It was Johnny. Flowers in his hand, his blue eyes flicked up to me as I approached.
“Hope you don’t mind me dropping by uninvited.”
Chapter 24
Johnny
The expression on her face was priceless.
“Um, um, no,” Kendra said, her gorgeous green eyes wide with surprise. “Of course not.”
“Good!” I said. “Because I’d love to take you out to dinner.”
I opened my arms and pulled her in for a hug. She threw her arms around me, but she kept her hips back, away from mine. It was strange, like one of those sterile hugs that you’d give some aunt you hadn’t seen in a long time.
“That…that would be great,” she said.
I handed her the flowers. “Should probably put these in water first.”
Kendra brought the bouquet up to her nose and inhaled the sweet aroma.
“Like them?” I asked.
“They’re beautiful,” she said. “And yeah, let’s get inside.”
She opened the entrance door, and we were soon in her apartment, that cozy little space where I’d spent one of the best weekends of my life. Wordlessly, Kendra filled a vase and placed the flowers inside, setting the arrangement in the middle of her table.
Then her eyes shot up to me, and she spoke the question that had likely been on her mind since the moment she saw me.
“What on earth are you doing here?”
“I hope you’re asking that in a good way,” I said with a grin. “Otherwise, my feelings might be hurt.”
“Yes,” she said. “It’s really, really good to see you. It’s just—”
As she spoke, she was in the process of taking off her black pea coat. But stopped in the middle of it.
“Um, hold on,” she said.
“Su—”
Before I could finish the word, she rushed out of the living room and into her bedroom. She returned moments later without her coat and wearing a thick gray sweater, one that covered up her figure.
“Sorry,” she said. “Just needed something warmer to wear.”
I wondered for a moment if, between the odd hug and this, she was trying to make things as unsexual as possible between us. But I put it out of my head.
“How about we walk and talk?” I asked. “There’s a Thai place down the street I heard is supposed to be awesome.”
“Sounds good,” she said, hurriedly putting her coat back on.
Something was up, but I was too excited to see her to really think about anything other than that.
“Okay,” she said once we were back outside and on our way. “You’re in Seattle.”
“I’m in Seattle,” I said.
“What’s the occasion?”
“We’re about to head to Europe for the next leg of the tour, but Rick thought it’d be a good idea to do some secret shows before we left the country. Our last one was in Portland, and I figured that was close enough to Seattle for me to come up to visit.”
“That’s…so sweet of you,” she said. “Really, Johnny.”
“I would’ve called you to let you know I was coming, but we never exchanged numbers. Hope it’s not a problem.”
“It’s not,” she said with a smile. “Not at all.”
I could tell by the look on her face that she meant it. My mind was spinning trying to reconcile her strange behavior with the fact that she was glad I was there.
We arrived at the Thai place, and I held the door open for her to enter. Sweet and savory smells rushed up to greet us, and we were soon seated in a comfy booth.
“Something to drink?” the waiter asked.
“Beer list is right here,” said Kendra, passing it over to me.
“I’ll take a bubble tea,” I said. “Mango, if you have it.”
Kendra regarded me with a curious expression.
“That sounds good,” she said.
The waiter nodded and left us.
“Bubble tea?” she asked. “No beer for the rock star?”
I chuckled. “I decided to go easy on the booze for a while. After the whole Alcatraz thing.”
She laughed. “I saw that. Figured there had to be some booze behind that particular sequence of events.”
“You’d be right about that,” I said. “And it’s been great. I haven’t just been taking a break from booze—I’ve been taking a break from the whole rock star thing.”
“Oh yeah?” she asked. “And how’s that working out for you?”
“Amazing,” I said. “I get up early, and when the rest of the band’s sleeping off their hangovers, I do normal person things, like go to the gym and actually explore the cities I’m in.”
“That sounds nice,” she said.
“It is,” I said. “But you don’t have to skip a drink on my behalf if you want one.”
“Nah,” she said. “I’ve actually been not drinking too.”
“Why’s that?” I asked.
She looked away quickly for a brief moment before speaking.
“Just…wanting to be a little healthier, I guess. I’ve been so busy with work and everything else that it seemed like a smart thing to do. Can’t afford to waste even a single day being hungover, right?”
“I know what you mean,” I said.
The waiter returned with our bubble teas, and we both put in our orders. It wasn’t long before we had a plate of delicious-looking shrimp spring rolls in front of us.
We both said nothing as we dipped our rolls into a pool of dark orange peanut sauce and took our first bites.
“So,” she said. “Did you come into town just to say hi?”
Looked like we were getting right to the heart of the matter.
“No,” I said. “Though that was part of it. I was going insane not being able to see you. I’ve…missed you like crazy, Kendra.”
“Me too,” she said softly.
I reached across the table and took her hand into mine. Feeling her skin against my own was more than I was ready for. The emotion that ran through me at her touch was almost too much to take.
“I’m glad to hear that,” I said. “Because I’ve been doing some thinking.”
“About what?” she asked.
“About you and me.”
She said nothing, her expression indicating that she wanted me to go on.
“You’re like no woman I’ve ever met before. I knew there was something special about you when we spent that weekend together, but it didn’t dawn on me until after I’d gone what I was leaving behind. I thought, at first, that I’d get over you. Sure, maybe we’d see each other again years down the road, but for now, I needed to move on. But with each day that passed, I knew that I wasn’t going to be able to just get over you. You’d gotten into my heart, and you weren’t leaving.”
“I-I feel the same way,” she stuttered.
My heart leaped at the news, and I continued on.
“I can’t even look at other women because you’re the only one I want. So, I came back to Seattle not just to see you, but to put everything out on the table. I know things aren’t in an ideal place right now for either of us. But I want, more than anything else, to try to make things work.”
“Are you asking what I think you’re asking?”
“I am,” I said. “I want to be with you, Kendra. Long-distance or not, I don’t care. I think that what we have is so special we’d be stupid to leave it to only one weekend. I want to see where this goes because I think it’ll go someplace very, very good.”
And that was it. Now, it was her call to make.
Chapter 25
Kendra
I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. I grabbed my bubble-tea cup and took a long sip. Not because I wanted it, but because I needed something to do while I thought.
What Johnny had just said to me was exactly what I’d wanted to hear...three months ago. I would’ve screamed, leaped across the table and thrown my arms around him.
Now, things were different. The spark—that electri
city—hadn’t changed. He was as gorgeous and warm as ever.
But there was the baby. Our baby. I wanted to tell him, but I couldn’t. If this is what Johnny was saying now without knowing I was carrying his kid, he’d surely throw caution to the wind and risk everything if I told him the truth.
I could imagine him calling Rick right then and there, telling him to screw the tour and screw the contract, that he had a child to raise.
God, it sounded so nice. Having Johnny by my side while I went through this pregnancy would be heaven. But I couldn’t have it. I had to keep this pregnancy a secret for the both of us.
“This is all so much,” I said.
“Too much?” he asked.
I didn’t know how to answer that. It wasn’t “too much” in the sense that it wasn’t what I wanted. What was “too much” was having to balance my wanting him with keeping my secret. My head was spinning, and my heart pounded.
“It’s just that with you on the road and doing your tour…”
His expression fell. “Yeah. There’s that. And there’s more.”
“What do you mean, ‘more’?”
“The tour’s been going really, really well,” he said. “We’ve sold out every show that we’ve done, and we’re moving so much merch that the warehouses can barely keep up. We’ve been getting major press, and things really seem like they’re on the verge for us.”
“Like you’re about to become superstars,” I said.
“That’s right,” he said. “We’re already crazy successful, but with how things are going right now, we’re looking to be on the verge of a level of success that only a handful of other bands have gotten to. I can hardly believe it.”
“That’s so great,” I said. “I’m so happy for you.”
I meant it. I’d worked with enough struggling bands to know how much making it big like this was something they all dreamed about. Johnny was about to reach the pinnacle of one of the rarest, hardest-to-succeed-in careers there was. I was likely speaking at that moment to a musician that people were going to be talking about for decades to come.
But there was something he was getting to.
“So,” he said.
Here we go.
“Rick decided that this was the definition of ‘striking while the iron was hot.’ He did some talking with Redemption, and they want to extend the tour.”
“Are you serious?” I asked. “For how long?”
“For another eight months,” he said. “At least.”
I felt the energy drain out of me as I slumped back into my seat.
“Eight months?” I asked weakly. “That means you’re going to be gone for the rest of the year.”
“At least.”
“At least,” I repeated.
“I know it’s a long time,” he said. “But I think we could make it work. I could come visit you whenever I’m in this part of the country, and maybe if you get a break from your label work you could come visit me wherever I am.”
“I don’t know, Johnny…” I said.
He reached across the table and took my hand.
“It’d be a lot,” he said. “But I haven’t changed my mind about quitting after this tour’s over. We wouldn’t be like some high school kids swearing that we’re going to stay together after they both go away to separate colleges. We’d have a year of hard work, and that’d be it.”
Yeah, then seventeen more years of hard work that he didn’t even know about yet. I was beginning to feel totally overwhelmed.
“Okay,” he said, letting go of my hand. “I can tell I just dumped a lot onto you.”
“Yeah,” I said.
He didn’t even know the half of it. If it weren’t for this whole thing with Rick, I might consider it. But as it stood…
“So how about this—we have dinner, then we can go hang out at your place for a while. If you want to talk about it some more then, we can.”
A little time to get my head in order was exactly what I needed. No way could I respond to what he’d said right then.
“Perfect,” I told him. “I know this is all weird right now, Johnny. But I’m so freaking glad to see you, I can hardly stand it.”
The waiter arrived with our meals—pad thai for the both of us—and by that point, the baby was crying out for some food. We ate, Johnny and I spending the time catching up on what we’d missed in each other’s lives since we’d last seen one another.
By the time we were done and back outside, we’d fallen right back into the easy rapport that we’d had that magical weekend months ago. We talked and joked and cuddled as we walked, and part of me didn’t want the evening to end.
After a detour for some ice cream, we were back at my apartment. Johnny balanced his ice cream as he flipped through my vinyl and put on some mellow folk music for us to listen to.
He plopped onto the couch, and I found myself imagining what it would be like for him to live with me, for us to be a real couple.
Then I realized that even if I wanted it, it wouldn’t be possible for a year. Who the hell knows what could happen between now and then?
“So,” said Johnny as I sat down next to him. “I don’t know if I can wait any longer.”
There was no putting it off. I’d made my decision, and I had to lay it all out there for him. I took a deep breath and spoke.
“It’s been so good to see you,” I said. “And with you telling me what you have, it almost seems like a no-brainer for us to try and make something work between us. But a year… Johnny, I don’t know if it’s possible for us to have anything like a normal relationship for that long. You’ll be on tour, and I’ll be here, and talking on the phone and you coming in to visit every now and then just won’t be enough.”
For a brief, transient moment, a pained look flashed across his face. A stabbing pain cut through my heart as I realized that he knew what I was going to say next.
“So I don’t think us trying to have a relationship right now is a good idea. I appreciate that you want us to be together, and I’d be lying if I said I didn’t feel the same way. But…I don’t know if my heart could take it.”
I was lying, and I hated it. Sure, I was being sincere about how difficult it would be for us to be together, but the whole issue of my pregnancy made it even more of an impossibility. But there was no way I could tell him that, not without risking everything.
“I want us to keep in touch, and I want you to be in my life. But I think it’s better if we do it as friends.”
He glanced down and nodded slowly.
“I get it,” he said. “And I know it was asking a lot. But I’d be kicking my ass from now until forever if I didn’t at least give it a shot.”
“You’ve got a real poetic way of saying things, Johnny,” I said with a laugh.
He smiled, then leaned in and kissed me softly, chastely, on the lips. God, I’d missed his kiss so much.
“What can I say?” he replied ruefully. “You bring it out of me.”
He stood up.
“Probably a good idea if I get going,” he said.
“You can stay,” I said. “I could, um, make up the couch for you.”
I wanted him in my bed so much it was almost physically painful. But I knew there’d be no way for him to spend the night with me without him finding out about my secret. I could hide things with awkward wide-hipped hugs and baggy sweaters, but spooning in bed would surely give the game away.
“Nah,” he said. “Think I’ll grab a hotel room and catch up on some songwriting. But thanks for the offer.”
I stood up and gave him another hug.
“It was so good to see you, Johnny. And I mean what I said about us keeping in touch.”
“Don’t worry about that,” he said with a smile. “You couldn’t get rid of me if you tried.”
One more kiss, one more longing look, and he was gone.
The door closed, and I was alone.
I sat back down on the couch, my eyes on my little baby bump.
I knew I’d done the smart thing, but what if I’d just blown the one chance I had to come clean with him?
I’d made my choice, though, and there was no going back. Now it was time to live with the consequences.
Chapter 26
Kendra
January
I took the pack of diapers from the shelf and held the box in front of me.
“Are these the right ones?” I asked. “I honestly have no idea what the hell I’m supposed to be buying.”
Blaire craned her neck over and checked out the big box.
“Looks like diapers to me,” she said. “Not sure if you can get the wrong kind. Unless the baby’s born with two butts or something.”
I laughed at the idea. “Doubt-butt baby.”
Blaire chuckled.
“Toss ’em in,” she said. “But really, I have no idea why you’re getting all this stuff now. You’ve still got four months left before this kiddo comes out.”
“Because I want to be so ready that it’s not even funny,” I told her. “No surprises, no nothing. After we get stuff here, we’re going straight to the bookstore, and I’m going to build a little library out of baby how-to books.”
As much as I hated the idea of not telling Johnny about the baby, Rick had come through with the monthly stipend. It was more than enough to cover all my expenses and even to start building a small savings in case of any emergencies. And not having to worry about check-up costs at the doctor’s had been a huge help.
The only catch was that the father had to be totally in the dark. A hell of a trade-off.
“Any word from the man himself?” asked Kendra as we pushed the cart down the brightly lit aisles of the store.
“Um, yeah,” I said. “More than a few words, actually.”
Kendra looked surprised. “What do you mean?”
“I mean he’s taking the whole ‘keeping in touch while on the road’ thing really seriously.”
“Like how?”
“Like in that he’s been inviting me to come see him on his tour. Several times now.”
Rock 'n' Stroller - A Rockstar's Secret Baby Romance (Baby Surprises Book 4) Page 13