by Brenda Ford
I roll my eyes and ignore Alex. He honestly has no idea what is going on with me and I’m not about to let him in. I’m not usually self-centered, but for the time being, I just want to do what I need to.
“Is Rosie’s boyfriend out there?” he snapped, clearly starting to get angry with me.
“Yeah, Tristan is out there.” I’m annoyed because I feel like I am much closer to the Clark family than he is because I have been around the whole time, but that’s what Rosie wants. A cynical part of me believes that it’s for self-preservation. Rosie doesn’t want Tristan to get to know me because she might need me to pretend being her boyfriend again, in case she needs him to be jealous. “He’s making his appearance known.”
“You sound jealous,” Alex snapped. “Do you like Rosie or something? Because I hate to tell you this, Oliver, but there is such a thing as the friend zone, and you are firmly in it.”
“Thank you, Einstein, that’s a really useful bit of information. I’m not into anyone yet.”
“So, you’re just being like a gossipy old woman then, twitching the curtains.”
I shake my head and ignore that. Alex wants to get a rise out of me, and I’m not going to give him the satisfaction. It’s not my fault that he’s in a mood or tired or whatever. He can stew on his own negative energy as much as he wants. I’m going to sit here and watch until I see something happen. I feel like I am very involved in this situation because I was there when she got the news. I helped Rosie get ready for the funeral, I have been in the house and helped set it up for Ellie and Seth… now I want to see how it plays out.
All of a sudden, my heart stops beating as I see Tristan pull Rosie in for a kiss. I thought that the time when I kissed her, she had the most intense thing ever but seeing them share this moment takes that away. I even see more feeling there and it takes my breath away. There’s a real connection between them.
“Are you okay?” Alex asks again. “Now you’ve gone all weird, what have you seen?”
“Nothing worth you getting up for,” I insist. “I haven’t seen anything.”
Am I jealous? I wonder as I cock my head to one side. Do I want to be Tristan?
I always thought that seeing them together would crush me, but it isn’t really. I’m just numb and quiet, witnessing the worst happening, and it isn’t really bothering me. I’m just empty. I do want that for myself, but I don’t want it with Rosie. Sure, I did, but now I know that I wouldn’t ever feel comfortable with her. I wouldn’t ever be able to trust if she ever wants me. I would never be able to just relax.
Maybe I’m over her. Maybe all the years of thinking that I’m in love with her have gone and at last we can just be friends. That’s good really, it makes life so much easier. It means I can actually move on as well. I can start thinking of myself being with other women which is wonderful. It’s exciting, thrilling, mind blowing.
Who will I end up with? I wonder, leaning back for just a second. What sort of person?
I can’t even really begin to daydream about it, because it’s been such a long time. I can’t even imagine what sort of woman will end up in my arms. I just don’t know. There have been a couple of women at work who have tried to flirt with me, but I have always pushed them away. It might be time to change that, to open up to them and see where it might go. I don’t know if it’s a good idea to date people I work with, but I have to try something.
All of a sudden, everything changes outside which captures my attention all over again. I sit up straighter and watch as the cab pulls to a halt and two people step out. A young light colored hair boy who looks like his world has crumbled in around him, clearly Seth, steps out, followed by a curvy, red lipped woman with long blonde hair hanging down to her ass. I’m shocked actually. I don’t know why but I just assumed that Ellie would be young as well. Two kids coming to live with their aunt, but Ellie is a woman. A grown up beautiful woman.
“Woah,” I whisper, my heart racing faster. I don’t know why, but this changes things. Ellie being a grown up alters the dynamics around here. I would clearly be able to help a child who has lost his parents since I lost mine when I was young as well, but an adult is a different situation. Well, it might be easier as I can actually talk to about things… if Rosie lets me. Damn her, I should be out there right now. I should be greeting these people and building a friendship with them as well.
“Let me see.” Alex might be tired, but he’s just as nosy as me and he bounds to his feet to see. “Oh, wow.”
As I watch Ellie and Seth interact with their family, I can almost feel the pain radiating from them. I wonder if Alex can sense it too and he wants to go and help. He would have some good advice as well. But I don’t know if Alex is so much the giving out advice type. He’s better at trying to forget things.
“I feel so bad for them,” I mutter quietly. “It must be so horrible for them right now.”
“Their mom died? Is that what happened?” I nod. “Wow, that sucks, and what about their dad?”
“I don’t know. Rosie hasn’t said anything about their father, so I guess he doesn’t count. It seems to me like they don’t really have anyone.” I pause. “Although I don’t imagine Ellie will stick around for long.”
“You don’t think so?” Alex cocks an eyebrow at me. “She won’t stick around for her brother?”
“Hmmm, that’s true. Maybe she will then. It seems like the Clark’s house is getting busier.”
We sit in silence for a while and just watch as they take the bags of their cousins inside. Once it seems like they will all be in for good, Alex mumbles about heading off to bed so that he can get some rest, which leaves me alone. I feel like a fool still looking through the window when everyone else is done, but I can’t move, and I don’t know why. Now, for the first time ever, it isn’t Rosie plaguing my mind, it’s Ellie. Her cousin with her bright eyes despite her sadness and a strong sense of confidence surrounding her.
She is kind of beautiful. Very beautiful actually. I think that she might be a little younger than Rosie, but not much, which is nice, and she’s fresh blood around the place. A small part of me considers her the way I was just thinking about the women from work, as someone that I could finally move on with, but I quickly push that thought aside. Her life has just been altered by a major death. The last thing that she wants is to think about dating. And that would just be too close of comfort anyway since she is Rosie’s cousin. Plus, just because she is stunning, it doesn’t mean that we would get along. She might not be the sort of person I like at all.
No, if I’m really going to start dating someone, it needs to be someone totally different. Someone new.
Just as I am finally about to give up my place at the window, I’m stopped by the sight of everyone coming back out again to sit on the patio furniture outside with mugs of coffee in their hands. Well, the adults anyway. Seth has a glass of juice and a football which he starts kicking around the garden.
They sit around the table and have what appears to be a very intense conversation. Well, the women do. Tristan has a bored expression on his face and his cell phone clutched tightly between his fingers. Even from where I’m sitting, I can see that he’s messaging other people, not wanting to be around the situation. That angers me more. Why doesn’t he want to be around for his girlfriend and her family? He has a lot to make up for, so why doesn’t he care? I would care, I would want to help… but I’m stuck here.
Why am I stuck here? Why am I just going along with what Rosie wants me to do? What is that all about? I don’t have to stay indoors just because she doesn’t want her boyfriend to know that I’m the one she used to make him jealous. What the fuck is all that about? I can help and I want to. Plus, if Ellie and Seth are going to live around us then I should get to know them both.
I stomp towards the front door, determined to go outside, but then I stop myself at the very last moment. I can’t go outside and jump in the middle of everything because that would be crazy. Rosie will hate me and kick
my ass. She will never be able to trust me again and I’ll hear all about it. It’s wiser and easier to just listen to her and do what she wants because that’s what friends do. That’s the right thing to do. It isn’t my mess, it’s their family’s drama, and they need to deal with it completely in their own way.
So, why the hell are my feet moving again? All that rationality and I’m still going outside? Yep, now the door is swinging open and I’m headed towards the post box as if I’m looking for a letter or something. I can already feel the eyes of the Clark family upon me, wondering what the hell I’m doing. I don’t know either, which is why my heart is hammering hard against my rib cage and my head is spinning.
I turn slowly, knowing that I need to face them eventually and I offer a smile and a half wave. Rosie raises her hand to sort of wave back to me, but I can see the fury in her eyes. She’s fuming at me for standing outside and I’m definitely going to hear about it later…
Oh, but Ellie is waving at me too and she’s smiling. She has a really beautiful smile actually. The heart stopping kind.
Chapter Four
Ellie
Who is this? I think as I wave at the handsome stranger who’s standing outside the home next to Rosie’s. He is nice looking. Very nice looking actually. My heart races hard. I like him a lot.
I can’t believe this. I have only been out of my hometown for a few moments and I have already found someone that I actually really like the looks of. Its freeing being away from all of that shit. It’s liberating and exciting. I don’t know if it’s this man or the new place that’s making my heart race.
“Oh my God,” Rosie whispers, more to herself than anyone else. “What is he doing?”
“Who the fuck is that?” Tristan demands, finally looking up from his phone screen. “I recognize him.”
“Surely you must know him if he lives next door to your girlfriend?” I roll my eyes. “Weirdo.”
I don’t like Tristan. Instantly, I get a bad feeling from him, but of course I can’t say anything and be too rude because he’s Rosie’s boyfriend and she seems to really love him, even if he is a dick. Rosie and her mom are helping me and Seth at the moment, so I need to keep things calm. I have to be polite for just a while until my eighteenth birthday hits and we can finally move out. Then I can say whatever I want to.
“No, I think that I might know him from somewhere else. Rosie, do I?” He was so angry that it was hard to listen to. “I think I might have seen him with you. Help me out here. Am I losing my mind?”
“I don’t know. I don’t think so.” It’s instinctively obvious to me that Rosie is lying. I don’t know why, but she isn’t telling her boyfriend the truth, but that isn’t my business. And if he is too stupid to pick up on it, then that’s his problem. “He’s just one of the Smith brothers who live next door.”
Before this can turn into an argument that I really don’t want to listen, I rise to my feet and start to walk past my family to meet this man. His eyes have intrigue in them and I want to know more. He’s pulling me in like a magnet and I can’t resist saying hi to him. Hey, maybe this really is a fresh start for me. I’m branching out and becoming a much braver version of myself. The person that I always would have been had it not been for the ‘incident’. I liked this surge of confidence, it felt better than being a wall flower.
“Wait.” Rosie grabbed my arm hard. “What the hell are you doing?”
“Going to say hi.” I furrow my eyebrows at her. “To my new neighbor. I want to know the Smiths.”
“But why?” Yep, there is a definite desperation in her gaze. There is something weird here.
“Why not?” I shrug. “I want to get to know everyone here. This is my new home, isn’t it? I’m going to have to make some new friends while I’m here. It’s better to start close to home so I don’t have to go too far to hang out.”
Rosie continues to stare at me in the same confused way, but she can’t say a thing anymore because Tristan has leaned forward and he’s looking at her like he’s going to demand an explanation at any given moment. While she’s stuck under his eyes, I take the chance to slip away and to get closer to this man. My face stretches into a smile and I extend my hand to him. There is a cool boldness inside of me.
“Hi. My name is Ellie. I guess I will be living next door to you for a while.”
“Er, right…” He takes my hand and I shake it. Electricity bolts up my arm and makes everything pulse and throb with a severe intensity as we connect. “Nice to meet you, Ellie. My name is Oliver.”
“Oliver Smith.” I nod and allow his name to roll over my tongue. “Well, hello there.”
He takes half a step backwards but soon moves back to me when he realizes that I’m not going anywhere. I haven’t come over here just to say hi, I actually want to talk to him. Maybe Seth is right and it’s time for me to really make some friends here. Starting with the man from next door.
“I’m sorry to hear about what happened to you,” he says, sounding like he has a thick lump in his throat. “That’s really hard. I know because my parents died when I was young. A car accident.”
My eyes pop open wide, now it’s even stranger that Rosie didn’t mention her neighbors before. I have already asked about everyone in town and she didn’t say anything. This is someone who I could actually talk to and who might understand me and the numbness that I’m feeling right now.
“I’m sorry to hear that. But at least I know there is someone who gets it what I’m going through.”
“Yes. If you or your brother ever want to talk… well, I live next door. You know where to find me.”
Ooh, I like that idea. The idea of coming to see him whenever I want. There is something a little illicit about it. Something a little naughty which sends a shiver racing up and down my spine.
“I might take you up on that offer, you know, because it’s weird at the moment. I don’t know how I’m supposed to feel. I’m just glad that I have Seth around to give me someone else to think about other than me.”
I’m sure I feel his eyes travel as discretely as they can manage up and down my body, which I suppose could be seen as a bit disrespectful considering our first conversation, but I don’t feel that way at all. Mostly because I’m dragging my eyes all over his body as well, wondering what he looks like underneath those clothes. I bet he’s sexy and masculine, a real man who would appreciate a woman rather than mock her body and make her feel bad about it. I wouldn’t mind showing him more of myself, I actually feel a little tingly all over.
“Well, that’s good. I’m glad. When our parents died, we all had one another as well.”
“How many brothers do you have?” I move a little closer to him, enjoying the warmth radiating off of his skin. I enjoyed his smell as well. He was all masculine and sexy. “Because that is a big house.”
“There are six of us, so yes. We need a big house.” He laughs. “It can get pretty nuts.”
“I bet. Well, I grew up in a really quiet house. Just me and Seth, so I like the noise.”
There is something between us, something fizzling, I can feel it. It’s intoxicating, a bit like a drug and I’m an addict. Is this what flirting is like? Real adult flirting? Because it’s nice. It’s awesome, I want more of it. There is nothing like this that feels like the high school bullshit that I suffered. No lewd comments about my body, no nastiness following, nothing about it that makes me feel small and stupid. Around Oliver, my head holds higher, my chest pushes out, my heart beats faster and more vigorously. I just feel so much better. It’s inexplicable. I don’t know how someone I don’t even know really can bring this out of me, but I like it. I want more of it.
Our eyes lock and I’m pretty sure that he can feel it too. He looks spell bound by me, enthralled by everything that I have to say to him. I bite down on my bottom lip, trying to resist the urge not to rise up on my tip toes to kiss him. I mean, I’m a virgin, I haven’t even been kissed before, not even a peck, I might be about to start a new l
ife where I roll with this confidence, but going that far in front of my family with a man that I have just met, might be a step too much. I need to reel myself in and not do something crazy. I might even be reacting over what happened with my mom, these feelings might just be my grief manifesting, who the hell knows?
So, I pull myself back and I drag my eyes away, breaking the moment before I can do anything. He looks a little disappointed actually. I can’t help but wonder if he wanted to kiss me as much as I wanted to do to him… well, not did but still do. I’m just trying to be smart about things and not act on it, but the urge is still there. It’s so strong that I don’t know how I’m avoiding it, but somehow, I am. I don’t think I’ll be able to keep it up though.
“Ellie!” Rosie suddenly barked loudly, grabbing my attention once more. “Come on.”
“Come on what?” I watch Tristan storm inside the house, clearly his temper getting the better of him. Whatever Rosie said to him had obviously annoyed the hell out of him. There was something about Oliver, or maybe the Smith’s in general, that he didn’t like. “What’s going on? I’m having a conversation here.”
“We’re going inside.” Her mom went in and Rosie indicated for me to follow with her. “Come with us.”
“Hey, me and Oliver are just getting to know one another.”
The look that Rosie gives me is so intense I can’t stand it. There is definitely a big mystery here involving this man and I want to find out what it is. Does she like Oliver or something? If so, then why is she with Tristan? He is a prick and Oliver seems pretty awesome. He would be my choice for sure.
Then again, I’m glad that she hasn’t picked Oliver because I definitely want to get to know him myself. I want to get to know myself around him as well because I’m feeling pretty awesome standing with him right now. I would happily stay out here all night to chat to this stranger. At least he isn’t trying to make me open up about how I feel for him.
“You better go,” Oliver whispers to me, almost as if we’re sharing a secret. Me and him verses everyone else. “She will only get madder. You don’t want to be on the wrong side of that.”