by Amber Garr
Noah crossed his arms over his chest in a somewhat defensive pose. “I didn’t spell him personally, but yes. That’s the gist of it.”
“The gist of it?” I slammed the lid of the metal box closed and threw Iain’s ashes at the man I thought I loved. “You’re a liar! You’re such an asshole liar!” I started sobbing the moment the box hit him in the legs. “So you followed me to the bar in the hopes of what? Recruiting me? Seducing me?”
“Recruiting,” Noah admitted with a whisper.
“So everything else…everything else was just a lie to get me here tonight?”
Noah stood but I held out my hands warning him not to take a step closer. “Cressa, please understand. I never thought I could like you as much as I do—”
“Bullshit! You can’t even say one truthful thing can you?”
“Cressa, don’t do this. Don’t make it worse than it has to be.”
Again Noah stepped forward, but I didn’t want him any closer. I reached into the bag on my shoulder and pulled out my necromancy knife. “Stay back!” I yelled. Cold tears ran over my face as the mask of lies was revealed. “Stay away from me!”
“You don’t understand—”
“What don’t I understand Noah?” I cut him off again. “That you baited me in the same way a Fiend seeks out a soul? That you seduced me into wanting to do anything for you like a Succubus? Or that you let me believe you were actually one of the good ones?” I took a moment to wipe the tears out of my eyes. “So which one don’t I understand?”
Noah dropped his hands to his side and then picked up the metal box. He rubbed his fingers slowly over the lid as though all of his answers would be found in there. “You don’t understand why Iain died.”
“Of course I don’t know why you murdered him!” The knife in my hand began to shake uncontrollably. I wanted to drop it, but I couldn’t. I just couldn’t.
“Iain was my like a father to me,” Noah whispered. “I never wanted to hurt him.”
His words silenced me for a minute while I tried to judge whether or not this was the real Noah shining through. “Just like you never wanted to hurt me?”
Noah huffed. His shoulders sagging even more. “Yes.”
“Why did you kill him, then? Why did you kill someone you obviously loved?”
At the word “love”, Noah’s head snapped up and his gaze bore into my own. “I had no choice,” he said softly.
“Of course you had a choice,” I snapped. “You always have a choice!”
“No!” Noah shouted. “My choice was taken away from me the moment your mother decided that Iain’s life was more valuable than hers!”
Stunned into silence, I dropped to the ground. I didn’t even feel the rocks digging into my knees or the dampness that now seeped through my pants like the grief grabbing hold of my heart. “My mother?”
Noah carried the ashes and knelt on the dirt in front of me. “Your mother loved Iain. Very much. And he was willing to give up his life so that he could be with her.”
“I still don’t understand,” I whispered.
Noah wrapped his hand over mine still gripping the knife. “He wanted to be punished, to reincarnate in human form so that they could be together. But your mother refused to let him throw away his phoenix life.”
I continued to stare at him, still not putting all of the pieces together.
“She killed the Imperium trackers that Iain wanted to destroy. He’d lured them here, so that he could be reborn a human. But Gabriella beat him to it.”
My mother’s name. I hadn’t heard anyone speak it in so long…
“And that’s when she asked me to help her.” Noah brushed his hand over the side of my cheek at those words. As though it might help ease the blow. “And I promised her I would.”
I didn’t know how long I sat on the unforgiving ground wishing that I could undo the last month of my life. Everything in it had been a lie and now it would seem that even my childhood had been smothered in untruths.
“Cressa, I never wanted to be the one to have to tell you about this. But your mother made me promise I would set Iain’s broken heart at ease and watch over you as only a phoenix can.”
“And the only way to do that was to kill him?” I asked, still too stunned to focus on the rest of his revelation.
“No, but he forced my hand.” Noah looked down at the metal box that was now resting on both of our knees. “And I need to clear the air with him.”
“So that you can be reborn?” My throat clenched. Even after everything he told me tonight, a part of me still didn’t want to lose him.
“So that I can right my wrong, Cressa. Only our superior can decide if I will be granted a phoenix life again.”
Did this mean that he might not leave me after all? I chastised myself for even letting that tiny sliver of hope in. Noah was not good for me, whether he was a human or a bird. And after tonight, Noah could no longer be in my life.
“How am I supposed to raise a phoenix from the ashes?” I asked after a few seconds.
Noah’s eyes met mine and my heart ached for them. “Almost the same way you’d raise a body, but just using drops of your blood.” he said.
I watched his expression. Eager to see how badly he wanted to talk to Iain. But when his anticipation didn’t shine through, I thought that maybe he was not as keen on using me as much as he had been before. “Okay,” I agreed. “I will do this for you. But only because he knew my mother. Not because you’re asking me.”
Taken aback by my words, Noah pinched his lips together. I could tell he wanted to justify something. Anything. But he made the wise decision to stay quiet.
“Give me some space,” I demanded. Taking the metal lunch box-like container, I gently lifted the lid. Inside sat a clear plastic bag, tied up by a purple ribbon. With shaky fingers, I began to loosen the knot until I could open the bag wide enough to create a pour spout. Sliding across the forest floor on my knees, I emptied the ashes in a perfectly circular pile. Unlike remains after a cremation, these ashes were heavy and solid. I thought I saw specs of yellow mixed within the grayish dust, but I ignored any speculation to focus on raising a phoenix for the first time in my life.
I set my hair clipping and the rotten chicken foot on opposite sides of the pile. I had no idea if they would work as well tonight as they usually do. They were my familiars; the objects that helped me focus my magic. But I suspected the level of magic I needed for this necromancy would far surpass what my usual rituals required.
“Okay, here we go,” I said to myself but Noah backed up a few more steps. I lifted the knife up off the ground and watched the forest reflect against the shiny steel as I turned it back and forth. Could I really do this? Should I do this?
Through the slight breeze racing over the meadow, I swear I heard a voice telling me to continue. It encouraged me without speaking, like a cup of hot soup when you’re sick. I knew it was part of my imagination, but it comforted me all the same.
With a deep breath, I sliced open my palm. The thick blood moved like cold syrup, so when I squeezed my fingers to help make it fall, my skin stuck together as though it had been glued. “Restituo animus. Restituo vita.”
One by one, drops of my blood trickled onto the ashes. Instead of holding my hand still, I moved it around, creating a border of blood over the small pile. Repeating my incantation, I watched the remains of Iain closely—noticing that as my dripping blood slowed, the yellow pieces of ash seemed to glow more. And each place my blood hit, a slight hissing sound was released. It reminded me of dripping water over coals yet I had no idea if this was normal or not.
Just as that thought crossed my mind, the ashes shot up into the air in a column of grey dust. They rocketed past my face so fast I had to close my eyes from the wind. The ribbon of ashes darted through the treetops, turning left and then right and then dashing back toward the ground again. Racing along the meadow like a beam of light, Iain’s remains took on a life of their own. Flashes of yellows
, purples, oranges, and reds lit up the night sky wherever they passed. A tree limb crashed to the ground when the ash circled around it. More birds scattered into the air, squawking in warning to those still left nearby.
For a moment, I thought we may never actually see Iain, but then the line of ash rushed back toward Noah and stopped just inches from his face. As the last remnants of the remains caught up, they began to take on a human-like shape. I noticed the head first, followed by the arm that jutted out and grabbed Noah’s neck.
Iain let out a howl that silenced the surrounding mountaintop. Noah didn’t even have a chance to speak before two hands were wrapped over his throat. Iain’s ashes danced around him, filling in something that looked like a long tail and a beautiful set of red wings protruding from his back.
“You!” He screamed at Noah through an almost human head. “Where is she?” Iain’s voice was clearer than any other corpse I’d raised. Then again, he wasn’t exactly human.
“She is where she wants to be,” Noah pushed out through his nearly crushed throat. His gaze briefly found mine, but not before Iain noticed.
Sharp, yellow eyes snapped in my direction and when they did, Iain let go of Noah’s neck. “Gabriella?” he whispered. It still didn’t sound quite right, the syllables not totally separated from each other. But I understood.
“No, I’m not Gabriella,” I answered.
“Gabriella?” Iain asked again, this time flying over with his ashy body and reforming in front of my face. He lifted his hand and ran it over my hair. “I’ve missed you so much.”
Iain’s human features were more evident this close to my sight. He looked like he would have been around my mom’s age, and I could certainly see why she would have been attracted to him.
“I’m Cressa,” I managed to say. “Gabriella is my mother.”
Iain’s attention focused on the knife lying beside me on the ground and he grabbed my sliced hand. Looking down in concentration, he studied the cut and the blood now drying on my skin. “You…,” he stumbled over his words before starting again. “You brought me back?”
“For now.”
Iain tilted his head, reminding me so much of a bird. “Why?”
“Because Noah has something to say to you.”
Iain slowly turned, his attention seeking out the other phoenix. “Noah killed me,” he hissed.
Stepping forward to meet us both, Noah raised his hands. “And do you remember how it happened?”
“You took her away from me!” Iain’s voice quivered and the color in his ash body flared brighter. He could also answer Noah directly, like my necromancer power could not contain the phoenix.
“No, I didn’t, Iain. She didn’t want you to suffer. Gabriella chose to go away in order to save you.”
“Don’t you say her name!” Iain growled, slapping Noah’s arms out of the way. “You don’t deserve to say her name!”
“Iain?” I reached out to put my hand on his shoulder, but it just moved through the ashes. He jumped back and looked at me in shock. “Iain, my mother turned herself in to the Imperium.”
“No, no. That can’t be true,” he shook his head and started to waver in and out of human form.
“It is,” Noah said. “She killed the trackers. Do you remember?” Iain nodded slowly, eyes focusing on some distant memory. “And then she asked me to take you back to our home.”
“Home?” Iain asked. “I don’t want to go home. I want to stay here with her.” His gaze shifted to the dirt where the boulder once lay.
“And that’s what you told me that night. You tried to kill me so that you could stay with her.”
At his words, both Iain and I stopped moving. Noah had killed Iain in self-defense? That fact instantly twisted my hatred for him into something much softer—pity maybe? But it seemed to have another type of effect on Iain.
“I tried to kill you?” he whispered to Noah. “I…I can’t remember…”
“That’s because you were too distraught. The Imperium enforcers were taking Gabriella away. She didn’t want you exposing yourself, so she summoned me here. To protect you.”
“But I didn’t want to go,” Iain added.
“No, you didn’t. And when I tried to pull you away, you lit up like the sun.”
“On fire?” Iain asked in shock, the words catching in his mouth. Noah nodded. “A phoenix should never use his most natural weapon.” It sounded like Iain was teaching a new student, the rules pouring out of him in a monotone lecture.
“No, he shouldn’t. And I am so sorry that I had to do it to you.”
Through my wet eyes, I watched the two men cover hundreds of years of history in just a few moments. Iain’s death was unnecessary but he’d been blinded by love. Love for my mother. The Caster he could never be with unless he reincarnated as a human. A Romeo and Juliet story I knew nothing about. Had my father known?
“You are asking for my forgiveness.” Iain stated.
“I am. I will never forgive myself but I do hope that you now understand how it happened.” Noah knelt on the ground in front of Iain and held up his left arm. Waiting.
Iain’s body suddenly turned solid with just the ash surrounding him in a phoenix shape. “You are like a son to me, Noah. And I forgive you.” Iain reached out and grasped Noah’s forearm with his own. The colored ashes floated around them both in a dance of forgiveness.
I marveled at the sight and stood frozen as their relationship was healed. I wanted so badly to see a happy ending for everyone, and while that may not happen to me, at least Noah and Iain could move on from this.
“Well, isn’t that special?”
The dark voice sneered right in my ear, the coldness of the metal knife held against my throat stopping my breath. A large, solid arm was now wrapped tightly around my waist, the other pressing my very own knife into my skin. “Noah?” I whispered, but only felt the sharp pain of a fresh cut in return.
“I’ve been waiting a long time for you to show your face here, Noah.” The man behind me sucked in a deep breath as he brushed his nose up and down my neck. The move sent shivers down my spine but not for the same reason Noah’s touch had. “I see why you chose this one.”
“Ethren.” Both Noah and Iain said at the same time.
Ethren’s grip loosened slightly when Iain spoke his name. “Father?” he whispered. “You’re back. You’re finally back.”
“Ethren, what are you doing?” Noah asked, moving a few steps closer.
“Stop!” Ethren yelled. “Not one more step or she dies.” I felt him push the knife even further into the soft skin under my chin and knew he wasn’t joking. I tried to relay that to Noah through my eyes, but he wasn’t focused on me.
“What do you want, brother?” Noah asked steadily.
“Brother? You dare call me brother?” Ethren spit on the ground beside me. “You are undeserving of that title.”
“How are you…whole?” Iain asked. “Why are you not in phoenix form?”
Another phoenix. Maybe the one I ran into at the library…
“Because he must pay for what he did, father. And this was the only way I could make him suffer!”
The man suddenly pushed me to the ground, knocking the air out of me when my elbow smashed into my own rib cage. He kicked at my legs, flattening my stomach to the forest floor, and then he stepped on my back with one foot. Groaning, I managed to turn my head just enough see my attacker. The phoenix from the library.
“You will lose everything that you hold dear, Noah.” For emphasis, Ethren pushed me deeper into the ground. Dirt pieces pressed against my lips, the earthy smells reminding me ironically of a gravesite.
“I don’t care about her. I only needed her to raise Iain.”
I squeezed my eyes shut, willing those words to disappear into the air like Iain’s ashes. He didn’t mean it. He didn’t mean it. He’s just trying to save us…
“Really, brother?” Yanking me to my feet, Ethren grabbed my hair and jerked my head ba
ck. The knife pressed against my cheek and the steadiness of Ethren’s hands worried me. “So you won’t mind if I give her a little scar of my own?”
I felt the knife dig in hard enough that I knew it would split skin. I kept my knives sharp.
“You don’t need to do this!” Noah shouted, and I felt a tear fall in hopelessness. He’d shown his cards.
Ethren chuckled and sliced the knife across my face from the corner of my mouth to the top of my cheekbone. Not hard enough that my life would be threatened, but deep enough that it burned with a pulsating pain and would most likely leave a scar for everyone to see.
“You bastard!” Noah snarled.
And then he tackled all three of us to the ground. The knife bounced off the earth, just inches from where I landed. Ethren must have tossed me to the side in order to free his hands for a fight. No need to worry about me now. The damage had already been done…unless he meant to kill me.
The two human phoenixes rolled on the ground, grunting and punching and swearing at each other in a language I didn’t know. Trees started to fly out of the earth as their telekinesis was used as a weapon. Large chunks of roots and rocks and dirt sailed from all directions and was deflected just as quickly.
I scrambled to my feet, knife in hand, and waiting to see if an opportunity would present itself. Blood trickled down the right side of my face, forcing me to use the hand that held the knife to clear it away. Blood covered me tonight but I would worry about that tomorrow.
“Cressa?”
I jumped around, swinging my arms and my knife at whatever threat was behind me. My arms simply passed through Iain’s body, until my knife hit him. And when it passed over his torso, he screamed out in pain—a noise I never wanted to hear again. Looking down at his somewhat transparent stomach, he wrapped his hands over top of the place that my knife had sliced. No blood appeared, but his loosely formed body began to dissipate into a pile of ashes again.
“Oh no, what did I do?” I asked Iain, only to get a pained look in return. Snapping my head around to find Noah, I quickly realized that he was in his own kind of trouble and hadn’t even noticed that I was about to send Iain back to the grave. It was my blood. My knife. It had reversed my necromancy just like when I’d pull them out of a human corpse.