Aloft

by J F Rogers

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  MY MOTHER POKED HER head into the tent. Then, seeing me with my fingers in my ears, pacing, she grasped my arms and tore my hands from my ears. “What are you doing?”

  Dare I say it? It was already in my mind. If I knew, Morrigan knew. “I heard Pepin.”

  Cataleen’s wide eyes grew wider still. She stood and threw on her cloak. “Stay here.” She dashed from the tent.

  I resumed pacing and singing, even if it was a wasted effort.

  My mother returned. “Pack up. We’re moving out.”

  “But we—Isn’t it too dangerous to travel at this hour?” My stomach growled. “I haven’t even eaten.”

  “I have dried lamb.” Her eyes wild, she rolled up her bedding and shoved it in her pack.

  “Wait.” I dropped to the ground and pulled her to sit. She seemed like a spooked horse, fleeing without thinking. “How does running away help Pepin’s people? If I know where I am, Morrigan does too. Her men are following us. They’ve been following us all along. And the pech are with us now to join the quest. Or are you afraid Morrigan will kill the pech who remain behind once we leave?” Where had all this calm reasoning come from?

  She shook her head. “It might be beneficial for Morrigan to know, the only pech here are soldiers aiding us in battle. The others are elsewhere. The pech will join forces against a common enemy, but they still don’t trust us. Thank God. Their distrust may have saved lives regardless.”

  “Then why are we running?”

  Every muscle in her body tensed. Then she sagged. “I don’t know what to do.” Tears welled up in her eyes. She ran her fingers along the bottom of her lids, wiping them away.

  “Did anyone tell you to take me?”

  “It breaks my heart to see you suffer.” Tears brimmed her eyes once more, and she pointed to herself. “I’m the only one here who has any comprehension of what you’re going through. I understand the torture of having someone toy with your mind.”

  Sucking in a breath, I asked, “What were you going to do?”

  She let the tears fall as she stared at me. “Return you to your realm.”

  I shifted, putting distance between us. What would make her do such a thing?

  “Not forever.” She grabbed my hand. “Only to give your mind a break. You need a break.”

  I hugged her. Part of me, the real me, was grateful she cared enough to do something stupid. Another part, the Morrigan part, urged me to shove her. I released Cataleen before the desire became strong enough to succeed. “I can’t tell you what it means to have someone understand and try to do something.”

  “We all want to do something.”

  Yeah, like snuff me out. I’m sure the selkie who blame me for their fallen comrades would prefer me dead. I scoffed at myself, wishing I could forever bury my negativity. Truthfully, I was grateful she cared. “Not enough to do something extreme like returning me to my realm to help me.” The words thank you formed on my tongue, but my lips refused to breathe them to life.

  She patted my knee. “You’re right. It was extreme. A desperate attempt. I need to trust God and help you stand strong, not succumb to doubt and fear. Forgive me.” She wiped her wet cheeks. “Perhaps I can convince the others to allow you to continue without the blindfold. Morrigan knows where we are. Keeping you blindfolded seems like unnecessary cruelty on top of all you’re already going through.”

  But it made people more comfortable. And it was a blessing in disguise, forcing me to draw nearer to God. But again, the words refused to come. And I wouldn’t dissuade her from convincing the others to allow me to see.

  “I’ll talk to King Abracham about it.” She sighed. “There are those who’d prefer you not travel with us. They don’t understand the prophecy. The blindfold was an attempt to placate them.”

  “I get it.”

  “You can’t be part of the strategic planning for obvious reasons. I’m sorry to keep you in the dark, but—”

  “I understand. Really.”

  She drew her lips into a thin line. “I’ll get your brothers to sit with you while I speak with the king.”

  ****

  Declan, Alastar, and Kai sat in my tent, playing tic-tac-toe in the dirt. Though the game was unwinnable and boring, it distracted me. Everyone was more relaxed than I’d seen them in a long time. Perhaps because I was getting better at keeping Morrigan at a distance.

  “What is that song you keep humming?” Kai started a new game by drawing an X in the center square.

  Had playing songs in my mind become so ingrained that I hummed aloud unaware? “It’s a hymn I learned from church called ‘Standing on the Promises.’ ” I placed an O in the square below the X.

  “Standing on promises.” He scoffed and drew an X in the upper right-hand corner.

  “It’s figurative, not literal.” I drew an O in the bottom left, blocking him. “The chorus goes like this—

  “ ‘Standing on the promises that cannot fail,

  When the howling storms of doubt and fear assail,

  By the living Word of God I shall prevail,

  Standing on the promises of God.’ ”

  Smiling, he drew an X in the bottom right to block me. “You have a nice voice.”

  “For me, it’s a good reminder that God is with me. If I keep my eye on Him and His promises, I can’t fail.” I placed an O in the upper left.

  Kai marked an X in the middle right and drew a line through his three Xs in a row. He released his stick and threw his fists in the air in triumph. “I won!”

  I stared at the squares. How had he won? What did I miss?

  Alastar and Declan hooted for Kai. Winning an unwinnable game was quite a big deal involving lots of fanfare.

  I jumped at the sight of Pepin in the corner of my eye. Was Morrigan now making me see things? “Pepin?”

  The others simmered down. They all looked in the same direction, so they must see him too.

  He walked toward me, dropped to his knees, and hugged me. He backed away, his amber eyes searching me. “Your mother told me what happened. With—with—”

  “Morrigan.”

  “Right.” He sat on the ground with us. “I wish they’d allow me to tell you what’s happened, but—” He glanced at my mother behind him.

  “It’s okay. I’m just glad to see you.”

  “I have something for you.” He reached into his pocket and pulled out an amulet. It was plain compared to Drochaid. A small diamond figure took up the center, outlined by another diamond with symmetrical lines jutting out in angular swirls. “It’s an interrealm transport amulet and a language translator.” He pointed to the center. “The diamond shape symbolizes the megalith and the continuity between both worlds.” His chubby finger traced a line. “These lines represent the different languages. They mirror each other to symbolize the ability to understand the languages as the same. And look.” He held it up by two cords. “You can wear it while you fly, by putting these cords over your wings.” He placed it in my hand and wrapped my fingers around it.

  “You’re giving this to me?”

  He nodded. “My teacher, Annar, made it for you.”

  “Why?”

  “Because you require a language translator.” He lowered his gaze. “And we need Drochaid.”

  My hand flew to the amulet, covering it. Give up Drochaid?

  “I hate to take it back, Fallon.” Bushy brows waggled over gleaming amber eyes. The amber swirled, liquid and imploring. “But it’s a one-of-a-kind. It’s the only one we can use for Turas. My people want it returned. As a show of goodwill between our races. Besides, you no longer need it.”

  “How do you know I don’t need it?” I clutched Drochaid. “Did Sully say so?”

  “He doesn’t have to.”

  “Yes, he does.”

  “Fal—”

  “No,” I cut him off. “Look. Drochaid is more than an amulet. It’s my guide. It led me to Not
irr, past the fasgadair in Gnuatthara, to Aodan, to Turas. If not for Drochaid, I wouldn’t know about my brothers.”

  “When was the last time it lit up?”

  “Not since facing Alastar. I mean, Na’Rycha. But I’m about to face Morrigan. I can’t do that without Drochaid.”

  “You can and you must.”

  “What do you need it for? Can’t you wait until I defeat Morrigan?” Assuming I do. “You won’t need it until you can travel back overseas to selkie land.”

  Pepin shuddered at the word overseas.

  “See? You won’t go back. Wait until this war ends. If I survive, I’ll bring it back to Turas for you.” As much as I hated the idea of getting on a ship again, I’d agree to almost anything to hang onto Drochaid.

  “Fal—”

  My mother stepped forward. “The pech won’t join us unless we give them Drochaid.”

  “What?” I must’ve misheard her. “They won’t join us? Over Drochaid? That’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard. If I don’t give them Drochaid, they’re going to step aside and let Morrigan destroy what’s left of their people and control Ariboslia?”

  “No.” Pepin shook his head. “They’ll go into battle on their own. They’ll—”

  “Shhh.” My mother held her fingers to her lips.

  How many secrets were they keeping from me? They risked exposing as much as they had because they needed Drochaid. No, they didn’t need it. I needed it. But what was I supposed to do? “Let me talk to Sully.”

  Everyone in the room adopted the same deer-in-the-headlights look and eyed each other. I was the only one missing out on a secret. I stood up and placed my hands on my hips. “What’s going on?”

  Chapter Twenty-Nine

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  AFTER WHAT SEEMED LIKE hours, my mother led me to Sully’s tent. As soon as I entered, I yanked the blindfold off. My eyes took a few seconds to adjust. Sully lay on some kind of a makeshift stretcher. I ran to his side and fell to my knees.

  The man was already pale, but he appeared ghostly gray, like his eyes. His cheeks were sunken. Every wrinkle more pronounced.

  “Sully, what’s happening? Are you okay?” What was I saying? Look at him. Of course, he wasn’t okay. When was the last time I’d spoken to him? I couldn’t see during the day. We didn’t share a tent at night. How long since I’d sensed his presence? It must’ve been days.

  He patted my hand. “I’m old, child.” What was this? He was still comforting me as he lay… No. My heart twisted, and I held my breath. He couldn’t be…

  I snatched his icy hand, wrapping it in both of mine, and brought it to my lips. A tear slipped onto his hand. “This is just an illness, right? You’ll be all right.”

  Sully coughed, and his chest rattled. That sounded bad. Very bad. “God is calling me home.”

  “No!” Tears streamed down my face as I pressed Sully’s hand to my cheek. “You can’t know that. Only God knows. You can’t know.”

  “I know what God chooses to reveal.” He gave my hand another weak pat, then coughed again.

  “Did He—did He say—”

  “My time has come. Today, I will be in paradise.” He smiled such an angelic smile it squelched the lifelessness in his face until he shone. “And you, dear one, will be well cared for in God’s hands. Without Drochaid.”

  I fell on him, wrapping my arms across his middle as I sobbed.

  His weak hand smoothed my hair. Even in his death, he comforted me? “All will be well, dear one. You are loved.” He took a deep breath. The rattle echoed in his chest under my ear. Then he stilled and breathed no more.

  ****

  The minute we returned to my tent, I tore off the blindfold and aimed a death stare at my mother. “What? Were you going to let him die and tell me in a few months? Were you planning to mention it ever?”

  “I wanted to tell you.” She reached for me.

  I stepped back, swatting at her. “Let me guess? They—whoever they are—didn’t want Morrigan to know. They only told me to make me to give up Drochaid. Here.” I pulled the amulet off my neck and flung it at her feet. “Take it. Take it and get away from me.” My chest heaved as I turned my back on her.

  I heard her pick up the amulet. She walked past me, discarded the new amulet on my pack, and left the tent.

  ****

  I tossed and turned on my blanket. Sleep wasn’t happening. I was raging. How much anger belonged to me? It felt like me. All me. And I longed to wrap myself up in it, bathe in it. I rocked my body, slamming my fists and feet like a toddler in the middle of a tantrum.

  I stood and kicked my mother’s empty bedding. Where was she?

  What did I care? As long as she didn’t come anywhere near me.

  But they wouldn’t have left me alone. My brothers must be watching outside my tent. They all had even more reason to fear me now. Even I no longer perceived where I ended and Morrigan began. And Sully wasn’t here to save me. And Drochaid wasn’t here to guide me.

  Hoping I didn’t draw their attention, I snatched my rolled-up clothes acting as my pillow and screamed into them. “What do You want from me?” I whisper-yelled to the roof. “Why are You taking everything away from me?”

  Drochaid’s replacement lay on my pack, taunting me. I seized it. Stupid thing. Did it even have a name? Probably not. It was one of many generic amulets. It would never light up and tell me where to go. My feet itched to run from these people. Now. So what if Morrigan killed me? I wanted off this crazy ride.

  Who would calm me now? Sully was the only one. And Kai. But Kai didn’t know God like Sully did. Sully made me feel safe in a way Kai wasn’t able. Kai seemed to believe in God. Not that I could judge someone else’s beliefs.

  It didn’t matter. I needed Sully. I needed Drochaid. I needed connection. I needed to stop being pushed aside, treated like a liability. I needed Morrigan purged from my mind.

  Why was God allowing all this? He’d taken the only person capable of shedding light on all I was going through and comforting me.

  I wanted to rage—to tear my clothes, throw my things, burn the whole stinkin’ camp.

  Yes!

  No!

  I had to get out of here. But where would I run? I couldn’t escape myself or the beast within me.

  Stop fighting me. I’ll help you exact revenge.

  I don’t think so. I hate you most of all!

  Hahaha.

  I screamed as loud as my lungs would allow as if the ferocity of my rage could push Morrigan out through my mouth.

  My brothers and Kai, wild eyed, seemed to search for the beast murdering me. But I was alone—destroying myself. With or without Morrigan’s help.

  “What happened?” Kai moved toward me as if to wrap me in his protective arms, then caught sight of me and changed his mind. He stopped out of arm’s reach.

  I dropped onto my rumpled blanket, covered my face in my hands, and sobbed. They crowded around me. Kai heroically wrapped an arm over my shoulder.

  “What am I going to do now?” My hands muffled my voice.

  “Without Sully?” Declan asked.

  I lifted my face, no longer caring what I looked like. “Who will tell me what to do? Without Drochaid or Sully… ”

  “God will tell you.” Declan patted my knee.

  “Aye,” Alastar agreed.

  “How? He always used Drochaid or Sully.” No. That wasn’t true.

  “Perhaps ’tis time you stop relying on others and trust God Himself. You don’t need trinkets and people to lead you. Just Him.” Declan crossed his arms.

  I hiccupped, peeked at Declan then the others. “That sounds like something Sully would say.”

  He smiled. “Perhaps because ’tis something God might say.”

  “So, what should I do?”

  “Talk to Him. Give all your anger and grief to Him. He can handle it. He knows anyway. Nothing is hidden from Him. But whatever you do, don’t g
ive way to those emotions and allow Morrigan to control you. Let God guide you. And, as tempting as it might be to run and face this on your own”—he eyed Kai as if he’d promised to convince me not to run—”as you seem wont to do, don’t. Talk to God about it first and wait until He leads you. Don’t go off on your own.” Head down, he peered up into my eyes. “Agreed?”

  “Technically, I was following Drochaid and Sully when I ran to Aodan and you.” I pointed to Alastar. “You know, when you were an evil vampire overlord.”

  They all threw me unimpressed looks as I laughed at my joke.

  “Okay. Okay. I’ll let you know before I run to Morrigan.”

  “In all seriousness, Fallon.” Declan stared me down. “We must stick together. We may need the triplet fire.”

  “Okay. I got it. I won’t leave without you.”

  “Or me.” Kai squeezed my shoulder.

  “Or you.”

  But what if God told me to go alone?

  Chapter Thirty

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  WE HELD A COMBINED service for Sully and the fallen watchmen. My mother, Kai, and my brothers stood by me. I tried to ignore the freshly dug holes and the suspicious glances as I surveyed the landscape. The somber atmosphere contrasted with the surrounding beauty and the crisp air. I inhaled a deep, exhilarating breath, allowing it to refresh me like a tall glass of water.

  Cahal, Wolf, and Pepin joined us, and we exchanged consolatory hugs. Their presence comforted me.

  The foliage had turned color. With the blindfold, I’d missed the slow change. The transformation was stunning. But leaves were darker here than at home with more reds and purples than yellows and oranges.

  Dispersed among the trees with dying leaves were others that appeared to have already lost their foliage. But green and white covered the trunk and branches of these barren trees, like snow-covered moss. “Are those fur trees?”

  “Aye.” Declan nodded. “Their fur is growing back in. Beautiful, aren’t they? You might see them in winter with their full coats. Some have fur that grows so long it drops to the earth, creating a perfect tent—camouflaged and warm.”

  “I’d like to see that.” Anything other than the sight before me. But my gaze drifted to Sully’s sunken form, wrapped in his cloak, in the hole in the ground. He looked peaceful.