by Shandi Boyes
Toward the end of the reel, I have to shield my eyes from a bright white light shining into my room. It’s so bright, it’s almost blinding. My hand lowers from my face when I hear Emily’s singsong voice. She sounds close, like she’s just outside my room, waiting for me.
“Em...” I whisper huskily when I think I see her darting past the open door. I swing my legs off the bed, then stand, my strength admirable considering how badly my body is damaged.
Halfway to the door, I hear someone yell, “Fight, Noah, fight!”
When I crank my neck back, the air sucks from my lungs. I’m still lying on the hospital bed, and a handful of doctors and nurses are working hard to save me.
“No. Let me be.”
As much as what I’m seeing is shocking, I want them to let me go. My time has come. It’s time for me to go. I want to be with Emily.
I just have to find her. Where did she go?
When I enter the long white hallway outside my room, Emily’s vanilla scent streams through my nostrils. I breathe in deeply, relishing her delicious smell.
The breath I’ve just sucked in is forced out in a hurry when I spot her standing at the end of the corridor. She isn’t wearing her regular skinny jeans and vintage rock shirts I'm used to seeing her in, but she’s as beautiful as I remember. Her dark locks hang loosely down her back, and her face is as flawless as an angel’s.
I knew she'd be waiting for me. I just wish I hadn’t made her wait so long.
Chapter 56
Noah
My heart rate quickens when Emily stops gazing at something in her hand to spin around and face me. As she stares at me, a concerned mask slips over her face. She’s as stunned to see me standing before her as I am her.
I prepare myself for a new type of impact when she breaks into a brisk jog. Her vanilla scent intensifies with every step she takes, making my heart rate climb, and my arms stretch out to catch her like I did every Friday for most of our relationship.
I’m finally home, back with Emily, the only place I’ve ever belonged.
When she gets within touching distance, I close my eyes to enhance her scent while murmuring, “Fuck, I’ve missed you, Beautiful.”
I’m braced, waiting for her final leap.
It never comes.
My eyes pop back open as air fans my cheeks. Confusion thickens my blood when an empty corridor presents before me. Emily is no longer running toward me; she’s nowhere to be seen.
As panic curls around my throat, my eyes dart up and down the corridor, trying in vain to locate her. I find her a few seconds later when a code blue siren screams out of the room I just exited. She’s standing at my bedside, grasping my frail hand in hers, begging me to hold on as tears roll down her cheeks unchecked.
What the fuck is going on?
I step into the room just as Jacob pulls Emily away from my withered body. She fights against him, lashing out violently.
“Let her go, Jake!”
Jacob doesn’t flinch at my words. He just looks straight through me.
“Noah!” Emily kicks and wails against Jacob so fiercely, her tears splash on his arm curled around her waist. “Please, Noah, fight!”
I want to caress her beautiful face, but I’m scared to touch her, petrified she’ll disappear again. Instead, I use words. “It’s okay, Em. I’m here. I’m right here.”
I stare into her glistening light brown eyes, begging her to acknowledge my presence, to see me as I’m seeing her.
It never happens.
Just like Jacob, all she can see is the frail, tired man lying on the hospital bed behind me.
“Charging, fully charged, stand back, clear!”
I crank my neck in just enough time to see a doctor zap my body with a defibrillator. His hit is so fierce, it forces me onto my knees and flashes up memories I don’t recall living. Painful, tormented memories that are more nightmares than dreams.
After shaking my head to rid it of the confusion clustering there, I devote my attention back to Emily. I’m not the only one who suffered from the zap of the defibrillator. Emily collapses into Jacob’s arms, the stress of seeing me fade away too much for her to bear.
“Still no cardiac output,” advises a nurse standing next to the monitors at my bedside.
“Charge again,” the doctor instructs a second nurse.
While they do that, my room illuminates with a bright light streaming in from the hallway. It’s so intense, I need to shelter my eyes with my hand. I do that in just enough time to see two dark figures moving into the entrance of my room. They stand at vastly different heights. One is as tall as me, but the other is only a boy.
“Michael?” I mumble when I recognize the inquisitive brown eyes staring back at me.
He’s older now than he was when he passed, but I’d never mistake his unique, inquisitive eyes. They’re the same pair that stared at me in awe when I taught him to play the guitar, and the same pair that peered at me in fear when my truck veered off the road earlier today. I’m certain of it.
As my brain struggles to work out what the fuck is going on, I’m hit with the defibrillator for the third time. It brings up memories I’d rather forget than remember. They’re of the past four months. They’re playing in reverse, but they’re as crystal clear as the image of my brothers before me.
My rehab with Dr. Miller, the paparazzi attack, the concert tour, Emily’s wake and her funeral. It all flickers through my head at the speed of light, only stopping when I enter the idling taxi outside of Emily’s dormitory the day I lost her...
After sliding into the back seat of the taxi, I brace my J-45 Guitar on my knees before instructing my driver to take me to the airport. I don’t travel without my pride and joy; having it means I carry a piece of Emily with me everywhere I go.
When the driver stubs his half-smoked cigarette into the ashtray, I notice it is 4:55 AM. I have an hour to drive the forty-five minutes to the airport, check in, and board my flight. I’m cutting it close.
Not wanting to deal with Delilah if I’m late, I tap the driver’s shoulder. “If you can get me there in thirty-five minutes, I’ll tip you two hundred dollars.”
His brow cocks, assuming my ripped jeans and grungy shirt means I won’t be able to keep my side of the bargain. Smirking, I snag my wallet out of my back pocket so I can throw a Benjamin Franklin over the seat at him. Upon spotting the crisp new bill, he slams his foot on the accelerator, lurching his taxi forward at a lightning-fast speed.
“I’ll get you there in thirty.”
His efforts are aided by the early hour. The roads aren’t as busy as usual since rush hour hasn’t started. While he weaves through the occasional car, I scroll my Facebook feed. A grin tugs on my lips when I see Jacob has been tagged in a few photos with the guys from my band. Although he’s always been a key player in our success, I’m confused as to why he’s in Los Angeles... on a Tuesday.
Gratitude fills me when I scroll through the rest of Slater’s pictures. If the amount of glitter, tassels, and cleavage are anything to go by, they hit a couple of strip clubs last night. I'm glad I was visiting Emily, because there’s no way I’d be dragged to a place like that. Strippers on tap, no thanks! Who wants a cheap and nasty chop, when you have a premium steak at home?
Jacob looks reasonably intoxicated in most of the photos. He’s grinning while tucking dollar bills into a stripper’s sparkling panties. Happy to stir the pot, I tag him in the images Slater missed. Let’s see if he’s still smiling when Lola discovers his Monday night escapades. I don’t know how they label their relationship. I’ve asked Jacob a handful of times, but he is just as in the dark as me. Lola is a feisty little temptress who’ll never be tamed, but Jacob isn’t ready to throw in the towel just yet.
My eyes lift to the rearview mirror when the driver asks, “What make is your guitar?”
“A 1957 J-45 Gibson.” I lift it so he can get a better look.
“That’s a sweet guitar.”
I can�
�t help but smile at his description of my pride and joy. It’s more than sweet. It’s a fucking masterpiece.
“Yeah, it was a...” My reply is cut short by a blinding light heading straight our way. “Watch out!”
The rumbling of a semi’s horn sounds through the eerily quiet winter morning. As its tires bounce across the asphalt, my thoughts stray to Emily. I recall how beautiful she looked when I left her sleeping in her bed only minutes ago. She was as beautiful and as peaceful as an angel.
When the truck’s grill inches closer to my side of the cab, I brace myself for impact. I cradle my guitar close to my chest a mere second before metal crunching against metal deafens me. Glass filters into the taxi like stars sparkling in a blackened sky.
My body lurches forward at a rate too fast to stop, only ending when my head smashes against the crumbled doorframe.
Then all I see is blackness.
As my eyes jerk open, agony rockets down my spine. The pain radiating down my face is intense. It feels like I’m being torn in two. When my lungs battle to fill with air, blood splatters the headrest in front of me. I attempt to move my legs, but they don’t budge an inch. I’m trapped, my legs crushed by the driver’s seat.
I blink to clear my hazy vision when a quiet female voice says, “He’s gone.”
A female paramedic is leaning through the window of the cab. She's being held by her ankles by a male paramedic outside.
After placing a white sheet over the driver’s still body, she crawls over shards of glass to reach me. I try to voice my thanks for her assistance, but the blood gurgling in my throat thwarts my words.
Goosebumps prickle my nape when she places her fingers on my neck. “He has a pulse; it's faint, but it’s there.” When a male paramedic hands her a neck brace, she carefully places it around my neck. “Just hold on, okay? Keep fighting; help is on the way.”
I blink, acknowledging I heard her. She doesn’t notice my efforts.
A blanket is thrown over my head seconds before a machine crunches through the metal holding me hostage. Since I’m drifting in and out of consciousness, I don’t know how much time passes before the roof of the taxi is curled back like a sardine can lid, but I do know one thing. It fuckin’ kills when they attempt to drag me out of the crumbling taxi.
The reason for my pain comes to light when the fireman advises my foot is crushed under the front seat, and that there’s a bone sticking out of my thigh. After using the jaws of life to free my foot, they lift me onto a backboard without any hindrance.
As I’m stretchered across the asphalt, my gaze strays to the deathtrap I’ve just been freed from. The taxi is precariously perched on its side. It looks seconds from toppling. Once I’m lowered to the ground, paramedics rush around me. Although they’re speaking, I can’t understand a word they’re saying. I’m woozy and sick, and my head is thumping so much, it feels like my brain is about to explode.
“Em...” I try to say.
I need Emily with me. She’ll take away my pain. She makes everything better.
My head lolls to the side when a shadowed figure blocks the low-hanging morning sun. Ryan is standing at my side, and even though my eyesight is poor, I can’t miss the tears threatening to spill from his eyes. I stare at him in shock. He doesn’t cry—ever. Not even when he told me Chris had killed himself.
“Noah...” Ryan chokes on his spit as a single tear rolls down his ashen face.
Before I can tell him I’ll be okay, someone yells in the distance, “You need to move now; the taxi won’t hold much longer.”
Bile rushes up my throat when I’m moved to the grass shoulder bordering the roadside. Although I’m in an immense amount of pain, I’m grateful for the additional jab of a needle in my arm. It eases the ache overwhelming every inch of me, but also increases the blurriness inflicting my head.
As I lie on the ground, struggling to breathe through the pain, I peer up at the fluffy clouds floating in the brilliant blue sky. Memories of Emily and me doing the same thing during our multiple trips to Bronte’s Peak parts my lips. I don’t know whether to cry or smile at the memory. If I don’t fight, we may never have a day like that ever again. I can’t let that happen. As much as this kills me to admit, Emily needs me as much as I need her. We complete each other, so I can’t leave her no matter how much I’m hurting.
Just as I gain the courage to fight, I hear, “Noah,” shouted in the distance. Even with my pulse shrilling in my ears, I recognize the voice. It belongs to Emily.
I try to move; I try to go to her, but I can’t. My body is so damaged, I can’t even wiggle my pinkie.
“Noah,” Emily calls out again a mere second before she falls to her knees in front of me.
“Em...” I breathe out slowly, my words strained through the pain clutching my throat.
She curls her hand around mine before resting it in her lap. “I’m here, baby; I’m right here.”
Her words are swallowed by a massive groan rolling up my chest. The pain ripping through me feels like it’s crippling me. My head pounds profusely as my body thrashes against the ground. I shake without control, my body surrendering to the pain tearing it in two.
I return my focus to Emily, needing her beautiful eyes to ease the pain. She has a way of comforting me like no one else can. She’ll ease my pain.
My heart stutters when I see Ryan dragging her away from me. “No!” I attempt to yell, but nothing comes out.
When Emily kicks and thrashes against Ryan, I stretch out my arm, trying to reach her. My efforts are pointless. Ryan is too quick. He’s taking her away like he has everyone in my life.
“Let her go!” I want to scream, but the pain radiating down my face paralyzes my words.
I try to get up, to move, but I’m too weak to protect Emily like I promised. Ryan is taking her away from me. He can’t do that. He was present at every terrible event that has happened in my life. He was first on scene when my little brother Michael died in a traffic accident, and he found Chris overdosed in his bathtub. He was there when I lost two of the most influential people in my life, and now he’s taking Emily away from me too.
Just as Ryan darts behind a police patrol car, my vision locks on a pile of wood scattered on the middle of the ground. After adjusting my eyes, the final crack to break my heart beyond repair hits me. The guitar Emily bought me for my birthday sits to the left of the taxi. It’s shattered, as unfixable and damaged as my heart.
With Emily stripped away from me, and my body crippled with pain, I allow the blackness engulfing me to take over...
My eyes bulge as my memories flood back in. Emily didn’t leave me. I’m leaving her.
“No!” I drop to my knees in front of Emily. I want to touch her, to wipe her tears away because I hate when she cries, but she looks straight through me, not seeing me kneeling before her. “I’m sorry, Beautiful. I’m so fucking sorry. I wanted to come back to you. My brain just got confused. I thought I had lost you. I made a mistake. I’m so sorry.”
I apologize over and over again until the whiteness of the room becomes so blinding, I no longer see Emily standing in front of me.
Chapter 57
Noah
It’s so fucking bright, my eyes strain to adjust to the rays making my eyelids red. I blink on repeat, lubricating my eye sockets before slowly fluttering them open. My vision is so hazy, I can’t make out anything in front of me. It’s all foggy, like a windy gust floating over a frozen pond in winter. It’s worse than I’ve experienced the past four months, which is shocking considering I haven’t touched a drop of alcohol in weeks.
With my vision shut down, my other senses pick up its slack. The bed I’m resting on is as hard as a rock, and there’s an annoying beep of a hospital monitor, but my side and chest are nice and toasty, and a familiar scent is lingering in the air. It’s rich and sweet, almost sugary.
My heart beats madly when I realize why it’s so memorable. It’s the vanilla oil Emily dabbed onto her wrist and neck eve
ry morning since she was fourteen. She smells close, like she could be the cause of the hairs tickling my neck.
Desperate to have my theories confirmed, I open and shut my eyes for the next several seconds, clearing my vision enough I see Jacob’s grinning face standing over my bed. His ugly mug wasn’t the first I expected to see, but with my mind a little fucked up, I’ll take anything I can get.
When Jacob presses his index finger to his lips, telling me to be quiet, I attempt to give him the finger. The reason for Emily smelling close is revealed when I move my arm. She’s snuggled at my side, sleeping peacefully with her head on my chest and her arm draped over my midsection.
Oh my fucking god, she came back to me!
With my eyes close to bursting, I dip my chin so I can take a huge, undignified whiff of her hair. More tears burn my eyes when her smell carries through my body. She smells as good as I remember, and it has me going back for whiff after whiff after whiff.
When Jacob tells me he’ll be back in a minute, I jerk up my chin, but my eyes remain arrested on Emily. I’m not taking them off her for a hundred years. I glide them over the thick lashes touching her olive cheeks, down the little curve in her nose, then across her plump, inviting lips that are slightly parted as she takes in shallow, heart-fixing breaths. She’s so fucking beautiful, perfect in every way.
I’m about to take her in for the sixth time when I feel something move under the hand resting on her waist. I yank my hand away, frightened by the alien-like movement. “What the fuck?”
A sound so perfect it convinces me I’m in heaven echoes around the room when Emily giggles. It is so faultlessly perfect, it’s lyrical gold to my ears. After enclosing her hand over mine, she guides it back to the slight curve in the bottom of her stomach before raising her eyes to mine. They’re dampened with tears, but more than anything, they show her pride.