I like doing that, anything to touch her. It makes up for years of not.
When I get rid of the tissues, I climb back in bed next to her, pulling her into my arms and covering us with the sheet. All I look at is the glisten of the little necklace around her neck.
“Do you want to hear a secret?” she says. Her voice sounds groggy.
“Always baby,” I answer, kissing the top of her head.
“You know how we were talking about me changing my mind from wanting to be a doctor?”
“Yes. I remember that.”
“I did it so I could be near you.” I gaze down at her so she can see how surprised I am to hear that.
“What are you saying to me?” I ask.
“When you started playing football in high school, I thought the only way I could always see you was if I was a cheerleader. Cheerleaders hate science nerds, so I was keeping up appearances.” She giggles. “When you marched me to the dean’s office and you made me change, I realized then that I didn’t need to do all of that. I realized then that you’d always take care of me even when you didn’t know what the hell I was up to. I’d always have you.”
She turns into me and I feel a tear fall on my arm.
I cup her face and kiss her.
“Always baby,” I promise.
She closes her eyes and falls asleep.
I press my head to hers and sleep too.
Like clockwork, I wake with the sun.
It rises at five-twenty and she’s still fast asleep. We had the kind of night where I know I don’t have to leave but I won’t assume.
This part is the hard part. Leaving and hoping she’ll follow.
Leaving and hoping she’ll remember and not think of any excuse for why we shouldn’t at least have a chance.
I get dressed and leave with hope in my heart.
I want this. I want it. Everything from last night.
All of it with her.
Nobody else.
Tania
I didn’t think he would leave.
I imagined waking up in his arms and having one last indulgence before we had to face the day.
I get it though. I know him too.
He’s not going to assume I wanted him to stay, and gave me this space and time on purpose so I can think.
I’m thinking. I have been since I woke this morning, and I’m still doing it now hours later as I sit in the meeting room going over Kayla’s blood test results.
I’m thinking and I want more of him, but at the same time, I know I have issues to address.
Nick’s the playboy. Can I trust him not to play with me and brake me?
It’s like rising again but for me this is taking a step in another direction.
Whether I like to admit this or not, this started with Owen. His betrayal opened my eyes to what was in front of me the whole time except that I’d already seen what was there.
It’s not like this is something I never realized. This was just the first time that I explored it.
What pushed me back in that direction was when Nick called me his girl.
That was the trigger, and it sent my heart back into that frenzy of wonder. What would it be like to be with Nick? Now I know.
So what am I going to do about it?
If Abby was here I would head out for the day.
Celine is late. She’s never, ever late.
It’s almost unheard of.
So I have to stay here for a while yet before I go anywhere. I can’t turn this into my first year of residency, where I used to get up to all kinds of shit.
I settle for a text.
I text him and letting know I’m thinking of him, and within seconds he sends one back telling me he’s thinking of me too.
I was going to text something else when Mac came in.
“Morning,” he beams and comes over to me.
“Morning Mac. You okay?”
He sits opposite me. “That’s what I was going to ask you.”
Instantly I straighten up, mortified at the thought of someone possibly hearing me and Nick having sex in my office yesterday.
“I’m fine. Oh Mac, I’m so sorry.” I apologize quickly and he narrows his eyes at me.
“Tania, I don’t know what you’re apologizing for, but I’ll take the apology and just tell you what I’m talking about.” He chuckles.
My whole body sighs with relief. “Okay, sorry, I’m a little tired.” I won’t add that I’m experiencing the good kind of tired, and I’m counting down the hours until I can leave and see Nick.
“That’s okay. I was going to say that I was sorry to hear what happened with Owen. I don’t know details, don’t worry. Abby was worried about you. She was trying to reach you the other day but the phone signal in the Caribbean is bad sometimes and nonexistent when they’re sailing.”
It’s nice to hear that she’s sailing with Dylan. I’ll bet they’re having a good time.
“It’s nice she wanted to check on me.”
“Are you okay?”
It’s nice of him to check on me. Mac’s a busy person, but I shouldn’t be surprised that he always makes time for his team.
“I wasn’t, but I am now.” I sigh and I think that’s the first time I’ve thought of Owen and didn’t have that pain in my heart.
“I heard he came here and there was an argument. Tania, this all happened weeks ago, how come no one said anything to me?”
“Mac, it was just bad, really bad. She didn’t tell you details?”
“No, just that you broke up just before the wedding.”
I have no qualms filling him in. It’s not like I’m ashamed it all happened to me.
“He was married. I found him with his wife,” I tell him. He straightens in complete surprise. Mac has met Owen at various fundraisers we’ve attended at the hospital.
“What?” His brows fly up. “You are joking, right?”
“No, I’m not. He’s married, and I was the other woman.” I don’t need to go into the details of my own family with that. What I’ve said is horrible enough.
“I didn’t know it was that. No wonder Abby sounded so worried. I just assumed it didn’t work out. I did wonder why he wasn’t at the wedding but then I saw Nick and you guys looked happy. I just assumed Owen couldn’t make it. Thank God Nick was there. Also heard he was there when Owen came here too.”
So he must have heard the rest of that story.
“Yeah, I’m sorry about that. I hate that my personal life followed me to work.”
“Hey, I’m not going to be the one to tell you off for that. It’s not something that can be helped. That’s definitely not what I’m saying either.” He shakes his head.
“I know, I just hate it.”
“Sure, but I am glad Nick was there. I would have never imagined that Owen could have done such a thing to you, and I’m sorry to hear it. What I will say is that please, don’t allow someone like that to cut you down. It’s easier said than done, and I know it must have hurt you deeply. It’s just not worth it.”
He looks me over with concern, and again I appreciate his care.
“Thanks Mac. Thanks for finding out if I’m okay. Mostly I just feel hollow inside still, but seeing who he really is has opened my eyes. It snapped me right out of the depression I felt over losing him, and I just don’t want to ever go through that again,” I express.
“That’s understandable. My dear girl, I think that life’s too short to spend it with the wrong person.” He gives me a firm nod, and I know he’s thinking of his wife. I can always tell when he’s making some reference to her. She was killed in a car accident along with his son. It happened long before we all met, but we’ve all been able to see how the disaster affected him.
“I agree. He was the wrong person for me. I just wish I didn’t fall for him.”
“You can’t help that part. People make us open our hearts in different ways. There’s something we see inside them that makes us trust in the relationship we have.
That’s it. You can’t feel bad for that.”
“Do you think it’s weird that I instantly unloved him when I found out what he really was?” The real question that I’m not asking is if I’m jumping the gun with Nick. But I can’t talk about Nick with Mac. Not yet. One shocker at a time. Thank God he didn’t see the newspaper that day, or I would have had much more to explain.
“No, it’s not weird. There are some things that a person can do that makes that happen straight up. You see their true face, and you can’t love that. Be glad you found out who he is sooner rather than later. It was two years, be glad it wasn’t a day more.” He smiles. “But don’t allow that event to close your heart.”
I would never be able to speak to my father about anything like this. We barely speak now. He messages, and we visit, but that damage from the past is still there and can never be undone. I guess I’m glad there’s that element of love and more glad I have someone like Mac to offer wisdom in other areas. He’s helped me find strength now.
“Thanks, I’ll remember that,” I tell him.
“Good. I’ll leave you to your review. Anything I can do to help with Kayla?”
“No, the blood tests don’t give much away. I’m brainstorming other ideas. I think it’s genetic or something more. I’d like to do more X-rays next week.”
“Okay, just say when and I’ll set everything up.”
He gets up when Celine comes in. Her eyes look slightly puffy, but she smiles.
“Morning guys,” she bubbles. There’s a lightness to her voice that she didn’t have yesterday.
“Hello, hello.” Mac smiles. “See you girls later. I have a full clinic but let me know if either of you need me.”
He leaves us and Celine sits down. Her hair is down today and it’s super wavy, very pretty.
“You okay?”
She nods. “I am. I did it. I broke up with Patrick.”
“Aww, I didn’t know that was going to happen last night.”
“Me neither. I just did it. He was asking me if I’d mind him going to see her and then I just hit him with it. He was shocked because it seemed to come from nowhere but I feel better. We’re staying friends.” She smiles. “It was sad but I think I did the right thing.”
“If you feel that it’s right then it’s right.”
“Have you had coffee yet?”
“No, I have not. Want to get some?”
“Can we get some mega fattening food too?” She giggles. I’m glad she looks happy.
“Of course. There’s some stuff I want to brainstorm with you over Kayla. We could eat and talk,” I suggest.
“Let’s do that.”
I grab my coat and we head out.
Tania
I swear it was the longest day ever, but I’m still going ahead with what I planned.
Nick is always at his office later on a Tuesday. I hope to see him by himself.
It’s almost seven. The light is on in his office; I pray it’s him. Not that I wouldn’t want to see any of the other guys.
I knock on the door and he calls out to come in. When I do, the curious look on his face has me all aroused for him again.
“Well, hell,” he states and puts out his cigarette.
I close the door and he stands.
“When did you start smoking again?” I ask.
He smiles.
I’ll never tell him how sexy he looks when he smokes because I want him to stop. I would much rather have him healthy and sexy than damaging his lungs to look sexier for me.
“I haven’t. It’s just something I do every now and again,” he explains, walking over to me. He stops a breath away. I remember last night. My cheeks burn with the recollection. “So, I’m looking at you here in my office and I’m trying to remember when last you visited.”
“You told me not to come by because the guys kept checking me out and you didn’t want to have to kill anyone,” I remind him. “I knew there’d be a ninety percent chance of you being here by yourself tonight.”
“Oh yes. So then that begs the question of you being here. Here to see me?”
“Yes,” I answer. The way he looks at me makes my nerves scatter. It’s the look of admiration filled with lust and longing. It’s the same way I feel.
“Why?” An easy smile lifts the corners of his full, sensual lips. His bright blue eyes flicker with wild desire.
“I…” I stop myself because what’s in my head is not the sort of thing we talk about on the regular. What’s in my head is us last night. It’s us wild and reckless indulging on each other, and I want that again.
“Yes?” he prods. The devil, the same way I know him, he knows me too. He knows I’m going to be coy about this. So maybe I’ll surprise him and be different.
“I want you,” I answer, my cheeks burning with the fire from his heated gaze.
“Is that so?” he asks, reaching for my waist.
“Yes.”
He runs his finger over the flat of my stomach. I’m wearing a camisole top and a blazer over it.
The silk of the top is sheer against my skin so it almost feels like he’s touching my bare skin.
“In what manner do you want me, Doctor? Sorry, it’s in my nature to check these things out and be sure. Do you want me to make you hot chocolate? We do that a lot.”
I giggle and smooth my hands up the hard walls of his chest. His chest is so hard it actually does feel like I’m touching a wall. Except the subtle beat of his heart beneath my palms and the rise and fall from his breaths, I wouldn’t know any different.
I shake my head. “No, I don’t want you to make me hot chocolate.”
“Oh, so it must be that other thing you need me for then.” Pressing into my waist, he lowers to my ear and whispers, “Tania, do you want to have sex with me?”
Instantly desire pools deep and low in my groin, making me wet, and wetter at the thought of him being inside me.
“Yes,” I whisper to him. He moves his face, brushing his nose over mine.
He’s smiling. It’s the cat-got- the-canary smile I’m more used to with him than the one of charm he’s been showing me lately.
It’s a smile that tells me he has me exactly where he wants me.
“I’ve had this fantasy of you coming here just like you are now, wearing something similar to this,” he states, now lifting the edge of my skirt. “You come here to see me, and we’re alone like we are now. I strip you naked, bend you over my desk, and take you over and over again. Will something like that work?”
All I can do is stare. I don’t know what door of reality I stepped through weeks ago, but it led me here and I like it.
My whole body blushes several shades of red just from his words. He said he’d had that fantasy. It sounds like it must have been awhile. It’s crazy to know he’s been thinking of me like that all this time, and I’m just now knowing.
“Yes,” I say, thankful that my brain can still work. “How long have you had that fantasy?” I have to ask.
He chuckles. “Since I’ve had that desk.”
Four years.
“Before that, it happens after a game. You come to me and we get busy in the changing rooms.”
“I would have had to get past all the groupies. I remember lining up just to see you.” That happened a lot. I wanted to tell him he did a good job, but I had to fight through the sea of women. Eventually stopped.
“Baby, you know the second I see you, there are no groupies, or anybody else.”
It’s true…but I think of Louise again.
I know how much he loved her, and as I think of her I remember why they broke up. He never said as much, but I think it was to do with me. She hated my guts.
I know she didn’t want him seeing me.
None of that matters now. He’s with me now, and I have him. He’s mine. When I have him like this, he’s mine.
“I want the fantasy,” I tell him.
“With pleasure, baby.” He grins wide with satisfaction.
/> He starts with my jacket by backing that down my shoulders. Next my top. He lifts it over my head, leaving me in just my bra and the little mini skirt.
“Next time, you leave that hot as fuck skirt on and the heels. In this fantasy, you’re completely naked.”
“Okay,” I answer like an obedient servant.
He unhooks my skirt from the little clip holding it together on the side, and it floats down to my feet. Then he does the sexiest thing I’ve ever seen or had done to me in my life by crouching down and biting the lacey edge of my panties. My lips part as he goes down and down, sliding them down my legs. Down further until they’re off. He then kisses my feet and makes a show of taking off my heels.
I’m now as naked as he wants me to be. I love the wild look on his face.
He stands and loosens my hair from the ponytail, making the locks tumble down my shoulders.
“Hair down. It falls over your face when I’m behind you.”
“Does it?”
“Yes. You’ll get the vision of how hot you look like that in a minute,” he promises.
I don’t know what he means, but I’m game.
I’m saying yes to everything and anything.
“What about your clothes?” I ask because here I am naked while he’s fully clothed.
“In this part of the fantasy, you get to take those off.”
I swallow hard and blink several times because that sounds like a fantasy all by itself.
“Really?”
“Oh yes.”
I try my hardest not to show how excited I am to be taking off his clothes. I also try not to practically leap on him and rip his shirt off.
Going in for subtle and sexy, I undo the buttons of his shirt as gracefully as I can. I can’t help but stare at his chest when the soft cotton lays open.
I love his body. I love looking at the work of art he is. From the deep planes and contours of his abs to the ink of his tattoos. I love touching him and having him all for myself.
I back off his shirt and try to bite back a smile when I get to work on his belt buckle.
He cups my face, and I start laughing.
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