Judy came out to the sitting room with them once Emma had settled back down with her princess nightlight on. ‘I’m really sorry about tonight, Hunter. She got herself into a full-blown panic attack. I thought it best to call you.’
‘You did the right thing,’ Hunter said. ‘She’s still having trouble getting used to Rupinder being on leave. I’ll clear my diary in the morning and take her out for brunch. I’ll let the morning-shift carer know.’
They said their goodbyes and soon after Hunter led Millie back to his car. His expression was set in frowning lines and her heart ached for the burden he carried with regard to his sister. She waited until they were both seated in the car before she spoke.
‘Hunter, I’m sorry if you thought I was intruding back there.’
He flicked her an unreadable glance as he tugged his seatbelt across his chest and clicked it into place. ‘You were intruding. Emma doesn’t cope with strangers all that well. You could have made a difficult situation so much worse.’ His curt tone cut the air like a flick-knife.
Millie suppressed her desire to snipe back at him. ‘I’m sorry. It must be so hard for you worrying about her all the time. You’re an amazing big brother. She’s so lucky to have you.’
He gripped the steering wheel even though he hadn’t yet started the engine. His gaze was fixed straight ahead, his jaw locked tight, a pulse beating in his neck. ‘Emma has a rare genetic disorder. So rare they haven’t even got a name for it. She has complex medical issues that require twenty-four-seven care. So, forgive me for being a little over-protective.’
As apologies went, it certainly wasn’t gold standard, and his tone was hardly what anyone could call friendly, but Millie didn’t care about that. She cared that he had carried the burden of care for his sister for so long on his own. She placed her hand on his muscled thigh. ‘You were being absolutely how you should be, given the stress you’re under. I can’t imagine how hard it must be to have the constant worry hanging over you. I thought my concerns over my mum were bad, but your situation with Emma is so heart-breaking.’
He released his grip on the steering wheel, his shoulders going down on a heavy sigh, his weary gaze meeting hers. He lifted a hand to her face and tucked a strand of hair back behind her ear, his mouth set in a rueful line. ‘Thank you for being so nice to Emma. And so understanding.’
‘I understand how hard it is to have someone you love limited by things outside of their control,’ Millie said. ‘My mother obviously isn’t in the same category as Emma but it’s certainly been a struggle at times.’
‘You’re a good daughter. I could see that the moment you came into my office that day. She’s lucky to have you.’
There was a small silence.
Hunter let out a long breath, his eyes still on hers. ‘I should get you home.’
Millie stroked her hand down his lean jaw, her gaze searching his. ‘Is that what you want?’
His eyes lowered to her mouth and another serrated sigh escaped his lips. His hand went to the back of her head and inexorably drew her closer to his descending mouth. ‘I think you know what I want.’ His voice was a low, deep rumble that set her pulse racing and, before she could answer him, he covered her mouth with his.
His lips moved against hers almost angrily at first, as if the night’s stress had found an outlet in blistering passion. But then his lips gradually softened into an exquisite tenderness that made her heart squeeze. He held her face in his hands and his tongue glided through her parted lips, playing with hers in a sexy tango that sent her heart rate soaring.
He finally eased back to look down at her, his hands still cradling her face. ‘The night of our blind date? I’d come straight from the hospital. Emma had a grand mal seizure. She has milder ones occasionally but this one was serious.’ His mouth twisted. ‘That’s why I wasn’t in the best of moods.’
Millie threw her arms around him and hugged him tightly. ‘Oh, I’m so sorry. And I was such a cow to you that night. What a shallow person you must have thought me. I’m so ashamed, now I know what you had to deal with. You must have been out of your head with worry.’
He put her from him to smile at her. ‘Don’t beat yourself up too much. It didn’t stop me noticing other things about you.’ His hooded gaze dipped to her mouth once more.
Millie brushed her finger over his bottom lip, her skin catching on the rich crop of stubble just below. ‘It was the anniversary of Julian’s passing... I always find that day hard, but not for the reason most people think. I don’t even know why I agreed to go on the date with you, other than Beth and Dan kept at me to get out more. I guess I thought, if I went once and it was a complete and utter disaster, then they’d let it drop.’
Hunter stroked her cheeks with his thumbs in a slow caress, his eyes holding hers. ‘Don’t you think it’s time to be honest with your friends about what you felt for Julian? Keeping up the pretence is hurting you, holding you back from living life to the full.’
Millie pulled away from his hold and sat back in her seat and fisted her hands in her lap. ‘It’s not just about me, Hunter. I have to consider Julian’s mother.’
‘Why?’
She flashed him an irritated glance. ‘Why? Because he was her only child and she lost him. And if I tell her I didn’t love him, and would never have promised to marry him if he hadn’t got sick, what do you think that will do to her? It will destroy her.’
Hunter placed a hand on her shoulder, but she shrugged it off. ‘Hey, aren’t you second-guessing how his mother might react?’
Millie looked down at her tightly knotted hands, her engagement ring winking at her, as if to remind her of her impossible situation. ‘I know Lena well. We’ve spent a lot of time together over the years. I’ve spent more time with her than my own mother. I don’t want to do anything that will cause her further pain. Now, please, can we just get going? Judy will wonder why we’re sitting out here for so long.’
Hunter started the car with a sigh, and put it into gear and eased out of the parking space. ‘I think it’s best if I run you home instead of coming back to mine. It’s almost time to get up anyway.’ There was nothing in his tone to suggest he was annoyed with her, but she sensed his frustration all the same.
‘Fine.’
The evening hadn’t gone as either of them had planned, and yet she understood far more about his situation now. It gave her an insight into his character, his love and concern for his sister more than obvious. His tenderness towards Emma had been so touching to witness. Millie could only imagine how his sister’s health issues had impacted him over the years. And his mother’s death, which must have been such a cruel blow on top of everything else.
There was a long silence broken only by the swishing of the car tyres on the rain-slicked roads.
Hunter pulled up outside Millie’s flat in Islington and she turned to him. ‘Thanks for dinner and...everything. And for letting me meet Emma. She’s very sweet.’
Something flicked over his features like a zephyr rippling across sand. ‘Yes, she is.’ He turned off the engine and got out of the car, striding round to her side with an inscrutable expression on his face. The rain had slowed to a half-hearted drizzle and the sounds of the city waking up sounded in the distance—a far-off siren, the rumble of a delivery lorry, the distinctive sound of a London cab.
Millie stepped out and touched him on the forearm. ‘I meant what I said earlier. You are an amazing brother to Emma.’
Some of the tension in his features relaxed and he gave a rueful half-smile and covered her hand with his. ‘Sorry our first night together ended the way it did. Let’s see if we can do it better tomorrow night, hmm?’
Millie licked her dry lips, her pulse already racing with anticipation. ‘Don’t you mean tonight?’
He gave a light laugh and pulled her up close. ‘So I do.’
CHAPTER NINE
&nbs
p; HUNTER DROVE BACK home wondering if he’d been a fool to allow Millie to come with him on his middle-of-the-night mission to calm his sister. He had always been so careful to keep his lovers away from Emma. They were temporary, and had no long-term place in his life, and therefore none in his sister’s. But Millie’s response to Emma and her immediate, intuitive and compassionate understanding of the situation touched him deeply.
How could it not? He’d been carrying the weight alone for so long that sharing it with someone, even for a moment, was heartening. She got it. So many people didn’t. The stress of never being able to relax in case there was another crisis just around the corner. The sense of always being on duty, the background noise of persistent worry overshadowing every other thing in his life.
The night had been a show-stopper in so many ways. He’d always suspected making love with Millie would be wonderful, but he hadn’t been prepared for just how wonderful. Her passionate response to him was electrifying and he couldn’t wait to make love to her again. His body craved her like a forbidden drug, but he knew he would have to be careful not to get too addicted to her. He had his fling rules written in stone in his head and nothing and no one—not even someone as delightfully entertaining and gorgeous as Millie Donnelly-Clarke—was going to change them.
Her openness about the situation with her late fiancé had been humbling. He was not the heart-on-the-sleeve type, but he could still understand how difficult it must have been for her to reveal the depths of her anguish over her past relationship. He understood the way guilt could grind you down, eat away at you until you could taste it in your mouth and feel it swirling in your gut. The fact that Millie had let him into her private world of pain had in some ways made it easier for him to let her into his. Was that why he hadn’t insisted on her staying in the car? Why he had taken her with him instead of dropping her at her home first? He could have put his foot down.
He smiled to himself when he thought of her feisty reaction to when he commanded her to do something. But he liked that about her, right? Her push-back was a turn-on. She stood up to him, challenged him and dared him to do differently, which in the long run could be a problem. A big problem. Even the most closed off part of his brain sensed the dangerous territory he was drifting into. He had allowed her closer than he had allowed anyone in years, possibly ever.
But, hot damn, it felt good, and he would enjoy it while it lasted.
* * *
When Millie came out for breakfast the next morning, Zoey was sitting at the kitchen table with a tub of yoghurt in front of her and a teaspoon halfway up to her mouth. She put the spoon down and her mouth shaped into a teasing smile. ‘I’m surprised you’re up at this hour, given how late you came in. Dare I ask where you were and what you were doing until almost daybreak?’
Millie checked the water level in the kettle and then switched it on. ‘It was certainly a night to remember.’ She took out a mug from the cupboard and turned to look at her friend. ‘I met Hunter Addison’s sister, who has a disability. She’s lovely.’
‘He took you to meet his sister? Oh, and here I was thinking you had bed-wrecking sex with him all night and—’
‘I did. Well, before I met Emma, that is.’
Zoey’s eyebrows shot up. ‘You actually slept with him?’ Her gaze went to Millie’s left hand for the briefest of moments. ‘Wow. I wondered if you’d ever get back on the horse, so to speak.’
Millie turned back to the hissing kettle and, placing a tea bag in her mug, poured the boiling water in. ‘Yes, well, I was wondering about that myself.’ She jiggled the tea bag a few times and then took it out and popped it in the bin beside the counter. She came back and sat at the table opposite Zoey, cradling the mug in her hands.
‘So, how was it?’ Zoey was leaning forward, her face alive with intrigue.
Millie could feel her cheeks growing as hot as the mug in her hands. ‘It was amazing.’
‘Are you seeing him again or was that just a one-off thing?’
Millie put the mug down on the table between them. ‘We’re having a fling, but I want to keep it quiet for the sake of Julian’s mother. It’s only a fling. It’s not going to go anywhere. But I don’t want her to feel I’m cheapening Julian’s memory by having it off with a notorious playboy.’
Zoey frowned. ‘Do you really think Lena is going to mind if you finally move on with your life?’
Millie pushed a tiny crumb on the table a few millimetres away with her finger, her gaze lowered. ‘She will find it difficult, of course. How could she not? If I were to one day marry someone else and have the children she thought I was going to have with her son, then how else do you think she’d feel?’
Zoey sat back in her chair with a thump. ‘I think you’re overthinking it, truly I do. She might be pleased for you. Yes, of course she will always be sad about losing Jules, but I don’t think she would want you to lock yourself away for ever.’
‘I can’t risk it.’
Zoey made a snorting noise of disdain and leaned forward again, her violet gaze probing. ‘But what you do you want? Do you want to spend the rest of your life wearing a dead man’s ring, never knowing what it feels like to be a bride, a wife, a mother? All the things you wanted so badly with Jules?’
Millie placed her hands around the mug again and stared at the dark liquid inside. How long could she keep this dreadful pretence up? Especially with her friends? She had told Hunter. Maybe it was time to tell Zoey and Ivy too.
She slowly lifted her gaze back to Zoey’s searching one. ‘The thing is... I didn’t want those things with Julian.’
The silence was so intense, the air seemed to ring with the echo of her words.
‘You didn’t?’ Zoey’s tone was beyond shocked, her mouth hanging open. ‘But I thought—’
‘I know what everyone thought,’ Millie said, whooshing out a breath. ‘And I encouraged them to think it. I wanted to end things with Julian even before he got sick. He didn’t seem the same person to me, and he certainly wasn’t once he’d had the first round of surgery. Thinking back now, it was probably the brain tumour growing that first changed him, and then the surgery made it worse.’
‘Oh, Millie...’ Zoey seemed completely lost for words, which was somewhat out of character for a girl with a razor-sharp intellect and rapid-fire tongue. She reached across the table and grasped Millie’s hand. ‘Why didn’t you say something earlier?’
‘I couldn’t. I felt so guilty. How could I have told him it was over when he had just been diagnosed? Or just after surgery or when he was in and out of remission? It would have been cruel, not just to him but to his mother too.’
‘And all this time you’ve carried this...’ Zoey’s eyes were suspiciously moist, and her throat rose and fell as if she was trying to gulp back a sob. She leaned back again and brushed at her eyes with an impatient hand and added, ‘Gosh, now you’ve made me cry, and nothing ever makes me cry.’
Millie wondered if Zoey’s self-confessed hard heart was quite as tough as she made out. Zoey was good at the tough-as-nails façade, just as Millie was good at being the heart-sore fiancée left all alone. Once you played a role long enough, it became an entrenched part of your persona, sort of like a typecast actor. ‘I know, it kind of snowballed, you know? One decision turns into two decisions and then three and four and, before you know it, you’re trapped in a web of your own making.’
‘Would you have married him if he had lived a few more days?’
Millie lifted one shoulder in a shrug. ‘I know this sounds weak and pathetic of me, but I probably would have. It’s amazing what guilt will make you do.’
‘I don’t know why you should be feeling guilty. You didn’t give him the cancer.’
‘I know, but once he had it I gave him hope, and I couldn’t bear to take it away from him when he needed it the most.’
Zoey pushed back her chair and came
round and wrapped her arms around Millie’s shoulders. Her friend wasn’t normally a physically demonstrative person, so the hug meant a lot. ‘Jules was lucky to have you by his side. You did what you thought was the best thing at the time but now you have to think about what you want.’ She pulled back to look at Millie. ‘And, if you want Hunter Addison, then go for it.’
‘Even if it’s only for a fling?’
Zoey shifted her mouth from side to side, deep in thought. ‘Not ever having had a fling myself, I can’t advise you on that. But, hey, if you’re going to have one, maybe I will too.’ She picked up her tub of yoghurt and the teaspoon. ‘I just have to find someone as hot as Hunter Addison. Wish me luck?’
Millie smiled. ‘Be careful what you wish for.’ But she might as well have been saying it to herself.
* * *
The following day Hunter was relieved to hear that Rupinder was back on duty with Emma now that her mother was making a good recovery. After taking Emma out for brunch—and hearing her chatter incessantly about how nice Millie was, and asking when she could come for a visit again—he finally settled her back in at home. He was determined there would be no more visits from Millie. It wouldn’t do to get Emma’s hopes up when all he and Millie were doing was having a short-term fling.
A friendship between his sister and Millie was out of the question, even if a part of him acknowledged that Millie was exactly the sort of person who would be good for Emma. She was sweet, compassionate and understanding. She didn’t gawk or stare or ask intrusive questions. She accepted Emma as she was and for that he was immensely grateful. But a cosy little friendship between his sister and Millie couldn’t happen.
Breaking the Playboy's Rules Page 11