Thoughtful

by S. C. Stephens

  The minute Griffin and Anna were gone, I motioned to the music. “I think they’re done with that now.”

  Matt clicked it off, then turned the volume on the TV up. As best we could, we tried to drown out the sound of light banging and laughter that was coming from Griffin’s room with sports stats and kitschy theme music. I didn’t care about what we were watching, but I kept my eyes glued to the screen. I didn’t want Griffin’s and Anna’s noises to remind me of Kiera and Denny, and how Denny was probably driving into Kiera right now. Jesus.

  “You okay, Kell?” Matt asked from the chair.

  I finished my beer and looked over at him. “Yeah, why?”

  He indicated the hallway leading to the bedrooms with a lopsided grin on his face. “You don’t usually let Griffin get the girl.”

  Even though Griffin had music playing in his room, I could hear Anna saying, “Oh my fucking God, yes…fuck yes!” I did not want to think about what he was doing to make her say that. But thinking about Griffin getting off was better than thinking about Denny getting off, so I actually smiled at Matt.

  “Every dog has his day,” I told him.

  Matt snorted, then leaned over and bumped fists with me. As I got up to get another beer, he said, “I’m gonna need a drink for this. Grab me one, will ya?”

  I nodded as I headed for the other room. Anna’s groans grew more pronounced the farther from the TV I got. “Oh God, Griffin. Fuck…me…yes!”

  I quickly grabbed Matt and me some beers. When I got back to the living room, I saw that Matt had changed the TV to The Matrix. It was blaring now, but I could still hear muffled moans and groans from down the hall. I ignored them and focused on the movie, and on my beer. I really didn’t care what the fuck Anna and Griffin did, or about the fact that it took them over two hours to do it.

  When the movie ended, they were still finishing up. “Holy Jesus, fuck yes, don’t fucking stop, so fucking good, oh my God, God, yes, yes, fuck yes, right there!” The sounds after that were highly complimentary, and then, blessed silence. Thank God.

  Matt looked over at me with disgust on his face. “Jesus. Think we ought to get him an ice pack?”

  A small laugh escaped me, which was saying something, considering how crappy I felt. Glancing at all the beer bottles on Matt’s coffee table, I told him, “I don’t think my date is leaving anytime soon, and I don’t think I can drive. Mind if we crash here tonight?”

  Yawning, Matt stood and clapped my shoulder. “Of course not, man. Me casa is su casa, you know that.”

  I raised my bottle to him. “Thanks.”

  He idly scratched his chest as he set down his empty beer. “Now that the jackrabbits are done humping, I’m going to bed. See ya in the morning.”

  Nodding, I watched him walk away. More giggling started up from Griffin’s room. I groaned as I finished my beer. This was going to be the longest fucking night on earth.

  I awoke sometime the next morning with a knot in my back like I’d slept on a rock. Much to my dismay, I woke up to the sound of people screwing. Are you fucking kidding me? Were they still going at it, or did they wake up early to start again? I put the couch pillow over my head. It was way too fucking early for this crap.

  From down the hall, I heard Matt yell, “Will you two shut the fuck up!” Guess I wasn’t the only one irritated.

  Deciding now was as good a time as any to get up, I slunk off the couch and schlepped to the kitchen to make some coffee. At least that was one thing I could look forward to today. As I poured water into the machine, I wondered if I could go back to my house. I knew I had to, I had to take Anna back there, but the thought of walking through the doors and seeing Denny and Kiera beaming at each other as they remembered their epic night of cosmic orgasms was enough to make my stomach clench. I didn’t want to see their dopey, love-filled smiles. Especially knowing that I had primed Kiera for their night. I got her ready. I got her all hot and bothered. I practically gift-wrapped her for him. Fuck, that pissed me off.

  Making the coffee extra strong, since I was feeling sluggish, I decided to not go back into my house today. I’d do a drive-by. From down the hall, Anna agreed with my decision. She was shouting, “Yes, yes, yes!” with absolute abandon. Good. My mind was made up then. I wasn’t going home today.

  By the time Griffin and Anna were done “getting to know each other,” it was close to lunchtime. Griffin’s room stank like sex when they walked out of it. Both of them were disheveled, blurry-eyed, and walking a little funny. I wasn’t surprised. Marathon sex did that to you.

  Not really wanting to leave, I waited for Anna at the front door. She was still dressed in her club clothes, and Griffin had his hand up her short dress as he hugged her goodbye. When she pulled back, he cupped her face and kissed her, hard. “I wish you were in town another night,” he told her. That shocked me. Griffin wasn’t one to do repeat performances. Not that I was one to talk. I didn’t very often either. Guess all the “Fuck me harder” screams had made an impression on him.

  Breathless, Anna murmured, “I know, me too. I’d love to fucking do that again.”

  Griffin tilted his head toward his bedroom. “So let’s go do it again.”

  Biting her lip, Anna sighed and shook her head. “Can’t. I have a flight today, and I really should spend some time with my sister while I’m here.” Smiling, she added, “But I’ll send you pictures for your spank bank when I get home.”

  Griffin groaned and dove in for her mouth again. “I’m going to be jerking off for the next three days straight thinking about you.”

  I rolled my eyes. I hated to break up this love fest, but I really didn’t want to hear about Griffin masturbating anymore. “Ready, Anna?”

  Reluctance clear on her features, she looked back at me with a sigh. That was a far cry from yesterday, when she was practically licking me with her eyes. “Yeah, I guess so.”

  Finally able to get some sleep, Matt was snoring as we left the house. Griffin was scratching his junk, or prepping himself for a marathon solo session. Okay, now I did want to get out of here. Griffin met eyes with me after Anna walked through the door and mouthed, Un-fucking-believable. Then he flashed ten fingers. Yeah, thanks, genius. I already figured out that she was pretty spectacular from the massive amount of expletives coming from your room.

  I sniffed as I followed Anna to my car. Where the hell was I going to go? What the hell was I going to do? And how long could I avoid my home? Unfortunately, not nearly long enough. But I could at least avoid it today. I could at least avoid the afterglow. Kiera’s, that was. Anna’s was impossible to ignore. She was fanning herself when I climbed into the car. Even though I was not having a good morning, I smiled at her. “Have fun last night?”

  Rubbing her legs together, she let out a long groan. “Oh my fucking God, Kellan. I have not come that hard, that many times…ever.” Eyes blazing with residual desire, she said, “Griffin’s dick is pierced. You ever had sex with someone with a piercing?”

  I couldn’t help but smirk. She was so different from Kiera in so many ways. “Not with a guy, no, but, uh…yeah, I’ve done piercings.”

  She raised a knowing eyebrow at me. “Then you know exactly how I feel right now.”

  I shook my head at her as I started the car. No, I was pretty sure I didn’t know exactly how she felt right now—the subject in question was Griffin, after all—but I could imagine she felt pretty great. Me, on the other hand, I felt like shit. And I felt like even deeper shit the closer we got to my house. When we got to my street, I seriously thought I might roll down the window, lean over, and vomit. I couldn’t stand being here, especially with the sounds of Anna’s epic fuck fest last night echoing through my head. Had Kiera and Denny filled my home with similar sounds? Maybe one of my helpful neighbors would comment about how “happy” my house had sounded. God, I couldn’t even handle that thought, let alone that actual conversation.

  When we got to my driveway, I didn’t pull in. Instead, I pulled up to the
curb. Staring at Denny’s car in the drive, I told Anna, “I have to meet a friend. I forgot I told him I’d swing by.”

  Anna frowned as she rolled her head my direction. “Oh, okay. Well, have fun.” Sitting up, she winked at me. “But not as much fun as I’d have.”

  Leaning over the steering wheel, I gave her a genuine smile. “I doubt I could, Anna. Have a safe flight back home.”

  Her pout returned as she flung her arms around my neck. “I’m going to miss it here. But I’ll be back, I’m sure.” After she pulled away, she poked her finger into my chest and said with a stern expression, “You be good to my sister, okay?”

  My smile froze as ice shot through my veins. What did she mean by that? Did she suspect something? Fuck, what do I say to her? Playing it cool, even though my heart was cracking wide open and spilling all over my leather seats, I coyly told her, “I’m good to everybody.”

  She smacked my thigh. “Yeah, that’s what I hear. Bye, Kellan.”

  “Goodbye, Anna,” I said as she gave me a light kiss on the cheek. Behind her, the house my parents had left me loomed in my vision. Even though it seemed bright and cheery, it wasn’t. It was deceitfully cold, bitter, heartbreaking. No love lived there. Not for me.

  I waited two seconds for Anna to get out of the car, then I punched it and stormed off down the tight street. I couldn’t handle looking at my house anymore.

  I drove to Evan’s. I didn’t even think about it. I just hopped on the freeway and that’s where I ended up. When I pulled up to his loft above the auto body shop, his car was in his parking space. He cracked open his door a few seconds after I rapped on it. “Hey, man. Whatcha up to?”

  With a shrug, I walked through his door. “Nothing much. Want to go over melodies for that new bit we’re working on?”

  Evan instantly perked up. “I was just talking to Rain about that last night. I think I came up with something that really works with that last batch of lyrics you gave me. Here, have a listen.”

  Before I knew it, it was well past ten o’clock. That was one of the great things about hanging out at Evan’s—time flew by as we got ourselves wrapped up in the music that grounded our lives, gave us each meaning. Purpose. And Evan was right, the new beat he’d dreamt up matched my moody lyrics perfectly. He certainly had a gift, one he didn’t get enough credit for. That was an unfortunate side effect of being the lead singer—everyone tended to focus on me and ignore the others. But they were just as important. Sometimes I wished I could turn my spotlight on them, but I knew I had a role to play. And I played it well.

  When things were winding down for the night, I remembered the horror that awaited me back home—Mr. and Mrs. Perfect Fucking Relationship. I still wasn’t ready to face them. Hating myself for being a coward, but needing an excuse to stay at Evan’s, I purposely knocked my beer to the floor. I forced myself to laugh. “Sorry, man, guess I had more than I thought.”

  With a laugh of his own, Evan told me to stay and sleep it off. Even though I’d been in the same outfit for a day and I still had spikes in my hair, I took him up on his offer. God, I was pathetic.

  I fell asleep with the memory of Kiera’s breath on my skin.

  When I woke up in the morning, I’d had enough of couch surfing. I needed an actual bed. And a shower. And clean clothes. I felt like I hadn’t slept at all the last two nights. I was pretty sure I could have added up the total hours I’d slept decently on one hand. My nerves spiked as I approached my house. I didn’t want Kiera to be there. She had school today though, so she should be gone. I hoped. Sort of.

  The driveway was empty when I got there, but that was to be expected. Denny was at work. I approached the home with tentative steps. I really hated how Kiera could make me reluctant to enter my own house. She had kept me away on more occasions than I cared to admit. I needed to stop letting her run my life. But I might as well ask to stop breathing. She was the lead ball in this Newton’s cradle—the cause. I was the effect. I had no choice but to react to her.

  My hand was shaking as I reached for the knob. I immediately pulled it back and clenched it into a fist to get the blood properly circulating. This was nothing. No big deal. If she was here…so what? We’d ignore each other, ignore all the hurt, pain, and heat between us until it blew up in our faces again. God, we needed to break this cycle. Even I knew that.

  Annoyed, I pulled out my keys and unlocked the door. A familiar smell hit me the moment I opened it. I paused as I absorbed the fragrance. I wasn’t sure exactly when it had happened, but at some point during her stay, her scent had permeated everything in my home. Or maybe that was all in my head. Who the fuck knew?

  Shutting the door, I darted upstairs for the quickest shower known to man. I wanted out of this house. I purposely avoided looking at Denny and Kiera’s room. I didn’t think I’d be able to look at it again. What she’d done to him in there, while she had pretended he was me, was going to dig and fester inside my brain like an incurable disease. Fuck, I didn’t want to be here. Heading to my room, I stripped bare and then shuffled to the bathroom.

  Once I was dressed and refreshed, I headed back to Evan’s place for rehearsal. Afterward, when the guys wanted to go to Pete’s, I was torn. I wanted to say no, wanted to bow out, but a large part of me wanted to go, and that part eventually won out. As painful as it was going to be, I missed Kiera, and I knew I couldn’t go another night without seeing her.

  My heart was heavy on the ride over. I had no idea how she’d react to seeing me after how we’d parted ways. After parking, I sat and stared at the bar in the rearview mirror. I wasn’t sure what I was waiting for, I just knew I couldn’t go in there yet. The night at the club flashed through my mind—her fast breath, her eager mouth, her hands fisting in my hair. So much passion had been between us, we’d nearly ignited on the dance floor. That couldn’t have all been fake.

  A bang on my window knocked my memories from my head. Griffin was standing at my door, and Matt and Evan were a few feet behind him, waiting for me. Smirking, Griffin gestured at the mirror I’d been staring into. “You look great, princess. Get the fuck out of the car.”

  Rolling my eyes, I cracked open my door. I could do this. I slugged Griffin in the arm for his comment, and he backed away from me with a scowl. “Ease up, pissy pants. It’s not my fault you didn’t get laid the other night.”

  Grinning in a self-satisfied way, he splayed his fingers as he walked backward. “Five, dude.”

  Forcing my gaze away from the front doors I was dreading, I met Griffin’s eyes. “What?”

  “That’s how many times she made me come! And that doesn’t include the two times I jizzed the next morning.” Stumbling over a rock in the lot, he almost fell on his ass. Klutz.

  Grimacing, I walked around him. “Awesome,” I muttered. I’d already had a color commentary during the act, I didn’t need a play-by-play of it afterward.

  Still wanting to brag, Griffin fell into step behind me. “It was unbelievable. The things that girl can do…It’s too bad for you that she chose me, man. Not that I blame her, but you seriously missed out.”

  Matt snorted. “Are you serious? She totally wanted Kellan, but he turned her down. You were runner-up, dude.”

  I looked back just in time to see Griffin’s dumbstruck expression. “You smoking crack there, cuz? She was all over me, hot to trot. She even told me that she’d been wet for me since the first time we met.”

  A knowing smile on his lips, Matt flicked a glance at me. “When you first met? You mean, when she was practically giving Kellan a lap dance, and she barely acknowledged your existence? That first time?”

  Griffin barged past me. “You don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about.”

  Matt was laughing as he hurried to catch up to him. “Wait, Griff! Tell me again how much she wanted you! Was that before or after she was practically palming Kellan’s junk at the table?”

  I shook my head at the pair of them as Evan laughed. Griffin walked through the front do
or first and the noise of the bar filtered out to me in the lot. Bending down, I pretended I was tying my shoelace. That was what I’d been reduced to: lame-ass stalling techniques. Fuck. Was I ready to see her?

  Evan paused, waiting for me. “You okay?” he asked.

  I mentally double-checked my features, but I wasn’t making any strange, pain-filled expression as I retied my shoe. All of my turmoil was internal. “Yeah,” I replied, standing. “Why wouldn’t I be?” As far as Evan knew, this was just another night at Pete’s.

  Evan studied my face. “I don’t know. You just seem…off.” He crooked a grin. “Maybe you’re still hungover from last night? You did get pretty shitfaced.”

  I made myself smile. “Yeah, maybe that’s it. I do feel a little worn.” Emotionally worn. Physically I felt fine.

  Determined to prove that this was no big deal and I could be in a room with Kiera without it tearing me in two, I opened the door and walked into the bar. I tried not to look, but my eyes automatically scoped her out. She was back in the band’s section, but her eyes were glued to the door, like she was waiting for me. Goddamn, she was beautiful. Her Pete’s shirt hugged her in ways that showed off every lean asset I loved, and her jeans sat low on her hips, teasing me with just an inch of skin. Her hair was pulled back into a messy ponytail that just about undid me every time I saw it. It reminded me of sex—wild, unrestrained, passionate sex. It made me want to yank the band out, grab a fistful, and pull her into me.

  But no, that wasn’t what we were. She was Denny’s. She’d made that clear the other night. Our friendship would never cross that line again. We really were over.

  My stomach throbbed, but I forced the feeling down. It was just the way it was, no need to get an ulcer about it. My heart was pounding as we stared at each other. I couldn’t read her emotions. Knowing she couldn’t read mine either, I gave her a small nod and a smile. See, Kiera, I can play nice, even if you did rip my heart out. We can still have a friendship, although just being friends with you kills me a little.