by Julie Morgan
Please forgive me. I’m an idiot and a tool. I’m so sorry.
Yours always,
Chase
My eyes burned with tears, and I let the card drop, fluttering down until it landed on top of the dress. I dropped into the chair and closed my eyes. A tear slipped down my cheek.
“Why the fuck did he do this?” I sat back in the chair and pinched the bridge of my nose. “Why? For fuck’s sake, let me be mad for at least a fucking minute!”
I pushed the box away as if pushing away an empty plate. I wasn’t full—in fact, I was starved for more of Chase—but right now there was no way I could stomach the mere presence of him.
I heard my phone chime the announcement of an email.
“That fucker better not have emailed me, too,” I said and stood from my chair. I went to my bedroom and turned on the light. My room was about the size of my living room and held a queen-size bed, my dresser, and a desk. My legal books were stacked on end like a set of encyclopedias, and in front of them was my laptop. When my email loaded, my breath left my lungs.
It was from the bar exam. My results were in. This was it. Had I passed or failed?
My hands shook as I moved the mouse and clicked on the email. I saw my name, along with Click here to get your results, followed by the electronic signature from the dean of the school. I bit on my lower lip, closed my eyes, and clicked the link.
What if I’d failed? Would I take the exam again? Probably, but the fact that I’d failed the first time would follow me everywhere I went. How would I explain this? Sure, I’ll represent you, and, oh, yeah, I failed the bar the first time.
But what if I’d passed? I couldn’t wait any longer. I opened my eyes.
TEXAS BAR EXAMINATION RESULTS
Dear Ms. Ainsley Speire:
Congratulations on passing the Texas Bar Exam! We have certified you to the Supreme Court of Texas as eligible for licensure as a Texas attorney…
I gasped and stood from my chair so quickly, it toppled over and hit the hardwood floor with a bang. I covered my mouth and bounced on my toes with a squeal. I passed! I fucking passed!
I spun in a circle and ran in place for about twenty seconds. I laughed and shot my hands into the air in excitement.
“Fuck yeah! I need to call Mom!” I ran out of my room and grabbed my phone. I selected her speed dial button and brought the phone to my ear.
“Hey, darling,” she answered.
“Mom!” I exclaimed.
“What’s wrong?” she questioned immediately, fear in her tone. “Are you all right? Where are you?”
“Mom, I’m fine. Hell, more than fine! Mom, oh, my God,” I squealed. “I passed the bar!”
“That’s amazing! I knew you could do it! Honey,” my mom called out to my father, “she passed the bar.”
“That’s great, baby girl. I knew you would,” I heard my dad call out.
I couldn’t stop smiling. The pain I felt earlier from Chase was still there, but it was pushed to the back of my mind while the news of my bar result took prominence.
“So, what are your plans, then?” Mom asked.
“What do you mean?”
“Well, do you plan to stay with Chase, or are you going to go to another firm? Do you want to keep with defense or maybe become the district attorney someday?”
I had thought I wanted to be the DA for the first part of my college career and then thought better of it. I instead wanted to help those who couldn’t help themselves. I wanted to be the voice for those who didn’t have one.
“I don’t know yet,” I said, and it was the truth. “I don’t know if I want to stay a defense attorney or go work for the county. I thought I knew, but now?”
“What about Chase?” she asked.
I rolled my eyes. “What about him?”
“Honey, you need to decide what you want. His feelings are at stake, too.”
“Speaking of, you want to know what that asshat did?”
“Language, honey,” my mom said.
“Sorry,” I said under my breath. “He sent me an evening gown, Mom. Who does that?”
“A man who loves his woman, that’s who,” she said. “Your dad never did anything like that for me.”
“Like what?” I heard Dad call.
It made me giggle under my breath. Now, Mom would hold Dad to the standard of delivering her a dress, or flowers, or something.
“When’s the last time you sent me something?” she asked him.
“Umm… Is this like the does this make my butt look big question?”
I laughed into the phone. “Leave Daddy alone.” I stepped out of my room and looked across the way to the kitchen, where the dress sat in the box. With his note. “What do I do?”
“What do you want to do?” she asked.
“I want to feel like a pretty princess going to the ball. I want to find my Prince Charming and then kick him in his balls.”
My mom laughed. “Well, that’s not quite what I expected, but give him hell, honey. Make him work for that apology.”
“That’s assuming I forgive him.”
“If you’re considering going, the forgiveness has already started.”
My mom had a point. I could wear the dress and not be his date though, right? No, that would be bad form. And rude. Basically, I would be Chase.
I sighed and sat back in the desk chair. “How does he manage to take my breath away when he’s not even here?” I asked.
“Because, baby girl, you’re in love.”
“No, I’m not,” I argued. “Love wouldn’t put you in a position for all to see you’re sleeping with your boss.”
My mom sighed into the phone. “Honey, did you consider he had no idea the other woman was coming by? Do you really think it was his intention to sabotage you?”
I shook my head, but it wasn’t like she could see me. “No, Mom, I don’t.”
“Then maybe cut him some slack.”
“I’m your daughter, remember? I don’t cut anyone slack.”
“Yeah.” She chuckled. “I remember.”
“Thanks for sharing my news about the bar, Mom.”
“You’re welcome, darlin’. Now, go give that man hell. You deserve the best, baby girl. Don’t deny yourself that.”
“I love you, Mama.”
“I love you, too.”
We hung up, and I went back to the dress. I picked it up and held it in my fingers as if I were holding something horrid. It was almost as if I were scared the dress would burn or scar me. Not that it would, but I couldn’t help myself. I went back to my room with the dress in hand and opened my closet door. A full-length mirror was on the inside. I stood in front of it and held my breath.
The dress was stunning. It had lines of sequins that ran from the top of the waist to the bottom of the dress. I’d missed that when I first looked at it. Maybe it was the light in the room that picked it up, but whatever it was, the dress was beautiful.
And it was Prada. Between the shoes and the dress, this had to put Chase back quite a bit. For a charity. Almost contradictory to the entire purpose of the gala, but all proceeds went to the charity. So there was that.
Tomorrow was Monday, and I had to report to the office. The ball was next weekend. Would I still go with Chase? Right now I wasn’t sure, but I did want to be there, to show my face, to prove to Patricia she was the piece of shit she was. No amount of I caught you fucking your boss would keep me down. Hell to the fucking no!
I also needed to decide what I wanted to do with my future. Did I want to remain at his office and continue to see him day in and day out? Or did I want to move to a new office and start over? As much as I wanted to remain with his firm, it was a better solution to go with the latter.
I knew the decision I needed to make. I hung the dress in my closet and stared at it for a long moment. “You’re so beautiful,” I whispered with a smile. I touched it once more and then closed the closet door.
Back at my computer, I opened a
new Word file and began the next note I would hand Chase Newstrom.
Dear Mr. Newstrom:
Consider this my resignation and two weeks’ notice.
Chapter Sixteen
Chase
It was a quarter to seven in the morning, with a crisp autumn breeze. If I weren’t drenched in sweat, it wouldn’t be so bad. Making my way up the elevator, my plan was to shower, get dressed, and be ready to take on the fight of my career: Ainsley.
When the elevator came to a stop and opened, however, the office lights were already on. Someone was present and accounted for. My stomach dropped, and nerves spiked in my chest with the pain of adrenaline.
I took the few steps toward the front door and gave it a tug. The receptionist wasn’t there, but in the distance, I heard typing. I followed the sound, and when I turned the corner, she was there.
With a deep breath, I approached, unnerved…or the best I could muster. My gym towel was still around my neck, sitting atop my fitted tank and loose shorts.
She had her hair pulled into a messy bun, the auburn tendrils hanging loosely around her neckline. A white blouse was pulled almost taut to her body and paired with a black skirt.
A few more steps and I would pass her on the way to my office, my salvation.
“Mr. Newstrom,” Ainsley called just as I stepped by her desk.
I paused and turned to face her. “No one else is here yet. Are we really going to do this?”
“Oh, like how you were just going to pass me toward your office as if I didn’t exist?”
I raised a brow and crossed my arms over my chest. I noticed her eyes quickly move from mine to my chest and back. If I’d blinked, I would have missed it. Curious, I took a step toward her desk.
“Why are you here so early?”
She stood and fisted her hands by her side. “None of your business.” She didn’t try to hide the fact that she was definitely giving me the once-over.
If we hadn’t had our falling out, I would have invited her to my office for “coffee” and to discuss what her duties would be today.
Blowjob.
Sex.
More sex.
But right now, I needed to keep my pants on. Ainsley turned away from me and headed toward the front of the office, and I couldn’t help but watch her ass every step of the way.
When she reached the printer, she side-glanced me. I cleared my throat and headed toward my office. Once inside, I shut the door and leaned against it. We were the only ones here and only a few feet separated us; however, it felt like miles.
Her heels struck the tile as she made her way back to her desk. I peeked out the blinds in my office in time to see Ainsley take a seat at her desk. My chest tightened, and my stomach churned in knots.
I needed a shower. If I didn’t watch myself, I would end up hugging the porcelain throne.
I worked my tie into a Windsor knot and set it with my diamond pin. I slicked my hair back and styled it with a little hair gel and then washed my hands. The day was still young—in fact, when I looked at the clock, it was still only eight a.m.—but there was much to do.
New cases.
Message the Vanderbilt family.
Discuss a countersuit against Miranda Cooper.
Order in lunch for my staff. I usually did this when we won a case.
Grovel at Ainsley’s feet.
I took a seat at my desk and opened my email. There were a few new cases that had been brought to my firm that I needed to review. If they were potential clients, meetings would be set up, and that would include Ainsley’s presence.
How the fuck would I meet with clients when the woman I was falling in love with sat next to me or across the table?
With a groan, I opened the first file and began to read, when a knock sounded at my door.
“Come in,” I announced, and when I looked up, it was Ainsley. My heart sped and I jumped quickly to my feet, clenching and releasing my jaw a few times.
Was she here to talk about us? I had no idea.
“Ainsley?” I asked and came from around my desk.
She held a piece of paper in her hands. She closed the door behind her and lowered her gaze to the floor. “Mr. Newstrom, we need to talk.”
“Don’t do that,” I said and took a few steps toward her. “After everything we’ve been through—”
“I passed my bar exam.”
“I’m very happy for you!”
She bit her bottom lip and dug her left toe into the floor.
There was no reason for her to come in here and announce this unless we were good, right? I wanted to pull her into a hug. Maybe even spin her around a few times. But I was getting the sense we were not that couple anymore and the hugging would not be happening.
“Ainsley?”
She sighed and raised her eyes to meet mine. “I’m putting in my notice.”
It felt like someone opened a wind tunnel, and the air hit my chest with such force, it nearly knocked me back on my ass.
“What?”
She crossed the room to where I stood, and with each step, the air grew thinner and thinner. I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t move. I couldn’t speak.
Ainsley reached out her hand that held the piece of paper she’d come in with.
I couldn’t take it. This was not happening.
“Mr. Newstrom, I’m putting in my two weeks’ notice,” she repeated.
“No,” I whispered. My chest wanted to cave in and explode in a fury of rage, but I only stood in silence.
She sighed and walked around me. I watched her move as she passed by and laid the paper on my desk. She turned to leave, so I reached for her and grabbed her arm.
“Let me go,” she said in a soft voice. “Don’t do this.”
“Don’t do what?” I asked. “Let you walk out of my life just as I’m beginning to live for once?”
“This isn’t about you,” she said and turned to face me. “You always make it about you. Can you, for once, see things from my point of view?”
“I’m trying, but you need to give me time. Patience, please, Ainsley.”
“Patience for what? So you can get your dick sucked anytime you want from me? No, Chase. That’s not the career I signed up for when I agreed to protect and enforce the law. I’m leaving so I can start my career on a good note in an office that has no idea who I am. And I’ll need you to give me a good letter of recommendation. It’s the least you could do after making it plainly obvious to your ex that I’d had sex with you—my boss.”
I let her arm go. Her words stung like a wasp… No, like a hot sword slicing through my frozen heart. I needed her in my life, and I couldn’t let her walk out that door.
I had two weeks.
Two weeks was enough to make a huge impact. It would allow me the time to show her I was more than a womanizing manwhore who used and left women at the curb. How the hell I would do this, I didn’t know.
“Please,” I started and took a few steps toward her. “Don’t leave. Not like this.”
“Why do you need me here?” she asked.
Silence filled the space between us.
“Is it for your next case? Fine. I’ll help you while I can, but once my time is up, I’m gone.” She turned toward the door a second time.
The air was being sucked from my lungs again. I wanted to drop to my knees and beg her not to go. I’d never been one to beg. Hell, I’d never had to. Anything and everything I’d ever wanted was always given to me.
And that was my problem. I was losing something I could not have.
“Ainsley,” I called out once more as she reached the door.
She paused but didn’t look my way.
“Did you get the dress?” I was hoping, praying, this would make her turn around. Even if it were anger at the gesture of sending her a garment and shoes, I would take it just to keep her here a moment longer.
Who the hell had I become? Was this what Brice was talking about with love? I hated this feeling more than
anything in the world, but in the same breath, I couldn’t have a life without Ainsley being a part of it.
She turned on her heel and faced me full-on. “Yes, I did. And the shoes.”
I smiled, and it felt like I had won a small battle of this war between us. “I’m glad.”
“It doesn’t mean I’m going to wear it to the ball, though,” she added. “I don’t know if I’m still going.”
And like that, my battle was lost…except for the small hole in her story.
I don’t know if I’m still going.
I could work with that. I could hold on to that piece of material and make it work in my favor.
“Then I’ll send Andrew by to pick you up.”
“I just said I don’t know if I’m going,” she said and crossed her arms over her chest.
“I understand that, but if there’s a chance you may want to go, Andrew will be there to bring you.” I sucked in air and took a chance. I crossed the room to where she stood. I looked down into her eyes and reached toward her.
She shook her head and took a step back. “Please, don’t do that.”
“Why not?”
“Because if you do, I may not be able to stop myself,” she whispered.
Hope rose, and I took it full force with a step forward into her space. “Ainsley,” I whispered. “I need you in my life.”
“Chase, stop, please,” she said, and dampness glistened in her eyes.
“Why? I want you, Ainsley. I need you with me. I never knew how much until I no longer had you. Please, don’t go.” I meant every word. I wanted to pull her to me, hold her body against mine, kiss every inch of her, and make love to her until we could no longer move.
“Because I need someone to support me, respect me, and keep people like Patricia out of my business,” Ainsley said. “Because of what she witnessed, she could ruin any chance I have at this career. How do you not see that?”