by Brenda Ford
Is she my girlfriend now? I wonder as I get to the door. My first ever real girlfriend?
There was one girl once upon a time, just at the end of high school, who called herself my girlfriend, but I never asked her, and I never really thought about it. Even though we were the same age, I found her very immature. Fun at times, but annoying at others. Luckily, I had the excuse of going to college to end things without making too much drama for myself. Of course, she wanted drama, so she created that for herself, but I kept out of it. That was the moment I decided to only use that title if I was really sure about someone.
The thing is with Ellie I do feel really sure. I know that me and her are genuine. I do want her to be my girlfriend. I’m certain about her, more than I ever thought possible, so tonight I might make it official.
I grin to myself and bang on the door, practically bouncing as I wait for her to open up. It seems like she’s waiting right on the other side, because she swings it open right away, dressed in the most gorgeous red dress that I have ever seen. It clings tightly to her cleavage, giving me a tiny glimpse of her breasts, and it cascades out at her waist, scooping passed her knees. Her hair has ringlets in it, she has clearly done that especially for tonight and it looks amazing, so does her lovely make up. She is more beautiful than I have ever seen her before.
“Wow,” I gush. “You look wonderful. Too beautiful for words. That dress is… wow, amazing.”
“You don’t look too bad yourself, handsome.” She giggles before kissing me. “And what is this?”
I hand her the box and she eagerly pulls it open, her eyes lighting up as she sees the delicate white gold bracelet inside. The heart diamond hangs off the middle section, making her gasp with happiness.
“This is for me?” she cries out. “Are you serious? You got this for me?”
“Of course I did! I want you to have a lovely birthday and you deserve something nice.”
I take it from the box and fix it around her wrist. She keeps her gaze fixed on me the entire time and when I met her gaze again, she looks like she is crying with happiness. The bracelet fits her really well and looks lovely on her. Almost as if it was made only for her. Custom designed to suit Ellie Clark.
“Thank you so much,” she whispers. “This is the nicest thing that anyone has ever done for me.”
“Well, take it as the first of many.” I kiss her on the top of her head. “Because if you stick around with me then I plan to treat you like a princess all the time. I will make every day great for you.”
“Oh my God, will you stop that?” she giggles. “You’re going to make me weep in a moment. I’m already a little emotional and I don’t want to end up ruining my mascara by crying like a baby.”
She makes an exaggerated gesture of wiping tears away and I can’t help but laugh at her. She’s so funny and cute. I absolutely adore her. My chest swells with how much I like her. I feel like I might burst.
“Come on then, let’s get going. Let’s actually enjoy your first proper night out here.”
I hold out my elbow to her and she slips her hand through the gap. Then we start walking to a nearby bar where we can get our first drink. If she enjoys herself, we can then get a cab to some more bars further in the town. I just want to ensure that she is relaxed and happy with whatever we do. The ball of tonight is in her court.
I glance backwards as we walk away, feeling a pair of eyes upon us. I don’t know if they are coming from Ellie’s place or mine, and I can’t see anyone attached to the gaze, but I feel it all the same. It’s as if someone isn’t happy for me and Ellie and they don’t want me take her out tonight… but I force myself to quickly shake that sensation off. I don’t want anything ruining right now, I have been looking forward to this for far too long. Me and Elie will have the most incredible night and I won’t let anything get in my way.
“I am having the best time,” Ellie declares as she spins around in the middle of the bar. I think that she might be a little tipsy, but she really is enjoying herself, so I don’t mind taking care of her. “Thank you so much.”
“You are more than welcome. Do you want another drink? Although maybe a water first.”
“Ooh, water. Yes please.” She nods encouragingly. “I am so thirsty right now. Water sounds great.”
She hops on to the bar stool and waits patiently for me to get the water for her. I keep darting my eyes towards her as I wait to be served and I’m blown away by how incredible she is. I don’t think she has even noticed that every eye on the bar is on her, that all the guys want her, which makes her so much more attractive. I would never have to worry about her being stolen from me because she seems to only have eyes for me.
“Oh, let’s dance!” she finally declares, growing tired of waiting. “I love this song.”
“Oh no, I don’t really dance,” I admit. “I don’t think I’m very good at it.”
“Me neither, but we can’t be bad together, can’t we? It will be fun!”
I catch a sparkle from her bracelet and remember my vow to make this the best night of her life. Even if I don’t normally dance, if that’s what she wants to do then I will give it a try. I might make an ass out of myself, but what is more important? The way that others see me or Ellie having the best time ever?
“Okay, fine.” I surrender. “If you want to dance badly, then let’s do it.”
She takes my hand and leads me towards the dance floor. Luckily, there are lots of other people around, so we probably won’t be seen which is good. I can just focus on her. On us.
Immediately, I’m struck by how wrong Ellie was. She is actually an amazing dancer! The way that she moves, the way that her hips shake, she looks incredible. My heart balls up in my throat, it pounds hard and fast, I feel like I’m on fire. As she grabs my top and she pulls me towards her, I try and move in time with her but to be honest I’m so distracted by her sensuality that it’s basically impossible to do so.
“You are wonderful,” I whisper against her, my words tickling her ear. “I adore you.”
She dips downwards, her hips heading towards the floor, and as I watch her down there and I remember the sensation of being in her mouth, I nearly lose my damn mind. She’s the sexiest woman alive.
“Come here.” I wiggle my finger at her and cause her to rise to her feet, her eyes fixed on me the entire time. “Ellie, I want to be your boyfriend. I like you so much, so will you be my girlfriend?”
She kisses me hard and nods enthusiastically. “Of course I will. I’d love to be your girlfriend.”
This time as we start dancing, we’re more slow dancing romantically in one another’s arms, despite the music being far too fast for that. But we’re in our own little bubble and no one else exists. She’s my girlfriend now, we’re committed to one another, and I love it. After hearing more about Rosie’s complicated love life, I’m even more grateful to have someone who makes it so easy to fall for her… and I’m definitely going to fall for her.
I’ve been falling for her for a while now, and I know that it won’t take long for me to get fully comfortable with the L word. Ellie will be the best person to love in the world.
“Shall we go for some water now?” she asks me softly. “I really am thirsty.”
“Of course.” I take her hand in mine and lead her to the bar, swimming in a warm sense of joy. I can’t believe how straight forward it was to take that step, to claim her as my own. Now, it’s official.
Ellie perches on a seat by the bar and she occasionally kisses me as we wait. Even now, with all the other people surrounding us to try and get the attention of the bar tender, it’s just me and her. I might even suggest that we leave soon so we can go back to my place and end this party in the sexiest way ever.
Mmm, I can’t wait for that. I am already planning all the things that I will do to her. I shoot her a seductive look, hoping that she will sense just what I’m thinking about. I want to turn her on too.
“What can I get you?” But the bar tend
er catches my attention first.
“Oh, erm, two waters please. And two glasses of wine as well.”
He darts his eyes between me and Ellie, his eyes narrowing strangely. I wonder if he’s curious as to how I ended up with such a beauty. Sometimes, I wonder that too. She’s far too good for me.
“Do you have any ID, love?” He aims that question at Ellie. “I need proof of your age.”
“What?” I can’t help but laugh at the ridiculousness of this. “Are you joking? It’s her birthday.”
“Yeah, what birthday?” he shoots back wryly. “How old is she?”
I stare at Ellie, wanting to see her laugh at how crazy this is too, but she’s gone all pale. She looks like she might throw up actually. I don’t think another glass of wine is a good idea after all. We might need to get out of here before this gets a whole lot worse. I’m done with this conversation anyway, and this bar, it’s dumb.
“My ID?” she whispers. “I don’t know about that. I don’t… have it?”
She’s lying. What the hell? Why the hell is she lying?
Chapter Eighteen
Ellie
I’m not going to get away with this, even in my drunken state I know that there’s no escaping the inevitable. They want me to show my ID which means my whole cover is blown. Not only will this night come to an end way before either of us are ready for it, but Oliver will know my secret as well.
I wasn’t necessarily keeping my age a secret, I was going to tell him eventually, but I wanted to do it under my own terms. Not like this. Not in front of all these people… but I don’t have a choice. This horrible, sobering moment that promises to ruin my birthday, is where I’m going to have to do it.
With all eyes upon me, or at least it feels that way, I dip my hand in to my bag and pull out my wallet. I’m shaking, actually trembling pretty violently, as I search around in there to find the little ID card, the small innocuous item that threatens to tear my life apart for good.
I dart my eyes towards Oliver one last time, knowing that he won’t ever see me in the same way again, and I hold my ID card out. As the bar tender looks at it, I think of the million ways I could have gotten out of this. A fake ID, not coming to a bar, running as soon as he asked to see it… but it’s too late now. It’s done.
“Happy eighteenth birthday, miss,” the bar tender says sarcastically while handing my card back to me. “Now, unfortunately for you, you aren’t in Europe, so you can’t drink at eighteen. You are supposed to be twenty one years old to even come in here.” He turns to Oliver. “I assume you are over twenty one years old?”
“Y… yes,” Oliver stammers back, sounding stunned to the core. I can’t even look at him because I know how much he will be hating me right now. I have betrayed him in the worst way possible. I’m sure the fact that I lied is almost as bad as the fact that I’m so young. “I’m twenty three years old, actually.”
“Right, well you can stay, but the lady has to go. Sorry about that, miss.”
“Okay, I’ll go, I will, but just let me talk to Oliver first…”
“Lady, you really can’t be here. I don’t want to have to call security. We are breaking the law along with you, if you’re in here. So, you need to leave. And right now, as well.”
I sigh loudly, but I do know that he’s probably right, so I turn on my heels and I stalk out. I have to push passed people to leave which only makes it even more humiliating. It isn’t long before tears pour down my cheeks. Frustration and sadness races through my body as I realize that this is now the worst birthday ever. I have been embarrassed and I’ve lost Oliver. I don’t think he will ever look at me again.
“Fuck!” I rake my fingers through my hair as I try to find a cab. “Fucking hell, get me out of here.”
A hand rests on my shoulder, making me jump. I spin around to see a very disappointed Oliver behind me. He could have stayed in the bar, but for some reason he has decided to leave. But it doesn’t look like he’s leaving because he feels bad for me and me wants to make me feel better. He still looks really mad.
“I was going to tell you…” I start, already feeling pathetic. “It just never came up.”
“Seventeen,” he whispers. “You were only seventeen years old. How did I not know this?”
“We just never talked about age, that’s all. It didn’t come up. I wasn’t keeping it from you.”
“I never mentioned my age because I’m in my early twenties,” he exclaims. “You know that, you must have been able to guess that. I also think you must have known that I would want to know if you’re that young.”
“Age is just a number.” I shrug. “It doesn’t have to mean anything. Not when we get on as well as we do…”
“Did you not just see what happened?” He points behind him towards the bar. “We got kicked out of a bar because you are too young. If that isn’t a clue that we shouldn’t be together, then I don’t know what is.”
Desperation floods me. I don’t want to let him go that easy. I don’t want to just stand back and let him slip through my fingers. I refuse to allow our ages to get in the way of something so perfect.
“I didn’t lie,” I insist. “I just didn’t mention it. I didn’t want it to be an issue.”
“How long were you going to keep the lie going? Huh? Would you ever have told me?”
“Of course.” I throw my hands in the air in frustration. “I was just waiting for the right moment.”
“And when would that have been? Huh? When I asked you to be my girlfriend? When we first slept together? Oh my God.” A thought of horror strikes him hard. “Oh my God, you’re so young. You can’t have had… that much experience at all. You can’t have had that many boyfriends. I just assumed that you’ve had relationship experience before, but now I’m not so sure… have you?” I can’t lie anymore. I don’t want to hurt him further, so I shake my head no. “It wasn’t… please tell me it wasn’t your first time?”
I don’t know what to say, I can’t believe he’s being this sharp about my virginity. I gave it to him willingly because I like him so much, which wasn’t easy after everything I have been through. I thought I could trust him with my heart and body but maybe I’m wrong. Okay, so I didn’t tell him that it was my first time, but is it that big a deal? Why would he even need to know that? It isn’t the sort of thing a person says, is it?
Well, judging by Oliver’s expression right now, clearly I should have said something.
“Why do you sound like that is so horrible?” I demand. “It wouldn’t be the worst thing, would it?”
I’m a little upset by his silence. I know that things aren’t great between us right now, but I can’t believe that he would let something like this get in the way of us. That he would act so horribly about my virginity. What is this about? Is he not the man that I thought he was? Have I made a mistake here? I know my judgement might be a bit skewed after everything that I have been through, but I didn’t know it was that bad. If I find out that I am wrong about Oliver then I won’t ever be able to trust anyone again.
“Oh, there’s a cab.” He completely ignores my question and steps away from me to hail it.
“Are we really just going now?” I call pointlessly after him. “Is that the end of the conversation?”
Oliver continues to ignore me as he flags the car down. He steps inside and waves me to join him which I suppose is something, but it’s still not him forgiving me for everything that I have done wrong.
Still, I don’t have any other way of getting home, so I slide in to the car next to him and buckle myself in. I turn my head to look at him, to hopefully see a softer expression, but that isn’t what I get. His face remains stoic, his body language furious, he hates me. He is never going to speak to me again. I’m surprised that he even let me in the cab with him because he’s that upset. This might be the last time I speak to him.
We drive along in a frosty silence, an ice that I would love to shatter. In sheer desperation, I reach across and
try to rest my hand on his leg, but he instantly snatches it away. He pulls his knee right across to the other side of the car, making his feelings completely obvious. The hatred he has for me is off the scale.
What am I going to do? I ask myself desperately. How can I make this right again?
There are so many words floating through my brain, but none of them feel quite right. I don’t know if there is anything I could say right now to change his opinion of me. The ice keeps getting thicker and thicker. It’s almost making it impossible to breathe. I can’t wait to get out of the car, so I don’t have to suffer it anymore. If there was any chance of me jumping out and not kill myself I would do it.
Eventually we pull up outside our home and I jump out quickly. Oliver remains for a couple of seconds longer to pay for the ride, but he soon joins me, bringing the frosty air with him.
“Thank you for a nice evening,” I start sadly. “I’m sorry it got all messed up…”
“Yeah, it didn’t get messed up. I just found out how young you are.”
“But that’s something I can’t help.” I shrug. “I can’t help how old I am. I didn’t do it on purpose.”
“I know, and that’s the problem. Because it’s something that you can’t change. There isn’t a solution here. That’s why… well if I had known, then I wouldn’t have gone anywhere near you.”
“Exactly!” I step closer to him, praying that we can fix this. “And we would have missed out on the best relationship of our lives. You can’t deny that we had the most amazing time together. You can’t want to throw away everything that we shared because it was perfect. Even you said that it was perfect.”
“Maybe, but that doesn’t mean we can carry it on. Just because it was great, doesn’t mean it can still be a thing. You may say that technically you didn’t lie to me, but you weren’t honest either. We can’t carry on when we can’t trust each other. You must understand how important trust is to everyone.”