by Stacey Wilk
“Stop lecturing me.”
“I’m just saying you deserve some happiness too, and if she’s it…” His words trailed off.
“Kace, man, please shut up.”
“You don’t have to keep punishing yourself. You did the time. The time you committed yourself to. No one else did that. Not even Mom.”
He put the beer bottle on the bar a little too hard. “That’s enough.” Now wasn’t the place or the time.
He’d come here to forget about Ajay for a few hours and to forget about Calista. Now she was smiling at other men while handing them drinks, and Kace had picked at the wound he never wanted to touch.
Kace held up his hands. “Whatever you want, but I’m not sorry I said it.”
The band kicked up their first rock song. The singer’s gritty voice growled along with the guitar. The volume of the crowd rose to be heard over the music. At least Kace would shut up for now.
Kace had hit too close to the truth, and he hated that his brother could read him so well. He had worked hard to keep his feelings for Calista tucked away and out of sight. He might not always do a good job of it. His ex-wife had known there was a ghost in the bed with them. She had blamed him for getting her pregnant and ruining her plans. She’d left him and Izzi on a cold night while he held his sleeping daughter in his arms.
He downed the rest of the beer. A few people danced and nodded their heads to the music. The band had switched to a faster-paced song.
“I’ll be back.” Kace went to the dance floor. He tapped on Phyllis’s shoulder and put his arms out. She gladly took his hands and danced with him.
Calista took the stool a few feet away. She peeled the label off her beer and tore it into pieces. He eased off the stool and moved in her direction before he could talk himself out of it with some excuse of checking on the town.
“What did that label do to you?”
Her head snapped up. A smile spread across her face, but she dropped it when she realized where the voice came from. “Is there some law on the books that says I can’t tear up my label, Sheriff Ryker? Am I breaking one of your precious rules?”
She was still mad at him for what he’d said earlier about not wanting any advice from her. He hadn’t appreciated her comparison of his grandfather and Justin either.
“I’m sorry about what I said at your house today. You can break any law you want. I’d still have to arrest you for it, but it’s your choice to follow the rules or not.”
Her lips twitched in a small smile. He’d take that as a score and sat next to her.
“I didn’t invite you to take the seat next to me.”
“Sure you did. You just don’t know it.” He hoped her small smile would spread a little wider, but she only glared at him.
He didn’t move. Maybe it was the song the band played now. Something quieter with lyrics that spoke of things that were still the same. Or maybe it was what Kace had said to him. He wanted her to smile for him the way she used to.
“You’re not going to go away, are you?” Her voice dragged him back to the crowded bar and away from thoughts of her smile.
“It’s a public place. Can I buy you another beer?”
“Is this man bothering you, Calista?” Kennedy appeared in front of them. She wiped the bar and scooped up the torn pieces of paper. She shot him a glare from the corner of her eye.
“Kennedy, I’m the damn sheriff of the town. Do you really think I’d harass someone?”
“You’re not the sheriff here when you’re sitting next to her.” She shoved her finger in his face.
Calista put her hand up. “I’ve got this. Go pour some drinks before you do something you regret.”
“I’ll go, but only because you said so. Not because of him.” She turned on her heel.
He yearned for some peace and ran a hand over his face. Coming here had been a bad idea. “She’s a good friend to you.”
“She’s a little overprotective. That’s something you should be able to relate to.” She curled her lip.
Now she smiled at him.
“We broke up a long time ago. She needs to get over it. You have.” He pushed off the stool.
She blinked. “I had no choice.”
His blood turned to ice water. “You had plenty of choices.”
“You don’t understand how I feel. I had to move on.”
He leaned in to be heard over the music. “The bar isn’t the place for this conversation. I don’t need the whole town to hear us.”
Tears filled her eyes. She opened her mouth but shut it.
He should walk away and go home, but the anguish on her face and the longing in his chest pulled him closer to her. “I never hurt you or lied to you. I only ever loved you, and you didn’t want us anymore. You could have trusted me.”
“I know you were in pain and angry too, but your brother—”
“My brother what, Calista? My brother killed your sister. I know. I know every day, but I’m not Ajay.”
He was tired of fighting this fight. The past was the past. He wished he could undo it. He’d lost plenty of sleep over the helplessness that tied him up.
The band segued into a slower song. He held out his hand and took a chance. What he could never say with words he had tried to tell her through his actions. “Would you dance with me?”
“Did you just ask me to dance with you?” She shook her head.
He hesitated. “Dance with me. Please.”
“I have to get back to work.”
“Can you trust me for two minutes? Besides, Kennedy isn’t going to fire you.” He only wanted a few minutes to show her he had not gotten over her. If she saw that, she might listen to him about his feelings for her.
She stared at his hand as if the answer was in his palm. He was about to give up and go home, but she placed her soft, small hand into his calloused one. The heat from her touch ran up his arm and straight to his chest.
He laced his fingers through hers and led her onto the dance floor before she could change her mind and run away.
He didn’t look anywhere except straight ahead, not wanting to make eye contact with Kace or Phyllis. If he did that, he might falter. He weaved Calista through the crowd that had formed and found a small open space in the corner of the dance floor.
He pulled her closer and placed his hand on her waist. She worked her bottom lip under her teeth but laid her hand on his shoulder. He wanted to tuck her against his chest the way he used to but kept a few inches of space between them.
He held her gaze to make sure he wasn’t dreaming. In that moment, there was nowhere else he wanted to be.
“Why did you want to dance with me?”
“I don’t know. Maybe so you’d stop glaring at me.”
“Gage, this…this feels wrong.” She tried to pull away.
“No, it doesn’t. Nothing has felt this right in a long time.” He turned her on the dance floor to keep her with him.
He meant what he said. His world made sense with her in it. Because of her, he could remember who he was before Ajay died. He wanted to be that man again—young, fearless, driven, and free.
“Thank you.” She stared up at him with wide eyes.
“For what?”
“For somehow knowing I needed this and forcing me off that stool.” Her grip against his shoulder tightened.
“I can still read you pretty well.” He spun her around again. He knew all her tell signs. He had studied her when they dated, wondering the whole time why she wanted him, and just when he thought he had that part figured out, they were over.
“You thought a dance with you would cheer me up.” She smiled at him. Finally.
“You’ve been through a lot since you came back. I know having me around doesn’t always help that.”
“Being with you confuses me.”
Her honesty cut him. “I wish that weren’t true.”
“Me too.”
Chapter Nine
Calista could not hear the band p
laying over the roar of her heart in her ears. She hoped she appeared calmer than the way her insides shook. When Gage asked her to dance, the world tipped on its side. She should have said no, run from the place, but her emotions poured out of her mouth with a resounding yes. Yes. Hold me. Yes. Dance with me. Yes. Still have feelings for me.
She could not read more into this moment than it was. He asked her to dance because he’d taken pity on her. She probably did have a sour look on her face while she took her frustrations out on that beer bottle. And she hadn’t been all that nice to him when he sat down next to her.
She glanced up to find him looking at her. The intensity in his brown-eyed stare sent shivers over her skin. She wanted to run her fingers through his thick, full, wavy hair. Instead, she gripped his broad shoulder tighter as he moved her around their little space on the dance floor.
His earthy, masculine scent drifted toward her and rendered her hotter than she already was. She could blame the crowded dance floor for the extra heat, or she could be honest and say that no man had ever made her light up like a brush fire the way Gage Ryker did.
When she was with him, her shoulders straightened a little more. Gage was the fabric of this town. He’d garnered respect taking care of his family’s ranch until he graduated from college and went to the police academy. Which only gave him more admiration from the people of Backwater. He was handsome and funny and protective of his loved ones. He could have had any woman, and he had wanted her. Until she dumped him.
The band started up an old Phil Collins song. She expected Gage to step away from her, but he tugged her closer to him, only not so close that they touched. She tried to ignore the disappointment taking up residence in her belly. She wanted to feel his hard chest against her. She’d have to settle for the touch of his strong hand on hers.
“How are the renovations coming?” His words tore her away from her errant thoughts.
“Okay.” Terrible.
Her father would not allow her to take Ava’s bedroom apart. They had fought about it after Gage had left earlier. Dad had even poured out two cans of paint before she could stop him. She didn’t want to tell Gage that. He might encourage her to fire Justin. She believed in her heart that Justin needed this job as much as she needed to give him the job to help her heal from losing Fox. Or because she needed to mend her heart some way, and nothing had worked before now.
“Do you have enough help?”
“I’ll manage. I might need a contractor for the plumbing issues. And I found rot on the deck and the dock.”
He turned her on the dance floor. She tripped over his feet and fell against him. He pressed his hand on the small of her back to keep her in place. Her heart lodged in her throat. She would do something stupid if she stayed pressed against him. Her body was remembering what it was like to be beneath him.
“I can make some calls for you if that would help. I know a few guys looking for work.”
How was he staying so calm through all this touching? He made it look so easy, as if he didn’t miss her at all.
“No, thank you. I’m sure you’re busy enough with your own job.” Plus, she had Justin, which he seemed to have conveniently forgotten.
He shrugged. “Do you want to get some air?”
“Air?” What did he mean by that? Did he mean go outside? With him? Alone?
He laughed a thick, juicy laugh. “Let’s go for a walk.” He didn’t wait for an answer. He gripped her hand and led her back through the crowd. He shoved the glass door open.
The sticky warm air wrapped around her like a wet towel. “Where are we going? Kennedy is expecting me to help her.” She needed to stop him, but her treacherous feet disobeyed the orders her mind yelled.
“Let’s walk down to the lake. We won’t be long.”
She skidded to a stop. “I think that’s a bad idea. I mean, the last time we went down there…the lake…people will see us from the bar. Do you really want to walk with me? I mean, I don’t mind the idea of a walk, but it’s late and it’s us and it’s…oh, I’m rambling.” Heat flushed her already hot face.
He released her hand. She wanted to grab ahold of him to steady her racing nerves, but she kept her hands at her sides, empty and longing for his touch.
“It’s just a walk, not a marriage proposal.”
A small laugh escaped her lips. “I’m being ridiculous. Let’s go. For five minutes. Then I have to get back to work.” She was playing with fire and couldn’t seem to stop herself.
The second-story bar gave access to a staircase and the path to the lake, but they went out the front. From the parking lot they followed a cobblestone path and a short set of stone steps.
The crowd had moved out onto the deck. No one paid attention to two people walking on the boards toward the dock. She had allowed her nerves to get the better of her, but being with Gage always kept her on the edge of excitement. Sometimes she missed that breathlessness only he could cause. She was tired of the sadness always fighting for a place in her existence. He had been the part of her life before there had been so much hurt and loss. Was it wrong to have just a little of that even for a few minutes tonight?
The sound of laughter and clinking glasses mixed with the deep thump of a bass drum became the soundtrack for their walk. She wanted to take a chance and touch him again, but she didn’t. The touch would burn, and she would remember how good that burn was.
He smiled down at her. “This isn’t so bad, right?”
“Right.” Her voice caught in her throat. “Thanks for this. I needed the peace and serenity of the lake.”
What would it be like to just grab him and kiss him? She wanted to feel his soft lips against hers. He might want her too. The dance had to mean something.
“Are you enjoying your visit to town? Besides the robbery, I mean.” He sat down on the edge of the dock. His long legs dangled over the side.
She sat beside him and stole a glance at his jean-clad muscular thighs. She tried not to picture the scar that ran down the side of his left leg from the time he fell off Silver Bell. That scar was as sexy as his smile. “Things are different this time. I’m making changes to the B and B, and my dad doesn’t like it.”
“You’re just trying to help him.”
“He doesn’t see it that way. He thinks I’m making him forget about Ava. I just want him to have guests again so I can go back to my home in the city and know he’s okay without me.” She didn’t think she could go back to that apartment. She could tend bar anywhere. Maybe it was time to drive out to the West Coast and start over in Oregon or something.
“When are you leaving?” He traced his thumb over the top of her hand.
His touch drove her mad. She couldn’t sit here with him as if nothing had ever happened between them. Her thoughts of wanting him and wanting to avoid him waged war in her head. She pulled her hand away. “It’s hard to be here with you like this. It reminds me of what we had, and we don’t have that anymore.”
“I never wanted things to end between us.”
“We couldn’t stay together.” She turned her gaze away, afraid the look in his eyes would have her leaving all sense behind. Her feelings for him were a betrayal to Ava.
“We might have been able to help each other back then. No one else understood what I was going through. Even my brothers didn’t completely understand how I felt. You knew me like no one else did.”
“I had my own hurt and anger to deal with. I couldn’t help you. I should get back.” She pushed up to stand. They were coming dangerously close to the ugly wound of their past.
He stood too. “Don’t go. Please let me say this. I should have been able to stop Ajay from getting involved with those guys. If I had, they would both be here now. That shoot-out was my fault.”
“Why, Gage? Why didn’t you listen to him? Why didn’t you help him when he asked you?” Tears choked her. She sucked in deep breaths to keep from breaking down. He had had the power to make it all right. He had always been her pro
tector, and when she needed him the most, he hadn’t come through.
Tears filled his eyes too. “If I could go back.” He stopped. That was all he would give her. He was never good at sharing his emotions. He hadn’t been raised that way.
She didn’t know what to say or how to go on. Her heart had been broken in so many pieces for so long she didn’t even know how to put it back together. Her fingers sought out the bracelets on her wrist. The lake rippled beneath them like a black satin sheet moving over two lovers. She needed to get her mind away from those kinds of thoughts.
“I can walk you back to the bar.” His voice held a note of defeat.
“Wait.” She was about to do something she might regret, but she had to end the tug-of-war between her head and her heart.
He looked up at the sky, then back at her. “Let’s not pretend we’re friends or even okay with each other.”
“Gage, you don’t understand.” How did she make him see her confusion?
“Here’s what I know. If the bullet had only been an inch in the other direction… Ava was gone by the time I got to her. My feet moved, but the distance between me and her only grew longer. It seemed like forever before I was on the ground beside her. When I couldn’t feel her pulse, I knew in that second I’d made the biggest mistake of my life. I let everyone down in a way I could never make right. I can’t forgive myself. How can I ask you to forgive me?”
“I don’t remember you going to her.” Her mind clicked through the reflections as if they were photographs in a filing cabinet. She begged her memory to give her a small inkling of that moment, but she came up empty.
“Well, I did.”
“I remember the gunshots shattering the sounds of people having fun. I remember you racing to Ajay. I went to Ava. She wasn’t breathing. I held her head in my lap and smoothed her hair away from her face. Ava had always hated when her hair tickled her nose.”
He stared off toward the lake. “I scrambled over the ground to stay out of the line of fire. I reached for her. I wanted to move her behind the spinning wheel game where she’d be safe, but she was already gone. Maybe if I had moved faster…I don’t know. Maybe nothing would have mattered.”