“That was amazing, Micah. I’m glad that I came out with you,” she says by the time we climb back to the car. I almost forgot that I have something special for both of us, a little picnic. I grab the bag from the back seat and take out her favourite beer. It’s the same one that she drank outside the library.
She opens her mouth, probably to tell me that I’m amazing, but then changes her mind and takes a sip, smiling.
“I just wanted you to know that I’m not all about sex,” I say, winking at her. She laughs and finally relaxes. For the next ten minutes she enjoys the beer, whereas I keep sipping coke.
“Tahlia, tell me about your scars,” I say. I don’t know where this question is coming from, but I can’t keep pretending that I haven’t noticed them.
She takes a sharp inhale of breath. “What scars?” she finally asks, her voice small.
God, I hate that she can’t be honest with me, just this once.
“Please don’t do this now. I know that the tattoos are covering most of the scars. I feel them when I touch you. What happened to you?” I ask gently, knowing that it’s probably a hell of a subject. I know that it’s no accident that she is so guarded, so closed off. Someone must have hurt her, badly. But nothing will change the fact that I want to get to the bottom of it.
The silence stretches for minutes, and I don’t push. I let her collect her thoughts.
“Did you bring me here to ask this question, to push me?”
Fuck, she is good, seeing right through my plan. I feel like a twat, but then I think about Steph again. It’s the only way. We are both lying to each other. I know that she has probably been through a lot, but other people depend on her, on her honesty.
“I’m trying to get to know you. We have been seeing each other for a while now. Please… we’ve been sleeping together. You knew that eventually I would have noticed.”
“That’s the past, Micah. I don’t want to talk about it,” she says, not even looking at me.
“Too bad, because I want to hear it,” I insist, pushing her closer to me.
“I was in an abusive relationship. I managed to escape, moved on. There is nothing to talk about.”
“Fuck, Tahlia. What exactly happened?”
“He used me as his punching bag, burned me with cigarettes, and other stuff,” she continues talking quietly. “I was hopeless, couldn’t leave, and this went on for months.”
She breathes, arching her head backwards and I realise that I’m being cruel, but she is finally communicating with me.
“Right, you managed to escape and probably the cops were involved? That’s why some of your records are missing,” I say, thinking out loud, wondering if she changed her name to run away from the pathetic motherfucker who abused her, like the girl from the hole in the wall. Their stories are so similar.
“Police records?” she asks, looking at me with disbelief. “Why are you even bringing this up? This is about the investigation, isn’t it?”
“Tahlia, that was my job and you were the only witness. It was the standard procedure,” I argue. “That doesn’t mean that I’m the harsh cop right now. I was concerned about you, worried. Don’t hold my questions against me.”
“Yes, the police got involved, things changed and I had another chance. I don’t want to talk about it, not now or ever. The bastard, my ex, had done things to me that were unspeakable. He kept raping me after every beating. I couldn’t tell anyone, because he threatened to kill me,” she explains. “I went through months of therapy, and then I decided to start over, here in Braxton. My life has finally started making sense.” She is shouting now and I feel like someone is gagging me. She has seen right through me.
The things that I have to do to get to the truth. Crap, I’m such a pathetic monster.
“Tahlia, all right, I get it. I won’t bring this up anymore. I’m sorry, but I think it’s better if we’re honest with each other,” I say.
“You won’t find anything in the police records. My case was complicated, Micah. I had to transform my life, start over. Can you just leave it at that?”
“Of course. You don’t need to ask twice,” I tell her.
I hate lying to her, but the case isn’t sorted yet. Some motherfucker broke her, and I believe her, but that’s only half of the story. I might never forgive myself for thinking this, but I need to hear the other part.
Chapter Twenty-Six
The never-ending feelings.
We don’t talk until we get back to the campus. The atmosphere is strange, still tense. I keep wondering if I should get Clarke involved. She must have been involved in some real crap. Her motivations make sense: she chose a secluded, small city like Braxton and started over. Finally, the woman who causes such turmoil in my heart is opening up. I don’t see it as a breakthrough, but it’s a small cruel progression. I’m getting to know the person underneath the tattoos and piercing.
The silence yet again is alarming and I can see that she is thinking too much. Maybe this is our last night together. Once she finds out the truth about me, I’ll be just like any other bastard that hurt her. The fact that I have fallen for her doesn’t matter anymore. With time we will forget about each other. In this cruel world, there is no time for love and emotions.
“Please don’t dig, Micah. I don’t want to go back to my old life,” she asks and I feel like I have just sliced her heart with a small sharp knife.
“I won’t, don’t worry,” I assure her and then kiss her, moving my hands around her waist, electrified by the scent of her perfume. Lies, lies, but I need to feel her close to me. When she moans into my mouth, I’m instantly hard. She deserves to feel loved, maybe at least tonight.
“Take me upstairs to your flat. I don’t want to be alone anymore,” she says. Her eyes are pleading, wide.
My heart is pounding deep in my chest, and I feel like a son of a bitch. Desire clouds my better judgment. I want her badly.
“Come on,” I tell her and we both get out of the car. Thoughts are rushing through my head, the guilt burning a hole in my chest. This is wrong, but she wants to feel loved for one more night. I owe it to her.
We barge through my door, kissing hard. I can’t get enough of her. I pull her jumper above her head, as the heat clenches its claws around me. I keep breathing hard. My erection pokes into her thigh. Blood rushes to my ears when she is standing naked at last, biting on that pierced lip. She is the most beautiful creature on this planet, the tattoos are inviting, and I start sucking her hardened nipples, one by one, savouring her soaking entrance with my hand. This whole thing is getting out of my control, and her moans are getting me so fucking hard.
Tahlia takes off my shirt, then pulls my boxers down, moving her hands down my shaft. Suddenly I’m losing fucking control of everything—my emotions, anger and arousal. All I can see in front of me are her eyes, hear her heavy, shallow breathing.
“Tahlia, we don’t have to do this,” I rasp out.
“Shut up and fuck me,” she hisses, and I grab her wrists and bring her arms up to my neck.
“Hold on tight,” I demand and then grab her arse cheeks and lift her onto my desk, moving the stationery out of the way. I’m drunk with her scent, overwhelmed by our moment. My conscience reminds me that I’m sliding in deeper and further with her.
She caresses my face, smiling and biting that piercing. I lean down and pull out a condom, slipping it onto my cock. The shudder of anticipation shakes me, and when I’m finally buried inside her, the problems are nonexistent. She feels slick and perfect. I grab her hips, digging my nails into her skin, and start pounding into her.
Tahlia starts moaning into my ear, telling me to go faster, harder. My own breath speeds up and I’m already so close that it’s unbelievable. She digs her nails into my back and I make a deep sound in the back of my throat, enjoying her touch.
The table keeps pounding against the wall loudly, the books are falling down, but that’s not enough—I want all of her, body and soul. My twisted min
d needs to possess her, more than I have ever possessed anyone else.
I lean down and kiss her, sucking in on her lower lip.
“Micah, oh please, I’m so close, don’t stop,” she moans, but I can’t hold on anymore. I climax deep inside her, holding her in my arms and pushing out my frustration and guilt and anger—and regret.
For a long moment we’re both breathing heavily, still holding each other, enjoying the aftermath. I open my eyes, seeing the most beautiful girl, the angel in a devil’s skin. The human being that I feel connected to, and these emotions are beginning to break me. Ice grips my heart and starts squeezing it. The world seems to stop; the only sound is my breathing and the hammering of my heart in my chest. I know it’s only for now—soon I won’t depend on these feelings anymore. On the face of it, we are perfect for each other, but our souls are marked with pain and sorrow. I have feelings for Tahlia, but resolving the case is much more important than feeling like a human again.
I finally let go of her, and she slides off the desk, picking up her clothes. That smile doesn’t disappear. I drag my hand through my damp hair, thinking about what’s next. How am I going to put myself back together after being with her?
“Your place is nice. Have you lived here long?” she asks, like she is really interested.
“A few months. I managed to negotiate a good rate on rent,” I say and then go to the kitchen, still wanting to pull out the bottle of whisky. I feel really depressed all of a sudden, miserable that I have chosen this life, just because I can’t let go of the past.
“Micah, this… I mean what we just did, it was amazing,” Tahlia says all of a sudden, reaching out for me. I hold the golden liquid in my hand, staring at her happy face. “But you distanced yourself from me. It’s me, isn’t it?”
I open the bottle and drink some whisky, wondering who is the bigger scumbag in this circus. Tahlia is looking at me so innocently that I almost forget about the fact that she betrayed me. I laid out my heart to her and she lied to my face.
I pour some more alcohol into the glass and drink it in one go. She keeps watching me and all I want to do is fuck her again. This whole situation is so messed up.
“You told me everything, the truth, right?” I ask.
She nods, but she doesn’t seem convinced. “It’s not enough, is it? You want to know all the details of that case, my case?”
“No, Tahlia, I don’t need to know anymore,” I sigh, as the alcohol starts making it’s way through my system. “I have a lot on my mind. The work is getting on top of me.”
She doesn’t believe me, but doesn’t ask any more questions. After moving around my flat, she joins me at the table. I numb myself, telling myself that this whole act will be worth it soon. By the end of the very late night we cuddle in bed together. We are both wasted, and I fall asleep believing that everything somehow will be okay.
***
“Mate, you look like shit. What happened yesterday?” asks one of the detectives when I walk into the station in the morning. My head is banging painfully. Yesterday seems like a dream, but now it’s more like the worst nightmare.
I woke up in an empty bed this morning. Tahlia wasn’t lying next to me as I expected. I didn’t even know when she left. I had no idea what got into me. We both drank almost the whole bottle between us.
“I forgot what day it was,” I reply, giving him a pathetic smile.
“A word of advice then: stay away from Clarke. He is zooming around this morning, shouting at everyone,” he adds, patting me on the back. Do I really look that bad?
I manage to get to my office without any more interruptions. It’s only eight in the morning, but it feels like someone has been banging my head against the wall.
“Rough night?”
The high-pitched voice startles me and I nearly fall off the fucking chair. Kerry is standing by the door. She must have been waiting for me, because I didn’t notice her when I came in.
“Kerry? What the hell are you doing in here? You startled me,” I mutter, tossing the irrelevant files away to the confidential waste.
She comes around my desk and leans over.
“You’re a hell of a liar, Micah, worse than I thought you were,” she says, picking up my tie. Whatever she is doing, it’s bad news and I don’t like that calculating look on her face. A couple of weeks ago she wanted to destroy me, just because I refused to be her puppet. I was even willing to commit to her. God, I can’t believe that I could have been so stupid.
“Get to the bloody point, Kerry. I have shitloads of work today, before I report to Clarke,” I say, trying to ignore her.
“I saw you yesterday with that girl, the witness that was here at the station,” she says unexpectedly, moving her long nails over my face. “And you looked quite cosy. Too cosy, if you ask me.”
I dig my nails into my palms, trying to keep my breath steady, but that’s quite impossible, considering the state that I’m currently in.
“What I do in my spare time is none of your business. You made that perfectly clear. Now get the fuck out of my office,” I snap at her, getting up. I drove Tahlia home last night and that was a mistake. We were obviously spotted.
She doesn’t move, and there is something in her eyes. Resentment maybe, and that same look she gave me in the restaurant.
“You’re fucking her, so don’t give me that bullshit. You’re fucking the main witness and we both know that’s against the rules,” she hisses, nearly enough touching my face. I smell her strong perfume, circulating around my nostrils. A flashback of our last night together makes me sick. She doesn’t do anything to me, not anymore.
“What the fuck do you want, Kerry? What, do you want me to fuck you again? Is that what this is all about?” I ask and start moving towards her. She looks surprised at first, backing away towards the wall, until she has nowhere to escape.
My plan is falling apart. Kerry wasn’t supposed to see me last night. She is right about the badge, about this whole fucking shebang. Tahlia is a witness to the case, a significant one. This is not the time to complicate things.
I press my body to hers, and she whimpers, grinning. I could just reach out and squeeze her throat until she is dead. No, Kerry has done nothing wrong. It’s Tahlia who’s fucking with my head. I’m the one that should be controlling himself right now.
“For now I just want to enjoy this moment,” she explains, tossing her hair behind her. She is acting like she isn’t scared of me. “Tell me—what is it about this girl that you chose her over me?”
God, she is pathetic, still going on about Tahlia. I exhale, knowing that Kerry won’t say shit, because she still wants to manipulate me. That’s all this is about. She has never cared about me.
“I’m not with her because I want to be; I’m working on the case, trying to find out what the fuck happened to her roommate. This isn’t some love nest,” I explain.
She raises her left eyebrow, then smiles. “Come over tonight, and I will forget that I saw you. Clarke won’t know; no one will. You can easily fix this, what we had,” she purrs into my ear.
There is a sudden knock and we both flinch. Kerry winks at me, steps away and then opens the door. Rogers is standing outside, staring at me with his classic frown.
“Remember what I said, Detective,” Kerry adds, and leaves, passing Rogers.
I’m so pissed off that I can’t fucking breathe.
“How is it going with the pinky girl?”
I rub my face with my hands, thinking about my next step, noticing that Rogers is very calm today. He doesn’t bombard me with questions. Maybe he finally had a good night’s sleep.
“Good, it’s good. She has a traumatic past, and I need to go to London to investigate this further,” I say, ignoring the way he’s looking at me.
Rogers slams his fist on my desk, and I nearly jump. Blood rushes to my head. I really need to stop drinking. The alcohol just drains me and I lose my focus. Rogers looks like he is just about to lose it and I have a f
eeling that this might have something to do with me. Maybe he overheard my conversation with Kerry. Either way, I know that I’m already fucked.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
A going away party.
“Mate, what the hell is your problem?” I bark at him.
“Cut the crap. Nothing had changed. There is no progress. People are talking, Micah. Some officers saw you with that girl—our “witness.”
I want to dismiss whatever he is saying. No one apart from Kerry knows what’s going on. Rogers is looking out for me. I appreciate it, but this time I have it all under control.
“It’s all going to be worth it in the end. She finally started opening up. Last night she told me stuff, things that are important,” I say, not wanting to tell him that she was a victim of domestic violence, that I had been right, that she had been hiding some real screwed-up past.
“Micah, you’re sabotaging our investigation by sleeping with the key witness. Stop lying, stop pretending that there is nothing going on.”
“It is temporary. I’m nearly there,” I say, finally admitting that I have a relationship with her.
“Do you think that any judge will take this case seriously? Have you lost your fucking mind?”
I shake my head, looking at him, not believing that he is the one that’s lecturing me. I’m doing the right thing, the necessary thing. Tahlia has been talking to the press from the very beginning. She has been playing me, but now the tables have turned.
“Don’t stress. This whole thing will be over before you know it,” I say. “All the evidence from eight years ago is in the main headquarters. I’m taking a trip there, will be gone for a few days, so you can calm down. I can link Tahlia to the murder at uni. I know I’m right. Now I just have to prove it.”
Love & Hate Series Box Set 2 (3-4) - In Too Deep - Skimming the Surface Page 20