by Mimi Grace
He nodded. Intrigued, but trying to close the dam he’d unintentionally opened. He didn’t want to give her the impression he wanted to talk. He turned the music back on.
“It’s hard, and not as glamorous as people think,” she continued over the noise, “but it’s such a beautiful thing when you complete a successful campaign or launch a brand to great reception.” She looked at him quickly. “One day it’ll be cool to have my own firm.”
He had to force himself not to moan out loud that she was still speaking. By the way she talked about her work, he could tell it excited her because her arms moved dramatically while she spoke. She looked like a bird trying to take flight for the first time. Her enthusiasm was charming. It briefly reminded him why five years ago he’d almost asked her out. But again, he didn’t want to chat, because he was convinced their silence was keeping the animosity at bay.
“What current project are you working on?” he asked, surprised to realize the question had come from his mouth.
Motioning toward the paper and notebook cocoon she had created around herself, she said, “Right now we’re in the thick of things trying to launch this apothecary line. The clients are a little difficult, but we’re on schedule for a late-summer launch party. We begin a mini press tour in a month or so. It’s the biggest account I’ve ever led.”
Jolene knew she was rambling. From the start of their trip, they’d travelled in silence as if entombed in a library, and she’d just driven a sledgehammer into it. Later on, she’d reflect on how needy and pathetic she seemed, like an uncoordinated kid at a tap dance recital looking at the audience for approval. But it thrilled her to flex her accomplishments to Jason. She would rather chew glass than admit it, but she wanted him to be impressed by her skills, because he was a successful dentist who graduated from a prestigious dental school.
She’d worked really hard to shed the funk that came with graduating high school a year late. Her sister had been the brilliant one who’d soared through her undergraduate with plans to complete her Master of Architect degree. Jolene, on the other hand, when she finally stumbled her way into college, had to work incredibly hard to make decent grades. College came with a steep learning curve. Skipping classes in high school and doing the bare minimum hadn’t prepared her for the hard work and responsibility to come. Naturally, she battled feeling inadequate.
But pleasure had bloomed in her chest when she’d looked at Jason and caught his mild interest. It had encouraged her so much that she blurted out how she wanted to own her own PR firm one day. A dream she let simmer in the back of her mind. No one, not even her closest friends or family, knew about it. But she resented the idea of him seeing her as she was years ago. She was worthy of him having an actual conversation with; she was no longer a hot mess.
However, Jason’s polite smile and less than enthusiastic response to her rambling worked as a cold dose of reality, and Jolene recommitted herself to their pact of silence. He’d never been talkative anyway, even when they were on speaking terms. Unfortunately, in that moment the electric voice of James Brown filled the small confines of the vehicle.
“Ah, I love James Brown,” she said as she turned the volume up.
Jason’s music choice till this point had been okay. She bided her time till her turn arrived to put on her own music, but James Brown had been her grandma’s favorite artist, so he had a special place in her heart. Jason gave her a sidelong look before they both let the rhythm and funk of “Papa’s Got A Brand New Bag” take them.
The desire to go full out and swing her head back and forth nagged, but she would leave that to her solo bedroom concerts. Instead, she tamely bobbed her head and slapped her thigh like she played the tambourine. He drummed his fingers against the steering wheel, which drew her attention to his hands. They looked large and strong. He probably had a girlfriend who appreciated those long, solid fingers. She tensed at the thought of the woman’s good fortune.
Obviously, it’s been too long if I’m feeling some type of way about a guy I don’t even like, fingering a woman I don’t even know.
“I remember watching his live performance at the Super Bowl on TV,” he finally said as the song went into its final verse.
“God, how old are you?” She immediately regretted how churlish it came off.
“I turn thirty-six in September.”
“That wasn’t supposed to come out so harsh or meant to offend, by the way.” After a beat she added, “I respect my elders.”
That gained her a laugh from Jason. Not a good-natured laugh, but one that was more air than sound. “Don’t worry about it, you’ll get here soon enough, and when you’re older, you’re not going to get a pass on your attitude.”
“What attitude? I think I’m quite sweet,” she said, picking imaginary lint from her lap.
“Are you? I don’t think I’d ever describe you as sweet. Perhaps snarky, sarcastic, abrasive, funny even, but not ever ‘honey-rainbow-sunshine sweet.’”
“We don’t spend nearly enough time together for you to make such a judgment call.” She clenched her hands into almost painful fists.
“It’s not even noon yet, and you’ve already called me boring and old,” he countered.
“Well, in terms of boring, you’re not exactly proving me wrong with your great conversational skills, and as for old”—she gave his slightly gray hair at his temples a pointed look—“I would recommend box color four, dark brown.”
If Jolene allowed herself to be honest, she would admit she found his graying hair extremely attractive and dignified.
“The people around you have to inspire the conversation, and honestly, Jolene, a white wall is more encouraging.”
“You’ve called me worse. I’ll take my victories where I can,” she said.
Jason gave her a look as if contemplating his next words. “You’re referring to our confrontation at your parents’ place. If I remember correctly, you acted spoiled, immature, and selfish.” He shrugged. “I don’t know how else to describe getting absolutely wasted at your own sister’s wedding and nearly destroying the entire event.”
The familiar feeling of shame gripped Jolene’s stomach. It humiliated her to watch the videos of her climbing on the wedding party’s table and shouting about her misgivings about love and relationships and lamenting about her embarrassingly short marriage at twenty years old. But after copious amounts of wine and several Jäger bombs, her manifesto had been more wailing and cursing than any coherent argument. The incident had caused tension between Jolene and Nicky for a few months. And even long after things had smoothed out between the sisters, guilt gnawed at Jolene.
The day after Nicole and Ty’s wedding, however, Jason had thrown salt in the wound. Close friends and family had congregated at the Baxter girls’ childhood home for lunch and to open the wedding gifts. Jolene had been nursing a wicked headache and humiliation, but she’d approached the day with a pasted-on smile like she often did when faced with the consequences of her screwups.
Most of the attendees at the intimate gathering had ignored her or given her quick, disapproving glances. When Jason arrived, he apparently hadn’t received the memo that operation “ignore the drunk from last night” was in full effect. When Jolene had made a comment about an ugly gift under her breath while Jason stood close by, he had turned to her and scowled.
They’d built a rapport throughout the wedding-planning process, and she found him intelligent and incredibly attractive. At that moment, the disgust she saw in the depth of his eyes had taken her aback. She hadn’t said anything overly rude; besides, he’d been the only one who’d caught it. She rolled her eyes and continued to watch her sister and new brother-in-law open their gifts. But her response to his disapproval seemed to annoy him further.
He had stepped close, and in a low voice he’d said, “If I were you, I’d make my presence as low-key as possible.”
As a twenty-three-year-old woman almost done with her stint in college, she wouldn’t let a man sh
e’d just met a few months ago treat her like some child. “I’m grown. I don’t need you to tell me what I should or should not do, thanks.”
“You might be an adult, but you’re also a spoiled brat. You disrupted my best friend’s day, not to mention your sister’s. And for what? To make yourself feel special and compensate for your shit personality?”
They’d been standing in her parents’ modest-sized living room with a dozen people, but their conversation had thus far gone unnoticed.
“Fuck you,” Jolene had hissed.
She might have continued on and told Jason where he could stick his condescending and paternalistic crap if her voice hadn’t carried. The previously buzzing room fell quiet. And the weary look on her sister’s face as she sat surrounded by half-opened gifts, brought the embarrassment Jolene had fought with the aggression of a baby rhino to the forefront. The weight of it crushed her, and Jolene had made a promise to herself at that moment never to fuck up that badly again. She’d left soon after, and that had been the last time she’d had a conversation with Jason, until now.
Jason regretted his intensity the minute Jolene had fallen silent. He knew she hadn’t made the comments about his age and demeanor maliciously. He hadn’t even been offended, but he saw the opening to push her a little, and he did, and now her face looked gray and solemn. He ran his hand through his hair.
So much for grace and composure.
“Listen, I’m sorry. I don’t regret what I said to you back then, because it was the truth, but you’re right in saying that I don’t know you well enough to make any assessment on your character.”
“Don’t backtrack now, Jason Akana,” she said. The warmth returned to her face as she left her deep thoughts.
The way she said his name made him feel a little tight in his chest. She enunciated the consonants and rolled over the vowels leisurely and made them sound rich and decadent.
Resisting the urge to ask her to say his full name again, he took a couple of measured breaths. “This trip doesn’t have to be the place where we hash out our issues with one another or even attempt to convince each other that we’re not what the other thinks we are. We’re doing a favor for people we care for. That’s it.”
“Fair enough,” she said, giving him a small nod that he read as a sort of truce.
Slowly, as the minutes went by, they returned to a place where comfortable silence reigned. Jolene abandoned the work she’d been doing to stare outside the window at the mountainous landscape with trees that didn’t look any bigger than toothpicks.
After a while he said, “There’s a gas station we’ll stop at in forty-five minutes. You can stretch your legs, use the washroom, and grab some food if you want.”
The scenery transformed from open highway to a rural one-lane road with dense trees lining either side. Eventually they spotted a clearing with a lone gas station. It only had two pump stations and a small convenience store beside it. They found one person already filling gas while two other men sat on a bench right next to the entrance of the store. They all looked up when Jolene and Jason parked their van beside the vacant pump. A long, uncomfortable staring contest ensued that wouldn’t let up. Jason got the sense that if either he or Jolene made one wrong move or comment, they’d have a confrontation on their hands.
“How much do you want to bet we’re the first people of color they’ve seen in a while?” she asked, almost whispering.
“Wait, you think they’ve noticed us?”
She gave him a look full of amusement and disbelief.
“I do have a sense of humor, you know,” he said.
“I wouldn’t have guessed. You seem like the type who only really watches documentaries that convince you to stop eating meat and gluten.”
He rolled his eyes, and they exited the van. The men’s gazes remained trained on both of them, and Jason abandoned his initial plan to fill the gas while Jolene went into the store alone. He walked around the van and came to Jolene’s side, and they entered the cramped store together. A radio behind the front counter played at an inaudible level, and the heat that had built up throughout the morning made the confined space feel stuffy. The store attendant, a tall man with a wispy comb-over, said nothing. Jason could feel his eyes following them as they maneuvered between the shelves. Jolene picked up for herself a fizzy drink, a large bottle of water, a bag of potato chips, and a couple tabloid magazines. He knew he had snacks from home in his backpack, so he simply purchased a pack of gum.
“I got this,” he said.
She looked like she might protest or at least say something smart, but all she did was smile.
“You can go use the washroom as I pay for these,” he said, pointing to the door at the back of the store.
She looked at him. “No, I’m fine.”
He frowned and started to mention how he wouldn’t stop again for a few hours, but she gently placed her hand on his forearm. The contact surprised him, and it stung like an electric current had run through him. Their usual interactions never consisted of physical touch, and he remained quiet, picking up and understanding her silent message. They left the store with their purchased items, and Jason filled the gas tank while the watchful audience kept him company. He knew someone who hadn’t been in similar situations would say he imagined the tension. Thankfully, within five minutes, they’d left. Neither one of them said anything until they couldn’t see the gas station in the rearview mirror.
“God, I got such a creepy vibe in that store. I just wanted to get out of there,” she finally said and let out a big sigh.
Jason nodded. He’d been uneasy too.
“Like, did you see the gun just propped up behind him?” she asked, turning to him.
He shook his head. He hadn’t, but her actions and demeanor back at the store now made more sense, and he would’ve had a similar reaction.
“We’re good now,” he said, resisting the urge to pat her leg in comfort. “We’ll stop in another hour or so for a bathroom break, and you can grab some real food.”
He turned to her to make sure the plan suited her, and she smiled at him in a way she’d never done before, full and genuine.
He looked away immediately.
“Oh, ‘real food’? For your information potato chips and pop are vital food groups,” she said, raising the two items while doing some off-tune interpretation of angelic vocalization.
Jason ignored how suddenly the sound of her voice didn’t make him think of shattered mirrors at all.
Chapter 3
“You’re sure you don’t want any more?” Jolene asked, tipping the half-empty potato chip bag.
Jason shook his head. They’d parked in a lot near a strip mall to eat lunch. It looked like quite the schoolyard lunch set-up. Jason had taken some of her chips, then he’d offered her a granola bar from the full lunchbox he’d brought on the trip. He held up the muffins Ty had baked for them in mock offering.
“God bless Ty, but I’d have to be stranded and starving to eat those,” Jolene said.
The doors were ajar, but the pathetic breeze didn’t alleviate the heat that had come as the sun reached its peak. Jolene regretted her choice to wear jeans and quelled the desire to unbutton them. She engaged in small talk to distract herself from the heat.
“I can’t believe you packed food.” Jolene nodded toward Jason’s now-empty lunchbox that somehow fit into his backpack full of clothes.
He gave her a look and she swore she saw him smile.
“My mom packed my food for this trip.”
“No, she did not.” Jolene let out a small laugh. She tossed the evidence of her lunch in the nearby trashcan and got into the driver’s seat that Jason had vacated.
“She did. She was a single mom who worked a lot, so I grew up eating fast food until I was old enough to cook. But now that she’s retired, she compensates by throwing all the home-cooked meals my way,” he said.
Jolene smiled sincerely. “That’s precious.”
“She’s gre
at, the best person I know.”
Jolene wondered about Jason’s demeanor and personality as a child. She could see him being the kind of kid who’d let the teachers know that recess had technically been over for two minutes. But she could also see him as the child on the playground who stood up to a bully regardless of size. The last visual made her heart squeeze a little.
“Your mother must be proud that you became a dentist.”
“My mom and aunt wore traditional Tongan clothes to the graduation ceremony and could barely contain themselves,” he said. “It made everything worth it.”
Jolene assumed “everything” meant the student loans, studying, and stress. He sounded reflective and a bit distant as he looked out of his window. The momentary silence allowed Jolene to locate vital mechanisms in the unfamiliar vehicle.
“I can drive for a few more hours, if you want,” Jason said after some time.
How long had he been watching her? She was mildly annoyed with herself that he detected her nervousness.
“No, it’s fine.” She turned the key, bringing the van to life. “I can do it.”
They’d planned to drive the entire journey without stopping overnight, but it meant they’d arrive at Ty and Nicole’s new home at two a.m. local time on Sunday. It worked because both Jolene and Jason had flights booked for Sunday afternoon to make it back home in time to rest and prep for the new workweek.
With a bravado she didn’t feel, Jolene cranked up the air conditioner, turned on her music playlist, and fidgeted with the GPS before maneuvering them out of the parking lot. To her credit, she didn’t destroy any of the parked cars. In her mind she gave herself a pat on the back. She looked over at Jason and noticed the unnatural grip he had on his seat.
“Jolene, eyes on the road.”
A sarcastic response died on her lips when she immediately drove over a speed bump too fast. She sent an apologetic glance Jason’s way. She wasn’t a bad driver. Perhaps she gripped the steering wheel too tight and sat too forward, but she was simply a nervous driver. It was a result of never going through Driver’s Ed and waiting to get her license.