by Brenda Ford
“Do they know?” I whisper to Wesley while nodding to Maddie. “Have you asked them?”
“I wanted to ask you first. To make sure that it’s okay to tell them.”
“It isn’t that you’re embarrassed, is it? Because I don’t want to cause any issues…”
“No way, not a chance.” He shakes his head firmly. “Not a chance. I just wanted to see how this would work out between us first. I was trying to deal with it in a calm way before bringing other people in. My brothers are great, but they can be a little pushy. I knew that they would put the pressure on.”
“Will they do that at the party? Because I don’t know if I can hack pressure?”
“No way,” he reassures me. “Not a chance. They will be cool, I promise you.”
“That sounds like you’re going to threaten them,” I can’t help but laugh. “Is that the plan?”
“Hey, whatever it takes for you guys to have a nice time, because I would love for you to be there.”
He gives me the eyes and so does Maddie. Both of them want this to happen, which puts enough pressure on me for a life time. I can’t let the pair of them down now over this.
“Well, this is what we came here for, isn’t it?” I give a bright fake smile. “So, yes, I guess so.”
Maddie screams and jumps in to Wesley’s arms, excitement rolling off her. It’s easy for her, she gets to be the cute kid at the party. I don’t know what I’m going to be there. The mum of Wesley’s child who has randomly come back in to the picture. The one who ran away when she was pregnant. God, I can’t be seen in a good light, can I? That isn’t going to work. They are going to hate me. Whatever happened back then, they are going to see me as the enemy because it’s Wesley’s family. Unfortunately for me, I have no one on my side.
Well, aside from Maddie. And maybe Wesley too. But somehow, I’m going to have to get through it.
I sit on the edge of the hotel bed, watching Maddie sleep. She looks so peaceful, so happy, like she loves it here. She’s been more tired since we’ve been here, more active during the day so she sleeps better. Not that I could use that as a deciding factor… but I have to admit that my head is all over the place now. I feel torn. I don’t know what I want to do now, I’m a spinning mess. Even as I think of New York now, it’s like a dream, like something that happened to someone else and I watched it through an out of body experience, not something real.
God, what am I going to do? It will feel weird to go back now. Not like an escape as it was before, but something heavy, something that could be a mistake. That gives me the weight on my shoulders, instead of here. It’s amazing how quickly things have changed around, where my comfort zone lies.
It’s Wesley, I realize with a thump. He’s the one who has changed things.
Eating dinner at his place was eye opening. It made me see how things could have been, maybe how they could be if we let them. It isn’t wise, I know that, because we should be focused on Maddie and not one another, but I can’t help thinking about the slightly flirty edge between us. There is still something in the air, even after all this time, and it really could be great. Then again, it could be a disaster. Just like it was before, which is probably why it’s best for us to keep apart. Much as we might want to see where things could head, to see if we still have that sizzling chemistry that really explodes like crazy, we can’t.
But will we be able to ignore it forever if we do stay here? A few weeks is okay, we can probably push it to one side, but if me and Maddie don’t go back and me and Wesley have to see one another all the time to co parent, how the hell will that work? It feels messy already and it hasn’t even happened yet.
Ring, ring… Ring, ring… Ring, ring…
I leap up to grab my phone, but it isn’t Wesley calling me like I was expecting after our amazing day at the fair, it’s Jessica. It’s actually be a few days since I caught up with her so this will be nice.
“Hey, Jessica…” I start, but she shuts me down right away.
“Oh, so you are still alive! Only because I haven’t heard from you. How are things?”
“Things are good.” I smile to myself. “Things have been really good actually. It’s all gone better than expected. Maddie is really enjoying things here and she has been connecting with Wesley well.”
“So, he hasn’t been the asshole that he was the last time around,” she bites back. Not that her attitude surprises me. She saw how hurt I was when I was first in New York. She guided me through the pain.
“He’s grown up a lot, and he’s more pleased to be a father than I thought he would be. He’s even been talking about meeting the rest of his family and their children, so Maddie is excited about that.”
“Right… I see…” She sounds cautious. I’m sure she’s just worried about me. I am too, but I’m going to be strong. “So, how long are you going to stay there for? Because I miss having you in New York.”
“I don’t know,” I reply guiltily. “I’m just seeing how things go at the moment.”
“Uh oh. That sounds like you aren’t sure about coming back at all.” I’m silent because I can’t lie to her. No decision has been made but if it’s on my mind, then it might well be possible. “Is that what you’re thinking? Oh my God, Zoe, are you actually considering staying there? Because I don’t know what I will do…”
“I don’t know what I’m thinking,” I interject before she can get too worked up about things. “I’m not really thinking anything at the moment. Just seeing how things work out. I won’t do anything rash.”
“Don’t do anything rash because of that man, because he wasn’t good to you before. I don’t like the way that he treated you and I don’t want you to get fooled by him and hurt once more. It will crush Maddie.”
God, she’s right. I am getting carried away with myself for even thinking it, for entertaining the flirting.
“I’m being smart,” I half lie. “I will be smart. I just don’t know when I’m coming back, that’s all.”
She sighs loudly, I can practically feel the disappointment from her rolling down the phone. Jessica has given me another angle to consider things, and I really need to do that.
“Just don’t fall for him, Zoe, that’s all I ask of you. Do whatever you need to, you know that I will support you through anything, but a second chance will be a disaster. They always are.”
“Okay,” I agree. “You’re probably right. No second chances. I promise you.”
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Wesley
“So, what the hell have you gathered us all here for, Wesley?” Nelson demands across the table. “I feel like we’re all gathered here for some sort of work place convention or something like that. It’s weird.”
I glance at all of my brothers in turn, wondering where to begin. Brad, my father figure, is looking at me curiously. Angelo sits next to his non identical twin, Alex, both of them at the opposite ends of the scale looks wise, with Alex being the edgy rock star and Angelo much more straight laced like me, but their expressions of ‘what the hell is going on?’ match for sure. Oliver is quietly waiting, in the back ground, which is normal for him, and of course, my youngest brother Nelson is being the loudest.
God, I have no idea how each of them are going to react to this. It’s crazy.
“I have something to tell you guys.” I dart my eyes downwards. “It’s a pretty crazy story.”
“Oh, just get on with it, will you?” Nelson chuckles. “We’re all on the edge of our seats here.”
“Okay, so it’s a story that starts five years ago, and I know that seems like I’m dragging it out, but I really have to start there.” Yep, I have all of their attention now. God, this is terrifying. “There was a woman that I worked with at the time. One who… I didn’t necessary get along with at the time because she was such a big competition for me then, and I couldn’t really handle it.” It sounds stupid. Because it was stupid. “But when she got left at the altar by her idiot fiancé, we ended up sleep
ing together… not the wisest decision, I know.”
“So, what the hell has a one night stand from years ago got to do with now?” It seems like Alex is jumping in on the Nelson impatient band wagon. “I don’t understand where we’re going with this.”
“Well, at the time, she told me that she was pregnant…” As to be expected, this causes gasps from all around the room. “But there were all sorts of complications. Such as people telling me that she was making it up to distract me from getting a promotion, and I was stupid enough to believe them over her.”
“But you got the promotion in the end? Didn’t you?” Brad asks curiously. “Because you’re the manager.”
“She got it first. She was offered it because she was better than me, which is what made me believe all the bullshit. I was arrogant enough to assume that I should have got it. I didn’t even consider that she was just better than me. I chose to believe what everyone else was telling me instead. I was an idiot.”
“So, was there a baby?” Brad looks at everyone but me. “Or not. I’m a little confused here. And why the hell are we only just hearing about this now? Surely, you haven’t kept this a secret for this long?”
“I have only just found out myself. Because I was such an asshole to Zoe, she left and moved to New York. She had to escape everything that was going on here, because it was toxic. I was under the impression that there wasn’t a baby, so I didn’t reach out to her. I threw myself in to work instead because it was easier. Because I didn’t reach out to her, Zoe assumed that I didn’t care, so she carried on and had the baby without me. She has come back now because Maddie has been asking about me. She wanted to get to know me.”
A thick silence clings to the air. I look at everyone waiting for someone to break it. In the end it’s Brad.
“So, wait, all this time we thought that you were playing the field and not wanting to settle down and have a family… you had one the whole time, and none of us knew. Not even you? That’s so wild.”
“Pretty much. But, please, don’t think badly about Zoe for this. I am to blame. I was a prick.”
“Well, I’m sure we can all believe that! You always have been the prick out of all of us.”
“Right, yes.” I let out a laugh. “But I’m making up for it now. I’m trying to be the father that I didn’t know I was. Me and Maddie have been hanging out and spending time together. We’ve been getting to know one another… and now I would like to get her to know the rest of the family as well. Maddie and Zoe.”
“Well, of course they are welcome to the barbeque!” Brad declares, just as I knew he would. “We would love to meet them, and we will do whatever we can to make them feel welcome… but what about you? I mean, how do you feel about all of this? This is crazy. Your daughter must be about four now? Am I right?”
“You are… and yes, of course that does mean that I have missed out on a lot, but I don’t want to dwell on that. I just want to make up for now. It might not be easy because right now, they are permanently based in New York, but I’m doing what I can.” I smile, hoping that everyone will just be cool about this. Luckily, it seems like they are. “I think that meeting the whole family is the next big step. Especially since Zoe doesn’t have anyone.”
“Wow… well much as this is a big shock to all of us, we are here to support you, Wesley.” All my other brothers nod to agree with Brad. “You are a real dark horse, aren’t you? Trust you to have this secret.”
“Well, it hasn’t really been a secret. It’s just been something that I needed to adjust to. That’s why I have waited a little while before coming to you with this because me and Maddie needed time first.”
“How is it?” Alex jumps in. “Being a father, I mean? Because we have all done it from the beginning so is it weird trying to jump in right in the middle? Sorry, I know that might be a bit of a dick question…”
“I don’t know if it is any different,” I admit, taking no offense at all. “But it’s an experience.”
“You look happy actually.” Alex leans in to examine me closely. “Happier than I have ever seen. I always thought that work was what gave you purpose, but now it seems to be different.”
“It is.” I can’t stop myself from beaming. “Maddie really has given me a purpose.”
“I can’t wait to meet her. And this mystery woman as well.”
“Zoe is really concerned about meeting all of you,” I say seriously. “So, will you please be nice to her? Make it easy for her and me? We have been through enough drama already. I don’t need struggles from the past to get in our way. I know that you guys are protective, but please just let this go.”
“What’s the deal with you and this Zoe?” Nelson jumps in. “Was it just a one night stand back then?”
I realize that I have forgotten a big part of the story. “Oh, well when I first heard that she was having my baby, before things got all complicated and messed up, we had a bit of a relationship. I thought that we were going to have a proper little family. That we would go the distance.”
“But what about all of the competition stuff? I thought that you didn’t get along?”
“Oh, we got over that. We actually had a pretty good thing going. It was weird.”
“And would you want to get back with her?” Nelson demands. “Because I haven’t ever heard you talk about anyone else like you really like them. It seems like you and her had a real relationship.”
“I guess we did.” I stir uncomfortably on my seat. The spot light isn’t supposed to be on me for this. “But that was five years ago now. A lot has happened since then. I don’t think it’s written in the stars for us to be back together because we have to focus on Maddie. Plus, she might be back in New York…”
“Might be?” Nelson jumps on this. “So, she could stay? Has she suggested that she might?”
I shrug my shoulders. “I don’t know what her plans are, and I don’t want to get carried away either. I don’t want to get all excited about something, just to have it taken away from me. Right now, I’m trying to focus on the present, just to get it right. I can’t mess things up. It’s so important to me.”
Brad jumps up and he comes to where I’m sitting to throw his arms around me. Before I know it, all my brothers are around me and supporting me. I can hear them all murmuring together, giving me reassuring words. I can’t hear all of them but that doesn’t matter. The sentiment is there. They are on my side, as usual.
Zoe doesn’t need to worry; she doesn’t have anything to panic about when it comes to my family. If she lets them, they will become her family as well. Especially with Maddie. Now, I’m excited for them to all meet. I’m looking forward to Maddie getting to know her cousins and really having other kids around her. She will love it, and I’m sure that they will all love her as well. They’ll get along famously, I’m sure. I can see it now, them all playing and getting along. Almost like brothers and sisters. God, it would be good for Maddie to have that.
“Thank you, guys,” I tell them all seriously. “I appreciate all of this.”
“We are here for you, aren’t we?” Brad mumbles against my shirt. “That’s what family is for.”
“Well, you are a great family. I am a lucky person.”
This closeness makes me yearn even more to have Zoe and Maddie here permanently. I love the idea of us all being in the same place so we can really be a family. A real family. This conversation has made me want even more the one thing that I shouldn’t want. Me and Zoe. Nelson is right, she’s the only one who I have ever really cared for. The only person who I have properly wanted to be with.
Can I want that again? I ask myself curiously. Can I want her? Am I really changing my mind again?
I know that I’m not supposed to. I understand that I need to be focused on Maddie. But at the same time, if I could make it work with Zoe this time around, then wouldn’t that be wonderful? We could have that dream, the one that I shut down the moment that Court told me she was lying about having a baby. T
he dream of me and Zoe having a real genuine future together. The whole nine yards. Marriage and all of it.
We could probably do it this time as well because things are different. I’m older and she is, as well. We have more important priorities. I don’t think that it would go downhill again in the same way. I’m sure that if we tried again and we really threw ourselves in to it, it could be something amazing.
But I don’t know what page Zoe is on and that’s important. Because if I’m reading everything wrong and she doesn’t want me again, then that changes everything. I will have no choice but to back away. Maybe I will have to try and address this at some point, to try and gauge how she’s feeling. I don’t know how to go about that without making a massive ass out of myself, but I will do what I can.
Chapter Thirty
Zoe
I cling to Wesley’s arm, just needing his support. Not because I’m not enjoying this party with all of his family, but because there are just so damn many of them. I guess that I should have guessed that it would be like this. He has five brothers who are all parts of families of their own, but even in the massive back yard of Wesley’s childhood home, it’s crazy and chaotic. There are just so many of them. It’s insane.
Since I always had a small family, no cousins, not a sibling in sight, this is crazy for me. But in a good way.
“Sorry,” Wesley practically whispers to me. “I know they can be a bit loud.”
“No, it’s fine. I’m fine.” I force a smile on my face. “I just wasn’t expecting it, I don’t think.”
“Has everyone been welcoming to you? My brothers can be a bit much…”