by Brenda Ford
Urgh, the way that she describes our relationship makes me feel sick. If that’s the way he talked about us, then perhaps I had a lucky escape getting away from him because they reality was different. It was so much more. He saw that at the time, but maybe he can’t now because it was all destroyed by my fucking age.
“You can’t like him,” I shoot back through a bitten lip. I lash out a bit, trying to get her off me, but she is strong with rage and she won’t let me go. “You were with someone else. You can’t have both.”
“Fuck you, Ellie. He’s too old for you. He’s the perfect age for me. He’s perfect for me.”
I kick a leg out and manage to connect with her, just enough to send her flying backwards, releasing me as she goes. I scramble to my feet and move as far away from her as I can. We’re both panting desperately, staring at each other like we’re both strangers to one another. All the good family feeling that came before is long gone.
“He isn’t perfect for you, Rosie,” I insist. “Otherwise you two would be together long time ago before even I came here.”
“Well, you two aren’t together either, so he can’t have been perfect for you either. You fucked a few times and now you’re done. So, you can’t be all over there on your high horse, Ellie. You lost him too.”
“I know.” I hang my head down sadly. “I did lose him, so if you want him, then you can have him, can’t you?”
“So, you think that I should have your sloppy seconds then?” she sneers. “Is that a fucking joke?”
I shrug my shoulders helplessly. “I don’t know what you want me to say, Rosie. I don’t know what you want.”
“I want you to fuck off back to where you came from. I want my life back to how it was before you came along.” I hear a crack in her voice. She’s crumbling a bit. “I had it all. I had my boyfriend and my best friend. Now my boyfriend is with someone else and Oliver doesn’t want me. He isn’t even my friend anymore.”
“He will always be your friend, Rosie. He won’t ever want to change that, no matter what happens.”
For a moment, she’s so quiet I think that I might have gotten through to her. I take a tentative step closer to her, my heart pounding in my chest as I go. This has got to be the most emotionally ridiculous night of my whole life. I want to hold her and make the pain go away, even if I’m part of the reason she’s hurt.
But I didn’t want to cause her any pain. That wasn’t my intention at all. I just fell for the wrong person.
“No.” She shakes her head hard, snapping out of her moment of daze. “No, fuck you, Ellie. You caused all of this. You did it all. If you weren’t here, then me and Oliver would be happy. But now, even if you go, we can’t be because I will always know that my fucking child of a cousin got there first.”
“I’m eighteen years old, Rosie. You don’t need to be a bitch about my age.”
“Oh yeah, because eighteen is so old and mature,” she mocks me nastily. “When I was eighteen, just turned eighteen at that, I was an immature annoying kid and you are as well. You just can’t see it. You aren’t old enough to make any mature decisions and you certainly aren’t good enough for Oliver. It’s a real shame your mom died.”
The mention of my mother makes me snap. How dare she bring her death in to a fight like it’s something she did on purpose. How dare she speak about something that has nothing to do with her. I snap and I leap towards her with my fists raised. We both fight each other just as hard this time around, causing one another equal injuries. I don’t really feel what’s happening to me, I’m more focused on taking all my pent up rage out on her. There is a lot that I’ve locked away and it’s liberating to take it out for just a moment. I can tell that Rosie feels the same because she’s really focused on fucking me up as much as she can. She wants to take me down.
“I fucking hate you,” she screams at me, making sure that no one around is asleep anymore, least of all Seth.
“I haven’t… I haven’t done anything wrong, Rosie. I haven’t stolen anyone…”
“You took him. You made sure that I can’t have him. You ruined me.”
All of a sudden, another pair of hands gets in the way and yanks us apart. We both tumble backwards. I hit the wall behind me, and Rosie falls on my bed, but misses and hits the floor with a satisfying thump.
“What the hell is going on here?” Auntie Amelia cries out, her eyes burning with hurt. “Why are you two fighting? What on earth is going on? I thought you were on good terms with each other…”
I lose what she’s saying when I spot Seth cowering behind her, looking afraid of both me and Rosie. The anger peters off and I start feeling cold, oily, and very ashamed of myself. What the hell has happened to me? Am I seriously fighting with my cousin over some guy who doesn’t even want me? Haven’t I lost enough family?
“Well?” Auntie Amelia presses her hands to her hips. “Are either of you going to tell me what’s happened?”
I glare at Rosie, but she’s looking as ashamed as me. I don’t think she’s going to open up either.
“It’s nothing,” I finally reply with a resigned tone to my voice. “Sorry for making so much noise.”
“I’m supposed to believe that the two of you are scrapping over nothing? You are hitting one another for no reason? Does that make sense to either of you? Because it doesn’t to me. And if I have learned anything during my years as a teacher, if it doesn’t make sense it’s because it isn’t the truth. So, what is the truth?”
“Mom, just leave it.” Rosie shakes her head. “It doesn’t matter. It’s done now. I’m going to bed.”
“Oh no, you aren’t young lady.” Auntie Amelia pulls Seth into a hug. “You have woken us up and now we want to know why. I won’t be able to sleep if you don’t be honest with me. I can’t have you two fighting.”
“We… we just had too much to drink,” she tries to cover it all up. “But it doesn’t matter.”
“Oh, it matters. To me, this is a very serious issue. I’m not going to ignore it.”
The silence is thick. The tension could be cut with a knife. I really want Auntie Amelia to accept that she isn’t going to get anything from us and leave it. I won’t talk about Oliver and I’m sure that Rosie won’t either. It’s embarrassing, isn’t it? To have her knowing that we’re so pathetic and both in love with the same guy.
“Okay, well the two of you need to go to bed right now,” she snaps. “And I will be talking to you in the morning. I expect some proper answers from you then because I won’t let this drop.”
Rosie shoves passed her mom and stomps towards her room. Of course, a loud slam follows which almost brings all the walls down in the house, but at least that means she’s gone now. I can breathe much easier.
“Can I sleep with you tonight?” Seth asks me quietly. “I’m afraid.”
This causes a tear to leak out of my eye. The last thing I want is to upset my brother. He doesn’t deserve that at all. He’s been doing his best to keep his head up high while I have been making a mess of it all.
“Of course, you can Seth.” I hold out my arms and Seth runs in to them. “Come on let’s sleep.”
“I will be talking to you in the morning,” Auntie Amelia warns. “I want to know what’s going on. I’m obviously not blaming you for everything, but that behavior isn’t tolerated in my house.”
“I know. I’m sorry. I will be much better in the future, I promise you.”
I watch her walk out the room, leaving behind a trail of disappointment behind her, then I wearily turn around and climb in to bed with Seth waiting for me. In his eyes, I can see the confusion and hurt. My behavior isn’t good enough, it isn’t acceptable, it isn’t right. I shouldn’t let my brother suffer more.
“I’m so sorry,” I start, but he isn’t about to get a word in edgeways.
“Why were you fighting with Rosie? I thought you two were friends.”
“We are. We just had a little fall out, that’s all. It’s nothing. We will be frien
ds again soon. Just living in this small house all together is a bit much, isn’t it? There isn’t enough room.”
“But what can we do about that? The house isn’t going to get any bigger.”
“No, Seth, but we can move, can’t we? You know that was always the plan. Me and you were going to get a place of our own once my eighteenth birthday hit.”
“But I like it here. I like Auntie Amelia and Rosie.”
“I know. I do too.” I nod slowly. “But we can’t just stay here forever, can we? That was never the agreement. We were only to come here for a while. You will like our new place anyway. I will make sure that it’s amazing for you.”
“Can I decorate my own room?” He turns to look at me. “Like, however I want?”
I smile to myself, glad that he can be swayed so easily. Ah, to be a kid. “Yes of course, you can.”
“A space theme?” he replies excitedly. “We are learning about space at the moment and it’s fun.”
“Whatever makes you happy, Seth. Whatever you want. I will make the best life for us; I promise you that.”
That gives me focus, it gives me something to aim for, it will take my mind off of Oliver which is just what I need. Time and space will make me recover. Hopefully, Rosie too. Then we can maybe heal and be friends again. I do want to be friends with her, regardless of what’s happened tonight. We can be a family… just not one that lives together, and that’s okay.
Chapter Twenty-Five
Oliver
I have spent the last three days avoiding everyone. Not just Rosie and Ellie but everyone. Even Brad hasn’t managed to catch me for any kind of conversation because I haven’t wanted to talk to anyone. I have had some heavy stuff laid on me and I needed the time to try and work out what I wanted to do… but now I think I know.
“Hey, Oliver.” Brad catches me standing in the kitchen, staring at the wall as I try to gear up the courage to act on what I need to do. “I have been trying to get you. When are we going out for drinks? I was thinking tonight, you know, unless you have any other plans on this quiet and cold Friday night?”
Yes, I have plans. I have the plan to go and shatter Rosie and Ellie by confirming that I can’t be with any of them. I will ask if they still want to be friends with me, but I know that will be a big fat no. Actually, a drink after all of that might be just the thing I need. Who knows, I might even confess all to Brad.
“Yeah, yeah sure.” I nod. “I do need to go and speak to Rosie first, but later on…”
“Yep, later on sounds good. I like the sound of that. Gives me time to eat first. Have you eaten?”
Of course I haven’t. I can’t get a damn thing in my mouth when I feel like I might throw up everywhere at any given moment, but all I do to reply is nod. He doesn’t need to get in to the gritty details of that.
“Sure, right well I will see you later then.” He pats me on the arm. “Looking forward to it.”
I sigh loudly, trying to get plenty of air in my lungs, and I take a step away from Brad. He’s going to be cooking in the kitchen now, and I can’t suffer the smells. I also can’t just stand here any longer putting it off. I need to speak to the women and try and end things on good terms. I like them so much, all I want is to make things okay again, but the best thing that I can do is extend the olive branch and just try.
Rosie, I can’t be with you. Me and you are the best of friends, and I don’t want to change that. I try and plan my words, but they just sound shitty even in my head. Ellie, sorry that I was an asshole. I didn’t mean to act that way, it was just a shock to learn how young you are. But unfortunately, that is a deal breaker.
Oh God, I’m going to get well deserved slaps from both of them. There’s no way this won’t get ugly. But that won’t change no matter how long I put it off for, so I might as well just go and get it over with. I have already left it too long. I force one foot in front of the other, however much my body resists the idea, and somehow, I manage to get all the way to the front door. The innocuous piece of wood that threatens to tear me apart.
“Just do it,” I whisper to myself. “Get it over and done with.”
I don’t know what face will be hardest to see as it opens the door. Rosie, who was trying to get me into bed the last time I saw her, which came as a massive shock… the storming out wasn’t a shock though. Ellie, who despises me because I spoke to her like shit. Who will want to punch me hard. Or even Amelia, Rosie’s mom who is bound to know about the mess and tear me apart because of it. She has always seen me as a nice guy, a good friend for her daughter. Everything has changed dramatically in the last few days.
I raise my hand and force myself to bang. Although the sound I make isn’t a loud one. It’s more like a little mouse scratching at the door. With a deep sense of guilt, I force myself to knock once more, actually making enough sound for anyone to hear it now. I press my ear against the door and notice footsteps on the other side.
“Fuck,” I whisper as I bolt backwards. “Fucking hell.” I shake all over. “Nope, you can’t leave now.”
I rub my hands together, noticing how badly I’m sweating with nerves. If only Brad hadn’t come into the kitchen when he did, then I would have had the time to think things through more, to put it off for longer while I plan the perfect words to say… but it’s too late for that now. Far too late.
I hold my breath as the door swings open and I see one of the three faces I was dreading the most. I freeze to the spot, wishing that I could just run away and never have to face this again.
“Oliver?” Rosie says suspiciously while she steps outside the door. “Who are you here to see?”
“You,” I reply right away, knowing that I need to start somewhere. “I’m here to see you actually.”
It takes me a moment to work out why her face lights up so much. She’s taking this as a sign that I have chosen what I want and it’s her. God, I didn’t mean for that to happen. I need to find a way to be much clearer.
“Okay, good.” She nods. “Because we left it weird before, didn’t we? We have a lot to talk about.”
I gulp down the thick ball of emotion that lodges in my throat. This is going to be harder than I thought. Rosie has been hurt by Tristan so much and I’m going to make that even worse by ruining her all over again.
“Er, yes, we do. I don’t know how much you took in the last time we spoke, because you were drunk…”
“Not too drunk to know what was going on.” She smiles, again making me feel bad. “I know that you were shocked by what I said to you, and you were worried that I would wake up to regret it, which is why you basically turned me down, but now I’m sober and have calmed down… we can really talk about it.”
She steps in towards me and rests her hands on my shoulders. She gets a glazed over lust filled look in her eyes and rises upwards. It takes me a beat too long to realize that she’s coming in for yet another kiss. My blood runs ice cold and I have to step backwards which changes her mood all over again. She’s back to anger.
Her cheeks stain red and her eyes flash. As her hands fall on to her hips, I’m just glad that they don’t come swinging my way to hit me. So far there has been no violence but that doesn’t mean there won’t be. She could still decide to tear my head from my neck if she so chooses to do so.
“Right.” I scuff my foot along the ground because I can’t stand to look at her when I plunge my hand in to her chest and take out her heart to stomp on it. “And I think that I need to make it clear that I meant what I said.”
“Which part?” she demands. “Because a whole heap of things were said. I might need some clarification.”
“I know. And the bit about, you know, us being too good as friends to ruin it.”
“Like I said, we can make it better.” She throws her hands in the air in frustration. “How many romcom movies are based on best friends falling in love? Especially if there is a love triangle. The best friend always wins out and that’s for a reason. We’re friends because we have a
connection, and there’s no reason that couldn’t be romantic. We should at least give it a try, shouldn’t we? Me and you? See what could happen.”
Oh God, I’m stumped. “But I thought that you didn’t want to go anywhere near me because of Ellie?”
She tenses up. Her whole body stiffens. “I have to admit, I’m not the most keen to know what happened with you and my much younger cousin. But it is good that you broke it off when you did find out. I have to respect you for that. Plus, you had to see me dating Tristan which I guess hurt you too… we can get passed it…”
“I don’t know if we can…” I say cautiously. “And I wouldn’t want to risk…”
“Stop blabbering on about risking our friendship.” She rolls her eyes. “Tell me how you feel. Don’t think about us being mates, think about what we could be. Just consider us for real.”
I squeeze my eyes shut, hating what I have to say next. “I don’t… like you like that.”
There’s a beat of silence before she screams loudly. “Is that a fucking joke? I decide to forgive you for everything that you have done to me, and then you reject me again? You didn’t just do it because you were afraid of my being drunk? You actually don’t want to be with me? But you’ve wanted me forever…”
“The fact that you knew I liked you and you never addressed it with me is crazy, Rosie. Even worse that you wanted me to pretend to be your boyfriend. You kiss me, then you kiss him. Is that how you treat people?”
“Is that the way I treat people? You have some nerve, Oliver. So, now what? You end things with me without even giving me a chance because apparently you ‘don’t like me’, then what? You go back to Ellie? Well, I have some news for you. She’s gone. She left after we fought because of you.”
“You fought over me?” Shit, how did I not know that was going on? “That’s awful.”
“As if you aren’t loving this,” she sneers. “Two girls fighting over you. You probably orchestrated it to make this happen. And don’t ask me if I think you would be like that because quite honestly, I don’t know who you are anymore. I have no idea how to even look at you anymore because you are not the Oliver Smith I know.”