by Stacey Wilk
He stifled a groan. When was Andy going to give this a rest? “Has anyone complained?”
“I lost three customers because of him. I told him to leave, but he won’t listen to me. Says I’m not part of this town. Jimmy won’t bounce him. He feels sorry for him. Can you just take him outside and talk to him? Maybe you can convince him to go home.”
Andy wasn’t going to listen to him either and would have to give up his keys to him, which he doubted Andy would agree to. “I’ll try.”
She gave him a soft kiss on the lips and punctuated it with a sweet smile that stretched wide. “Thank you for taking care of this. I’ll see you later tonight, okay?”
His heart tumbled around in his chest. He wanted to take her in his arms and kiss the hell out of her right here in the bar, but shattering glass stopped him.
A hush fell over the crowd, though the band kept playing.
“Get your stupid hands off me.” Andy pushed the man standing next to him.
“I’ll take care of it. Go back to work.” Gage didn’t wait for her to answer. He straightened his shoulders and moved through the crowd gathering at the end of the bar.
“Don’t push me, old man.” The guy shoved Andy, and he slipped off the stool into the person behind him. The woman knocked Andy forward into the guy he had shoved.
This guy had Andy by thirty years. His small frame was muscular. His arms were covered in tattoos. He wore a silver chain from his belt to his back pants pocket. Probably attached to his wallet. His work boots were beat up like the skin on his face.
The scrappy guy grabbed Andy by the shoulders and shook him. Andy’s glasses tumbled off his face, and his eyes rolled back into his head. Calista yelled for the man to stop.
Gage grabbed the guy by the back of the collar and pulled him away from Andy. “That’s enough.”
“Who are you? His son or something?” The scrappy guy stood toe to toe with him.
“Step back.” He placed his hand on the butt of his gun to give this guy the message that he was for real. “My name is Sheriff Ryker. This is my town.”
“Well, arrest this guy. He shoved me for no reason.” Scrappy leaned around him to point at Andy.
“Gage, I did no such thing.” Andy retrieved his glasses from the floor.
“Andy, shut up.” He kept his gaze fixed on Scrappy.
Scrappy was an outsider. A tourist maybe, but more likely someone just passing through. He didn’t want an outsider thinking he could throw his weight around in this town. And he wanted a chance to show his residents he could take care of them.
“You were assaulting this man. I should arrest you.” Nothing would give him greater pleasure than to prove a point at the moment.
“I only touched him because he put his hands on me first. I don’t want any trouble. I’m sorry, okay? No harm.” Scrappy raised his hands in surrender.
Gage turned to Andy. “Apologize to the man.”
“I will not.”
“You will. Now.” He’d be happy to arrest Andy if he couldn’t bring Scrappy in.
Andy lifted his glass. “Apologies.”
“Whatever,” Scrappy said and signaled for another drink.
“Let’s go.” He grabbed Andy by the elbow.
“I’m not going with you.” Andy tried to pull away from his grasp, but he held tighter.
He leaned in to make sure Andy didn’t miss what he said. “You will come with me right now, or I will arrest you again for anything that can keep you in my jail for as long as possible. Pay your tab.”
Andy threw some bills on the bar. If it wasn’t enough, he’d settle up with Calista later. He walked Andy outside, where his ears rang with the deafening silence. He stopped at his truck.
“What’s wrong with you, Andy?”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” He swayed on his feet.
“You’re drunk again. You threw Calista out of the house, and now you come to where she’s working and cause trouble for her. That young guy could have beaten you senseless. When are you going to learn?”
“I don’t need to be lectured by you. You don’t understand anything. I lost my little girl because of your family.”
He grabbed Andy’s shirt with his fists and yanked him closer. “That doesn’t give you the right to act like an asshole all the time.” He shoved him away and took a deep breath. He couldn’t lose it again tonight. He’d be no better than Andy.
Andy took a swing, but his arm moved as if he were in slow motion. His feet tangled up in themselves, and he fell forward. Gage caught him before he hit the ground, then positioned him against the truck.
“Hitting me isn’t going to make you feel any better.” Even though sometimes punching something did ease some of the tension.
“Your brother killed my baby.”
He fisted his hands to keep them from shaking Andy. “I know. Christ, I live with that every fucking day. Do you think that’s easy for me or my family? It was an accident. He didn’t mean to hurt her. When are you going to figure that out? Ajay liked Ava. Ava walked into the path of that bullet because she was trying to stop him.”
“Shut up. Shut up. You’re a Ryker. You don’t understand. None of you take the blame for what Ajay did.”
“Because Ajay was the one who did it. Damn it, we all live with the guilt of what he did. If any one of us could go back and stop him, we would. Me especially.” He’d replayed that night a million times, always rewriting the ending. If he’d turned just a second sooner, he might have been able to yell to Ava. Or he might have been able to grab Ajay.
If only he’d stopped to talk to Ajay earlier in the day when he came by to ask him for help, none of this would have happened. He had thrown Ajay out of his house because he reeked of pot again, and that time he found track lines on Ajay’s arm. He grabbed Ajay by the wrist and yanked him to the gun safe.
“Do it.” He screamed at Ajay.
“Do what, Gage?” Ajay’s eyes grew wide, and his lip trembled. Gage thought he was probably high, but maybe he was about to cry.
“Kill yourself already. You’re doing it now with the drugs and the assholes you run around with. Save yourself and everyone a lot of time and open the fucking safe.” He shoved Ajay into the six-foot metal safe.
“I’m not going to shoot myself.”
“Why the fuck not? Don’t be a coward. Act like a man and kill yourself quick and fast.”
“I don’t want to die, you asshole. I need your help. Please help me, Gage. I don’t know what to do.” A tear fell from Ajay’s eye, but Gage turned his back on his brother.
“Go ask Lock for advice. He’s the sensitive one.” He had marched back to the main house without looking back. If Gage had known later that night Ajay would be faced with a decision he couldn’t handle, he wouldn’t have been such a jerk to him.
“I want someone to hurt as much as I do.” Andy’s voice dragged him away from the past and right back to Kennedy’s parking lot.
“Calista does. When are you going to see that?”
“She doesn’t care about Ava. She moved away and left me.” Andy pulled off his glasses and cleaned the lenses on the hem of his shirt before securing them to his face.
“She moved away because you don’t see what’s right in front of you. You’re still here. She needs you. I wish my dad was here to be a shoulder to lean on now and again. You’re missing out on a chance to have a relationship with Calista with all your drinking and living in the past. It’s time to take care of the daughter that’s still alive.”
He could use his father’s advice now about how to handle the investigation or to ask for guidance on raising a daughter. He’d like to sit with his dad and tell him about his feelings for Calista.
When his dad was still here, he would find him in the barn fixing something or whittling a piece of wood. He’d stand there quietly until his dad noticed his twelve-year-old boy had taken a place at his side.
“Do you have something on your mind, son?”
His father’s deep voice had been soft and smooth, like a lake on a windless day.
He’d take the knife from his dad sometimes and start whittling too. He never whittled now. But he could talk to his dad about his problems and keep his gaze on the wood so his dad wouldn’t see the pain that might be in his eyes. He could never hide his feelings from his dad. He learned how to do that after his father died and there was no one else to whittle with anymore. His heart ached with the hole his father’s absence made.
Andy slid down the side of the truck and plopped on the ground. He removed his glasses again and wiped at his face. “I’ve been a lousy father.”
Gage sat beside him. “I won’t argue with that. You need to pull your act together. Your daughter needs you to tell her you love her. She lost her whole family when Ava died. Have you ever thought about that, or have you been too busy feeling sorry for yourself?”
“I do love her. Of course, I do. I just want the pain to stop.”
“It doesn’t. It changes so you can go on living. You could have a good life with Calista. She might even stay in town permanently. Wouldn’t it be nice to have her work with you at the B and B and not have to tend bar?” He didn’t care what she did for a living as long as she was happy, but he would much rather have her in bed with him at night instead of pouring drinks for strangers.
“I said some bad things.” Andy wiped his nose with the back of his hand.
“You can apologize. If you stay sober and out of trouble, you might have a chance with her. I want her happy, Andy, and I will do whatever it takes to see that happen. If you can’t straighten out, I’ll see to it you’re driven out of Backwater and she stays. Am I making myself clear?” He pushed off the ground and wiped the back of his pants.
“Are you threatening me?”
“Yes.”
Andy nodded. “She still loves you. I don’t understand why.”
He half shrugged and grinned. Calista’s feelings for him were so obvious even Andy noticed. “I don’t either, but I’m lucky that she does. And you’re lucky she loves you. I’m sorry Ajay hurt you, and I’m sorry Ava is gone, but Calista is still here. Fix your relationship while you still have the chance.” He would always be apologizing for Ajay. Some wounds might heal, but the scars were so big they could be seen from the Montana sky.
“I’ll talk to her when she gets home.”
“She’s not going to live with you until you’re sober. You can call her at my place. In fact, if you can stay sober, you can come to our pre-Fourth barbeque my mother has been planning. She’d love to see you. And that’s something I don’t understand.”
“Your mother is a charm. Thank you. I’d like to be at your party.”
“Good. Now give me your keys. I’ll get you a ride home.” He sent a text to Barry.
Andy staggered to his feet. “You’re a good man. Your father would be proud of you.”
“I’d like to think so.”
He’d made plenty of mistakes in his life, but he wanted his dad to be proud of the man he turned out to be. Without him around, Gage had to be proud of himself. He needed to start doing that again.
Barry pulled into the parking lot with the cruiser’s lights flashing. Gage shook his head and helped Andy into the front seat.
“See that he gets inside safely.” He gave the car keys to Barry.
“Sheriff, about what you said to me earlier…” Barry kicked the dirt.
“Forget I said it. I was mad about Phyllis.”
“I understand. I’m pretty broken up too. Won’t be the same without her.”
He clapped Barry on the shoulder. “No, it won’t.”
“Wouldn’t be the same without you either. Glad you’re not quitting.”
“Yeah, me too.” And he meant that.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Calista met Justin in the driveway of the B and B. She had waited in her car until he arrived for work that morning. She could have texted him, but she wanted to explain in person. She owed him that much, especially after what happened between him and Gage. She wasn’t going to stay and finish the project she started. If her father wanted his business to continue, he’d have to manage that without her. Being without her was what he wanted, and she finally understood that. She wished it were different, but a broken family was easier to accept than begging him to love her.
She took a deep breath and ran her fingers over her bracelet. “Hi.”
He stopped in his tracks. “You’re firing me because of what happened at the Ryker Ranch. I knew it. You’re on his side.”
“I’m not on anyone’s side. This isn’t about Gage.” But she hoped he would apologize soon. He promised her last night he would speak to Justin right after he talked with Izzi.
Justin leaned against the hood of the car and crossed his ankles. “What’s it about, then?”
“My dad. He doesn’t want me here anymore, and I don’t think I belong here. I can’t fix the place up. I’m sorry. I’d be happy to be a reference for you, and…” She dug inside her tote. “Here’s the pay for the next week.”
He hesitated.
“Take it. It’s the least I can do. You’re out of a job because of me. I probably shouldn’t have hired you in the first place. I was taking a big chance here, and you got caught up in my mess. I really am sorry.” She meant that in more ways than one. She was also sorry Gage hadn’t believed him and had tried to hurt him.
He pocketed the money. “I wouldn’t take it except I’m trying to get a place of my own before the fall semester.”
“You don’t have to explain. Hey, what happened at the ranch…that’s not really Gage. He was upset about losing Phyllis.”
He rubbed at his neck. “It seemed just like him to me.” He turned his gaze off toward the lake and took a deep breath. “I think I should stop hanging around with Izzi.” The thin line of his lips and the hurt in his eyes said telling her that and actually doing it cost him. He must have cared deeply for Izzi.
“Maybe it’s for the best right now. She should focus on school.” She wouldn’t give him the “they were young” speech. But if they were meant to be, they would be. She was starting to believe that.
“Yeah. I guess. Are you leaving town?”
She would have been if it wasn’t for Gage. “I’m staying through the Fourth. After that, I’m not sure what I’m doing.”
“I liked having you around. You’re one of the few people who don’t judge an Indian kid like me.”
“Don’t listen to anyone, okay? You’re a good person with a lot to offer. It doesn’t matter where you’re from or where you land. Your brother will understand eventually.” Not that he’d mentioned his brother, but what little she knew about Justin and his family life worried her. No one was really looking out for him.
“I’ll always be judged by either my family or the people who don’t look like me. My family doesn’t understand why I want to leave the rez, and white people can’t understand what it’s like to be me. Not even Sheriff Ryker. He has that big family on that ranch, and everyone in town accepts them. He doesn’t know what it’s like to worry about where you’re going to live or how to survive. I only want a place to fit in.”
Her heart broke for him. He was right about the Rykers. “Just be yourself. You’ll find the place you belong.”
“Have you?”
She gnawed on her lip. She hadn’t found that place, and she’d been looking for a long time. She’d been hanging in limbo since Ava’s death. That needed to stop. She’d figured out a few things, at least. She couldn’t find a home at the B and B and probably not in Backwater, but she might be able to find peace and purpose with Gage back in her life.
“I’m working on it. Life is a process. Much like the practice of yoga. Some days you show up and things go great, and other days you fall on your butt.”
“I don’t think all that yoga stuff is for me, but thanks. If you take off, come say goodbye, okay?”
“Sure.” She wanted to hug him bu
t didn’t know if he would want that, so she stayed put. “Take care.”
“Yeah. You too.” He hitched his leg into the car, shut the door, and drove away.
Tears burned the back of her throat. She wanted to get out of there before her father realized she was home. Well, it wasn’t home anymore. She didn’t know where home was going to be. For now, Gage’s ranch was as close to home as she was going to get. She was unsure about being there. And though she knew how she felt about him, she still worried she’d wake up and think she’d be unable to look at him and not see Ajay pulling that trigger. Was that memory ever going to get shoved far enough away she didn’t run her fingers over it like a scab?
She fumbled for her keys in her tote. The tears spilled down her cheeks. Love wasn’t supposed to be hard.
“Calista, wait.” Her father’s voice rang out from the side of the house.
She wasn’t ready to see him, not after what he’d said to her or last night at the bar. She hurried to her car. “I have to go, Dad.” Her tote slipped from her shoulder, and her gum, hair ties, wallet, keys, lip balm, yoga therapy balls, all her essentials, spilled on the ground.
She dropped down to gather her things. The tears came harder. After everything, now was going to be the moment she lost it. Her father knelt beside her and scooped up her wallet and keys. His familiar pine scent drifted toward her. Her heart tugged to go to him, as it had when she was little, but she fought it.
“Are you okay?” He handed over her belongings.
“I’m fine. Thanks. I have to go. Gage is expecting me.” She shoved her stuff back in her tote.
He adjusted his glasses. His white hair fell forward over his brow. His smile was small, but it reached his eyes for the first time in a long time. He might actually be sober today. “Can we talk for a minute?”
“I don’t think so. There isn’t anything to say.” She didn’t want to hear the awful things he thought about her. Not now, after she had to tell Justin goodbye. Letting go hurt as much as hanging on.