by Brenda Ford
I turn over on the bed and look at Amelia’s room, wishing that I could be in there right now to explain everything to her. It’s frustrating having to wait to apologize for running out before and running away all day. But I won’t escape any longer. I will stand tall and face what needs to be done.
“Right, college.” I might as well spend my time now doing what needs to be done. “Let’s take a proper look through it all. Make some decisions. Ear mark some for nearby and some far away… just in case.”
Not that it will come to that, but I just want to show the effort that I’m putting in. Then Wesley will know that I have considered all options and eventually picked the right one…
My eyes ache with tiredness, which is hardly surprising after the last couple of days that I’ve had. But I feel good. I have made some choices now. If I’m honest with myself, the course in New York is the best one with the most amazing opportunities, but there is a college much closer to home which is also a good one.
“Those are the two,” I tell myself. “Not that New York is really the only option.” I rub the prospectus, half wishing that this college could be the one that’s nearer because I would love it. “No, it isn’t the course for me.”
I feel good about the choice. I know this is right. I decide to descend down the stairs to see what the rest of my family are doing. I almost have a skip in my step because I’m so looking forward to speaking to everyone…
“Hello?” But the house is empty. That never happens! I have five brothers, so someone is always around. But not right now. It really doesn’t seem like I’m going to have anyone to share my good news with. Oh well, I suppose I will just have to get it out later on when someone is back. “Anyone here? No? Okay, fine.”
The house is weird empty. It’s all big and spacious without the others in making it so chaotic. My parents must have been planning for us all to grow big when they brought this place, giving us plenty of room. I guess they just assumed that they would be around to see us grow up in it. It’s a shame that they aren’t.
What would they think of me and Amelia? I can’t help but wonder. And who I have become… but I can’t possibly know the answer to that because I never got to know them. They were long gone before I could.
I grab some food out from the cupboard, nothing that needs cooking, and head back upstairs to crash on my bed. Without even eating what I have gathered from the kitchen, I feel my eyes sliding closed. I really do need a sleep since the last time I got any rest it was a couple of hours in the car. I’m hoping that a sleep will assist my injuries and help them get better. I just want to forget that whole mess with Lux.
I hope that he isn’t going to be an issue for us. I hope that he vanishes into the urethra and we never have to face him again. Rosie too. She deserves much better than him, and Amelia doesn’t need that hassle either. But I suppose I can’t control everything. Much as I would like to. So, I have to just wait and see what’s going to happen.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Amelia
I breathe out with relief as I step out of the police station, glad to have that sorted. I wish I’d seen Rosie while I was there, but apparently, she beat me and was already inside for her meeting. I can only assume that means she finished before me as well because her car was not parked there anymore. I just hope that means she’s gone home, and we can have a proper talk. There is still so much lingering that needs to be sorted between us.
Once I step in the car, I notice a pricking sensation in my nose which is rapidly followed by tears. I don’t know if these are sad tears or I’m crying with relief, but I rest my head on the steering wheel and let it all out. Everything that happened twelve years with whom, all that’s gone on now, everything that I put Rosie through, and all of my mistakes. It gets the better of me and I weep. I don’t know if this is going to be the end of it, but I really hope so.
What I want is for Lux to just go. To move on, to go to another city or even country. I don’t care where, as long as he isn’t here. I don’t even think that Rosie would be missing out on him. He isn’t a father for her.
“Right,” I whisper to myself. “You can’t just sit outside the police station all day crying.” Not that this does anything to stop the tears from coming. “You need to get home, to face what’s next. Get everything sorted out.”
As I drive back, I wonder what has happened to Nelson. I wonder where he was going, if he’s back. Will he want to speak with me, or will that argument with Rosie have put him off? Oh God, I’m supposed to be done with him anyway, aren’t I? That’s what I told myself. That it was over. But I can’t stop thinking about him. He’s an addiction, my personal drug, and I can’t quit him. Maybe it will be better if he doesn’t come back…
“No more messes,” I whisper to myself. “No more messy love situations. Listen to your daughter. Rosie seems to be so much wiser than you, which is annoying since she’s only twenty two years old.”
I pull home to find no car there. Rosie’s isn’t around and Wesley’s car isn’t back either. I feel deflated and sad because there isn’t anything else I can do. I have already tried calling Rosie and she doesn’t want to answer. I will have to wait for her to be ready to come to me. The ball is well and truly in her court.
With a sigh, I step out of the car and head back inside, feeling the mess of everything that happened before still clinging to the walls. Rosie’s angry words fly off towards me, making me wince all over again. I’m going to have to try and contact my daughter again. I can’t stand this. The tension is too much. I can’t stand it…
The door swings open much later in the day when it’s already gotten dark, and I jump off the couch waking myself up from a half asleep state. My heart pounds wildly, I feel all dizzy and confused, who the hell is it?
“Mom?” Relief floods me. It’s Rosie and she doesn’t seem quite as mad as before. “Are you in?”
“I’m here,” I croak back. “Are you okay, Rosie? I wanted to see you at the police station…”
As she comes in the living room with tears staining her face, I feel terrible. I hate that I have caused this sadness within her. That’s the last thing I want. I race to her and hug her, hoping the tension will melt away.
“Oh, Mom. I’m so sorry. I didn’t want this to happen, I didn’t want you to be hurt by me. I was just shocked. Today has just reminded me that you have already been through so much with my dad and everything. I shouldn’t stand in the way of your happiness, wherever it comes from. Even if it is…”
She can’t even say his name which isn’t great, but she has sort of accepted it in her own way. I hug her tighter, wishing that I could find the right words to thank her for understanding me as much as she can.
“I am still worried about your future though, Mom. It does concern me with you being a teacher and everything. I don’t like the idea of you losing everything. But that doesn’t mean I’m going to stand in your way.”
I nod and pull back to stare into her eyes. “I know, and I am too. Everything that you have said is right. I shouldn’t be with Nelson. He’s too young and it’s crazy. I was just… being dumb…”
“Mom, does he make you happy?” She cocks an eyebrow at me. “Because you seem happy.”
“He does. I have been happy with him. It has made me feel all special… but it can’t last, can it?”
Rosie shrugs. “I don’t know. I shouldn’t have said what I did because I can’t make that judgement, can I? I’m no expert in love. I would be cautious, but at the end of the day it’s up to you.”
I suck in a breath and smile gratefully at her. “I can’t believe you would say that. I can’t believe you’re being so nice about it. Rosie, you are such an amazing person. How did I get so lucky to have you as a daughter?”
“I just want you to be happy, that’s all. I was selfish before. I love you, Mom.”
“I love you too, Rosie. You’re amazing.”
“Let’s let today be a fresh start. Dad is behind us, he wi
ll be locked away if he comes anywhere near us again, so let’s just start again. And shall we start with a take away for dinner?”
“Sounds perfect. Thank you, Rosie.”
The evening rolls on in a much better way than the morning. Me and Rosie have the nicest time that we’ve had in a very long time. Everything is more out in the open, I can be much more honest. While we don’t really talk about Nelson, it isn’t a hidden thing anymore. It’s all okay.
By the time me and Rosie go to bed, I feel so much better about it all. So much more relaxed. There is even a smile creeping up on my face. When I go to close my curtains and I notice that Nelson’s bedroom light is on, I realize that I haven’t even been looking for him to come home. I’ve been so busy repairing everything with Rosie that it hasn’t been a consideration of mine. But now I can see him, and it makes me smile.
“How can I not want him?” I ask myself quietly. “I shouldn’t, but how can’t I?”
He must sense my eyes upon him because his gaze flickers up to me and he grins. Even though it isn’t the wisest decision ever, I wiggle my finger and indicate for him to come over. For a split second, I fear that he isn’t going to come, but he quickly flings the window open and climbs the tree towards me.
“Are you okay?” he gushes the moment he climbs through the window. “How is everything?”
“It’s okay. Me and Rosie are alright now. We sorted everything. She’s… understanding.”
He nods. “Good, I didn’t like the idea of you two falling out over us. It isn’t right. You two need each other.”
“Well, Lux is out of my life as well now,” I confirm. “The restraining order is there for three years.”
“Oh, that’s good! I’m glad about that. You don’t need that. Not after everything…”
Considering he doesn’t really know what happened between us, not properly, not from me anyway, I think that it might be time for me to sit down and tell him everything. He stood up for me. He deserves that. So, I guide him towards the bed, and we take a seat together. I can see him looking at me curiously, but it takes a moment for me to get my thoughts in order before I tell a story I never thought I would share with someone else.
“I met Lux when I was young,” I begin. “Too young to see the warning signs, I think.” God, I hope that doesn’t reflect on me and him right now, since he’s much younger than me. Not that I’m focusing on that right now. “I assumed that he was as charming as he seemed to be. I believed everything that he told me and fell hard. Too hard.” Nelson pulls me close, comforting me as I tell him everything. “I didn’t even hesitate when he asked me to marry him, even though looking back now I can see that the warning signs of his control and abuse were already there. By the time it turned from words to violence, I was already married and pregnant with Rosie.”
I stop for a moment to brush the tears away. I don’t want to cry another tear over Lux, I haven’t done in years, but today has been a heavy day and I can’t seem to stop.
“It’s okay,” Nelson reassures me. “You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.”
“No, I do want to tell you. I need to tell you this. You deserve to know. So…” I take in a shaky breath. “Over time, the beatings got continually worse until I ended up in hospital with broken bones. I had been in a few times before, so I’m sure the staff there knew what was going on, but that was the worst. The time when I should have left him, but I didn’t. I don’t know why, but I didn’t. Not even to protect Rosie. I still stayed and I can’t explain it. He wasn’t even as charming as he was before. He didn’t have any good qualities anymore. But still I stayed. I hate myself for it now, of course. It’s worse that I have no explanation.”
“But you must have left eventually, right? You got him locked up because of…”
“No.” I shake my head hard. “I didn’t. He got himself locked up because he got into a drunk driving accident and ended up killing people. If it hadn’t been for that… well, I don’t know what would have happened to me.”
I shiver as I imagine myself beaten to death, the way that it would have eventually gone. My head caved in, my daughter finding me in a pool of blood… potentially even getting it herself from him…
“It’s too much. I never should have let any of that happen. It’s no wonder Rosie doesn’t trust me.”
“Shh, it’s okay,” Nelson soothes me, stroking my hair. “It’s okay. You can’t blame yourself for that. It was never you; it was always him. He did this, he created that mess. You were a victim. He was a bad thing that happened to you. We all have that. But that doesn’t make you a bad person. And even if it was a mistake of yours, who doesn’t make mistakes? Who is perfect all the time? No one. So, don’t beat yourself up over it.”
I tilt my head up and look at him, wondering just how much he means this. I can see an intense truth in his eyes, an expression of pure love. He still feels the same way about me even after everything. He is young, he should run away from all of this drama, he should go and live his life somewhere else… but for some reason he wants to stay here with me. I should let him go too, but I can’t and that has to mean something, right?
Chapter Twenty-Five
Nelson
She’s even more beautiful to me. In this moment, she is everything. Strong, independent, fierce, and vulnerable as well. She has a softer side to her which she’s finally showing me. I know that I’m privileged. I bet she doesn’t tell this to everyone. I lean down and press my lips to hers, letting her know how I feel.
“Sorry.” She pulls back to dry her eyes. “What a mess. Urgh, I don’t like you seeing me like this.”
I wipe a tear away for her, touching her cheek gently as I do. “I want to see all of you. Even the sides that you normally hide away from the world. I want to see it all.” It’s time. I’ve been holding back but I don’t want to anymore. After everything, I want to just say it all. “I love you, Amelia. I love every part of you.”
“You love me?” Her eyes pop open wide. “Are you serious, Nelson? Do you even know love?”
“You don’t need to patronize me just because I’m young,” I laugh. “Of course I know what love is because it’s what I feel for you. You’re all of me. You consume me. You’re everything to me.”
She pauses for a beat too long before answering me, giving me the four words that I know will fill me up forever. “I love you too. I really do, Nelson. I have felt it for a long time. But what about the future?”
“The future is going to be fine.” I grin, knowing that my college choice will assist with this. “Don’t worry. I have it all planned out; it’s going to be fine. Our love will triumph everything.” I don’t know how much she believes me, but she nods her head slowly. “I know that this might be hard for you to accept, but me and you are going to be forever. Despite everything that will stand in our way, we will make it work. And this isn’t just me being young or foolish or whatever, it isn’t. I know this is what I want forever.”
Amelia pulls herself up to me and she kisses me gently, finally reassured by what I’m telling her which makes me feel amazing. Wesley and my other brothers are just going to have to get on board like Rosie has. They will have to accept that I’m choosing love as well as my career. It will all work out in the end.
“I’m going to take you away this weekend,” I tell her on a whim. “Somewhere we can have peace.”
“I would like to go to the shore,” she replies with a smile. “It’s been so long since I’ve been.”
“Perfect. Then that is where we shall go. To the shore. Just me and you, it will be wonderful.”
I roll on top of her, hugging and kissing her while I think about what it will be like to be away from here, where it can just be me and her without worrying about who is looking at us. It’ll be amazing.
As a moan flies out of Amelia’s mouth, I move my lips over her cheeks and towards her throat. She tosses her head backwards, pressing it into the pillow, giving me more skin to get my mouth aro
und. I kiss her, flickering my tongue over her every time I get the chance. Licking the delicious perspiration of her skin hardens me, turning me on wildly. It transforms me into an animal, making me paw at her desperately, needing her clothing off.
Eventually, I manage to drag her top off and I slip my lips towards her collar bone while I glide my fingers around her back, and I tear her bra off. I throw it to the left, not even caring where the sexy black lacy material lands, as long as I get to taste her skin. As soon as I pop her nipple between my lips, it’s my turn to groan with pleasure. Her rock hard nipples, screaming out for me, turn me into a mad man. My fingers graze over her breasts while my lips move from nipple to nipple. I don’t want to leave any part of her out.
“Fuck, Nelson.” Amelia’s fingers knot up tightly in my hair and every time she tugs hard, it feels good. “Oh God, I need you. I need to keep you in my life forever. I love you.”
Those words make me feel amazing. Utterly incredible. I soar higher than I have ever felt before. The woman that I have wanted for as long as I can remember, now loves me too. How can this not last forever?
“I love you too.” My lips move downwards, kissing her hip bones as I unbuckle her trousers. “So much.”
Once her trousers are apart, I slide them down with her panties too needing her completely naked, my lips grazing over her skin as I go. Her thighs tremble with need, her calves even shudder slightly, and as I pop one of her toes between my lips, she lets out a squeal of thrill. I think she might like this strange sensation.
“Oh my God, what are you doing, Nelson? That feels so weird… but weirdly nice.”