by Hamel, B. B.
I don’t know how this happened. I always loved Amy, at least from a distance and as a friend, but I buried that emotion for the sake of our friendship. I buried it deep and fucked random women and did a lot of drugs and partied and traveled the fucking globe.
But now here I am, in one office, living in one house, married to one woman. And I feel so much more complete than I ever have in my entire life.
Showing up to this job is fucking depressing, but at least I have purpose and drive. I can keep doing it, day after day. If not for myself, then at least for Amy.
13
Amy
I leave work early and rush home as fast as I can.
Ever usually gets back around six. I usually get back around seven, assuming I decide to come back at all. Sometimes I stay in my apartment in the city, just because it’s easier.
But today, I leave early and I rush. I manage to park and head inside by five thirty, just enough time.
I try not to think about what I’m doing. It’s totally beyond anything I’ve done before, a huge step in a direction that my relationship with Ever has slowly been moving in, and I just can’t help myself.
I’m happy for him and I want him so badly it hurts.
After those first few days, we haven’t slept together as much. I mean, we still fuck but not like that, not basically as much as we could.
It didn’t slow down because we don’t want to. At least, I know I want to every single day. That’s all I can think about is his hands on my body, his lips against mine. But I’ve been staying in the city a few nights a week and he’s been so focused on work that we just haven’t seen each other as much.
But when we do…
The lines are so blurry now. It used to be obvious, on the one side, we were friends. That was the side we stayed on, comfortable and easy. Sex stuff was across the line, into some space we never crossed.
Now the line is broken and it’s all mixed together. We’re married and we fuck but we’re supposedly just friends and the relationship isn’t real. It’s confusing and strange but, I have to admit to myself, it’s exciting as hell.
Which is why I’m practically shaking with anticipation as I take off my clothes, put on my cutest underwear, and find a bottle of champagne. He’ll be doing all the drinking, but still, feels like a necessary part of this.
God, this is stupid. Presenting myself to him, like I’m some kind of prize?
I don’t know what I’ll do if he rejects me. Maybe he’s not in the mood, or maybe he doesn’t want this to become a thing, or maybe I’m crossing some invisible line that I don’t even know about. Maybe this is too much like something a girlfriend does for her boyfriend.
I can’t help but let all those thoughts invade my mind as I sit there, shaking and worried and so, so excited. I’m afraid I’m not enough, I’m not beautiful enough or smart enough. Maybe he’ll see me and decide he doesn’t want our relationship to go any further in that direction. I don’t know what I’ll do if he rejects me. Probably turn into a puddle of shame and rejection instantly.
Fortunately, I don’t have to torture myself for too long. I hear his truck pull up outside and park. I hear his door open and shut.
I stand up, champagne bottle in my arms. The door opens and he steps in.
“Congratulations,” I say to him, smiling sweetly. “Still want to celebrate?”
He stares at me for a second, his eyes wide. I’m wearing a black bra and a pair of matching panties and high heels. I’ve never dressed up like this before in my life and it’s strangely empowering and also terrifying.
His eyes drink me in though. He stares, not bothering to look away. He doesn’t look unhappy, or angry, or confused, or upset. He just looks…
Hungry. He looks hungry. His eyes flash and meet mine.
“What’s the bottle for?” he grunts, dropping his briefcase on the floor. He shrugs his jacket off and throws it over a chair, not looking away from me.
“To celebrate,” I say.
“Fuck the bottle.” He loosens his tie, takes it off. He throws it over his shoulder and unbuttons his shirt, staring at me, coming closer. “What the fuck do I need with a bottle when I have… you?”
I can feel the blush come to my cheeks, my heart racing. “You can have whatever you want, Ever. It’s your celebration.”
“Can I?” He cocks his head, smirking. “Whatever I want?”
“Yes,” I whisper.
He finishes unbuttoning his shirt and stops in front of me. He stares at my body and runs a thumb down my lower lip. “Get on your knees then, little girl,” he whispers softly to me.
My heart leaps. Slowly, I drop to my knees in front of him. I watch as he unbuckles his belt and lets his pants drop.
The man is gorgeous. I can’t believe all over again his gorgeous he really is. Muscular, ripped really, toned and just a perfect male specimen. He slips his cock from his boxer briefs and strokes himself.
I reach out and take him with my right hand. He grunts as I lick him top to bottom, staring up into his eyes.
“You know what I want,” he growls at me. “Fuck, girl. It’s what I always want.”
I take him into my mouth and suck his hard cock. I taste his skin and the cum on his tip and let him slide into my throat. I suppress a gag and suck him faster, sliding his cock deep, just the way he likes it.
“God damn,” he groans. “This is the real fucking prize. I think about this all day like, your fucking tight body, your perfect pussy, these lips wrapped around my cock.” He grabs the back of my head, fist in my hair. “Gagging on my big, hard fucking cock.”
I suck him faster, losing myself in the moment. This is what I wanted, the perfect reaction, and it’s driving me wild. I’m dripping wet already and he hasn’t even touched me yet. I gag and let saliva drip down his shaft, working it with my hand, sucking his enormous cock faster.
I can’t help myself. I slide a hand down the front of my panties, spreading my legs. I hear him groan and I look up at him, stroking his shaft, as I start to tease my pussy.
I let out a little moan. “Do you like that?” I ask him. “Do you like it when I touch myself with your big dick in my mouth?”
“Fuck, girl.” His eyes are intense. “You’re so goddamn sexy. I can barely control myself.”
“Good,” I whisper, sucking his cock again. I moan as he slides in and out of my mouth and I keep rolling my clit with my fingers. It feels so good and I feel so sexy, it’s driving me wild. I’m soaking wet as I rub my clit faster and suck him faster, moaning the whole time.
He roars his delight and suddenly pulls back. He lifts me off the floor then roughly turns me, bending me over the back of the couch and slapping my ass.
He grabs my wrists and pulls them behind my back. I lean my chest on the back of the couch, cushions holding me comfortably, as he wraps my wrists behind my back with the tie he had over his shoulder.
I look back at him as he spanks my ass. “Now you’re all mine,” he whispers. “Every inch of you.”
“You can do whatever you want,” I whisper, blood pounding in my ears, excitement pouring through my veins.
He drops to his knees and licks me, pussy and ass, every inch. I groan and roll my hips, unable to do anything but let him. I’m tied up and controlled and he can dominate me and fuck me however he wants right now. The idea is so thrilling I can barely control myself.
He pulls back and lets out a growl.
“Every inch of your body,” he whispers. “I deserve every fucking inch.” He presses his cock against my pussy and sinks himself inside of me so easily it’s almost shocking. I’m so wet right now, wetter than I’ve ever been.
He doesn’t start easy on me. He fucks me the way he wants it, rough and hard. He’s an animal as his cock thrusts into me, fucking me hard and deep. He slaps my ass and pulls me hard, holding onto my wrists. I’m tied tight and all I can do is take his huge cock, pleasure rolling through me in waves.
He grabs my hips and
slams into me. I gasp and groan, pushing back against him. I need it, every single inch.
“Fuck, I need you,” he groans. “I fucking need you, Amy.” I feel him slap my ass and pull out. I gasp as he presses his cock against my ass.
He slowly sinks himself inside of me. I’ve never been fucked in the ass before, never had a man inside me like this. It’s shocking at first, a little painful, but I relax. He guides me through it, gentle but firm, and slowly I take his enormous cock inside me.
He fucks my ass, slow at first, so slow, but getting faster. He growls his pleasure. “So damn tight,” he moans. “Fuck, girl. Now every part of you is mine. Now this tight little ass is getting what it deserves.”
It starts to feel good, being filled up like this. “Fuck me, Ever,” I gasp.
He gives me what he needs. He fucks me faster, deeper, my ass full of him. He fucks me hard, slapping my ass. I groan and take him as he controls me, filling me with his thick cock, making everything feel right and perfect and good.
He slaps my ass again and fucks me, pulling my hair. He reaches around my hips and rubs my clit as he fills my ass up, pumping into me, filling me with his enormous cock. I’m completely controlled and at his mercy and I love every single second of it.
He fucks me, rubbing my clit faster. “Fuck, girl, I’m going to come inside this tight little ass,” he whispers in my ear. “I’m going to fill you the fuck up. You hear that, little Amy? You’re all fucking mine.”
“Yes,” I moan. “I’m all yours.”
“I’ll take this ass and celebrate inside of it. You hear me? You’re my fucking wife and I’ll fuck your tight body whenever I goddamn want to.”
“Please,” I moan.
“I’m starving for you every single fucking day. And now I need to get my fucking fill.”
He keeps pumping inside of me, rough and hard and uncontrolled. I’m moaning, gasping, begging his name. Pleasure overwhelms me, his cock inside my ass, his fingers on my clit. It’s such an amazing sensation, I had no clue I’d love it like this, and yet here he is, taking me from behind, taking every inch of me.
I groan and I can feel the orgasm building. He doesn’t stop, sensing it, fingers rolling on my clit faster, cock pumping in my ass. I clench my entire body, tightening up as he keeps going, faster and faster, his hot breath on my neck, his hard body against mine.
I come hard and he doesn’t stop. He’s relentless, cock fucking my ass, fingers rubbing my clit. God, it feels so goddamn good. I moan his name, begging it over and over and he gives me what I want.
I feel him tense and I feel him fill my ass. He comes hard, spurting deep inside me. I groan, rolling my hips, my own orgasm slowly fading away. He gasps, biting my shoulder, cock buried between my legs.
We finish like that, sweating and breathing fast. My heart’s racing and I’m floating with pleasure, all my stress completely gone now.
He slides himself out. “Fuck,” he says, grinning. He releases my wrists and I slump forward.
“Yeah,” I say, laughing a little.
“That’s the kind of celebration I love.”
I turn to look at him. He’s gorgeous, incredible, flushed with joy and pleasure and grinning at me. “Whatever you want,” I whisper.
He kisses me then, hard and deep. I kiss him back. This isn’t a hungry kiss, but something else, something like he needs to feel my lips against his after fucking me in the ass like that.
“You’re perfect,” he whispers, and I feel a pang of regret.
“Ever,” I say softly. “I need to tell you something.”
He smiles a little. “You don’t have to say anything. We can just… enjoy this.”
I bite my lip. I kiss him again, tears in my eyes.
I’m so stupid. I’ve been so stupid.
“Ever,” I say again.
He looks at me, concerned now. “What’s going on, are you okay? Did I hurt you?”
“No, no, I’m fine,” I say. I blink back the tears. I have to control myself. “It’s something else.”
“What’s wrong?” he asks.
I kiss him one more time. One last time.
“I’m pregnant,” I say softly.
He stares at me, almost like he doesn’t understand.
“It happened after the first time,” I say quickly. “I found out and I’ve been trying to tell you but…”
“You’ve been… pregnant?” he asks.
“You disappeared,” I say. “Remember? You came back and I tried to tell you but I was angry and then things were good and I didn’t want to risk it and…”
“You’re pregnant?” he asks, stepping back from me. It feels like he’s tearing my skin away.
“Ever,” I say. “I’m sorry. I should’ve told you right away.”
“You’re pregnant… with my baby… and you didn’t tell me.”
“I’m sorry,” I whisper. “Please.”
“Fuck.” He blinks. “I need to process this.”
“Yeah, okay.”
He stares at me for a long moment, and I want to say more. I want to beg him not to leave. I want to beg him to hold me, kiss me, tell me it’ll be okay.
But he doesn’t. He turns and walks away without another word.
I hurry into the bathroom and get into the shower. I can’t stop the tears but I don’t want him to hear me sobbing, so I hope the shower will mask it. When I finally get myself under control, I pack a bag and leave, heading into the city.
I can’t bear to stay in that cabin another second.
I lost him, just like I knew I would.
14
Ever
Pregnant.
Fucking pregnant.
The word keeps ringing in my ears. All that night, I keep thinking it. I hear her shower and leave, driving back into the city. I wanted to talk to her more about it, but she decided to leave, and I guess I had to give her some space. I needed just an hour or two to process, and then I was going to talk.
But she left, and I guess I can understand that. Not like I’m in any state to be pissed right now. Not like I could let myself get pissed at my pregnant wife.
Pregnant. Fucking hell. I got my best friend pregnant. My fake wife. The love of my fucking life.
Pregnant.
I lie in bed all night, that word ringing in my ears.
The next morning I’m like a zombie when I go into the office. I stare at my screen but I don’t see anything. All I keep thinking is, pregnant, Amy is pregnant, god damn, she’s pregnant. I keep thinking it, over and over, and as time slowly slips past…
Something important clicks into place.
My whole life has been like a dream. I’ve drifted from one place to another, never staying still, never letting myself feel much of anything. I liked it like that, liked just drifting and floating and never getting grounded.
Amy was different. She was always different. That’s maybe why I couldn’t stay with her for too long. I’d let myself spend days with her, sometimes weeks, but I’d always disappear, run away. I couldn’t bear it.
Because I felt myself never wanting to leave whenever she was around, and that’s not how I lived my life.
But sitting here in my office, it all snaps into focus.
I love that girl. I love her more than anything or anyone. She’s sexy, smart, talented, amazing. She makes me laugh and makes me feel better as a person and as a man. She’s the one I’ve always been so afraid of, because I know she has the power to hurt me, and I never wanted to give someone that power.
But fuck it. She’d pregnant now.
All that petty shit is gone.
Suddenly, my whole life makes sense. I have a purpose. I have a meaning. It’s Amy and that fucking baby.
And I don’t have any more time to waste.
I spend the rest of the day coming up with a plan. It’s stupid and obvious but there’s one thing I know about Whit, and that he loves a good fight.
My father taught us well.
She’
s not at the cabin again that night. I call and leave her a message, just saying that I want to talk, but she doesn’t call back. That’s fine, that’s okay. The next morning, I drive to this little specialty shop on the edge of town, buy a couple things, and head back into work. My head’s spinning as I sit down and lean back in my chair. I have a mug of coffee and I sip at it, anxious, knee bouncing.
Fucking shit, this isn’t me. All this worry and fucking stress, that’s not the kind of man I am. I take what I want, do what I want, and fuck anything that gets in my way.
Amy is pregnant with my baby. And fuck me if I’m not going to take care of her, take care of my goddamn family.
It’s okay if she doesn’t want to talk to me right now. I can’t honestly say what’s going through her head. I bet it’s not good, just based on my own actions these last few years.
Fucking hell. Who would want to have a baby with a man like me?
Player, asshole. Can’t stay in one place long enough to put down roots.
I’m the last person you’d ever want to have a baby with. I’m not fucking reliable, and a father needs to be reliable.
I’m can’t blame her, really. I’d be freaking the fuck out too, if I were her.
Hell, I am freaking out. I’m going to be a father.
I put my mug down, take a deep breath.
I’m going to be a better father than my father ever was. I’m going to work fucking hard at that and no matter what happens, at least my baby will know that I tried my damn best. That’s more than I can say about my father.
I take a deep breath. I’m doing this for real. I’m going to be a better man.
I’m making it happen, starting now.
* * *
Whitney’s secretary looks at me like I’m on crack. “Right now?” she asks me.
I nod. “If you wouldn’t mind.”