to wash her hands, face, and neck. Then she rinsed with the cup of water and shook her hands to let them air dry. Pulling a clean bandana from her back pocket, she patted her face and neck. Sierra took a deep breath, feeling the cool mountain breeze sweep across her face.
“All fresh and friendly now?” a voice behind her asked.
“Drake! I didn’t see you sneak up on me.”
“I wasn’t sneaking. You have some extra soap there?” He held up his mud-caked hands. “I feel like a slob.”
Sierra held out her cup and the small bottle of liquid soap. She felt like telling Drake he didn’t look like a slob to her. He fit the image of a mountain man, with his thick hair all windblown and a strip of sunburn across his nose. Teasing him, she said, “You look like the creature from the mud lagoon.”
Drake made a zombie face and came lumbering toward her, his muddy palms poised to make contact with her clean face.
“Don’t even try it,” she said, laughing and standing her ground with her hands on her hips. Drake swooped toward her and grabbed her around the waist, hoisting her over his shoulder the way Wes used to do. Sierra couldn’t believe how strong he was.
“Put me down, you big, scary monster,” Sierra yelled, laughing and pounding Drake’s back with her fists.
“Down?” Drake asked, heading for the water.
“No, don’t!” Sierra squealed. Drake stopped right at the water’s edge. “Oh, I forgot.” He put her down, keeping his arms around her waist. “We don’t want to pollute the water, do we?”
“That’s right,” Wes said from behind them.
They both turned, startled to see him standing there. Did he see the whole thing? Sierra wondered. She felt as if she had to explain that they were only playing around. But then, this was Wes, and they hadn’t done anything wrong.
Drake dropped his arms from around Sierra’s waist, and she walked away from the stream and sat in the dry grass. Wes quietly went about washing up. Drake lathered up with soap and was about to plunge his hands into the stream when Wes stopped him.
“Fill the cup with water and rinse away from the stream. You never want to dirty the water you might drink.”
With an understanding nod, Drake followed Wesley’s instructions and watched as he demonstrated. After rinsing off, Wes pulled a bandana from his back pocket, making good use of it as a towel before tying it around his clean neck.
“You know,” Wes said, “the laws of nature tend to apply to other areas of life as well. That’s certainly true here.”
Drake looked at Sierra and then back at Wes. “I think I missed the point.”
Wes scratched his chin. A sly grin edged up the corners of his mouth. “Most people do.”
Drake gave Sierra a confused look.
“What are you babbling about, Wesley?” Sierra said, irritated. All she wanted Wes to do was leave so she and Drake could be alone.
“It’s simple. Don’t dirty the water. Even if you’re not going to drink it later, someone else will.” Wes turned to go, then added, “It’s never right to spoil something pure.”
“WHAT WAS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?” Drake asked, sitting down next to Sierra in the tall, wild grass.
Her heart pounded, and her eyes followed her brother as h
e trekked back to camp, whistling as he went. She knew exactly what Wes meant. Their dad had used the same analogy once when they were backpacking and he was trying to explain to Cody why he and Katrina should remain pure with each other even though they planned to marry. Sierra was too young at the time to understand why Dad was telling Cody not to “muddy the water you’re going to drink.”
But she understood everything now. She was pure and innocent and had never been kissed, and in his big-brother way, Wes was warning Drake to not be the one to change any of that.
What if I’m the one who wants to change that? What difference is one kiss going to make? Sierra thought defiantly. I want Drake to kiss me, and I don’t care what Wes says.
“Don’t pay attention to him,” Sierra told Drake.
“Is he with the Environmental Protection Agency or something?”
“Something like that,” Sierra said, viewing herself as the environment and Wes as the protector. “So, how do you like backpacking?”
“Even better than I thought. You were right.” Drake leaned back, laced his fingers behind his head and tilted his freshly washed face toward the sky. “It’s so different out here. The sounds, the colors, even the way the sun seems so much closer. It’s beautiful.”
Then, turning toward Sierra, he reached over and touched one of the long curls hanging over her shoulder. “And so are you,” Drake said softly. “But then, you knew that, didn’t you?”
Sierra felt as if Drake’s compliment had suddenly caused her insides to overflow with joy. No guy had ever said anything like that to her.
“No,” she admitted shyly.
Drake smiled, twisting her curl between his thumb and forefinger. “Keep pretending you don’t know how beautiful you are, Sierra. It’s better that way.” He let go of her hair, sat up, and stretched his arms over his head, trying to pull the kinks from his shoulders.
“Drake,” Sierra asked, sitting up, “are you still glad we’re going out?”
“Of course. Why?”
“I don’t know. Do you think people treat us differently?”
“You mean like your brother?”
“Like everyone.”
Drake shrugged. “Who cares if they do? Can you rub this shoulder? I have a knot right there,” he said, pointing.
Sierra got on her knees behind Drake and started to massage his shoulder. He was right. There was a big knot.
“Try turning your head to the side,” Sierra said. She had had plenty of experience pounding out her brothers’ sore muscles. Drake appreciated her expertise.
“How’s that?” Sierra asked, after her hands began to cramp.
“Fantastic. You’re much better at that than most girls,” Drake said. “You want me to rub your shoulders?”
Sierra thought it would be wonderful to feel Drake’s strong hands rubbing her shoulders. But when he said the words “most girls” she suddenly felt uncomfortable. It made her feel as if she was only one of many girlfriends. Not special and unique and only Sierra.
“That’s okay,” she said after a pause. “I’m doing all right.”
“I guess we’d better go see if we can help catch some dinner.”
He stood and offered Sierra a hand up. Pulling her to himself, Drake wrapped his arms around her in a close hug.
Her emotions plummeted. Instead of feeling warm and full of dreams about Drake giving her her first kiss, Sierra felt smothered. Caught. She slowly pulled away.
“You all right?” he asked.
“Yeah. I just feel kind of grungy. You know, all that hiking and the bug repellent and everything.”
“You smell as sweet as a flower to me.”
Sierra couldn’t say the same thing about Drake. His face and hands may have been washed, but the rest of him had smelled a little gamy when her face had been against his chest. It wasn’t how she expected it to feel at all.
Drake tilted her chin up toward him with his finger. His smile showed his tenderness. “Hey, I’m not trying to rush you or anything,” he said.
“I know. You’re not.”
She felt nervous and painfully inexperienced. Drake obviously wasn’t.
“You want to go back?” Drake asked.
“We probably should.”
They walked to camp hand in hand. When the others saw them arrive, Sierra couldn’t help but blush, even though she knew she had done nothing to be embarrassed about.
Drake put together his fishing gear and took off with Wes. They both asked Sierra to come, but she told them to go ahead; she would catch up later. She wanted to be alone for a little bit.
Heading away from the campsite, Sierra found a boulder with a smooth surface and perched herself on it. The rock felt warm and soothing to her troubled soul. Gathering her knees up and hugging them tightly, she began to cry.
What is wrong with me? I’ve been so happy the past few days, and now I’m falling apart!
For nearly an hour, Sierra sat alone, crying, thinking, and offering up tattered bits of prayers. This was so unlike her. Usually she had everything figured out. Talking to God was as natural as breathing. Now she felt confused. Her mind swelled with doubts. Doubts about herself. About Drake. About her friendship with Amy and Randy and even about her relationship with God. Her only companion was that familiar voice in the back of her head saying, Sierra, do you know what you’re doing?
Sierra gave in. For the first time, she admitted, “No, I don’t know what I’m doing. Will You teach me, Father? Show me Your way. I need You.”
She felt relieved when, a few minutes later, she heard Wesley’s deep voice calling her, drawing her back to the campsite. The sun had ducked behind a grove of hemlocks, and the evening breeze turned noticeably more chilly as Sierra entered the camp. She retreated to her empty tent and put on a pair of fleece sweats over her shorts and pulled on her bulky jacket.
Three small, silver-scaled fish lay on the grill over the open fire.
“I still don’t see how those three fish are going to feed all of us,” Jana complained. “Unless this is a reenactment of that Bible story where Jesus multiplied the food.”
“He won’t have to,” Amy said. “You can have my share.”
She and Jana were sitting close to the fire, sharing an open sleeping bag across their shoulders.
“Didn’t you two bring jackets?” Shane asked.
“Mine’s too scratchy,” Jana said. “And hers doesn’t match.”
They laughed and glanced at Sierra but didn’t say anything to her.
Sierra had imagined herself sitting by Drake tonight, leaning against his broad chest. But Drake had seated himself next to Shane, and they were talking earnestly about the next portion of the trip. Sierra ended up standing to the side with Wes, moving each time the unpredictable smoke changed its course. She stood as she ate. Speaking little.
As the first stars made their stunning debut in the cloud-streaked sky, Shane announced that they were going to have a Bible study around the camp fire. Sierra retrieved her Bible from her tent and sat down behind Drake. He turned around and invited her to scoot closer to the fire. She gladly obliged since closer to the fire meant closer to Drake. She could feel Amy and Wes watching her from across the fire ring. All the rumbling, unsettled feelings started up again in the pit of her stomach.
I’m not doing anything wrong! She silently argued with their stares.
Shane started to talk. “I thought we would discuss relationships tonight. Our relationship with God and with others. Let’s open with prayer, okay?”
Sierra leaned a little closer to Drake as everyone bowed their heads. She hoped he would take her hand the way he had when they prayed together in the car the other night. But instead of reaching for her hand, or even acknowledging that her arm was only a breath from his, Drake shifted his position away from her. Rather than feeling Drake’s sheltering arm around her shoulders, Sierra was aware of a chilly night breeze passing between them.
MOST OF WHAT SHANE had to say around the
fire were things Sierra had heard before or thought before: Save yourself for your future mate. Hold out for a hero. Become the kind of guy worthy of a princess. Trust God to bring the right person into your life at the right time.
It was all future oriented, such as planning for marriage. What about right now? Why didn’t anyone ever talk about the right way to start dating? Or how to understand changing emotions?
As if Shane had heard her thoughts, he pulled a slip of paper from his Bible and said, “This is a quote from C. S. Lewis. It helped me a lot when I was trying to decide God’s will for me when my emotions were overruling my logic.”
By the glow of his flashlight, he read, “Feelings come and go, and when they come, a good use can be made of them, but they cannot be our regular spiritual diet.”
Sierra loved C. S. Lewis and had read many of his books. She thought he was a brilliant man. Even though the quote didn’t sound familiar, she knew about feelings. She had been deluged with them the past week. Sierra could honestly say she’d never known her emotions could be so powerful. She wished she had someone to explain them to her.
Shane closed by challenging them to write out what they thought God wanted for them in a relationship. “Otherwise,” he said, “when it comes to dating or anything else in life, it’s like taking a dart and throwing it at that tree and then going over and drawing a circle around the dart and telling yourself you hit the mark.”
Shane closed in prayer, and everyone retreated to their tents to warm up. But Sierra lingered by the fire, hoping Drake would stick around, too. He left with Randy and Wes, and all three said good night to Sierra, practically in unison. She sat alone for a few minutes, scanning the night sky for a familiar constellation. The clouds had increased, and only a few random stars shone through. It wasn’t possible to guess which constellation they belonged to since they were out on their own. Sierra felt the same way—the lonely leftover.
She could hear Amy and Jana talking softly in Jana’s tent a few yards away. Some of the guys burst out laughing in their tent. Sierra retreated to her lonely abode and crawled into her sleeping bag. A dozen thoughts and feelings circled her head, buzzing like a toy airplane on a shoestring.
Sierra Jensen Collection, Vol 2 Page 18