by Erin Trejo
“And what have you been thinking?”
His head comes back up, his eyes locking with mine. “I’m not sure I want to give you up, Harper.”
My heart beats rapidly in my chest. I never thought that he’d say that after what he heard. It scares me a little.
“What do you mean?”
“I mean I still want to be with you.” He chuckles before standing and cupping my cheek. Pulling my face to his, he kisses me softly. But it’s wrong. It doesn’t feel right. It’s not the kiss I want.
Chapter 13
Lynx
I couldn’t handle it anymore. I had to walk away and leave before I did something else I’ll regret. Now I sit on the edge of the bed shirtless, running my fingers over the motorcycle charm that still hangs around my neck. I know I told her I kept it as a reminder of all the things I hate her for, but that’s not the truth. I’ve kept it as all the reminders of the things I loved about her. Her fire, her passion. The way she used to look at me like I was the only man she could see. Five years I lost because of her. The more I think about it, the more I know it was worth it. The more I think about it, the more I know I made the right decision. She would have been dead if I hadn’t showed up that night. Despite the consequences. She would be dead and that’s far worse than her leaving me. And losing her was the hardest part of loving her. She didn’t deserve what happened to her; it wasn’t her fault that she was placed in that house with him.
The look on her face when I yelled at her fucking sticks in my mind. I almost hate her more than I love her. It’s a complete contradiction, but it’s true.
“Lynx!”
I hear Stan yelling my name. I shove off the bed and head into the hallway when he meets me halfway.
“What’s goin’ on?”
“Someone broke into her house. We’re heading that way,” he says quickly.
“What? Whose house?” I ask, grabbing my shirt and pull it over my head before following along behind him.
“Harper’s. Cops are there now,” he says over his shoulder as he heads out the door.
I follow behind him, anger simmering inside of me. Who the hell would do that? I climb in the truck as Josie and Chip turn to look at me.
“What?”
Josie snickers, Chip says nothing. Thank God for that, too. I’m on edge as it is. Seeing Harper has really fucked with my head. I didn’t plan on seeing her here. Who the hell would have thought that she would be here of all places. The fact that I’m angry as fuck with hurt has melted away from the forefront of my mind. Right now the fact that someone is fucking with her just ups my anger to another level. That’s bigger. I’ve always had anger issues, but this is becoming intense.
The ride to Harper’s isn’t long, maybe ten minutes at the most. As soon as the truck stops, I’m out of it and moving toward the house. I step inside just as the cops turn to look at me. Fuck them. I don’t give two shits about them, but when my eyes lock on hers, I lose it, a hurricane of emotions ripping through me. We stare at each other, waiting for the other to move just like always, but when I nod my head at her, she leaps from the chair and runs to me, crashing into my arms. I hold her against me, running my hand up and down her back as she cries.
“You find anything?” I ask the cops.
“No. Broke the back window out and trashed the house. As far as we can tell so far nothing was taken,” one of them says.
“Why trash the fuckin’ house then?” I growl. Her arms stay locked around my waist, tightening in the back of my shirt.
“Anyone you might know?” the other cop asks, his eyes roaming over my cut that I grabbed before we left the house.
“I’m a fuckin’ Nomad, asshole. We don’t typically fuck with the locals if we aren’t friendly.”
He doesn’t blink, just stares at me. Fucking prick. “Have you had any runs in with anyone?”
Why the fuck are his questions directed at me when I just got here? I’m about to ask him when Chip steps up.
“We just got here, officer. Why don’t you tell us?”
“Chip Marten. Didn’t know you were out of the state pen of the great old Texas,” he says in a southern tone. I grit my teeth and start to pull away from Harper. Thunder cracks outside, the impending storm slowly moving in.
“Didn’t know I needed to inform you,” he grunts.
“You know her?” he asks, nodding toward Harper.
“Just met her recently,” he adds.
“Look, go do what you do. Clearly finding out who broke in here isn’t on your to do list, officers,” Josie sneers. The cops all glance at each other before handing a card to me.
“In case you remember something.”
“Yeah, I don’t need that shit. Memory loss,” I add with a grunt. He pulls his hand back and they all turn to walk out just as lightning flashes through the windows. Harper’s body trembles in my arms and my chest constricts.
“Talk to Josie a minute, darlin’,” I whisper into the top of her hair. She pulls back reluctantly as I grab Chip’s arm and lead him into the kitchen. Once we get there, I lean against the counter with my arms crossed over my chest as I try to keep calm. My body is vibrating with anger and I can’t seem to stop it. Chip watches me, standing in the middle of the room as if he has no clue what to say.
“What the hell is happening?” he asks. I shrug.
“No fuckin’ idea but I don’t like this, man. If they know where she lives, they know where you live. She can’t stay here and she can’t go there.”
“What are you going to do?” he asks, looking up at me.
“Whatever I have to do. I’m gonna call the local MC and see if we can stay there until we figure this shit out,” I tell him. It isn’t ideal. There are a few locals that we’re good with but a few we’re not. The fact is, we don’t know who the hell is doing this or why.
“Shit, Lynx. This isn’t good.”
Just as I’m about to say more, Josie yells. Chip and I both turn and run into the room only to see Josie running out the front door.
“What the hell?” I roar.
“She took off running,” Josie screams as the rain begins to fall in sheets.
“I got her. Go pack her a bag!” I yell over the sound of thunder rumbling through the sky. I see her not far in front of me, her head lowered, shoulders slumped in defeat. I make it to her and spin her around to face me.
“What the hell are you doin’? Don’t run like that!” I roar.
She looks up and my heart stutters. So goddamn broken and lost. It’s not her. This hate and anger isn’t her fault. Never was. This is my fault. I nearly killed him. I’m the one who made that choice and she paid the price for it. She was left alone to fend for herself. She had no one. Fuck! I was all that she had!
“I only have Josie. I don’t talk to people if I don’t have to, Lynx!” she screams as tears mix with the rain.
“I know,” I whisper. I reach up and cup her face in my hands, looking into her eyes. “I fucked up, Harper. I left you alone to deal with everything. I made my own choices and didn’t think about what might happen to you at the time. I’m so goddamn sorry I left you,” I tell her in the most honest way that I know how. I did this. I messed up and all this time I’ve been taking it out on her. She should never forgive me. Fuck, I will never forgive myself.
“I’m scared, Lynx. I haven’t been this scared since that day,” she admits. Flashes of lightning and loud claps of thunder couldn’t mask the rapid beating of my heart.
“I won’t let anyone hurt you, Harper. You remember the first time I promised you that?” She looks up at me and nods slowly. “Didn’t I protect you then?”
“Yes,” she says softly.
Damn I’m breaking down. I’m losing it and becoming putty in her goddamn hands again. Jerking her face closer to mine, I lean down and look into her eyes.
“Then trust me now. I won’t let anyone hurt you, Harper. No one.”
“Including you?” she says softly, her words burning
my lips.
I suck in a breath at her words. Swallowing hard, I nod.
“Includin’ me.”
Chapter 14
Harper
Fear is a friend of mine. I’ve known fear since I was a child, but this fear? This is different. It’s like an impending doom lingering over my head. I look around the clubhouse that Lynx brought me to. He figured it was safer here, but I’m becoming more and more uncomfortable. I sit at the bar nursing a beer while he’s talking to the president of this club. The girls are eyeing me like I’m a piece of trash. I’m self-conscious to say the least. I don’t look anything like these girls and it makes my insides churn. They are all dressed in nothing more than bras and panties, big boobs being shown to anyone who looks their way. They are gorgeous for the most part with their makeup done to perfection. It couldn’t be any more opposite than me. Is this what Lynx has been used to? Girls like them?
I go back to picking the label on my beer when I hear laughing. My head snaps up and I see the smile on Lynx’s face as him and the other guy walk toward me. Lynx slides onto the stool next to me, a beer quickly being set in front of him by the woman in half a shirt. Her boobs pop out over the top, her nipples nearly falling onto the counter. I have to refrain from rolling my eyes, but it does something to my insides when Lynx doesn’t even look her way.
“We’re good to stay here for a while. No one will fuck with you here,” Lynx says as he leans over to speak into my ear. Music begins to play in the background but I’m lost in him.
“Why are you doing this?” I ask him, needing to know. How did he go from hating me one second and then doing a total turnabout to acting like the Lynx of our past.
“I’ve been thinkin’ a lot.”
“And?”
“And I decided that I love you more than I hate you, Harper.” He ends the conversation by standing and walking away. I turn to follow him, climbing the stairs right behind him.
“What do you mean?” I ask as he keeps walking down the hall. He doesn’t speak, just walks as if he doesn’t hear me. When he steps into a room, I follow. “Lynx!” I shout his name. I want, no scratch that, I need an answer. He can’t just say that and then walk away from me. I won’t allow it!
Lynx pulls his cut down his arms, tossing it to the chair before moving to his shirt next. I can’t stop staring at him. His muscles move with ever action, his tattoos dancing over his flesh. My mouth falls open but I quickly snap it shut when he turns to face me. His hair is mused up, the look of lust dancing in his eyes.
“You heard what I said, and you know what? I’m done, Harper. I’m done fightin’ this shit. We were always meant to be together.”
He doesn’t say anything else and I don’t get a chance to respond before he has me in his arms. His lips are crashing into mine, slowly taking what he wants from me. I moan and find myself growing wetter by the second. Lynx grinds against me, kissing down my neck.
“I’m takin’ back what belongs to me. What has always belonged to me. If I didn’t fuck up all those years ago, I would have been with you, Harper,” he whispers as he continues to trail kisses down my neck. When he reaches my shirt, he grabs the material in the front and tears it in half. His lips find my hardened nipple through my bra. He sucks hard and I gasp at the feeling.
“You were mine, Harper. Always mine,” he says right before he bites down. I cry out his name, holding his head in my hands. I don’t want him to move. I don’t want him stop. My head is dizzy and my heart is pounding.
“You hate me,” I moan.
“But I love you too,” he says pressing kisses between my breasts and up my throat.
“We have so much to lose,” I tell him as his lips continue.
“Yet a future to gain,” he says, biting into my flesh. I scream again, pulling his head closer to me. The warmth of his breath, the feel of his skin touching mine - it’s so much more than I remember. Each touch only adds fuels to the already blazing fire between us.
“It only takes a spark to ignite the flame,” he whispers near my ear.
I arch my back, pressing myself closer, needing him. What he doesn’t seem to realize is that the fire never went out…it was just at a low burn over these past few years. But the moment I laid eyes on him? The embers began to smolder and grow hotter. And that first kiss brought back our raging inferno of lust and love.
“It’s funny how I’m the broken one and yet I’m savin’ you,” he says, sucking my ear lobe into his mouth.
“Lynx.”
“Tell me you’re never leavin’ me again.” The begging in his voice undoes me. I tremble as I open my mouth to respond. Lynx pulls back and looks me in the eyes. “I won’t share you and I won’t lose you again.”
“Lynx, I-”
“You promised me,” he growls. Cocking my head to the side, I try to figure out what he means.
“What?”
“You promised you would run to me if shit went bad. You promised you would run to me if you needed somethin’, and I’m askin’ you one more time, run to me, Harper.”
In no time Lynx has our clothes stripped off. I’m panting, gasping for air that I so desperately need. His eyes trail over my now naked body, taking me in as if he’s never seen me before. Heat stirs in my core as his eyes burn through my skin.
“I don’t know what to say, Lynx,” I whisper. He shakes his head and moves closer, wrapping is arms around me. Planting soft kisses to my lips, can only I shiver in response.
“Doesn’t matter, baby. You’re mine now,” he growls before he lifts me and tosses me to the bed.
I watch him as he moves, the way he moves as he climbs on the bed. He slowly runs his hands up my legs, spreading them wide for him. Heat rushes my body. His eyes are dark, peering up at me with hooded lids. I open my mouth, ready to say what? Tell him to stop? Remind him that he hates me for leaving him? Lynx shakes his head. He must be able to see the words that I can’t say. He moves up, his lips covering mine, silencing anything that I might have been thinking. His tongue twists with mine, and I’m lost in all that’s Lynx. Just like old times, I lose myself in him. He reaches between us, slowly sliding inside of me and I moan into his mouth. Years, five long years of missing the one man that meant the world to me. Five years of not having him in my life, and now he’s here, inside of me. Tears slowly fill my eyes as Lynx thrusts into me. His lips stay on mine as I cry. When he pulls back, he sees them, sees me.
“Don’t do that, Harper,” he says leaning down to kiss the tears away. Each kiss makes my heart beat faster and faster. I wrap my arms around him, needing him to be closer, needing to fuse myself to him. I just…I need him. Lynx leans up, going deeper. My body responds just like it always has to him. My head tips back, gasping for air. God, I’ve missed him.
Chapter 15
Lynx
It’s her. It’s always been her and trying to deny that was tearing me apart. Having her here with me, in my arms. The memories. It’s everything I’d been missing yet trying to avoid. I didn’t want to forgive her for leaving me. I didn’t want to love her still but that’s inevitable. I can’t deny it any more. I do feel some sort of hatred toward her for running from me, but I can’t deny the love that still lingers inside of me. And maybe what I’m starting to realize is that it’s not hatred, but rather extreme hurt because of how much I loved…love her. It felt like a betrayal. Each thrust, each clench of her around me just reminds me of how much I needed her. I still need her.
“Fuck, Harper,” I groan when her nails dig into my flesh. I roll my hips and hit her right where she likes. My necklace catches her eye as it swings from my neck with each thrust. I watch as the slow smile tugs across her face. My eyes meet hers and I pick up my pace. I plunge into her, loving the noises she makes. It’s been far too long since I’ve heard them. A spark races down my spine as I release inside of her. Harper clenches, tenses, and finally explodes. We’re both gasping for air when her fingers come up to play with the charm.
“I didn’
t know if you would keep it,” she whispers softly.
“Why wouldn’t I?”
“You said it was a reminder.”
“Harper, don’t do this,” I say pulling out of her. I roll over and grab my jeans off the floor, tugging them on before finding my cigarettes.
“We need to talk about it, Lynx,” she says sitting up and tugging the sheet over her body.
“No we don’t. There’s nothin’ to talk about.”
“Lynx come on. You said it yourself. You hate me for leaving you.”
Why is she doing this to me? Why is she pushing me so hard? I don’t want to fight. I’m tired of fighting. I blow the smoke through my lips and stare at her.
“What do you want me to say here? That I forgive you?” I hiss the words like venom. That sting in my chest is still there. She hurt me when she left.
“For starters, that would be nice. I told you I looked for you. Your dad told me you got life, Lynx. What was I supposed to do?” She’s getting defensive and she has no right to be.
“You could have come to see me, Harper! A note, a fuck you! Anything would have been better than the way you left me!” Anger surges inside of me and I can’t tamper it down. I want to but it’s there and I can’t stop it. Maybe I shouldn’t even try. This needs to come out, we need to move past this and for some reason we can’t do that.
“I was scared, Lynx! I couldn’t just go there and leave you! Don’t you get that? It would have killed me. I would have stayed because of you!”
She’s making this my fault? What a low fucking blow that is.
“You’re kiddin’ me, right? You didn’t come say goodbye because you didn’t want to! Were you glad I was out of your life? No more dealin’ with my bullshit? Was that it, Harper?”
She leaps off the bed and moves toward me, anger in her eyes. “That’s not fair! I hated your dad, Lynx, not you! I never hated you and you know that. I fucking loved you!” I bring the cigarette to my lips and take another long drag.