She opened her eyes and pressed her hands against my chest.
“Don’t…Stop…Get off!” she demanded.
“What’s wrong?” I asked, my face covered in a huge smile.
“Shut up, don’t talk to me,” she sighed.
“Kace?” I asked.
She raised her hand in the air between us.
I looked at her face and smiled. Her eyes closed, covered in sweat, and attempting to recover from a humongous orgasm, her entire body quivered.
“Kace?” I asked, knowing it would irritate her.
She raised her hand again, “Shut up, Shane. I need time.”
I rolled from the bed and went to my bedroom. Slowly and quietly, I walked back into the room.
I lowered myself onto the bed, and softly pressed myself against her.
“You okay now?” I asked.
“Better,” she whispered, her eyes still closed.
“What happened?” I asked.
“You know what happened. Death by orgasm,” she held her fingers in the air, her thumb and forefinger a hair apart.
“That close,” she said, her eyes still closed,
I smiled.
“Take your time, babe. I love you,” I said softly as I kissed her stomach.
“I love you,” she said, still relaxing with her eyes closed.
“Remember what I said about talking?” I asked.
“Uh huh,” she responded.
“Well, I have a simple question for you Kace. Well, I guess it’s a statement and a question,” I said.
She opened her eyes.
“Just like you said, let me finish, okay?” I asked.
She nodded.
“My father Kace. He abused my mother. I had repressed the memory for my entire life. That day when we opened the chest, I had a mental breakdown. My mind brought all of the memories back, and I shut down. The second day, I went to a psychiatrist. He brought up a lot of points about my childhood. We don’t need to talk about all of them now, but I’ll tell you a few,” I took a deep breath and kissed her stomach again.
“My father used to beat my mother, and the only place I had to hide was in my room. I hid under a blanket that I thought was special. I thought it had protective powers. I thought if I hid under it, he wouldn’t beat me, and that he was also not really beating my mother. It’s taken me a month to realize some of these things,” I took another shallow breath and kissed her stomach.
“I hide in my hoodie as a result of my childhood. I find comfort there. It’s sad, but that’s why I wear it. I’m not ready to stop, Kace, but I think I’m getting better,” I kissed her stomach again as she wiped tears from her eyes.
“I hated my father for it for a while. But that speech you gave at the ring, at the fight…well, it made all too much sense. I already felt that way, but you saying it made it sink in. I suppose my father was sick about my mother leaving. And his way of clearing his head was to fight the only way he knew – as a US Marine in a war that he couldn’t win. He died fighting. In a sense, he died fighting so he didn’t have to beat another woman. At least that’s what I’m thinking,” I paused and took another breath as I started to fill with emotion.
I got this.
“My grandfather did the same thing. I’m sure of it. He beat my grandmother until she left. I don’t remember it, not really. But I am starting to. Generations of abuse creates generations of abusers. The chain has to be broken, and rebuilt. It can’t merely be broken and left alone, or it’s all for nothing,” I explained.
With both hands and without talking, she wiped the tears from her eyes. It was all I could do to see her cry. I attempted to maintain my composure as I finished. I was almost done.
I took another breath.
“Now, the question,” I exhaled.
KACE. I was an emotional mess. I wasn’t ready for all of this talk. Shane had me on cloud nine, and now this talk was so sad. I felt so sorry for him, for his father, and for his grandfather. I felt sorry for their wives, but basically, they were me.
We’re the same.
Shane is a good man. I know he couldn’t control his father, especially not as a child. Now his fighting made a lot more sense. He was fighting against everything that he hated. He was fighting to make everything make sense.
He was fighting for me and those like me.
“So, the chain. It’s gotta be broken and rebuilt,” he said as he lifted his lips from my stomach.
“People in an abusive relationship have children. The girls grow up and get beaten. The boys grow up and beat women. From time to time, a girl or boy is born that’s different. I’m that boy. But for me Kace, for me - I need to fix this. I need to start something to fix it. To fix me,” he said.
He rubbed his face with his hand and took a breath.
“This is where you come in,” he smiled.
“Kace, I want to, someday…not right now, but someday - I want to have children with you. I want that. I want to raise children the right way. I want to raise them in a house with a yard and a swing set and everything that kids need. I want to be there every day and provide them with the answer to every question they can muster,” he paused and took a breath.
His eyes were filled with tears, but none leaked out.
I couldn’t take it any longer. I sat up and wrapped my arms around him. I loved this man with every morsel of my existence. No one, at any time or place, has ever loved or respected a man as much as I love and respect Shane Dekkar. I held him a close as I could - smashing my body against his.
My flowers.
My car.
One day he wants kids
My chin on his shoulder, I held my arms around his shoulders. He stared at the wall, resting his chin on his clenched fists. I had felt so much emotion in the last few hours, I felt as if I was going to have a nervous breakdown. I needed to be strong for Shane. It wasn’t very often that he’d need me to hold him up, but I think this is one of those times.
“Which brings us to the question,” he said.
I raised my chin from his shoulder.
He took a deep breath.
I can’t take any more. Please no more.
“Kace,” he barely got my name out of his mouth without losing composure.
“Kace, I need to…” he turned his head to the side and licked his dry lips.
“Know something,” he said as he moved his head from his hands.
He opened his clenched fist and reached into his palm with his other hand.
“Would you consider marrying me?” he asked as he removed a diamond ring from his palm.
As he held the ring up, I burst into tears and grabbed his shoulders again. I sobbed and shook as I held him in my arms.
My entire life, since about thirteen, all I ever wanted was to get married and have children. To be able to do it with this man would make me the happiest woman on earth. Incapable of comprehending the emotions I was feeling, I sobbed and held him in my arms.
“Kace?” he asked, holding the ring over his shoulder in front of my face.
I looked at the diamond ring.
Holy.Mother.Of.God.
I wanted that ring more than anything. I wanted to be this man’s wife.
“Kace will you answer? Will you marry me?” he asked, his voice shaking. The ring shook in his hand.
I held him in my arms, sobbing, and opened my mouth.
No words.
“Kace?” he asked, “Kace, will you?”
Tears dripped off of my chin onto his back. I needed to answer him. Inside my head, I said yes, but my mouth wouldn’t work. I lowered my hands, and massaged my tears into his back.
I opened my mouth.
Nothing.
“Kace, babe?” he asked.
And I did the only thing I knew to do.
I raised my hand and tapped him once.
For yes.
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Undefeated - A New Adult Romance Novel Page 20