Derrick stayed silent for a moment. “Why did you never get married before?”
“I got close, once. When I was a young man. I had just returned from Saudi Arabia, and met a girl. We fell in love. But, she wanted kids.” He paused. “I can’t make babies.”
Derrick’s head fell. “I didn’t know that.”
“It’s okay. I accepted it a long time ago. But, I’ve got you guys now, and your mom and you kids are the best thing that’s ever happened in my life,” Doug said.
Doug put the vehicle in drive and they made their way back home. Derrick felt like he’d disappointed his new stepdad, and learning of his past experiences made it even more difficult. He kept his gaze out the passenger window the drive home, quiet and still. There was a part of him that understood what Doug had said. But, there was that part of the back of his brain that ached for the things that Rebecca wanted. To run away, to start a new life and to pursue their dreams.
“Hey,” Derrick said, breaking the silence. “What was your dad like?”
Doug exhaled sharply. “He was a hard ass,” he said. “He was already an old man by the time I was born. I didn’t see him much. My mom died the year before I joined the Army. He didn’t last much longer after that.”
“I’m sorry,” Derrick muttered. “I didn’t know.”
Turning onto Sixteenth from Main Street, Doug nodded. “It’s okay. It’s probably why I am so protective of your mom and you kids. I never thought I’d have a family again.”
Derrick understood now, understood how his mom and his sister and he were what Doug had always been wanting.
“What happened in Djibouti?”
Doug’s face whipped around, his eyebrows raised in bewilderment. “What did Evan tell you?”
“He just said to ask you about Djibouti,” Derrick shrugged.
Doug laughed, first quiet and subdued and then full-on. “Oh man. Djibouti. I’ll tell you this—you get best friends once in your life. Cherish them.”
“But you just said…” Derrick trailed off.
“You’re a good kid,” Doug said. “I’m lucky to have you in my life, but you’ll be graduating in just a few years and out on your own. We’ll always be here to support you, but your true friends will be the ones who walk through the fire with you. Choose those people carefully.”
22
♪ Bush – Letting the Cables Sleep ♪
DOUG DIDN’T SAY anything to his mother about finding Derrick with Rebecca, at least not in front of him. They walked in through the garage and into the kitchen where Dee and Cassandra were already sitting at the kitchen bar top, awaiting their arrival to start eating dinner. A pizza, fresh from the oven, sat on the counter, sliced, with steam rising from the surface.
Doug kissed Dee on the forehead. “Figured I’d give him a ride home from their band practice, seeing as it’s so cold outside,” he said.
“How was Gary?” she asked.
“He’s freaking out about Y2K, even though I told him that he’s more than safe. Says he thinks his office computers are already crashing on him,” he said with an eye roll. He lifted a slice of pizza from the pan and onto a plate and took a bite.
“Are the computers actually going to crash? Like, it’s all going to just stop working?” Cassandra asked between bites.
“I don’t know, babe,” Doug said. “I would like to think that the guys that designed and built all this computer stuff were smart enough to either fix it or make sure that they won’t crash just because of some date change.” As he spoke, he scarfed down the pizza.
Derrick took a couple of slices for himself onto a paper plate. “I’m gonna head to my room,” he said.
His mother started to protest, but Doug said, “He said he’s got a lot to work on tonight before school tomorrow.” He gave Derrick a knowing wink.
Derrick nodded and, excused, took his plate to his bedroom. On his bed, he sat with his plate and ate in the quiet. He grabbed his Walkman and headphones and shoved them into the pocket of his jacket. He needed some alone time, and the best place for it was the roof, overlooking the neighborhood. It may be cold outside, but with no wind, it wouldn’t bite through his jacket. At the last second, he decided to also grab one of the fleece blankets that lived on his bed, throwing it over his shoulder.
With the rest of the family finishing up dinner in the kitchen, their laughter and conversation audible from the hall, Derrick went to the back door of the second living area, and out to the patio. He hoisted himself up on the roof from the shed and wrapped the fleece around his shoulders as he sat on the shingles.
Derrick nearly placed the headphones over his ears to drown out the world around him when he heard a noise in the yard below. He steadied himself, silent and listened.
From the backyard of the house next to theirs, he could make out the sound of someone sobbing. He quietly inched his way across the roof to look down into the neighboring backyard. Haley was standing in the dark, leaning against one of the posts that supported the patio roof.
“Hey,” he whispered.
She jumped, startled, and looked for the source of the voice.
“Up here. It’s me, Derrick,” he said.
“Leave me alone,” Haley said through sobs.
“Are you okay?” he asked.
“No.” The answer was curt and annoyed.
“Is it Ty?” he asked.
“I said leave me alone.”
“Fine,” he said. He started back to the place where he was sitting, where he’d left his Walkman, when she stopped him.
“Wait.”
Derrick stopped, and watched as the girl scaled the wooden privacy fence that separated their lawns and helped her as she heaved herself onto the shed and to the top of the house.
The sky above them was heavy with clouds, and it felt like snow was imminent. The lights from the neighborhood shined on the low cloud cover, illuminating the night air in a soft glow. Derrick could see Haley’s face was swollen with tears, her eyes red and puffy.
“Sorry I was rude,” she said. “I just…”
“It’s okay,” he said. “Rough night?”
They sat on the shingles, and Derrick wrapped the fleece around her shoulders. Their breath poured into the night air. They sat in the quiet, neither saying a word for several minutes.
“It’s my parents,” she finally said.
“Yeah?”
“My dad. He,” her voice was shaking again, her chin trembling. She took a deep breath and exhaled and continued, “has been having an affair with some woman. I think they’re getting a divorce.”
The only thing that came from Derrick’s mouth was an unbelieving, “Whoa.”
He didn’t understand it. These families in this neighborhood, with their opulent homes and perfectly manicured lawns seemed to have it all. It was the idea of suburban perfection, like living in a Sears catalogue.
Finally, he said, “I’m so sorry.”
“I just needed to get out of the house for a minute,” she said. “And Christmas is just three weeks away.” She started bawling again, and Derrick leaned into her. She buried her face into his shoulder. A part of him was confused by this, not knowing how to comfort the girl. The other part of him was selfishly glad that it was his shoulder and not Ty Anderson’s that she was crying into.
“I remember my parents’ divorce,” he said as he stared into the clouds. “I’d never heard a woman cry before.”
Haley wiped her face with the back of her hands and straightened up, taking her head from his shoulder.
Derrick continued. “I was in kindergarten. I woke up in the middle of the night and heard my mom and dad arguing. I must have gone back to sleep, but when I woke up again, I heard this sound in the kitchen. It was like a dying animal. I got up from my bed and saw my mom in there. We had this little black-and-white tv in there on the counter, and she was watching the news and smoking cigarettes. She looked like she’d been crying all night. She wiped her eyes and said to me, ‘Yo
ur daddy is gone and I don’t think he’s coming back.’ I don’t think she knew what to do with herself.”
“Oh my god,” she said. “Did he really leave, just like that?”
“Yeah.” Derrick nodded slowly. He’d never talked to anyone about that night before, not even AJ. It was a part of his childhood that he’d tucked away in some corner recess of his brain.
“I don’t get that, how someone could just leave their whole family like that.”
“I guess he just didn’t want to be a dad anymore. My mom says she thinks he went to Arizona, but who knows. I haven’t seen my real father in nine years,” he said. He turned to her and he could tell she was on the verge of breaking down again.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you more sad. I guess what I’m saying is, I wish I was older when it happened. I wish I could have understood what happened between them. For me, my dad was there one day and gone the next,” he said.
“I just don’t understand why he’d do this to us,” she said. “My parents always seemed like the perfect couple. High school sweethearts.”
“Maybe the things we want in high school aren’t what we need when we grow up,” Derrick said.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” she asked indignantly.
He just shrugged. “Just, maybe the things we think we want when we are teenagers don’t line up with who we grow up to be.”
“But this isn’t just choosing a different job or not liking the same music. This is family. Kids and parents and everything,” she said. “How can you just choose to love someone and then change your mind?”
“I don’t know,” Derrick said. “But, I don’t think you can expect to be the same person twenty years from now. Life changes you.” A snowflake flitted from the sky and landed on the blanket in front of them. “Maybe I’m not even making sense.”
“What do you want?” she asked.
“I know I don’t want to be stuck in a small town like this for the rest of my life,” he said.
“Me neither. I want to go to L.A. or New York and be a fashion designer,” Haley said. “But at the same time…” she trailed off. “I don’t know.”
“No, tell me,” Derrick said.
“It’s just, maybe I really am meant to be like my parents. Live in Mount Vernon for the rest of my life. Raise some kids, take over the family business. Maybe for some people, that’s all there is.”
More snowflakes fell from the cloud, first a couple and then in dozens.
Derrick held his knees to his chest. “I think a lot of people have big dreams, but who actually grows up to make them happen? Like, will I actually be a rockstar?”
“I think you can do whatever you set your heart to,” she answered.
When she spoke, her eyes held onto his own. Derrick slid his hand over and interlaced her fingers in his. Her hand felt warm in the cold winter air. He didn’t want to let go, ever.
“We’d better get down before we’re stuck up here,” she said.
“I think you’re right,” he said, releasing his grip from her hand. “Are you going to be okay?”
“Honestly? Probably not. But this made it a little better,” she said. “Thank you for talking with me.”
“I guess I’ll see you at school in the morning.” Derrick went to stand and helped Haley up as well.
“Do me a favor and don’t mention this to Ty, please,” she said.
He wanted to ask her why she was with him, why she chose to date someone like Ty Anderson. He wanted to tell her that he was holding her back. That what she wanted now would just end up in heartbreak when she was older. Instead, he gave her a half-smile. “Of course. We’re just friends.”
“You’re a sweet guy, Derrick,” she said as they walked to the ledge of the roof. “You’re going to be something someday.”
“Maybe,” he said. “If we live that long.”
“What does that mean?”
“I don’t know. I was just thinking about all this Y2K stuff. My stepdad had to go calm someone down earlier. People are already freaking out.”
What color was in the girl’s cheeks drained, and Derrick shook his head. “I’m sorry. It was nothing, and he’s sure that everything is going to be okay. I shouldn’t have said anything.”
“Maybe the end of the world wouldn’t be such a bad thing,” Haley said with a sigh. Derrick held her hand as she shimmied down onto the shed and then to the grass below. Derrick followed.
“Maybe you’re right,” he said, as his feet plopped onto the crunch of dead grass. The ground was already glistening with moisture, ice forming on the dormant yellowed grass. He watched as Haley went back to her house.
The end of the world right now would probably fix a lot of problems.
23
♪ U2 – One ♪
IT WAS THE last day of school of the semester, and the hallways were rowdy with excitement for the talent show that evening. AJ found Derrick on the way to their English class and waved him down, a sheet of paper held high above his head.
“I got it!” he said.
Derrick slowed and waited for his friend to catch up to him.
“I got the schedule,” AJ said, holding the sheet to Derrick. Taking it from AJ, Derrick perused the itinerary. Of the groups and students who applied for a spot in the talent show, only six were accepted. Stealth was listed as the fourth spot, just after a group of girls doing a dance routine.
Mr. Greene, the band director, was kind enough to let Dustin, Derrick and AJ store their instruments and gear in a storage closet in the band hall. They’d gone to the warehouse and packed all the equipment early this morning before school.
“This is crazy. We’re the only band in the talent show,” Derrick said.
“We’re the only band in the whole school,” AJ shrugged. “Which means we have the upper hand here. Nobody else is going to be doing what we’re doing up there.”
Derrick saw his point. “Hey, have you seen Haley this morning?” he asked.
“No, why?”
“She wasn’t in Biology class, and I just wanted to know if she’s okay,” Derrick said as they walked into the classroom together.
“Why wouldn’t she be?”
Sitting in their desks, Derrick leaned across the aisle. “She came over last night,” he whispered. “It’s her parents. They’re getting a divorce apparently,” he said.
AJ nearly did a double-take. “Are you serious? Why? Her parents are, like, Mount Vernon’s first couple.”
“I’ll tell you later,” Derrick said. Behind them, Rebecca came into the classroom just as the tardy bell rang. She averted her eyes from Derrick’s, taking her seat quickly. Though he tried to get her attention, she paid no attention to him.
He wanted to talk to her, to let her know that everything was okay between them, despite what happened with Doug. He knew she was probably embarrassed, but to treat him like he didn’t even exist made him upset, like he’d done something wrong.
Before he could talk to her, though, Mrs. Rogers walked in, lugging a television cart. “Last day of the semester, so we are going to watch the movie adaptation of Romeo and Juliet,” she announced to a mix of groans and ooh’s.
Derrick looked at AJ, who pulled out his notebook to scrawl on a page of lyrics he was working on. He’d been busy reworking some of the lyrics for the songs they planned on recording for their demo tape, his notebook covered in scribbles and notes scrawled in his messy handwriting. On the weekend nights that they spent the night at each other’s houses, they went over the songs over and over, tweaking them until they were perfect. However, Derrick was convinced that they were never really done. Eventually they’d be set on tape, no longer able to be edited or changed.
As Mrs. Rogers prepared the video cassette on the cart, Derrick ripped a sheet of paper from a spiral notebook and wrote a note on it.
Are you mad at me?
He folded the sheet and, with Mrs. Rogers busy fumbling with the controls on the front of the VCR,
turned and handed the note to Rebecca. She took it with a sigh.
After a few moments, with the television playing and the lights turned down low, Derrick felt a tap on his shoulder and he reached around without turning, holding his open palm behind his back. Rebecca placed the note in his hand and he clasped it. In the glow of the television screen, he read her reply.
No. I just don’t think we should be friends.
Beneath her words, he wrote out his response.
We can still be friends.
He held the folded paper behind his back and felt her take it from him.
After a few seconds, her felt the tap on his back again, and he once more held his open hand behind him. He felt her place the paper there, her fingers lingering on his for a heartbeat, filling his chest with warmth. With the page in their shared grasp, he held onto her hand for a few moments more before she pulled away.
He unfolded the page again, and underneath his words were hers.
Good luck tonight.
♪ ♪ ♪
What snow had fallen earlier in the week had mostly melted, piles of gray slush still hanging on in the recesses of buildings and shadows. The walk home after school was cold and Derrick pulled his coat tightly around him as he started on his way toward his neighborhood. He knew the next few hours would go slowly, just as the entire day had. Even as he crossed the street, he could see movement and action already at the school’s auditorium as preparations for the talent show were underway.
Despite AJ’s excitement about the schedule of the night’s events, Derrick felt more apprehensive than ever. The pressure of performing in front of the entire school was getting to him, and practicing and rehearsing were starting to feel like work instead of having fun.
“Hey!” he heard AJ’s voice behind him.
Derrick slowed to wait for AJ as he jogged up. “Hey man, I didn’t see you much today. Are you ready for tonight?”
Mixtape for the End of the World Page 14