I had no idea how Cinnamon grew or how it was harvested. I loved it in apple pie and in my morning porridge. The tour guide explained the process. Cinnamon is an evergreen shrub or small tree with dark, leathery, aromatic leaves. In cultivation, young trees are cut back twice a year and sucker shoots grow from the roots. They are laid out in the sun after the bark is removed. The shoots naturally curl as they dry to form the coils that sell in the shops. The flavor of cinnamon freshly harvested is wonderful to chew and I am told builds the immune system and is a natural antibiotic.
I was fascinated, as well, with the Nutmeg seed. Similar to a chestnut, it was shiny and was wonderful to touch and cracking the shell revealed a reddish lacy covering. The trees were tall, most were over twenty years old and the first harvest is normally between seven and nine years of age. This is the only tropical fruit, which bears two different spices, nutmeg and mace, which have similar sensory qualities. Nutmeg has a slightly sweeter flavor and mace a more delicate one. I never knew that they were from the same seed. I have used both in my cooking. To know more about these spices empowered my food as I grated my nutmeg onto my yoghurt. I see the tree. I feel the seed. I feel the sun. The Gardens shared paths of over 150 different Hibiscus flowering shrubs. Some opened in evening while others closed as the day became the night. I had to include these in our garden back in the UK; sadly, most had difficulty in our damp climate. As we walked amongst the different colors of the Gardens, between the Hibiscus and Bougainvillea Swallowtail butterflies would set flight. Walking in Paradise was wonderful; my imagination loved it.
St Vincent also has over 1500 types of butterflies and moths, hiding in their habitat. All I knew was that the sky filled at times with many different varieties; most were unfamiliar to me. Each day my heart filled with Beauty, with nature expressing itself around every corner. I felt my baby moving gently and stroked my tummy with Love. I experienced calmness within, inspired by all this beauty, together with the Love of the man who helped in its creation.
During our time on Young Island, we met an elder couple who had rented a sailboat and planned to go for a sail to one of the closer islands. I believe it was St Lucia but I am not certain. They exuded the American Friendly Attitude that I was familiar with and I found them easy to talk to while we were there. One day they invited us to come along. The water was a little choppy and the movement was not good forme being pregnant, I got seasick. David advised me to sit on deck and focus upon the horizon to keep from vomiting and it was a challenge.
Eventually, "Thank God,"we got to calmer waters so I could enjoy our sail. The sound of the water as we passed through the waves always soothed my body and spirit; both of us loved sailing. They told us that we were heading for a bay where many retired hippies had set up home in houseboats. We entered a time warp for it looked a lot like Sausalito, California in days gone by with hippy decorated converted houseboats. It was a very surreal sight to come upon in the Caribbean. They also told us a story about a woman who lived up on the hill hidden amongst the vegetation who raised peacocks, lots of peacocks, she had become one of the myths of the Caribbean.
Our time at Young Island was ending and it was time to fly home for the Floyd was about to start recording again. Britannia Row should be ready, leaving behind the times of recording at Abbey Rd. The blue skies and colors of the islands faded into the horizon as our plane flew into the clouds above. I loved being pregnant and flying seemed easy. I slept as David watched some of the movies during our journey home. From time to time, turning and holding his hand.
CHAPTER 15
BABY ALICE IS BORN
May 1976
In the beginning before our trip to Young Island, it came to pass one summer when one of my deepest wishes was to come true.
Earlier I shared moments with you of me held in David's arms. Moments when I whispered to him, "David, when you are ready I would love to have your children." I had such a calling for our love to bring a wonderful soul into being. My body ached with the desire. We were in Lindos for the summer staying in one of the knight's houses of old. We returned there for many summers as its majestic beauty went deeper into our being.
This summer was our second return to Lindos and became part of many Greek adventures. Melissa was giving a party that evening and we all had to wear white. During the daytime, we went out on Carla's boat until the sunset. The water was crystal with golden reflections of the setting sun. I loved those moments. I would always sit at the front of the boat feeling the brightness of the gold upon my face.
Ossie Clark was staying with Melissa and was giving everyone LSD. We decided to join in. I remember sitting on the wall overlooking the bay. The moon sparkled on the water creating new patterns with the ripples. Melissa had placed many mattresses for us to lie on in the courtyard. There was a grapevine across part of it that dripped light green shapes onto me as I gazed into the starlit sky above. Being a person with an artistic imagination, I always had acid trips that were visual. They were always full of Beauty. Only the best I would see.
The evening flowed by to the sound of "One of these Nights,"by the Eagles, playing from the Sala when a panicked Charles Littledale came running in to the party of guests. Desperate, searching for someone to help, his eyes were wide open as though he had seen a monster. He ran over to us, his hands clutching his curls, finding it hard to catch his breath, stumbling over his words, "I can't light the oven!" He was tripping and had been down the road in Mary's number 16 in the kitchen since 6:00, trying to light the oven. He had promised to bring us a shepherd's pie and it was now around 11:00 at night. It was way after midnight when it finally showed up.
Many of us went down to the beach for a swim carrying long candles lighting the way. The water felt like silk as we dove beneath its folds. The music drifted on the night airas we laid upon the cushions telling stories and laughing. David and I strolled home hand in hand as the sun rose. The village was still asleep except for the song of the cockerel and the cats dashing behind the garbage bins. Random clinking of bottles could be heard in the distance as the deliverymen removed the crates from their vans.
The nights were so hot we were sleeping on mattresses in the courtyard. It was under the orange blossom our first child became a reality. During this pregnancy, in fact, all four, I felt so fulfilled. A warmth nurtured my heart as the feeling of our child grew inside. Back home in England, David would make me Cod and Spinach Crespaline, which I craved a lot. Each day in the spring, I felt the flower's beauty when I walked in the garden and gathered the mulberries for making preserves. Thank goodness, while I was breast-feeding I had a daily craving for mulberries and custard with a Mackeson (stout beer rich in "B" vitamins). Note: I did notdrink during my pregnancies.
One evening there was a documentary about Leboyer, a French doctor and his method of childbirth. It held my attention so much that I had to find out more. It was way before Google so it was a challenge to get more information. It certainly was not in my encyclopaedias. In addition, the idea of giving birth in water was rather revolutionary. This led to finding a doctor who would allow us to do it in a hospital. English health care in those days insisted that for your first delivery you MUST have it in the hospital! So doing it at home was out.
Even having a thought of having my first baby at home was revolutionary for an average American girl from a working middle class family. Eventually, we did find a doctor at the West London Hospital, who was practicing the method. I regret that I have forgotten his name. He also told us about classes at the hospital called Lamaze. It is a form of breathing and relaxation for Labor. David and I went to the classes to prepare for the day that Alice would enter the world. We were partners all the way.
The Floyd were finishing the recording of the Animals album at Britannia Row, so I was home a lot in the evenings. Emo, a childhood friend of David's from Cambridge, was staying with us and was going through a rather unstable phase of his life. I had gone to bed early and could hear him crashing about downstai
rs. The telly was blaring and so was he, with rather vile swearing. His moods were unpredictable at the time. I was extremely worried so I called David and asked if he could come home, which he did. I was in my later part of my pregnancy and I was very sensitive. I did not feel strong enough to confront Emo and tell him to shut-up for fear of his reaction. I must add that Emo eventually found his Spiritual Master, Charan Singh, started to meditate and became the best friend one could ever have.
As it seems with most women, the day I was to go into labor, I took to washing all our sheets and blankets including our clothes. We had a washing line outside and I loved hanging my wash there. I loved the smell of the outdoors on our clothes and sheets. I had tons of energy, so I cleaned and washed the kitchen. We also went to the pub for dinner. I should have known my baby was coming, the classes advised us to look out for this behavior.
We had decided to let life give us the surprise of whether it would be a boy or a girl. David and I had a list of names that we both agreed would be our choice. Therefore, we waited on our decision when we felt the soul of our baby and knew its gender as we held it in our arms. Though soul was not a term we were using then, I am sure our hearts worked that way.
On The evening of 7 May 1976, I went to bed, leaving David watching telly downstairs with another friend, Willie Wilson, who was the drummer in David's first band Joker's Wild. Around 10:00 p.m. after my bath, I started to have weird sensations of energy rising and falling. They were not painful, but I decided to time them. They were coming quite regular and frequent, so I leaned my head out of our bedroom door and asked David to come upstairs. We decided that we should make a move.
David grabbed my suitcase and his little bag with all the helpful essentials, as he was to be my labor partner. We drove into the night towards London. The streetlights were blinding, as the energy was getting stronger. With each corner, I found it more difficult to do my breathing techniques; I twisted, I turned and whimpered. David held my hand gently as we drove through the street lit night. It seemed like we were in suspended animation.
As we entered the hospital and up the stairs, the experience became more intense, I felt like I was on LSD. I held my tummy as David guided me down the corridor. The lights were a surreal color of green. Women and their husbands were walking slowly down the corridors moaning. It was like a Fellini movie. Finally, we reached the area where I needed prepping.
The staff separated David and me, as they assured us that it wouldn't be for long. Two wonderful Philippino women met me in a room that seemed like an operating room. They asked if I had had a bowel moment, which I had. They started to shave me as I kept asking if they had called my doctor. I pleaded, "Where is my husband?" I told them that we were to have a "Leboyer" birth in water and my husband was to be by my side. "Please,"I cried, as thoughts of it all drifting away as the possibility entered my mind. The women giggled. They did not see the importance. It was all happening so quickly I had thoughts that I may just have my baby there with them. The energy waves seemed painful but I was panicking. I was tense, as how we had intended the way our baby was to be born might not happen. Finally, the nurse took me to another room where David, thankfully was waiting. The sight of his long hair and loving attention calmed me down for a moment.
They laid me flat, which was not helpful. Gravity works against one in this position, so they lifted the back of the bed as I requested. I wish now I had known more about what helps labor to be easier, i.e., to be on all fours. David was setting out his things to help the contractions to ease. I remember he was betwixt doing that and holding my hand and trying to get someone to call our doctor.
The contractions were very strong and the pace increased. I kept asking for my doctor. David kept trying to get him and at the same time stay by my side. There were noises coming from everywhere as the staff came in and out with metal tools and bowls. The tensions grew, upon reflection; it was becoming evident that our idea of our baby being born in the water was disappearing. I had to adapt, I had to accept with grace what was to come.
The nurses kept asking, "How are your pains dear." This so is not the way to help someone to be relaxed and do Lamaze. It was obvious that they had no idea. David and I were adrift in the normal obstetrics' philosophy. I started to analyze the pains and was just about to give in to have an epidural when my doctor arrived and said, "The baby is coming! Breathe! Push!" It was sunrise. The birds were silent. It felt like all the world had stopped to listen to our baby being born. A rush of the most orgasmic feeling ran through my being when someone said, "It's a girl!" We laughed with our tears of Joy. Silence captured the Beauty of that moment until she let out her first sound. David leaned over and stroked my face. Looking deep into my heart he said, "Shall we call her Alice?" I agreed. She was born on 8 May 1976, as the daylight filtered into the room. She was a sunrise baby full of Light. A bed in the main ward awaited us, clear bassinets next to each mother. Most mothers were breast-feeding at the time, so I took Alice into my arms and to my breast. After she fed, David took her for a while tenderly in his arms. We were so happy. I thought my heart would burst from our Joy! He went home fora while to phone our parents while we slept.
England was having a hot spell and Alice came overwith a rash. The nurses said that we had to stay longer to make sure all was well. Most of the women let their babies be taken away in the night and were given sleeping pills. I refused. I wanted to sleep with her next to me. The nurses said she was ill because I held her all the time. I said, "Nonsense, it was the heat and the blankets!" I continued and we eventually went home. Moreover, after getting home David and I had Alice sleeping between us for over six months.
During our pregnancy, I had read a book called the Continuum Concept, by Jean Liedloff. She was an American writer who had spent two and a half years deep in the South American jungle with Stone Age Indians. The experience demolished her Western preconceptions of how we should live. While reading it, I had the same reaction. This tribe related to each other and did not seem to have any of the psychoses that we have in our culture, and that inspired me. They carried their babies until they could crawl.
I bought one of those baby carriers, which enabled us to hold her against our chest hearing our heartbeat. When I wasn't carrying her, David did. The only time she was let down was when she was sleeping next to us. I sang her sounds of Love, and instinctive sounds of the heart. Later in life, I trained in healing harmonics, which are so similar. Sounds can so influence peace.
We had a dear friend and nurse, Rose Renwick, cooking and caring for us so that we could focus on bonding together as a family. She was a great cook! Rose was the wife of Tim Renwick, a fantastic guitarist, who has continued to work with David over the years. He too was from Cambridge and having Rose cook for us brought us even closer as friends. I will always be grateful for her care, because having one's first baby is such a learning curve, I didn't feel alone.
We were riding high on Bliss until one day Alice came down with gastroenteritis, she cried and cried. We had a door that connected our bedroom to the next. We walked around from one room to the hallway and back again, sharing, trying to calm her down. Suddenly, the safety net of being in a hospital was not there and Rose was gone. The reality hit . What do we do? This was our first experience of being responsible for a wee one.
She was so precious and our hearts were hurting. We were exhausted and seemed alone; however, we had to get through the night. We were so concerned about our precious child. Honestly, I must admit there was a moment as I was holding her in my arms, looking out into the night sky exhausted, forlorn and desperate for the screaming to stop, that I understood baby abusers. Though I never would have given in to that impulse, the insight was there. The next morning, we took her bundled up in her blanket to the doctor, he said, "She's dehydrated and getting gastroenteritis." If it did not change, we would have to go back into the hospital. Life took a turn in that moment; the fear of losing our precious Alice seized our hearts. As it turned out the li
quid antibiotics and extra saline water from the chemist saved us.
The experience tarnished the height of Joy we were having for me, but I cannot speak for David. I took a turn, depression set in coupled with exhaustion. During that time, I never thought I could have another child. They called it post-natal depression and it certainly was a shock. Fortunately, Alice and David were the love of my life and I made it through to find bliss again. Watching the beauty of their love grow was my medicine.
CHAPTER 16
FAMILY COMES TO VISIT
In the early summer, after Alice was born, my Mom, Ron (stepfather), my sister Toni, and my brother Marcus, came to visit us in our home, where the white doves first led me further along my journey. Our home, Woodley, was in Roydon, Essex. Alice was the first grandchild in our extended family and we so wanted to share this with them. David organized tickets for them making it possible. I was amazed that my Mom especially would dare to come to a foreign country, as she was a very home-orientated person. She had no idea of how different England would be, despite my previous calls home. The reality is always different. However, she came.
Her first shock was the nudity on the telly and the Page 3 Girls, in the morning paper, the Daily Mirror. Mom would try to keep my sister and brotherfrom seeing. Watching television often found her telling the kids to turn away from the telly, or even leave the room when she thought there might be some inappropriate images. At the same time, she and Ron just kept watching the program. A bit of hypocrisy passed through my thoughts. I just wonderif this only created curiosity in the kids.
Her second shock was that I was breast-feeding. I would go upstairs so as not to embarrass them. One day Mom came upstairs to talk with me. She asked, "Why don't you feed your babynaturally?" I was perplexed by the question and inquired, "Mom, what is natural to you?" She replied, "Why feeding her with a bottle." Her reply left me astonished. She later said that she had tried with one of her children of five but couldn't get on with it. Modestly, she said, "I was too shy to breastfeed in public or amongst guests, and it was not custom in the States in my day." She found the whole process of hiding away in some room difficult, but equally she could not do what we did either. There was yet another aspect of how we chose to raise our baby which she found challenging. We slept together in our bed with Alice for the first six months. It was quite bonding to have her close safely resting between us. After which, she slept in the room next door on a mattress upon the floor. My Mom exclaimed, "WHAT, YOU DON'T USE A COT?" "No, Mom, many cultures do not use them." Mom was not the only one concerned about this. It seemed too extreme in others minds. I never quite understood why. Actually, Alice never crawled out of the room or fell down the stairs. Nor did she become overly demanding about coming back into our bed in the adjoining room. In fact, she often asked to go to bed most nights. "Mommy can you take me to bed now?" Brought many a raised eyebrow.
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