After all, he was here with Fiona. He probably shouldn’t be but there was a part of him that felt if he didn’t have her he would implode.
It didn’t take them long to wolf down the food. Then Fiona got up and cleared away the paper and bags. Brendan refilled their wineglasses. She came back to the table and stood close enough for him to feel the heat of her body, just enough to make his pulse race faster and his heart pound even harder. There was a sweet, small-town innocence about her that was irresistible. And he had to ask one more time.
“Are you okay with this, Fiona?”
“It was my idea, remember?” She smiled a little shyly. “I wanted to be with you again so much. But I was afraid you didn’t want me.”
“You are so wrong about that.”
He took her face in his hands and kissed her. She opened her mouth and he eagerly dipped his tongue inside. She tasted of burger, wine and willingness. As he explored, a soft, pleading moan vibrated in her throat. The breathy, sexy sound fired up his blood like a lightning strike to dry brush.
One moment he was kissing her, and the next they were tugging at each other’s clothes, yanking off boots, discarding shirts, jeans, underwear, leaving a trail all the way to his bed. He yanked down the spread and tumbled her onto the mattress. She laughed happily and opened her arms to him. Didn’t have to ask him twice. He joined her and pulled her close, savoring the feel of her bare skin against his.
“You’re so soft,” he whispered against her neck.
“And you’re not.” Her hands went up and down his back as she nestled her breasts to his chest.
Brendan moved away, just far enough so that he could hold a breast in his palm. He looked into her passion-glazed eyes and whispered, “Tell me what you want.”
“Only you.”
She cupped his cheek in her hand and he was lost. He touched her everywhere and she had her way with him. Finally he couldn’t stand it another second and opened the nightstand, groping for a condom. He found one and put it on. Then he rolled her onto her back and she opened to him. Taking great care, he entered her and felt her sigh.
He moved slowly, listening to her shallow breathing, waiting for a sign that she was on the edge. Then he felt her hands on his back, the almost frantic movement, and her hips arched upward, demanding more of him. He thrust deeper and faster until she cried out and clung to him, saying his name over and over.
When she nuzzled his chest and spread soft kisses on his collarbone, he started to move again. She met him, thrust for thrust, pulling him deeper as she wrapped her legs around his hips. He went higher, overdosing on the sight, sound and feel of her before light exploded behind his eyes and pleasure roared through him, leaving heat everywhere. Judging from her throaty moans, he’d brought her to another orgasm.
He held her tightly against him while their breathing slowed to something resembling normal and he could actually think again. Even then they didn’t move for a while. Finally he left her just long enough to go into the bathroom and dispose of the condom. It was a weird feeling, but he couldn’t shake it, as if she wouldn’t be there when he got back. But she was and he slid into bed, pulling her close to his side.
She rested her cheek on his chest. “So, those skills you were bragging about...”
“Yes?”
“You didn’t lie.” Her voice was dreamy, satisfied.
Contentment filled him, something he wasn’t sure he’d ever felt before. Something he didn’t trust and shouldn’t get used to. “It’s not bragging if it’s true. And I always do my best to tell the truth.”
“It’s a very good quality,” she agreed. “What are some of your other character strengths?”
“Well...” He thought about that and visions of his dad popped into his mind. “Leon’s life lessons.”
“Care to share?”
“My dad was a drill sergeant before I knew what one was. He was always saying, ‘Don’t slouch. Stand up straight. Never lie, steal or cheat.’ And he made sure I knew that there are a lot of ways to do all three.”
“Such as?”
“Promising to love and cherish, for better or worse. Don’t say it unless you mean it.”
“So his life lessons were about your mom walking out,” she said.
“Yeah.” He held her just a little tighter.
“You know, I have no idea what it feels like to grow up without a mother. I’m trying to play devil’s advocate, not be patronizing. And it will never make you feel better about what happened.”
Brendan couldn’t help but smile at the way she was qualifying whatever it was she planned to say. “Just spill it.”
“A lot of kids don’t have either parent. They’re orphans or abandoned. At least you had a loving father.”
“That’s almost harder for me. He was a great dad—wise and supportive. And he never had anyone love him back the way he deserved.”
“You loved him,” she pointed out.
“It’s not the same.” He wrapped her hand in his and settled both on his chest. “I mean a personal adult relationship.”
“That’s not your fault.”
“Maybe it is.” He absently brushed his other thumb over her shoulder. “What if my mother left because of me?”
“What? You were five.”
“And a typical boy—loud and physical. Maybe I made her nuts and she couldn’t take it.”
“Correct me if I’m wrong, but didn’t you tell me she said your dad was good-looking but she needed more excitement?”
Brendan could still remember his mother’s voice and the words. Her telling him he would be better off with just his dad. “That’s what she said.”
“If you never believe me about anything, believe this. She left for her own selfish reasons and it had nothing to do with you. In fact, a woman like that probably did you and your dad a favor.”
Brendan recalled his dad telling him the same thing, but he didn’t buy it. Somehow Fiona saying it struck just the right chord because the knot of guilt inside him seemed to unravel.
“It was her loss,” Fiona added.
“Understood.”
“Really?” She tipped her face up to study him. “You’re not going to tell me I’m wrong?”
“Not when you’re right. There’s that whole ‘telling the truth’ thing.”
“Wow.” She threw her arm over his abdomen and snuggled closer. “The only thing that makes me happier than being right is you trusting me enough to share all this.”
He wasn’t sure why he had. Maybe it just got too heavy to carry by himself. Or his glimpse into nice and normal had him going soft. Either way, he didn’t regret talking about it.
“Glad you’re happy.” He kissed her forehead. “Especially since the trip to Everything Old was a failure.”
“I’ll come up with something for a costume. My sisters will help.”
Brendan envied her having people to fall back on. Now that his dad was gone he didn’t have that. Unless he reenlisted.
“Speaking of Halloween,” she said, “the party/fund-raiser is coming up.”
“Yeah.”
“I was wondering if maybe—” she met his gaze “—you’d want to go with me.”
“You mean a date?”
“Sort of, I guess. My family will be there and quite a few people from town.”
That made him wonder again. “So it would be very public.”
“Yeah.”
“Then why did we jump through hoops at Ace in the Hole to keep anyone from knowing about us?”
“I—It’s just—” She tensed and slid away. “That was different.”
“How?” He missed feeling her bare skin against his. More important right now was that he was missing her point.
“It’s no one else’s business what I do and everyone would have jumped to the conclu
sion that we were going to sleep together.”
Some survival instinct told him not to point out that they had slept together and were still in his bed. “But if we show up at the party together, won’t they jump to that conclusion?”
“I never claimed it was rational. You don’t know what it’s like to be the talk of the town. And not in a good way. Everyone has an opinion and they share it with you, to your face. It’s awful. The pity is hard enough, but the worst was when someone said I should have known better. And they were right.” She sat up and pulled the sheet with her, covering her breasts. “It was humiliating and something I never want to experience again. So tonight I jumped through hoops because I didn’t want to be town topic number one tomorrow. I didn’t want it to be common knowledge that I’m sleeping with you.”
And he would rather die than have her humiliated—especially because of him. He was trained to protect. It was part of who he was, the best part. “Understood.”
“Okay. So I guess what I just said is that it’s not you. It’s me.”
“Roger that.”
She nodded and gave him a small smile. “I don’t think it’s a problem being seen together at the party. We’re friends. We could meet there. What do you think?”
He thought until right this moment he’d been leaning toward staying in Rust Creek Falls. Then she asked him to the party and he realized she was starting to have expectations. He was damaged goods and couldn’t give her what she needed. And it killed him that he couldn’t. On top of that, he prided himself on the truth but he’d been lying to himself.
He’d drawn a line in the sand with her and crossed it anyway. Giving in just one more time tonight hadn’t felt like a big deal until now, and this was where he paid the price for his mistake. She might think that keeping them a secret was protecting her, but she was wrong. Whether she knew it or not, she wanted more than he could give. So it had to stop or she would get hurt; he would do anything to keep that from happening. Putting off his decision had been selfish but it wasn’t just about what was best for him any longer. And suddenly his mind was made up. He knew what he had to do.
Do it quick. Rip off the Band-Aid. Tell her the truth.
“I don’t think it’s a good idea for me to meet you there.”
“Why?”
“I have to be honest, Fiona. I plan to reenlist in the Marine Corps. It’s where I belong.”
“I didn’t realize you’d made up your mind. I thought you were going to stay.” Her eyes grew wide—and there was a bruised look in them. “I could have sworn you belonged here. The whole town embraced you. And your business—”
“That’s Luke’s idea, not mine,” he said. “When I came to Sunshine Farm it was to clear my head, figure out my next move. Mission accomplished. The fact is I shouldn’t have brought you here tonight. I’m—”
“Don’t you dare say you’re sorry,” she warned. The bruised look turned to betrayal, as if she couldn’t stand the sight of him. “I knew what I was getting into, what I wanted. And now I want to go home.”
As much as he didn’t want to let her go, Brendan wouldn’t try to change her mind. It was for the best. He’d already made more mistakes with her than he wanted to admit. But telling her the truth about his decision to reenlist wasn’t one of them. In fact, now that he knew the depth of the pain she’d suffered being the target of town gossip, he was absolutely sure this was the right thing. Protecting her made him feel good.
Was that selfish? He was really afraid that leaving her made him just like his mother.
* * *
Fiona dumped another bunch of dirty hay into the wheelbarrow. Shoveling crap seemed like an appropriate job the day after Brendan told her he was reenlisting. Which was just a noble way of saying “leaving.” She’d known it was a possibility, but that hadn’t stopped her from falling in love with him. She hadn’t wanted to face her growing feelings but that didn’t make it any less true. Or her pain any less real. Maybe deep down she’d believed he wouldn’t go. That he would want to stay. For her. And if she’d acknowledged sooner that she loved him, would she feel any less stupid and foolish?
That brought a fresh wave of pain and more tears. It was a good thing scooping up muck wasn’t a precision job because her vision was blurry.
“Hey, Fee.” Ronan walked into the stall behind her. “Have you seen my wire cutters?”
“No.” It was an effort to keep her voice even and normal but she was pretty sure she pulled it off. She also kept her back to him.
“Are you sure? I know you’ve seen them. The ones with the yellow handles you’re always nagging me to put back where they belong.”
“I’ve seen them, but it’s not actually my responsibility to watch them. And if you’d taken my advice you wouldn’t be bugging me now.”
“Wow, someone got up on the wrong side of the bed.”
There was no right side when you got out of the wrong bed. “Go away.”
“Not until you tell me where to look for the wire cutters.”
“Why would I have any idea where you left them? I don’t know everything—”
“Fiona?” He circled around to face her. “What’s wrong?”
“You can’t find that stupid tool, that’s what.” She rubbed a flannel-covered arm over her face.
“Are you crying?”
“No.” She turned away.
“So you’re just in a crap mood for no reason?” Her brother sounded skeptical.
She was angry and hurt. That tended to put a dent in a girl’s normally sunny disposition. “Aren’t I allowed to be crabby? Everyone else in this family gets to. Why not me?”
“Because you’re Fiona. The cheerful one who is always happy to lend a hand. The one who moves heaven and earth to help find the lost wire cutters. That’s why we all come to you.”
“Everyone comes to me for everything.” Tears were rolling down her cheeks and if he saw, he wouldn’t go away. And she really, really wanted him to. “The truth is I don’t know where everything is. I can’t fix anything. I’m an idiot—”
He moved around and in front of her. “I knew it. You are crying.”
“Give the man a silver belt buckle. Now would you please go away?” She put one hand over her face. The other one held the shovel.
He took the tool from her and put it down. Then she felt his arms come around her. “Don’t cry, Fee.”
“What if I want to?”
“Then go for it.” He rubbed her back.
“I hate crying. I’m not a crier.”
“Then don’t,” he said patiently.
“I c-can’t help it.”
“Okay, then. You just do whatever the hell you want.”
“I don’t need your permission,” she snapped.
“Got that right.” He gave her a squeeze, then stepped back, hands on her upper arms as he met her gaze. “But do you want to tell me who you’re really mad at?”
“No.”
“Well, I’m not leaving until you do. This is me. The brother who’s there to hold you when you cry.” He let her go and blew out a long breath. “But I have to say this is creeping me out. It’s just wrong. You falling apart. I’ve never seen you like this. Not even when you found out that bozo lied and cheated on you.”
That’s because she wasn’t in love with the bozo. She’d been upset because he’d publicly humiliated her, but there was never any soul-deep pain. Not like this.
“It’s nothing, Ronan. Don’t worry your pretty little head. Just let me finish mucking out the stalls. Then I have an article to work on—”
“I want a name. Tell me who’s responsible for making you cry so I can beat him up.”
In spite of her misery, that made her laugh. Her brother was a big guy and in really good shape because ranching was hard, physical work. But Brendan had warrior skills. He’d been t
rained.
“What’s so funny?” Ronan held up a hand. “Don’t get me wrong. I’m not sorry the blubbering stopped, but what did I say?”
“I wouldn’t advise a confrontation. He probably knows three hundred ways to incapacitate a man with one arm tied behind his back.”
“I knew it!” He glared, not at her, just in general. “Tanner. And I warned that bastard, too.”
And he’d warned her, but she’d been so sure her feelings could be controlled. Because Brendan was another stranger who was leaving and she wouldn’t be stupid again. No, it wasn’t her. Love was stupid.
“It’s not his fault, Ronan.”
“He’s the one who made you cry,” her brother said angrily. “By definition that makes it his fault.”
“You don’t even know what’s going on.”
“Because you won’t tell me. If I have to, I’ll go get answers from him—”
“No!” Fiona didn’t miss the intensity in her brother’s blue eyes and could practically see testosterone churning through him. He was looking for retribution on her behalf and she loved him so much for that. But sometimes things weren’t meant to be, and this thing with her and Brendan was one of those times. It would be so much easier if someone was at fault but that wasn’t the case.
“Tell me why I shouldn’t give him a piece of my mind.” He pointed at her, a warning expression on his face. “And don’t you dare say it’s because I can’t spare it.”
That coaxed a small smile from her, but almost instantly it faded. “He’s leaving—reenlisting in the Marines.”
“Oh.” Ronan looked deflated, as if someone punctured his indignation balloon. “Why would he go back?”
“A lot of reasons.” She thought for a moment and made the decision to reveal some of the personal things Brendan had told her. She wasn’t sure why, but it was important that Ronan not hate him. “He never wanted to leave the military in the first place.”
“Then why did he?”
She told him about his father.
Ronan nodded his understanding. “Tough break. Can’t imagine losing Dad. Or Mom.”
Unmasking The Maverick (Montana Mavericks: The Lonelyhearts Ranch Book 4) Page 16