by L. B. Dunbar
I honestly don’t know how to feel about Nolan. I want to be sympathetic to his condition and his fate, brought on by his own reckless actions. On the other hand, Nolan’s thoughtlessness for the safety of others, including the fact other firemen could have been harmed or died in any of the blazes he set, feels unforgivable. Once again, I call up what I’ve learned within AA. There are things I can change and things I cannot. I need to use wisdom to know the difference, not judgment or prejudice. Forgiveness for Nolan would take time if he were my brother. I wonder as I have in the past if there are circumstances that are beyond forgiveness. Has Jake reached his limit?
He stirs over me, rubbing his nose against my chest as he did earlier. I smile to myself as I stroke my hands over his head and down his neck, smoothing my palm along the firm skin of his back. His body is a wonderland, firm and tight. He’s so different from what I’ve experienced before. I lean forward to press a kiss to the top of his head, and Jake stiffens. The final sensation from earlier returns, and my shoulders tense.
Jake places a hand on my belly, covered by the sheet. The heat of our naked bodies has kept us together for the remainder of the night.
“I need to go,” Jake whispers, fisting the material over my stomach as he speaks to my lower body. My head shifts on the pillow, glancing toward the window where the dawn of a new day is slowly filling the sky with pinks and yellows.
“It’s still early. You could stay.” Where will he go? Would he return home? Is he prepared to face Nolan?
“No, sweet. I mean, I don’t think I can stay in Vermont.”
My head shifts again on the pillow, and I gently curl my fingers into his hair, tugging his head upright. His eyes struggle to meet mine.
“What do you mean?”
“I’m done here. If I ride out my sentence, there’s nothing left for me here.” The comment stings.
Slowly, I remove my fingers from his hair and swallow the thick lump in my throat.
“What will you do about Nolan?”
“What can I do? I can’t turn in my own brother. I can’t do that to him.” His eyes finally seek mine, but I can’t look at him. Will he really leave? What about me? What are we? What is he doing with me if he only plans to walk away?
And what about his brother? Nolan cannot just walk free, not that he can walk. He isn’t even free, either. He’s been carrying this burden in him. Or maybe it wasn’t a burden after all. Nolan had certainly made up his mind how things would play out. No one would get caught, and when Jake did, he assumed Jake would not be found guilty. But he was, and then he was sentenced to prison in Nolan’s stead.
“Don’t look like that, sweet.”
“How am I supposed to look?” I snap, struggling to keep my emotions in check. I’m angry—angry like I haven’t been in a long time. How could Nolan do such a thing to his brother? How could Jake be so calm and continue to protect him?
“This isn’t an easy decision to make. I don’t want to leave you.”
“Then don’t,” I whisper, licking my lips and continuing to choke on the swell of my throat.
“But I can’t stay. Not with Nolan here. Not with my history. I want to be free, Rita. Can you understand that? I don’t want this following me everywhere I go.”
I nod with understanding I don’t have. “No matter where you go, you’ll need to disclose your imprisonment.”
Jake sighs. “But it will be easier without the rumors and knowledge of what happened. I simply have to admit to a crime.”
I want to believe it’s that simple, but life will always be complicated for him. This scar is permanent, and it isn’t just the prison sentence marring Jake’s heart. The truth that his brother committed the crime and Jake paid for it has made forever-lasting damage.
“I don’t know how to get over this . . . this . . . sense of betrayal.” Jake glances up at me, and this I understand.
“I once felt the same way,” I remind him, thinking back to when I learned about the fire and Jake’s part in it. Jake’s assumed role in Ian’s death. Betrayal is a good word for my emotions, but I moved past it. Perhaps it was my faith in Jake. That sense that he couldn’t have started a fire, and he would never intentionally hurt someone. In fact, Jake hadn’t done anything wrong.
He lowers his head once more, his forehead meeting my covered breast.
“Where will you go?” I ask as if I support his decision, which I don’t.
“I don’t know.” The roughness to his tone gives away his frustration. He shifts off me and easily turns for the side of the bed. Slipping out from under the sheets, I have a fine view of his smooth back and firm backside. His body is a testament to beauty but looking at him hurts my heart. He’s walking away from me without a glance back.
A part of me screams to fight for him. Tell him how I feel and what I want. The other part of me feels his defeat as it wavers off him like a hazy fog, seeping outward from his existence and shrouding us both. He pauses at my bedroom door, placing a hand on the doorjamb before turning his head to glance over his shoulder.
“You’re the best of women, Rita Kaplan,” he states, and I fight the sob rolling up my chest. “I’ll never forget who you are.” Jake steps into the hallway without a full glance back at the bed, and I roll to my side, clutching the sheets to my chest. Understanding and heartbreak riddle my insides, and I turn my face into the pillow to hide my tears as I cover my ears to the sound of Jake leaving my house and my heart.
Jake is still under obligation to serve his parole without risk of violation, so being true to this arrangement, he returns to Building Buddies when I check in with Sullivan on Monday. In the meantime, I have a call in to both Jake’s parole officer and Parker Avery.
I am potentially overstepping my bounds with Jake and his parole officer, but I didn’t know how else to get Jake to see reason. From a personal perspective, Nolan’s confession isn’t mine to share as it was hearsay through Jake. On the other hand, I had an obligation as Jake’s supervisor through Building Buddies and our relationship with the prison system to disclose information I feel would be beneficial regarding our ward. The same went for damaging information, which was why Jake had been concerned about our first kiss. Reporting that kiss could have been a strike against his parole.
Sensing that our night together had been Jake’s farewell, I didn’t approach him about the possibilities before him. First and foremost, Jake could be exonerated of the crime if Nolan confessed. His record could be wiped clean and his status restored, although technically, the damage had been done to both Jake’s reputation and his mental health. The confession from his brother was another crushing blow. If Jake didn’t turn his brother in or if Nolan refused to confess, Jake would live forever with the stigma of being a convicted criminal, and he’d continue to live with the knowledge he hadn’t done it when he knew who had. His brother was the culprit.
By the time Ryan James returns my call, I am too worked up to think straight.
“As his parole officer, can’t you prompt him to talk to you?” I encourage.
“Rita, if you know something, you should just tell me. I can’t help Jake if I don’t know the facts.”
“But it’s not my place to tell you what I know. It should come from the source.”
“Is that Jake?” Ryan’s question stumps me as Nolan is the one who would have to confess. “It’s obvious you have a relationship with Jake Drummond. Maybe you can convince him to come forward with this new information you think he has.”
I had to be as vague as I could without giving away any hints of what I now know. I wanted answers without exposing either Nolan or Jake. I wanted to free Jake without damning his brother.
I had to fight for Jake the only way I knew how at the moment. He needed the truth exposed to set himself free. After a long talk with my law partner, I had a plan, and thankfully, May agrees. Things could be tricky, but I am determined for Jake. I’d already lost a man I’d loved once before, and I recovered. I survived, as Scarlett
said. I would risk Jake’s hatred if it meant giving him a future he deserved by wiping out his past. I would recover again, as I once told Jake. I always do.
On Thursday, Jake is called by his parole officer to attend a meeting. At Building Buddies, we allow release for such appointments, so this part of my plan is easy to orchestrate. The harder part is when Jake arrives to find me present after days of silence between us. I’d reached out to check on him with no response. I was hoping he’d change his mind about Nolan, about leaving, and about us. I wanted him to come back to me, but I needed him to decide we could work something out together.
Confusion is written on Jake’s face as he enters the small meeting room and takes a seat beside his parole officer instead of me. Across the table from us is Parker Avery.
“Okay, Rita,” Officer James begins, waving out a hand as he tilts his chair in my direction.
“It’s come to my attention that my client has information that could exonerate him of his crime.”
“Rita,” Jake hisses two seats away from me. I don’t look at him. Instead, I focus on Parker.
“Before revealing this information, I’d like to know what Mr. Drummond’s options are?” I’d already discussed a few things with Parker in a vague, hypothetical sense, but I need her to explain the facts to Jake.
“First, if we can obtain a written confession from another party, there’s no reason not to present the information before a judge. I’m certain the conviction on Jake would be overruled, and a full pardon would be granted.”
“Rita, what are you doing?” Jake hisses again, and Parker’s eyes drift to Jake, but mine focus forward. Looking at him might break my resolve. I need to remain impartial to him despite the emotional connection between us, but after several seconds of silence, I can’t fight the pull. Glancing at him, I beg him with my eyes to trust me. Instead, I see more hurt and more betrayal etched in those lovely blues of his.
“What if the new information is sensitive and my client doesn’t wish to share?” I turn back to Parker.
“If this were the court, he’d be held in contempt for concealing evidence,” Parker warns me.
“But this isn’t court,” I reiterate, so Jake is clear. “This is an informative meeting of Mr. Drummond’s options.”
Parker again addresses Jake. “Then Mr. Drummond would complete his sentence as currently stated by the State’s sentence. You had a ten-year sentence and were released in seven on good behavior with a six-month parole as a contingency to re-acclimate you into the workforce.”
Jake huffs, disagreeing with that assessment. His position as a worker with Building Buddies isn’t job potential. We can give him a reference for his skill and his dedication to quality work, but the referral will come with the information of why he worked for us. He’s in a restorative justice program through the prison system.
I have one more question for Parker. “If another party were to come forward and accept responsibility for the crime, exonerating Mr. Drummond of all grievances against him, what would happen to that person?”
“Jail,” Parker states immediately. Even seats away from Jake, I feel him go rigid.
“What are other options?” I ask.
Parker glances at Jake. “Taking into account the time lapsed since the crime and the circumstances, it is possible another party might be placed on probation. But this isn’t an answer or a guarantee I’m speaking of. We’re talking very hypothetically here, Rita,” Parker warns.
Ryan James steps in at this point and swivels his chair to Jake, noting Jake’s indignation. “Is there something you’d like to share with us?” With Ryan’s back to me, I glance over his shoulder to find Jake staring across the table, eyes not necessarily on Parker but the wall behind her. He wants to be free. He wants to be cleared of the scar on his record and the dirt on his name, but the way Jake holds himself—stiff and tense—he’s going to protect Nolan at all costs. It’s written in his body language. His loyalty is something I love about him, but in this situation, I’m not liking it.
“I have nothing to share.” His elbows rest on the table, and his fingertips steeple, pressing them against his lips.
“Jake,” I whisper, and Ryan turns his chair back in the direction of Parker.
“Are you certain?” Parker prompts. Parker admitted herself she never felt right about how Jake’s case was handled or sentenced. When I reached out to her with the possibility of information to exonerate him, she was willing to listen. The warehouse fires were considered inconclusive so only the high school is on Jake’s record along with Ian’s death. I didn’t want Jake to continue to suffer with these facts when it isn’t his cross to bear. He hadn’t committed a crime, but he still held the guilt that someone had, and now he knows who.
Jake nods in answer to Parker, still steepling his fingers. Parker glances at me. As we had spoken before this meeting, I warned her that Jake might actually resist sharing information. She’d also told me that if he didn’t speak up, she couldn’t do anything to help him. “Then if you’ll excuse me, I’m finished here.”
I wait for her exit before turning to Officer James. “I’m sorry I dragged you here,” I say to him. Ryan turns from me to Jake and back.
“It was worth a shot. I can’t make you talk, but I would have offered up something,” Ryan says. “Then again, it’s your life, man, and you’re so close to the end of this sentence.”
“Am I free to leave?” Jake asks, sounding a bit belligerent toward his parole officer.
“Free to leave this room, yes,” Ryan states, and Jake hastily stands without a glance back at me.
“Well, that imploded,” I state, scoffing at my failed attempt to right a wrong for the man I love who doesn’t love me.
Ryan shakes his head. “We see things like this all the time. Fear of giving up someone else. Retribution if he did.”
I sigh as I doubt this case is that devious. What could Nolan possibly do next to his brother? Ryan slowly rises and then turns to shake my hand.
“It was worth a shot,” I mumble.
Ryan narrows his eyes at me. “Why do you care?” His question isn’t intended to be derogatory. He’s simply curious, and I have to wonder myself. Why did I invest the time and energy into this risk when Jake clearly doesn’t want to be set free? He wants to serve his time and leave his brother behind, just like he’ll leave me.
25
Jake
As I exit the meeting room, I’m fuming. That insufferable woman. Anger nearly steams off my body. Walking away from Rita’s bed the other morning had been difficult enough. I wanted nothing more than to stay as she invited, but I needed to get my head clear and organize a plan. I needed to take steps to move forward, as she was always stating. I needed time to recover from what Nolan had done to me.
Still, I don’t know why Rita has to be so meddlesome. She should have asked me what I wanted to do. She should have talked to me. Then again, I’m the one who hadn’t answered her texts. I’m also the one who told her I was leaving Vermont. I had to get away from this place, and that presently includes her. Huffing out into the hallway and down a corridor, I see a familiar wheelchair and a woman next to my brother.
“Nolan?” My heart races double time at my brother in his seat. “What are you doing here?” I don’t want him anywhere near this courthouse or attorneys. Maybe he was onto something when he called them all snakes. Rita certainly had her own agenda for calling this meeting, but I can’t see what she’d gain.
“I got a call from this beautiful woman saying I was needed here to discuss your case.” Nolan looks over at the brunette next to him and winks. She shakes her head, and I’m certain she’s just endured minutes of my brother’s ruthless flirting.
“And you are?” I question her as she stands.
“May Shipley.” She holds out a hand to shake, and slowly, the name registers.
“As in Kaplan and Shipley,” I clarify, knowing the answer. I haven’t met Rita’s law partner, but I have heard
her name often enough from stories Rita told me.
“Yes.” Behind me, I hear the soft clack of heels on tile, but I don’t turn around. I sense Rita’s presence before I see her.
“And you’re here with my brother because . . .?” I allow her to fill in the blank because I clearly do not understand what is happening.
“I’m here to offer your brother legal representation, should he need it.”
Nolan’s head cranes from May to me. “Why would I need legal representation?” His face blanches, and his voice squeaks.
“No reason,” I state, my voice terse. I step around my brother, ready to push him forward for an elevator, but he stops me.
“What’s going on?” he asks, looking from May to me and then to the woman I’m certain is behind me and behind this shit show.
“Nothing,” I mutter again. “I’ll explain when we get home.”
Nolan’s eyes widen, noticing how I don’t turn to face Rita. I simply nod at May and excuse both myself and my brother. Once inside the elevator, Nolan’s hands twitch in his lap.
“You’re scaring me,” he mutters, watching the elevator count down to the first floor.
“Not here,” I mumble. I’m holding it together by a thin thread, and I can’t risk exposing Nolan or myself in this courthouse.
Nolan and I arrived separately, which means I need to wait until we get home before I implode.
“What were you thinking?” I’m yelling at him before he even exits his car in the driveway. My truck door slammed so hard, the sound still echoes in the yard.
Nolan stares up at me, half in, half out of his vehicle. “I was there for you,” he states like it’s perfectly natural. Like he’s always been there for me.