by Erin Trejo
“Sit. Talk,” Josie snaps when we get back into the bar and seated at a table.
“He went to prison, Josie. He can’t be here,” I say mindlessly.
“Well, he’s here. He was in with Chip,” she says. I drag my gaze to hers and shake my head.
“Chip was in Texas?”
“Yeah. Went down for work. Got caught up in a drug run gone bad. Cops thought he was in on it. Wrong place wrong time type deal. Apparently, he did four years with your ex.”
No fucking way. How does that even happen?
“They said he was in for life. That’s why I left,” I mumble.
“So, talk to him.”
I almost fall off my stool at her simple statement.
“Did you not see the cold look in his eyes? He looked like he could have murdered me in my sleep!”
“Oh come on, Harper! You loved each other once. You should at least go try,” she says, nudging me with her elbow. I sigh.
“Maybe you’re right,” I say with a sigh, thinking in the back of my mind that maybe, just maybe, he still has some kind of feeling for me too.
She smirks at me and nods toward the back door. I shove off the stool and walk back out although I have no idea what I’m going to say to him. I haven’t seen him in five years. He’s grown up. Become bigger and bulkier than he was back then. We were only kids though. The day he turned eighteen is the day he went to jail. I still feel that guilt every day of my life.
“You came back,” Chip says with a smile.
“I need…I, uh…”
“He’s back there. Go on back,” he says somberly, nodding toward the back room. I wonder if Lynx has told him anything about me. Judging by the look on his face, I would say he has but what? Good or bad things?
I give him a grateful smile before walking through the rubble. When I step into the backroom my stomach churns. Lynx is standing in front of a counter, his hands clenching the edge, knuckles white. His head is lowered, hanging between his shoulders. He looks so broken.
“Never thought I’d see you here,” I say trying to sound upbeat. He doesn’t move. Just stands there like a statue. “I didn’t know you were ou-”
“Out? Yeah you probably wouldn’t, considerin’ you ran out on me!” His roar causes me to jolt.
“You told me to run,” I remind him softly. He lifts his head and turns to face me slowly. The deadly look in his eyes hurts. It’s a physical ache in my chest.
“Yeah? Not across the fuckin’ country! You left me, Harper.”
“It wasn’t like that. I went back!”
“Did you? When? ‘Cause I sure as hell never had a visit from you!” His hands clench and so does his jaw. Pure, hot anger radiate from him. But it’s his eyes. There’s anger, but a glimpse of hurt. I open my mouth, but what do I say?
“They said you were never getting out, Lynx.”
“Whoever they are lied to you, Harper. You never once, not once, came to see me. You could have asked me, yeah?”
His anger is off the charts. This is a side of Lynx that I never knew existed and it’s all aimed at me. Regret, remorse. It all dances inside of me but I’ve moved on. I’ve grown up. I had no choice. So I lift my head, throw back my shoulders, and steel my resolve.
“And said what exactly? Thank you?”
“Would’ve been a start,” he hisses.
“You told me to run, Lynx. I ran,” I say exasperatedly.
“All the way to another state, yeah? Did you ever once think about me? What the fuck I was goin’ through for you!” He stalks closer and fear vibrates my bones. Chip picks the perfect time to walk in and stand in the middle.
“This is getting a little out of hand. Why don’t we all go sit down at the bar and talk?” He looks between us as I stand still waiting. Waiting for what? Him to forgive me? Him to stop vibrating with rage? What the hell am I waiting for?
“No.”
“What? Why not? We can take a break, Lynx. Head next door and talk this out rationally,” Chip says. Lynx shakes his head, stepping closer to me. Chip doesn’t know what to do so he just stands still.
“You left me. You didn’t give a damn about me then. I don’t wanna see your goddamn face ever again, Harper. You are nothin’ to me.” The way he hisses the words between is teeth send a stabbing pain through my chest. I reach up, clenching my shirt as the pain becomes almost unbearable. I gasp for air as I look into his cold blue eyes. My chest feels tighter and tighter, the air not coming in.
“Oh shit,” Chip screams as I feel myself falling to the floor.
Chapter 7
Lynx
The only reason I’m sitting in this goddamn waiting room is because Chip drove me to work today. I couldn’t give a shit what happens with that girl. She left me, didn’t give a fuck about me. Fuck her. Josie paces the room and it’s beginning to piss me off.
“Has she been sick?” Chip asks when her pacing doesn’t stop.
“No. Not that I know of,” she says softly as a tear falls down her cheek.
“She had heart problems when she was young. Heart transplant at four,” I tell her when I can’t handle seeing her pace anymore. “Now sit the fuck down.” Josie’s mouth falls open but she doesn’t say a word. Smart girl. We’ve been here for hours. It’s bullshit. I should have just called a goddamn taxi, but I owe Chip and stepping out on him isn’t an option no matter how much I want to be away from her.
“You could have a little sympathy,” Josie snaps at me. I raise my head and smirk at her.
“For the girl that ran off on me? The one I went to prison for? Yeah, I’ll fuckin’ pass,” I snap back. She narrows her eyes just as the doctor rolls Harper into the waiting room.
“She’s all set,” he smiles at Josie. I look at her. Actually look at her this time. If I wasn’t so pissed at her, I might have given a shit that she looks like hell.
“Is she okay? Are you okay?” Josie kneels in front of the wheel chair. “Is it your heart?” Harper’s head whips around to look at Josie before moving to look at me.
“You told them?” Harper questions in a loud and angry voice.
“She wouldn’t shut the fuck up,” I say, shoving out of my chair.
“You had no right!” she screams louder.
“Don’t give two shits, Harper.”
“Well, was it?” Josie asks again.
“Harper’s heart is fine. When she overdoes things and stresses too much, this can happen. She needs to rest and to keep up with her new medications, which she hasn’t been doing,” the doctor says looking at me. Figures the bastard would assume this was my fault. I suppose it is in a way.
“I didn’t do shit, Doc. She can stress over some other shit. Had nothin’ to do with me,” I smart off as I walk past all of them.
“Bastard.”
I heard it. I want to snap. I want to lose my self-control and turn around to say something, but I don’t. I keep walking until I get outside. Chip isn’t far behind me.
“You okay?”
“Fan-fuckin’-tastic,” I grunt.
“Lies. So, that’s her, huh?” he asks as we walk toward the truck.
“That’s her.”
“Not what I expected. I mean, she’s cute but not what I pictured you with,” he adds. What the hell does that even mean? I glare at him until he speaks. “Just thought you’d have a big tittied blonde. Not some little redhead.” He laughs but I don’t think it’s all that funny.
“We were young. It’s all the past, yeah?”
“Not the way it looks to me.”
“Look, Chip. You’re my boy and all, but if she’s gonna be lurkin’ around, I’m out, man. I can’t deal with the old bullshit. Not right now,” I tell him even though I feel like shit for it.
“I’ll talk to Josie. Have her keep her distance.”
Nodding my head, I run my hand through my hair.
“Appreciate that.”
We climb in and pull up to the doors. Josie wheels her out and opens the back door, ush
ering her into the truck. Chip leaps out to help her and I sit here like the fucking bastard that I am.
“We need to stop and get her medicine,” Josie says. Chip nods.
Sometimes I wonder why he’s my friend when he’s such a good guy. I’m beneath him, shit under his shoe. Once everyone is settled in, we head to the pharmacy. The tension in the truck is stifling. It pisses me off more than anything. I came here to help Chip out. I never thought the one thing I ever cared about and gutted me would be there staring me in the face. I didn’t want this. I didn’t plan it. In fact, I want to get far away from all the memories she’s brought back and her. I don’t want to be around her. Like everything else in my life, it was completely fucked up.
Chip and Josie head inside to get Harper’s medicine when I feel her hand on my shoulder. I close my eyes, willing myself to not snap at her. Trying to be decent and not cause her anymore stress.
“Get your hand off me,” I say in a low gruff tone.
“I didn’t know, Lynx,” she says softly, her hand still in place. My body trembles just like it did all those years ago. It’s her. It’s always fucking been her.
“I mean it, Harper. You don’t know me anymore.”
Her fingers tighten.
“I didn’t know you would get out, Lynx. He said you got life,” she says in a pleading tone. I shake her hand off and climb out of the truck, leaving the door open. I start walking when she screams at me.
“He said you got life! What did you expect me to do?” I clench my hands into fists before turning to look at her.
“Does that make it better? Does that help you fuckin’ sleep at night? Does it?” I roar.
She climbs out of the truck and moves toward me slowly, not backing down. If she gets too close I might snap. I might lose it and I can’t. I can’t do that. Not to her.
“No, but you said to run and I did. I did what you wanted me to do, Lynx! I went to find you!”
“No, you took the easy way out. I get it, Harper. I was nothin’ back then just like I am now. I fuckin’ get that okay?”
“No you don’t!”
“I do! You wanted somethin’ better. How many girls would want a man who went to prison? I understand, Harper. I’ve hated you for doin’ that to me for the last five years. This, seeing you and hearin’ your reasons, changes nothin’,” I inform her.
“You…you hate me?” she asks her lips quivering. She’s on the verge of tears and there is nothing I can do to help her. It’s fucked up. It’s all fucked up.
“More than you know. I nearly killed for you, Harper. I wanted to but fuck! I knew if I killed him, I’d lose you forever.”
“What did you expect from me?”
“I expected you to be there! I expected the girl I loved to stand by me. I was a complete fuckin’ mess, Harper. You, just you, were the only thing that got me through most days, but then I realized you were gone. I felt like a complete fuckin’ idiot. You never loved me!”
“I did love you!”
Now she cries. I’m laying it all out on the line and she cries. Fucking cries! Anger surges inside of me. Chip and Josie walk back out and look between us. The emotional showdown is about to burst. I’m about to lose control.
“You walked, Harper. You walked.”
She moves quickly, grabbing my shirt in her fists. She looks up at me through the tears. “I loved you, Lynx! I thought you were never getting out, don’t you get that?”
“It was all a mistake. I made a mistake lovin’ you, Harper.” The words burn my throat like fucking acid. She shakes her head as tears stream down her soft cheeks.
“Don’t tell me you don’t feel anything for me, Lynx!”
“I don’t. Not anymore.” Lies. It’s all fucking lies. I feel like my walls are caving in. She’s breaking me again and I’m not going to let her. I can’t be that guy again, but her tears, her admissions, they are all overwhelming me and the fact that she is standing this close to me is killing me.
“You liar! You told me you’d always love me, Lynx! You lied!” She tries to shake me slightly but it doesn’t work. I don’t budge as she begins to hit and punch. I let her do it. Maybe this is what she’s needed all these years. She needs to be free of whatever was holding her back.
“You told me you’d always be there for me, Harper. You lied,” I say softly. She looks up at me with swollen, tear-filled eyes. I swallow hard, not letting my emotions show. I won’t. Not for her. I look away and find Chip watching us intently. I give him a nod, and as if he knew what I was trying to say, he walks over and wraps his arm around Harper, trying to pull her away from me.
“You’re just going to pretend we didn’t happen?” she screams as he tightens his hold.
“In my head? We never did,” I hiss the words.
Her eyes widen, her mouth falling open before heart-wrenching sobs fall from her lips. I take a deep breath and turn, walking away. I don’t give a shit how far it is.
I need the air.
I need the silence.
I need to forget that she ever meant anything to me.
Chapter 8
Harper
Josie stayed with me all weekend. I know the bar needed her, but I couldn’t help but feel grateful for having her here with me.
“How are you feeling?” she asks as we sit at the table.
“Better. Thanks for staying with me, Josie. You didn’t have to.”
“Of course I did. You needed me and that’s what friends are for.” She smiles sweetly.
“I didn’t mean to cause a scene. I didn’t think.”
“It’s fine. No one was there, Harper. No one knows what’s going on. I made it clear to Chip that it was all to stay between us.”
“Thanks for that. I don’t think I could face the girls if they all know what happened,” I tell her, bringing my coffee to my lips. I let the burn coat my throat as my heart settles inside of me.
“You still love him?”
“Love who?” I close my eyes just as I hear Luke’s voice. Perfect timing. He walks in, leaning down to press a kiss to my cheek. “You feeling better? I’m sorry I couldn’t make it back. I had so many meetings.”
I wave him off not listening to what he’s saying. Of course he had to work. I know that.
“I’m fine. Well rested and ready to go,” I say, plastering a fake smile on my face.
“That’s good. I’m glad you’re feeling better. What were you two talking about?” he asks, setting a package on the table in front of me.
“What’s that?”
“Don’t know. It was on your porch so I brought it in,” he says as he makes his way into the kitchen. I reach for the box and peel the tape off before looking inside. My heart nearly stops as I gasp.
“What the hell?” Josie asks. She stands up and moves to stand next to me, looking into the box. She doesn’t gasp. She screams. Luke comes running back into the room looking around like someone was killed.
“What?” he snaps.
“The box,” I whisper. Luke moves to look before throwing up on the floor next to us.
“Is that…?”
“A finger,” I whisper. What the hell is happening? Why me? What does this mean?
“I’m calling the cops,” Josie says.
“No! Get Lynx,” I tell her. She looks at me like I’ve grown two heads. “This has to be related to him,” I add.
“How the hell would this be related?” she screams as she pulls her phone out.
“Just tell him he needs to see this!” I scream back.
“What the hell is a Lynx?” Luke asks.
Oh my God. That ring. I know that ring. I’ve seen it more times than I can count, but why was this sent to me? What the hell does this mean? I was never a part of that world aside from Lynx. “Harper? Who the hell is Lynx?”
“My ex.”
“What?”
“My ex. He’s my ex from Texas, Luke,” I say softly trying to keep my breakfast from coming back up.
“W
hat the hell do you need him for?”
“He’s here,” Josie adds.
“In Nashville?”
“Yes, genius!” Josie yells at him before leaving the room to talk on the phone.
My heart is hammering in my chest. How is this happening? No one knew where I went.
“What is all this? There’s someone’s…”
“Finger,” I add in for him.
“Yeah! In a goddamn box at your house, Harper. What kind of people were you mixed up with?”
Anger surges inside of me. How dare he?
“What kind of people? Are you serious? I was in fucking foster homes all my life. I was beaten and used! Abused. You know what? Get out of my house, Luke!” I can’t take anymore. I can’t deal with this. I stand to my feet and run to the front door as tears leak down my cheeks. No one knew I was here! Flinging the door open, I run out only to slam into a hard chest. Hands land on my shoulders as my body trembles. I’m shaking and I can’t seem to stop.
“What the hell happened?” His voice is deep and throaty.
Even after all these years, I still want to curl up inside of him just like I used to and hide from the rest of the world. I want to stay in his arms and listen to him tell me that everything will be okay, but that’s not going to happen anymore. Never again because he hates me now.
“Someone sent a box here,” I say through the hiccups. Lynx passes me off to Chip before storming in the door.
“Son of a bitch!” I hear him roar even from outside. Chip holds me tighter, keeping me close to him.
“You okay?” I can’t answer. I shake my head when Lynx comes back out with the box in hand.
“No one knew where I went, Lynx.”
“Someone did!”
“I never told anyone,” I whisper.
Josie and Luke both come outside looking between us all. Lynx is running his hand through his hair, completely pissed off.
“How the hell did you get here so fast?” Josie asks, looking to Chip.
“We were picking up some supplies and just about to head back to work when you called,” he says, keeping me pulled against him. Luke’s eyes move over everyone out here before stopping on mine. I open my mouth, but he just shakes his head before I can say anything.