Twenty minutes later, the three of us finish our meal while Kiki talks about the usual nonsense. I’ve only known her maybe twenty-four hours, but for some reason I feel like she might brighten my mood a little.
Micah settles the bill and then we get back to the van. The drive to central London takes another two hours. The traffic is horrendous and there are police cars everywhere. The hospital most probably already alerted the station that we ran away and that someone helped us. I have no idea what Micah told his boss, but they are not stupid. They will soon know that he was part of this master escape plan.
I make Kiki sit between us. His cologne is messing with my thoughts, and he keeps glancing at me, probably wondering if I’ll have another breakdown, like in the courtroom. Lame. He never cared, so why does he bother with me now?
The day brightens as the morning passes, slowly getting warmer, but then out of nowhere it starts raining when it looks like we reached our destination. The neighbourhood looks untidy and cramped. Micah wouldn’t dare to take me back to our old area, the parts where we both grew up.
“You two stay here. I need to make a phone call,” he informs us, working his jaw.
“What are we even doing here?” I ask.
“We will stay here for now, until I figure out what to do,” he tells me and then gets out of the van, taking his phone with him. He paces away out of earshot and makes the phone call standing underneath the awning of an old convenience store. I need to pretend a little longer. Tequila will be glad if I get in touch. She is the only person that can help me, the only person that I can rely on. The rat has his eyes everywhere, and he won’t stay in Braxton, knowing that I’m on the run.
It’s a crazy ride, but I can’t stay with Micah. He is clouding my judgment, and once he knows what I have hidden from him all these years he will turn his back on me. The clock is ticking and I need to hide before I make a fatal mistake and stop being the usual girl, the one without a heart.
“Right, let’s go. I have the keys. This house should be safe for now,” Micah says opening the door to the van.
Chapter Six
New surroundings
I choose not to say anything. Instead I grab whatever is in the van and start following him, apprehensive about staying in such a busy area. I want to have a shower and get rid of this uncomfortable hospital gown. Maybe then I will be able to stop thinking how bad this situation is. The sooner I can get out of this jacket, the better. His presence, his scent, reminds me that I still have feelings for him and that I want to forgive him. Nothing is ever as easy as this and Micah doesn’t need to know how I feel.
This neighbourhood is poor and mostly full of immigrants—Asian’s, Chinese and Arabs, a few Eastern Europeans—it’s a real hotchpotch but at least we don’t stand out. We cross the street and walk towards a semi-detached town house. Micah looks back at me and waits for me and Kiki outside the brown door. It looks like the detective has managed to sort out a place to stay for now. I don’t know what to think. It’s some sort of progress. The space is dated, obscure, but it’s better than the rat’s place and the hole in the wall. Maybe even better than a hospital room.
The living room is joined with the kitchen and there are two other rooms at the back. My anxiety crawls its way up and my breathing speeds up. I panic because I’m afraid to be locked up inside the flat with him.
I can’t get my head around the fact that he got me out, knowing that he would never be able to get back on the force after that.
“Cool, it’s awesome. How long are we going to stay here?” Kiki asks.
I don’t know what to do with myself, thinking about ways of getting out of here. We are back in London, which means I can get in touch with Tequila.
“I don’t know, until I figure out what to do. You both need some new clothes, and we need to stock up the fridge,” he says, appearing tense, but it’s only his own fault. He can do whatever the hell he wants. I really don’t care anymore.
“If you do go shopping, get me a crunchy peanut butter and some marshmallows,”says “If I’m going to be stuck in here with the two of you, we need some entertainment. Is there a TV in here?”
Micah sighs in frustration and I don’t know if I should be crying or laughing. We both know that we can’t stay here for long. The rat is already tracking me down, and I’m putting them in danger.
“Yes, check the storage room. The guy said that we should be able to get it working. Tahlia, keep an eye on her. I’ll be back in an hour,” he says, looking at me.
I want to defy him, whatever, but at the same time I need to take some kind of responsibility. Kiki is still a stranger and I insisted that she come with us.
A moment later Micah shuts the door behind him and we are finally alone. First, I start to inspect the rooms. The kitchen is filthy; the space needs to be completely scrubbed and disinfected. As I start walking around, I begin to realise that I’ll be calling this space home for the next few weeks. The police think that I need psychiatric evaluation. Apart from that, I’m now being forced to be with the man that broke my heart, actually live with him. Yeah, everything seems so perfect.
“Not bad, at least I don’t have to take any pills or eat shit every day for breakfast, lunch and dinner. What are we doing with sleeping arrangements?” Kiki asks. For some reason I don’t find her annoying. She sort of pulls me away from reality every time she opens her mouth.
“We will take the biggest bedroom. I want to stay as far away from him as possible,” I say, looking at some blankets on the floor and checking the cupboards.
“Is Micah your ex-boyfriend or something, and that’s why you hate him so much? And this other guy that is looking for you? Who is he?”
“It doesn’t matter. Micah can’t be trusted; he is a scum,” I say, feeling as if I need to repeat myself every five minutes.
“Well, he got us out, sister, so he can’t be that bad.”
I dismiss her comment and find the bathroom to at least be alone. I try to look at the bright side. Kiki manages to pull the small TV out of the storage room and get it working. She keeps me entertained until Micah arrives back, his hands filled with shopping bags.
“I bought you some essential clothes, toiletries and food,” he says, placing everything on the table in the kitchen. I glance at him, knowing that he must be exhausted, but I bite my tongue. He is not my business and I shouldn’t care.
“Awesome. Peanut butter,” Kiki shouts, looking through the bags. I really want to get out of this hospital gown, but I don’t want to accept his help. I don’t want to be indebted to him anymore than I already am. While Kiki is going through the stuff, Micah sits next to me, almost touching my thigh. The sudden energy scorches down making me so fucking hot for him.
“I know this place isn’t great, but we have limited resources. My boss will put two and two together once the hospitals make the phone call,” he says, his voice strained.
“I don’t care. You can’t take back what you have done. You can’t get my life back on track,” I say, barely opening my mouth. The problem is that I’m lying to myself. He betrayed me, pushed me to the darkest place and I lost it, and now we are both sitting here together. His career is done, he will never again find a job with the police, and he has sacrificed everything for me.
He arches backwards, his head resting on the edge of the sofa, looking up. I increase the volume on the TV when the news is just about to start, attempting not to pay attention to him. The three of us watch with anticipation, but there is no information about my escape or Micah’s betrayal. Good. Maybe I still have time. The rat doesn’t even know yet that I’m not in Braxton.
“Tahlia, we are going to be here for a little while, so maybe we should at least tolerate each other. Please stop treating me like I don't mean anything to you. I’m trying hard to fix everything,” he says after a moment of silence, leaning closer. That instant closeness wipes out all the nasty remarks that I instantly want to shout. He can’t cloud my judgment, my inst
inct. Our times together were brief and intense, but Micah was pretending the whole time. I can’t let him manipulate me again. There is nothing worse than being in love with a man that is a compulsive liar.
“It’s too late. You can’t fix something that is already broken,” I say through gritted teeth, getting up. Kiki throws jeans, some T-shirts and a jumper to me. I feel his eyes on me when I grab them and leave the room.
I can’t be wearing what I have on, so I start putting on the clothes that he bought me. Everything fits in perfectly. My old identity and my bank account are probably monitored. The police don’t know about Tequila, so they won’t get to her.
Micah has chosen the right sizes and dark colours. He got me toothpaste, brush, shower gel and even some makeup. Tears shut down my eyes when I look at myself in the mirror remembering that time when I tried to act like I gave a crap about other people.
“Are you sure that this is a good idea? Meeting her in a pub? Haven’t you heard about coffee shops?” I ask again as we walk through Tequila’s neighbourhood. My newly acquired friend is working hard to get her art business going. She already has a lot of contacts, people that are willing to pay a lot of money, just so they can get their hands on her paintings. This way she keeps away from trouble, from the temptations on the streets. I don’t understand why she wants to help some random girl.
“This stupid cow needs to hear that she is making a mistake. I tried to talk to her, but she doesn’t want to listen. I think your scars might help her decide what’s right or wrong,” she mutters as we walk through the busy main street filled with shoppers. For some reason I still feel anxious and frightened that someone around here will recognise me, that I would be spotted. I decided to keep my new identity, but I wanted to stop hiding. Being in the protection programme was difficult.
I don’t know, the rat is dead and I have nothing to worry about. Sometimes moments like this make me feel like I don’t have a brain. The man that had been keeping me up all night is gone.
We walk into the dark pub and Tequila pulls me to the right. There, by the window, sits a girl dressed in a white tracksuit. I don’t know what was I expecting, but it was definitely not something so cliché. She has gold piercings in her ears and blond hair tied up in a ponytail.
When we finally face her I think that I’m having hallucinations. It’s Vera, the girl that used to sell crack to my mother, the girl that I used to hate with burning passion. She is not eighteen, but a couple of years older than me. When I left with Josh, I heard that she got caught dealing and sold some high-up names to the police to save her own skin.
I instantly want to pull my best friend to the side and tell her to get out of here, but it’s too late. Vera spotted us by the door.
“Hey, Ju, how is it going?” Tequila asks. “I was hoping to see you here today.”
“I’m waiting for my mother,” she barks, staring at me bluntly with a judgmental look on her face. It’s strange, but she doesn’t recognise me. Well, it’s been years since we saw each other. That was before I changed, before I started going out with Josh. At least my new look is doing the job, distancing me from the old Rose Waltham. Tequila needs to know that this girl is a scum, like all her family. Her mother most probably smelled the cash and wanted to use Tequila. God, I should have known that this was some kind of con.
“I met your mother in the market today. She asked me to talk to you. You shouldn’t be getting involved with these people. They are dangerous,” Tequila says, pulling the chair out for me. A fresh wave of anger is rising in me fast. I don’t think I can sit here and listen to Vera’s bullshit. Tequila has no idea what’s going on here, that she has been played from the very beginning.
“Don’t be so selfish, Tequila. I just want to have some fun. I heard that Chris can set me up with heavy stuff, that you used to work with him. My mother said that she convinced you to help me out.”
I pull up my sleeves and bring my chair closer to her. My pulse speeds up instantly. This whole meeting is a joke. Tequila isn’t stupid, but she has no idea who she is dealing with.
Before I can stop myself, I start talking, knowing I shouldn’t let her get to me.
“Stop selling bullshit to us, Vera. We both know that you’re not who you say you are. You were dealing before, in another area. Then you got caught and sent to prison, sold names to the police and now they are all after you. Now you want to get back to business, so you asked your mother to sell some stupid story to Tequila, thinking that she would reach out to her old contacts, leading you straight to them–”
“Tahlia, what are you—”
“Tequila, let me talk! You have no idea what’s going on here.”
Julie rises quickly from her seat, narrowing her eyes on me, panicking. She used to manipulate other people to do all the dirty work for her. She doesn’t know how to defend herself, so I have the advantage here. I won’t let her drag Tequila back to that old life.
“Who the fuck are you, bitch?” she asks, taking a step towards me. I remember when she used to show up at my door, hoping to make a deal with my mother. She was always with that other guy, Jack. He acted as her bodyguard, kept on eye on all her clients, and I couldn’t do anything. I was hopeless.
“I’m your worst nightmare, someone that you will remember until you die,” I snarl and attack. This girl has to pay for all those times when she sold crack to my mother on credit, for beating her up if she couldn’t settle her debt, for kidnapping my little sister, for scaring her for the rest of her life. I thought that I’d never see her again, but obviously I was wrong. Now this is my chance to make this right, to make her pay for all these cruel things that she did.
I move quickly and then punch her straight in her face. Tequila steps aside widening her eyes, and Vera goes down under the table. I grab her and then slap her again until she knows that I’m done with being nice Tahlia.
She scrambles back, touching her bleeding nose, and I kick her hard in the gut. She moans and some people in the bar gather around us to watch. I’m surprised that no one is intervening. Later on Tequila will understand what happened, but right now I need to release my old frustration. It’s not Vera’s fault that my mother was an addict, but she played a big part in her addiction, always encouraging her to buy more. She hurt people that I cared about and then disappeared.
The barman has already called the police, so I kick her again and again until she stops moving, until I don’t feel numb anymore.
“Tahlia, you need to stop it. She is not worth it. Let’s get out of here before the cops get here.”
“Listen to me, you little scum, from now on you will stay away from Tequila and her neighbourhood, and you will tell your mother to do the same. If I find out that you ever looked at her again or even dared to speak another word to her, I’ll fucking come back and kill you. I know that Kevin would do anything to find you and I won’t hesitate to let him know that you’re back on the streets. This is your only warning. You know well that Kevin doesn’t give second chances,” I hiss, feeling disgusted with myself. Vera made lots of enemies on the streets. Some of them are still active. One word and she will be finished.
“Tahlia, we need to go. Now.” Tequila grabs my hand when I want to head to the toilet. It’s too late. The uniforms barge inside. I’m going down and no one can save me this time.
Chapter Seven
First attempt
For that one day I became someone else, a monster hungry for revenge. Vera was hoping to get back to her old business, and she wanted to use Tequila’s old connections. I had no idea how she came in contact with her in the first place, but I needed to stop her before it was too late, before she rose in power and destroyed more lives the way she’d destroyed my family. That day Tequila saw a different side of me, the one I didn’t like to show at all.
Vera ended up in the hospital and I was charged with assault and taken to the police station that day. Later on I managed to explain to Tequila that she had been played and who Vera reall
y was. She was angry with herself, disappointed that she didn’t recognise she had been played, but she wasn’t surprised that I reacted the way I had.
Detective Johnson that I saw at the station in Braxton was the one that questioned me back in London.
I knew that he remembered me a year later, when I was arguing with Micah on the steps of the police station after one of his pointless interrogations. Johnson kept staring and I knew that sooner or later I might get recognised, so I left as soon as I could.
I splash some water on my face in the bathroom, pushing all these memories to the back of my mind. At the time I had bright green hair, piercings, and always wore heavy makeup. Things didn’t go Johnson’s way back then and he was forced to let me go.
Lee had intervened as always. He pulled some strings and managed to make the assault charges disappear. He said that it was the last time he would help me. All the records of that incident were wiped out and I was sent to Braxton to continue living the life that was chosen for me. I didn’t want to go back to being Rose Waltham. She was burnt and lost. I had a better chance of getting somewhere being Tahlia Sanderson. Tequila was questioned too but later released. She covered for me and told me that I made the right call.
Then we both decided that we had to ease off on our social meetings. It was my decision. I didn’t want her to get tangled up in my crap. She had her own life that she was still putting together, and I couldn’t let her ruin that because of me. We stuck to the phone calls and emails, but then our contact began to fade. I started seeing Micah and she began travelling more. We both have been there for each other during difficult times, but I had to make a decision, start making radical changes. The rat was dead and I was free.
When I walk back into the living room an hour later, Micah is scrubbing the kitchen with Kiki. It’s already dark outside and I’m slightly taken back by their team effort. Micah smiles at me and then continues with that pointless task. For a split second I want to grab the sponge and help them, but I can’t bear pretending that I’m okay with us living together, acting like we are one big happy family.
Love & Hate Series Box Set 2 (3-4) - In Too Deep - Skimming the Surface Page 28