by A R Maloney
Each time I woke, the healer was there… gazing at me with her dark garnet eyes. She would ask me if I remembered anything. Anything at all? Each time I’d just shake my head. “How is it you would know of Mera? When have you ever had the opportunity to even meet General Lancer?” Each time she asked the same questions.
All I could do is shrug. “I’m not certain. All I know is I believe they can help.”
To a large extent Gema stayed silent, keeping as much space between us as possible for the better part of the journey. From what I could figure, she had been friends with this… Nova. I couldn’t begin to try to explain to her all these things which I didn’t understand, and she may not be receptive to the few things I did understand. So, I remained fairly quiet as well. As we traveled onward, the look on her face changed from fear and concern to a scowl that deepened with each mile that passed beneath us.
My mind wandered to Lucenia, my company… and Niera. My friend, who was as close as any sister could have ever been. Was she okay? Should I have gone to find Torres? I had followed the voice inside me. It drove me to fight Droghel.
I growled my frustration deep in my throat, shocked by the sound which emerged. Several heads whipped towards me. All eyes appeared to widen with concern. I looked from one sentinel to the next, seeing the tensed muscles and hands on hilts…. All were ready to react at a moment’s notice.
I was a wild card. A body which had returned from the dead. A spirit who denied any form of recognition towards any of these sentinels. One who had insisted they bring me to an outsider… a witch.
Clarissa placed a clawed hand on my shoulder and whispered calming words.
My mind drifted and I found myself thinking of the day of my death. I should have better prepared myself before seeking out Droghel. I had been foolish to believe he would truly allow the fight to continue without interference. I had seen the truth of his soul in the brutality of my mother’s murder… in Cooper’s murder. Droghel was a cowardly man at heart, hiding behind the strength of his numerous personal guards.
The scenes played over and over in my mind. I ruminated over all of the things I could have done differently. Had I the foresight, I would have taken the magus out of the equation first. Even if that had not worked… I could have spelled the door of the room where they had slain me. I could have made it impenetrable. Perhaps I would have still died, but I had been giving that asshole a fair beating—even with both hands bound. A small smile came to my lips as I recalled the look of shock on his face after I’d driven him into the wall. The thought that perhaps he did hurt, at least until his cleric was able to tend to him was a small comfort to my churning mind.
Damagus, my company… what sort of fallout were they dealing with? Dimitri. I hoped Niera didn’t blame Dimitri. She was really taking a shine to him. Gods! He was there too. Was he safe, or did our company associations put him in danger as well? Was I responsible for his death? Would Niera ever forgive me?
Gah! How long had it even been? Had this happened immediately… my dying and landing in the body of another? Or had it been days, weeks, months… years even? I began reaching out with my arms, swinging them around in an attempt to find some way to turn myself onto my side. Panic began to build in my stomach. Bile and acid churned there, welling up and pushing its way out. Finally, I was able to grab hold of Clarissa’s sleeve; my eyes implored her to help me escape the primitive stretcher to which I was bound.
“Tilt her now, she’s getting sick!” Clarissa couldn’t have been any faster as she dropped to her knee, forcing the litter to tip heavily on one corner.
My mouth opened and the bitter bile poured from my lips and onto the ground below, leaving me coughing and sputtering. Gema held my hair back and gave Clarissa an uncertain look.
When I had emptied my stomach and my breaths were coming calmly again the cleric nodded. “Let’s take a break. We can all use the rest.”
I spat and wiped the slime from my mouth. “Thank you.”
My throat felt raw from the stomach acids. I needed to stretch, to get my bearings. I needed my feet on the ground… even if they didn’t feel like My feet. This body was too long, too sharp. Everything was pointy, from my fingers, to my toes, to my teeth. I was restless.
“I need to stand; I have to move around.” I didn’t miss the covert glances they were giving each other, and it was starting to piss me off. We were all on edge. “C’mon, at least let me pee without everyone looking up my butt!” I swung an arm in the direction of the men to make my point.
This time Gema came to my rescue. “That’s not too much to ask,” she said, “Nova, I can help. Just let me walk with you at least, in case you lose your footing.”
I nodded my thanks to her as I chewed at my lip, deep in thought. Together we walked off the path, moving a short way from the group. I sighed, thankful for the space away from so many eyes.
Gema must have noticed the change. She asked me tentatively, “Nova, you can tell me. You’re remembering something, aren’t you?”
I frowned, shaking my head lightly. I wished I could tell her the truth, but I knew that wasn’t a possibility yet. “It seems familiar, I feel like… I believe I may have been here before….”
Gema’s brow furrowed. “We’ve never traveled here before, Nova. You’ve not once stepped foot out of Dramheim in your entire life to my knowledge. Not before now.”
I continued chewing my lip as I slowly surveyed my surroundings. I had begun to recognize a few of the landmarks. The tall mushroom trees…. “I believe we are nearing the Kauri.”
Gema’s eyes widened and she shook her head. “How could you know this?”
“How could I explain to you these things I don’t understand myself?” Shrugging, I shook my head, my eyes searching between the thick tangle of brambles and branches while I took care of my personal needs.
Surely Nabaru would be able to fill me in, although I should wait until I can get Lance and Mera onboard. Would he come? How can I even begin to explain… this? A clicking chatter sounded out from the direction of the Kauri in the distance. I recognized the call of the phoenix and the calm of reassurance settled over me as Gema and I returned to the group.
Despite my growls and complaints, they talked me back onto the wooden stretcher and we resumed our trek. Soon… I thought.
The air cooled as the trail rose higher in elevation. Heavy pines, birches and aspens, now mixed in with the live oaks and maples. Overhead, squirrels chattered as we passed by. The sky overhead was a deepening indigo, twilight would come soon. Daytime in Ustenia could never be described as truly bright, yet I found myself welcoming the shadows of the coming evening. I longed for the chance to separate myself from this unending vigil of prying eyes and concerned looks.
I breathed a sigh of relief as we made the final turn, recognizing the trail which would take us to Mera. I was ready to try standing on my own two feet again.
Mera met us as we approached her cabin. She looked the same as I had remembered, exotic, dark, and fierce. She addressed Clarissa. “I am happy to help you, but why not take her to Morland Fortress, where she can receive proper care?” She tilted her head in anticipation of an answer.
“She insisted she see you or General Lancer, says she can’t recall anything else. You were closer.” Clarissa shrugged; her exhaustion and frustration was evident on her face. “Perhaps you will be able to help piece together her memory?”
Annoyed at the journey and ready to talk to someone I recognized, I cut in. “SHE… is right here.” Both eyes swung down to meet mine.
“Perhaps… let’s get you inside.” Mera opened her door wide, gesturing into her home. “Ruaa came yesterday, I’ve been expecting your arrival. He left to find General Lancer almost immediately.”
I found myself swatting at hands as they tried to keep me on the litter. “Let me stand. Have I not proven that I can walk the distance of the doorway?” I swung my legs over the side of the litter and pushed myself to standing, walking thro
ugh the door. “Mera….” I held my fist to my chest and inclined my head, bowing to my friend.
She waited for me to raise my gaze and looked into my eyes, her face filled with confusion, before nodding. “The bed has been prepared. One of you may help her settle in. I have dinner ready to serve, chicken and rice, please eat. You are welcome to set up camp here, use the well for all you need. You’ve endured a great tragedy. I’m sure you are all exhausted.” Mera pulled down several bowls and spoons, and began serving up dishes, passing them around until everyone was fed.
She placed a bowl into my hands and with a finger, lifted my chin, searching my face once more. “You do look very familiar… in some ways.”
“Thank you, Mera.” I whispered gratefully. I was thankful for the help; the others had gone so far out of their way. I didn’t like this feeling inside of me. The one that reminded me I was being deceitful by withholding information. It was eating me up.
I looked over to where Gema sat casting occasional worried glances my way. She was grieving for her friend. I felt bad that I couldn’t make this easier for her, not yet, if ever. “And thank you all. Clarissa, Gema, Markus, and you two… I don’t even know your names. Thank you.” The group couldn’t hide the impact those words left on them. Thirteen months together… and ‘Nova’ couldn’t even remember their names.
Gema sat in a corner, watching me as she slowly ate. Her face was a mask of disbelief, confusion, and sadness. Her eyes were red rimmed with unshed tears and her shoulders hung from exhaustion. There was nothing I could say to ease her pain. Not yet, maybe not ever.
Mera made sure everyone had enough to eat. Then she showed them where the well was and where they could set up camp.
I took the few minutes alone to let my eyes wander over her cabin, reassured by the familiarity of the scents of the drying herbs and the smoky scent rising up from the hearth.
Mera returned several minutes later and prepared two cups of hibiscus tea. She handed one to me and then sat at the table, sipping hers. Waiting for me to speak.
I struggled with my words. “Mera…” I began chewing my lip again. “This is going to sound crazy.” I shook my head as I spoke, still stunned with incredulity. “I’m not even sure I would believe it myself, if it wasn’t happening to me.” I stood and began pacing the room, trying to come up with some way of explaining what I didn’t understand.
“Go on, Nova.” She blew lightly across the top of her cup and sipped again. “Explain.”
“Wait.” I looked at the door. “No one other than you and Lance can hear this at this point. Gods… I wish he would just get here.” I shook my head again before looking at her. “Please, this is your home, can you spell the walls, or would you allow me to do this?”
She nodded for me to go ahead, so I began whispering. A silver haze gathered in my palms as I wove the spell. Finally, I knelt and placed my palms on the floorboards. I continued weaving the spell, watching as the pale silvery glow spread over the borders of the room, starting on the floors and climbing the walls until it met itself at the ceiling. I took a deep breath, inhaling the comforting scents of the herbs which hung in clumps from the rafters and released it slowly. “My name is not Nova. Well, I guess this is… or was her body. I’m not sure what this means now. I just know that I’m not her… and she’s not me.”
I growled angrily at myself in frustration but held my palms up when I saw Mera stand and take a step back, settling herself into a defensive stance. “Please, Mera. I’m not angry, nor am I any danger to you. I would never bring harm to anyone who helped me so much as you.” I pleaded with my eyes while hers held a look of confusion. “Mera, I died. And I came back. But not as myself. I came back as this girl. This… Nova.”
*Bam! Bam! Bam!* The door shook in its frame from the force of the pounding. “Mera!”
My voice came out as a strangled gasp. “He’s here!” Of course, he was here, just in time for me to re-spell the room. I looked at the door and whispered the words which would break the seal on the home.
“Mera!” he called again, “It’s General Lancer. Open the door!”
Moments later the door had opened and there he was. My heart, my heart? It skipped a beat and I was forced to sit on the edge of her bed as my knees got weak. I nearly swooned as my breath caught in my throat. His face was haggard. Deep bags hung under his eyes, telling a tale of exhaustion, loss, devastation, and regret. His eyes though, they were blazing, hard and fierce. He was furious.
Mera caught my expression and looked at me again, more closely, her head cocked. “Your eyes, I know those eyes, not exactly, but similar enough.” She stepped forward tentatively. “Could it be?”
“Yes, I don’t know how, but it’s me.” My voice was a whisper as I looked up. General Lancer looked between Mera and me, the questions evident in his eyes.
“Why have I been called to your home, Mera? I cannot seem to get a straight answer from anyone, the only word was that it was imperative I come.”
I held up a hand, asking for him to wait another moment. The look he gave in response would wither any one of his soldiers. I merely nodded and lowered my hands to the floor. I began whispering the spell again, buffering the room once more so that our conversation would remain private. He was angry, and by the time the spell was cast I could nearly see the fury radiating from his body.
I returned to my perch on the edge of the bed. “Lance,” the name rolled from my tongue like the sweetest honey as I struggled to stay where I sat. My feet pushed at the floor. I stood, my body trying to betray me, threatening to launch me towards him. I needed to wait. I took a deep breath, calming myself and holding my urges at bay.
My head began to spin again, and I sat down on the edge of the bed once more. I met his gaze and began speaking, “I am reminded of the first time we met. How long ago was that?”
He looked at me and cocked his head to the side, his glare easing into a look of confusion.
I continued, “Nabaru held me high in his branches. You were so angered… much like now… just by my presence alone. I thought you might try to chop him down with your great sword.”
His eyes widened and he began to open his mouth, but then snapped it shut again. I watched as his hand gripped the tall back of a chair.
Not dropping his wide-eyed stare, I whispered, “Nabaru shared visions with you. Of my life. Of the truths of our peoples.” Mera placed a comforting hand on his shoulder. “You brought me the red rose.”
Lance’s gaze swung from me to Mera and back again. “No, this can’t be true… Skye?” He crossed the room in two long steps and knelt at the edge of the bed. He grasped my chin in the palms of his large hands and looked at me, studying my new face, and my old eyes. Well, nearly my old eyes, they now carried the blaze of crimson which is inherent to all Ustenians. “How is this possible?” Lance looked from me to Mera, and then back to me again.
I shrugged. “That’s why I could only speak to the two of you. I have no idea.” I shook my head. “How long has it been since that day near the Savannah Gate?”
He inhaled deeply and shook his head. “Just over three days.”
I gasped. “And Niera? My company? What of them?”
He shook his head. “I wish I had news for you.”
Mera spoke up, “I could… we could… try to get a message to General Eno at DuPage Fortress in Lucenia. He’s an ally. On my life, he can be trusted. He would know, wouldn’t he?” Even though Mera had shared with us both that Eno had been her husband at the time of the Great Break, there was a fear that came with bringing this back up which was nearly palpable.
“It certainly is a possibility.” Lancer ran his hand over his mouth and chin. A thick beard had begun growing, the same silvery blue of his long straight hair, and I wondered if it was partially due to my death. Had he been so affected?
“That is the main home for Company Damagus. I would think Eno would know something, but I was thinking that we should pay a visit to Nabaru first. The thr
ee of us. He may be able to shed some light on the situation and give us a bit of direction.”
They nodded. We all agreed this would be the next step. “May we drop this spell, so I might check up on our guests?” Mera moved towards the door. “Perhaps you both would like a few minutes to yourselves as well.” It was a statement, not a question.
With a whisper my spell was broken and Mera slipped out the door. My thoughts were everywhere, scattered like snowflakes on the breeze. My eyes combed the cabin for some single source of focus. Once again, my gaze landed on Lance. I watched as his hand grazed over the whiskers on his face. Unable to stop myself, I reached out, taking his hand in mine and pulling him down to sit next to me. “Say something, anything. Because I don’t know what else to say.”
He turned my hand over in his, inspecting it. Then he turned to me and lifted the other. His fingers traced patterns on my claw tipped palms. “These are not the soft hands of a magus.” He trailed up one arm. “You’re dark, almost like the violet dusk that covers the skies before the night settles in.”
I shivered as he took a clawed finger and let it trail up my arm to my neck. He then cradled my head in his hands, his pointed thumbs tracing circles below my ears. I closed my eyes and sighed. My body may be different, but his touch felt the same. My breath caught as he twined a couple of my dark blue dreadlocks, running them between his fingers.
Lancer stood, pulling me up to stand with him. He walked a slow circle around me. A hungry, predatory expression covered his face. “You’re taller, it’s not bad. It suits you. You are still beautiful, no matter the color of your skin.”
I gathered my nerve and gave a small smile. Rolling my shoulders, I exposed my new wings to him… and to me, for the first time. I stretched them out wide, revealing to him the many layers of feathers. Many shades of deep inky charcoal, with the occasional shimmering of burgundy, olive, and navy, surrounded me as the candlelight shone on them. “No matter the color of your wings, it was your spirit that caught and kept my attention.”