Her Maine Reaction

by Rebecca Gannon

  “Oh my God, I haven’t had coffee in daaayyss.” I groan, my body practically pulsing with need.

  “Ashley!” Courtney screams, coming out from behind the counter to hug me. “You survived! How have you been? What did you do in the storm? Or should I say who?” She winks.

  “What?” I cough out, choking on air.

  “I told her.” Ally shrugs.

  “Who else knows?”

  “Practically everyone. People saw you two out last night and rumors started flying because you were seen walking from his house.”

  “Who saw us? The streets were empty until we got to Main Street and the restaurant.”

  “Oh, there are eyes everywhere, Ashley. It’s a small town.”

  “Okay, well, I need a coffee. ASAP.” Sighing, I walk down the cases of treats and survey my options. Courtney has the absolute BEST pastries. “And a bear claw. And a blueberry glazed donut.”

  “Oh, so it’s a double pastry afternoon I see.”

  “It is.” Courtney hands me my coffee, and I add a little cream and sugar and then take a seat at the empty table in the corner where my back is to the door and no one will see me.

  I don’t need to draw any attention to myself while I enjoy shoving sugary goodness into my mouth.

  Ally takes the seat in front of me with her blueberry crumb cake, and Courtney places my two treats down on the table and takes the seat next to me.

  “Thank you.”

  “No problem. Now, spill. I told you at that barbecue to go after the good sheriff because he needed a little fun in his life. Have you provided that?” Courtney asks, smiling.

  “Um, maybe?”

  “Come on.” She gives me a pointed look.

  “Okay.” I sigh, rolling my eyes. “I’ll tell you that he’s freaking amazing, in every way. But that’s it. That’s all I’m saying. I’m still sorting things out in my head.”

  “Okay, okay,” she says, holding her hands up defensively. “Just know that I’m here when you’re ready. I like to think that I helped make this happen in some small way.” Smiling, she stands and goes back behind the counter.

  “Ashley, talk to me,” Ally pleas.

  “Let me enjoy this bear claw first, then we can talk.”

  “Fine.” She sighs, sipping her coffee.

  Biting into the delicious, sugary sweet pastry, I moan softly, savoring the divine perfection.

  “You sound like me.” Ally laughs, biting into a forkful of her crumb cake, a small moan escaping her lips too. “Jake always makes fun of me for how much I love food. But why shouldn’t I? We should always enjoy what we put in our mouths.” She smirks. “And not just food.”

  “Jesus, Jake has you thinking about sex 24/7.”

  “And Ryan doesn’t for you?”

  She’s not wrong. “Maybe,” I admit.

  “Those Taylor brothers.” She sighs. “They’ll turn your life upside down in the most terrific of ways.”

  “So, you’ve been with all of them then?”

  “What? No. I just meant–”

  “I know what you meant.” I laugh. “And yeah, he has done that for me–turn my life upside down.”

  “How?”

  “What do you mean how? He just has.”

  “Oh my God, Ashley!”

  “How are you exasperated with me right now?”

  “Because I’m just trying to ask you what he does to make you feel like he’s different, that he’s the one.”

  “The one? Aren’t you getting a little ahead of yourself?”

  “I knew with Jake pretty quickly. I may not have been thinking ‘the one’ right away, but I knew I was falling too fast and too hard for it to be anything other than something serious.”

  “Well, that’s you, not me. And you were living here, I don’t. I have to leave eventually, Ally. Most likely in a few days.”

  “What? Why?”

  “I have to find a new job. I have to start all over again.”

  “Why can’t you do that here?”

  “Are you serious?”

  “Yes, completely. I did it.”

  “Even if the idea has crossed my mind, which I’m not saying it has, I can’t.”

  “Why not?”

  “Ally,” I say seriously, making sure she’s looking at me. “I like Ryan. A lot. More than a lot. But I can’t just decide to stay. He has to ask me. I’m not putting myself on the line like that for him to just crush me.”

  “How do you know he’d crush you?”

  “Because I’m falling for him. Hard. I’m trying to resist, but last night…last night I gave in. To myself, to how I was feeling, to how much I want him to want me with the same insane, crazy need.

  “It’s all fucking crazy, Ally. He’s just a man. We had sex once, and then I couldn’t get him out of my head. I still felt him. Everywhere. All we had was an insane, impulsive, and amazing one-night stand. Actually, it wasn’t even a night. It was in the woods…at his parent’s house…during a fireworks show. There was no date, no bed, no sleeping, and barely any talking.

  “But it stayed with me. The passion, and the way he made me feel utterly insatiable and irresistible. No man has ever done that.”

  Rubbing my forehead, I stare at my coffee. For all the mornings I’ve craved it while the power was out, I find myself wishing it were a hot chocolate instead.

  I let my wine and snow infused state of mind–that was running high on an amazing date with Ryan–convince me it was okay to let myself give in to a night of believing what we have could be more. I shouldn’t have been so weak.

  “Ashley. Look at me.” Ally’s low, soothing voice, forces my eyes to hers. “I get that you’re thinking, ‘maybe this is all just an intense physical connection and I’m blinded by his hotness.’ But ask yourself this. What are the moments like between you two when you’re not physical? How does he make you feel then? Does he only make your heart race when he’s touching you? Or do you feel it all the time? Do you like just being with him? Around him? Not naked? It’s those moments that make it all real. Amazing, off the charts, mind blowing sex, is just the cherry on top of an already delicious sundae if you have those other moments. You two, as people, is what makes it all real.”

  I don’t know what to say, so I take a sip of my coffee. “I keep thinking about how this all started because I was drunk and wanted him. And for the past seven months, I’ve been calling myself crazy for being so attached. But since I’ve been here…the second I saw him, Ally, it felt like I could breathe again. After months of building him up in my head–to the point of insanity–there he was. And I felt it all over again–that connection. And the more time we’ve spent together, the more we’ve talked, and the more we’ve just been around each other, I’ve fallen head over ass for that man.”

  “Well, that’s a new way to put it.” She smiles. “I like it.”

  “It fits.” I shrug, taking another sip of coffee. “But I don’t know what to do. I’ve never been in love before, Ally, you know that. I don’t know what I’m doing.”

  “No one does, Ash.”

  “Well, that’s helpful,” I say sarcastically.

  “I didn’t know what I was doing at first.” She scoffs. “And neither did Jake. Trust me. But we’ve figured it out together. And I sure as hell don’t know how to be a wife. But I’ll figure that out too. With Jake. Just like you’ll figure all of this out with Ryan. Relationships are a two-person machine.”

  “Okay, Dr. Phil.”

  “Ashley,” she says sternly, letting me know she’s trying to be serious here.

  “Sorry, it’s just that I feel like I’m stranded in the middle of the ocean, treading water. I can see land ahead, but I’m not sure if I’ll make it. Maybe I’ll just be stuck swimming towards something that’s not even there–a mirage I created in my delusional brain.”

  “Wow, okay, that was a powerful metaphor. Now who’s Dr. Phil?”

  “Ally, come on.” I groan, shoving the rest of my bear claw in m
y mouth. I need the sugar to distract me from the seriousness of this conversation. I’m not used to it. I’m not used to laying it all out there.

  I’m the girl who keeps shit bottled up and plasters a smile on my face for the world so no one sees how I’m really feeling. I laugh and joke my way through life because I’m afraid to be real. My mom and dad were real, and it was ripped from them.

  But this is real. My life right now is real, and I don’t know how to handle it.

  “Has he said anything to you? About what happens next? I mean, you’re living at his house for Christ’s sake.”

  “Yeah, and I have no idea for how long. I mean, I have to go home at some point. How do I bring that up?”

  “You should use that to see what he’ll say. With the thought of losing you, he’ll realize that you should stay.”

  “Maybe.” Or maybe he’ll be relieved.

  “No maybes. Men need a push in the right direction or they’ll never figure their shit out. They’re all the same in that way.”

  “True. Men are quite dumb.”

  “Yes, they are,” she agrees, and we both finish our pastries.

  “But, enough about me, please. Tell me about the wedding. How is the planning going?”

  “Oh.” She smiles, her whole face lighting up at just the mention of her upcoming nuptials. “I’m having so much fun with it! It’s hard, of course, but Jake and I just want a simple, fun wedding to celebrate with our friends and family. Which brings me to my next question. Will you do me the honor of being one of my bridesmaids?”

  “Oh my God, yes! Of course!” I squeal, quickly getting up and hugging her. “Now I get to help plan the bachelorette weekend!”

  “Uh, nothing too crazy?”

  “Uh, yes, bitch! Of course it will be crazy! Do you know your friends at all?”

  Laughing, she just shakes her head. “Oh, I do.”

  “Have you asked Mel and Ellie yet?”

  “No, I was waiting to ask all of you in a cute way by mailing you boxes, but since you’re here, I couldn’t wait. My sisters are my co-maids of honor, and then you three are my bridesmaids.”

  “So, what color dress am I wearing?”

  “Burgundy. A deep merlot.”

  “Ooo, okay, I can rock that.”

  “I figured.” She laughs, rolling her eyes. “Since it’s in the fall, I thought that’d be the perfect color. The details are still being worked out on the tablescapes and flower arrangements, but think dark, woodsy, and romantic, all rolled together. An enchanted forest.”

  “Oh my God, I can’t freaking wait! That sounds amazing, Ally! I’m so happy for you and Jake.”

  “Thanks,” she says, smiling shyly. “He’s amazing.”

  “I’m glad you came here and found him. It was–”

  “Fate,” she finishes for me.

  “Yes. As cheesy as that sounds, it definitely was.”

  “And my coming here has also brought you something, too.”

  “I guess. But right now, all it’s giving me is a headache.”

  “Alright, enough boy talk and pouring our hearts out. I need to go buy some new paints, want to come with me?”

  “Yes, please give me a distraction. I can’t go back to his house yet.”

  Laughing, we stand and bring Courtney our plates. “Thanks, Courtney. I’ll see you soon.”

  “Yes, you will. Because I need the juicy details!” she yells after us as we’re leaving the café.

  “Yeah, that’s not happening,” I tell Ally when we’re outside. “She’d have to get me drunk to share that shit.” I laugh, wrapping my scarf a little tighter around my neck. The wind biting at me.

  “I wouldn’t put it past her. Trust me. That’s how she got me to tell her my secrets when I first got here. She’s crafty, that one.”

  Dodging snow mounds and patches of ice, Ally and I somehow make it across the street without falling on our asses.

  The hardware store is only a few storefronts down, and the second we walk in, an older man behind the counter beams at Ally, his whole face lighting up. His kind blue eyes are framed by the laugh lines of a man who’s lived a good life.

  “Ally, my dear, how are you?”

  “I’m good, Jim, how are you?”

  “Oh, good, good. You know, just trying to bounce back after the storm.”

  “Yeah, it was a rough one. My friend Ashley here actually got stranded out at Dottie’s when it hit.”

  “Oh my, well hello, Ashley. I’m Jim,” he greets warmly, sticking his hand out for me to shake. “I hope you stayed safe during the storm.”

  “Good to meet you Jim. And yes, I did. I wasn’t sure I’d make it at first, though.” I laugh, hoping I don’t have to confess I was rescued by–and taken home with–the town’s beloved sheriff.

  “A true Mainer can weather any storm. We’re built for it.”

  “Well, then, I guess maybe I can be an honorary Mainer since I made it out the other side unscathed.” On the outside at least.

  “Of course, young lady. We welcome newcomers here in Pine Cove.”

  “Thank you. I’ll keep that in mind.”

  “Good.” He nods. “Now, Ally, go on and pick out some new colors.” He smiles, knowing her all too well.

  “I plan to.” She smiles. “Oh, and if Jake comes by for his order, don’t tell him I’m in here. I’m getting supplies to make him something special and I don’t want him to know.”

  “My lips are sealed.”

  “Thanks, Jim.”

  Walking to the back of the store, there’s a whole section dedicated to art supplies. “Wow, this is more than I expected,” I tell Ally.

  “I know,” she says. “Jim’s wife was an artist, so she had him stock the good stuff for her and her students. She passed away a few years ago.”

  “That’s so sad. He seems like such a nice man.”

  “He is.” She nods, crouching down to look at the tubes of paint on the bottom shelf.

  “So why all the secrecy with Jake?” I ask, curious.

  “Oh, nothing,” she says, waving her hand in the air to dismiss my query.

  “Uh, okay.” Yeah, I definitely don’t want to know then. It’s probably some weird sex thing, and I don’t need those images in my head.

  Leaning against the shelf of wood stains and primers, I let Ally be Ally, and give her a few minutes of peace while she decides what paints she needs.

  Standing here, my mind wanders to Ryan. Of course it does. Give me two seconds to think, and it’ll go there on its own. I can’t help it.

  I hear the door to the shop open, and it brings in a voice that’s all too familiar. “Hey, Jim,” I hear Jake say, making Ally jump, and then fall on her ass.

  My hand flies to my mouth, and I bite back my laughter, shaking silently.

  When a cramp hits, I bend forward, one hand gripping my side, and the other on my mouth as Ally rolls on the floor, silently laughing her ass off too.

  “Jake, Ryan, how are you two? It’s always good to see you boys together,” Jim greets.

  Oh my God, no. Ryan is here too?

  “I’m good, Jim,” Jake replies.

  “Me too,” Ryan’s deep voice follows, and my stomach takes flight. “How did you manage through the storm?”

  “Oh, I was fine. Just missed a couple days of work, but I was due.”

  “You deserve some time off. When was the last time you went fishing?”

  “It’s been a while,” Jim says, a longing in his voice.

  “Next time Jake and I go, you’re coming with us.”

  “Deal.” And just like that, Ryan stole another little piece of my heart. That damn man.

  I hear their boots against the concrete floor, and I duck even farther down with Ally. I don’t know why we have to hide, but Ally shuffles herself over to sit next to me, linking her arm with mine.

  “So man, Ash is staying with you?” Jake asks Ryan, and I immediately go stock still, holding my breath so I don’t miss what
he says.

  “Yeah, and?”

  “What do you mean ‘and?’ And what’s going on with you two? You’re not exactly known for taking women in.”

  That makes me breathe a little sigh of relief, but my heart still pounds in my chest.

  “Well, she was stranded. What was I supposed to do, leave her out there alone?”

  “No, but you could have just brought her to my house. She’s one of Ally’s best friends, and could’ve have had company. I’m assuming you just left her alone all day while you were at work.”

  “She was fine,” he says defensively. “And I didn’t want to plow down your mile-long driveway.”

  “Bullshit. You just wanted her with you.”

  “And so what if I did?”

  Smiling, I tuck my knees to my chest, hope blooming in my chest.

  “What do you plan to do next, Ry? Is she going home? Staying with you? What?”

  “I don’t know. But it’s not like we’re dating. We’re friends. We’re just having fun. Her life isn’t here.”

  My heart sinks to the floor so fast I think I might pass out. Just having fun? That’s how he sees this? Us? I thought…well…I thought we were more than that. Especially after last night.

  “Are you sure that’s it? You took her on a date last night.”

  “Of course you already know that.” Ryan sighs, and I can picture him rubbing the back of his neck as he stretches his head from side to side. “That is it, though. Trust me. I don’t see her that way. She’s just a distraction. A really good distraction, don’t get me wrong, but…” He trails off, not finishing his thought.

  “If you say so, man.”

  The sound of their boots starts moving away from us, and their voices sound muffled as they talk to Jim at the counter. My ears are going deaf to the world around me, and all I can hear is the blood rushing to my head.

  My body is numb, and my eyes just stare straight ahead at the wall of paint tubes. What was a wall of colors before, is now just shades of grey to me.

  He doesn’t love me. He doesn’t even like me.

  He doesn’t see me as anything but a friend.

  A friend he can kiss and fuck, but not one that’s good enough to warrant anything more.

  We’re nothing.

  The fact that I’m in love with him means absolutely nothing now. I’m just an idiot who fell for a man I knew I couldn’t have from the start.