I look over my shoulder at the camera and give it a wink.
Time to get to work.
* * *
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About This Book
It's probably no secret to our fans that Laurelin Paige and I love porn. Tumblr porn, classy porn, kinky porn, whatever. And when we started talking about writing a book set in the porn world, we knew we wanted to be clear about two things: firstly, how sexy, fun, and surprisingly progressive the industry can be, and secondly, how deep cultures of assault, racism, misogyny and de facto coercion still run. Porn, like any other industry—film, publishing, music—is a huge world with both amazing and terrible parts, and so we wanted to make sure we highlighted both.
Pornography right now is grappling with huge issues of consent, performer safety, and piracy, and has been for much longer than Laurelin and I have been researching for our story, and it would do a disservice to the very layered and complicated world of porn if we concocted an airbrushed fantasy without addressing the very real issues that threaten performers and producers today. We hope that we've written a story that showcases a realistic portrayal of porn, and we hope that after you read this, you'll be inspired to consume smut more consciously...and more voraciously.
--Sierra and Laurelin
The BIG Extras
Logan O’Toole’s Tools of the Trade
1
Introduction
Sometimes great ideas come to you out of nowhere, strikes of lightning from the sky or the universe or the muses or whatever, and just blow your mind with how perfect they are. It’s almost like you knew it all along, and it just now floated to the surface like a bubble in champagne. Inevitable.
I think that is exactly what happened to my agent when she suggested I compile some of my best blog posts into one handy guide to doing what I do best--sex. With all the information presented here, and of course in my vast body of visual works, you too can do it like a porn star.
Don’t you want to blow your partner’s mind? Develop a reputation, passed along in whispers, about your sexual prowess? Of course you do!
So here’s the thing. You can only do so many actions in so many places. That’s why it’s essential to master every tool in your box. I promise, it’s going to give you the best tool-in-box action possible. Be masterful, be versatile, and boom.
You’re practically a porn star already.
2
Foreplay
Serious question, men--when the hell did foreplay go out of style? When did the quest to seal the deal become more important than pleasing your lady?
It doesn’t matter if she’s only your lady for the night, you treat her like a cherished lover. Are you listening? Give her the night of her life, and I guarantee she’ll tell her friends. They’ll tell their boyfriends. You, my man, will become legendary.
But no one has ever had the night of their life if it only lasts ten minutes.
Our grandparents had a term for it, they called it necking. Isn’t that cute? It’s such a genteel way of saying “I got her so wet she was begging for it.” Call me old-fashioned, but I think they sure had a good thing going.
In fact, they’d neck for hours and never even go all the way (as they’d say, old people are quaint like that.) And in this oversexed world of liberation we live in, what’s sexier than waiting for it? Wanting it so bad you can taste it, but holding out just a little longer, knowing that the payoff will be that much better…
Look, I’ll put myself out of business if it ever catches on in the adult industry, but in the privacy of your own bed, or her bed…guys. Foreplay is the game-clinching play. Let’s bring it back!
3
Kissing
There’s this saying, you might have heard of it. “Don’t judge a book by its cover.” Bull. Shit. Horse shit. Batshit, even! Everyone does it and if you say you don’t, you’re a liar. So here’s the thing, tomcats and kittens, you gotta think about kissing like it’s your cover.
Wait. No.
Your cover is your face. Just looks, no promise.
Okay, bear with me. I have some Maya Angelou on my shelf at home, but that doesn’t mean I’m a poet. Metaphors can be tricky.
Kissing is your back cover copy.
See, the image on the cover makes someone pick you up, but if the description doesn’t seem interesting, back you go on the shelf. But if that scant couple paragraphs is compelling enough, you’ll take it home. You’ll pay good money to get it home. You’ll be in for seventy, maybe a hundred thousand words, based on a few sentences alone. You might even keep it forever.
That, right there, that is what kissing is to a potential partner.
It’s your extremely brief chance to wow the shit out of them, to promise that multitudes lie within you, just waiting to be unlocked. One good kiss, one perfect kiss, tells them you’re the only one they want for the night. Tells them everything else you can offer will be even better.
I’m an enlightened, modern man. I’m perfectly comfortable telling you that back cover copy had my middle-school self picking up the occasional Sweet Valley High book. Okay, okay, I also regularly stole my babysitter’s Seventeen magazines. And you know what I learned from them?
Something they don’t tell boys to do. And why, I don’t know. But everyone, not just girls, should practice on their hands. Yeah, I said it.
Practice makes perfect. And it’s really hard to find someone to practice kissing on after about sixth grade. (Unless you can, in which case, do!) Didn’t I write a post about necking one time?
Basically, this is one of those skills that can’t be taught verbally, but I have garnered a few tips that aren’t from my hand. (Ha, ha. I may use this sentence again.)
Variety isn’t just the name of an entertainment magazine, but I do recommend subscribing to that also. No one likes a one-trick pony, don’t just tongue-thrust. Mix it up. First you waltz, than you tango, back it up with a slow dance, move in for the foxtrot.
Here’s another Logan secret, I can actually do all those dances, thanks to some DVDs my mom had around during a month I was grounded for--well, for trying to kiss the babysitter.
As always, kids, do what I say and not what I do.
4
Hands
Five fingers and a palm. (That’s just what’s on my hand, though, don’t think I’m an ableist.)
Proposal: we stop calling it fingering. It was never really that anyway. It’s pressure. Proposal: we make sex education a part of sex education. Sure, not getting pregnant or preventing AIDS is pretty solid info to a teenager but here’s a radical thought.
What if we taught them how to get themselves off so they wouldn’t long for a partner so much they’d stop doing homework and skip extracurriculars? Or what if we taught them how to satisfy one partner so well they wouldn’t sleep around?
Man, I’m a terrible pornstar. Scratch all of that.
Let’s just get back to the pressure thing. Skin is our largest organ and also our most sensitive. I have been unfazed by a blow and brought to my knees by a whisper.
Just try not to suck. That can’t be that hard. The operative word is try. If you’re trying, you’re already in the upper levels of sexing. Honestly, it’s crazy how many people don’t even grasp the bare basics. I mean you can suck. Just a little. Not too hard.
Wait. I am hard. And from my own post. Logan out.
5
Oral
When I was putting this together, I realized I had a disproportionate number of posts on advice about giving the oral from a dude’s point of view. Aha! I thought. I can train who knows how many future blowjobbers, I can be a hero! Then I realized I’ve never done m/m. And just telling you what I myself like tells you nothing except how to blow me.
(There’s a form on my website for that.)
His
I gotta lotta friends. (Gotta lotta…th
at didn’t come off nearly as tough as I wanted it to. Me and Tanner watched the three Godfathers this weekend between shoots.) Anyway, I do have a lot of friends in various subsets of the porn industry, and so I asked a few of my bros to come over and tell me a thing or two about sucking dick during the pasta/mob movie extravaganza. We drank a ton of beer and I deciphered my scrawls the next morning into these three handy tips.
1.Sucking dick is literal. You don’t have to just move your mouth around. Yeah, we’re really sensitive, but if you go too hard, we’ll let you know and you’ll figure it out. Suction = hot.
2.Hands are cool. Deep-throating is far more rare than porn would have you think. And in the thick of things, pressure is pressure, so when your hand and lips are pressed together, moving up and down in unison, that is…well, they haven’t invented a word for that yet.
3.Spit in porn, swallow at home. ‘Nuff said.
Hers
But you guys. Really. Why can we map the human genome, but no one can find and wedgie whoever’s dumb idea it was to do the alphabet on a lady with our tongue?
Look, I’m not inciting a riot. I’m just saying that one guy (of course it was a guy) was so, so wrong. Good idea: pleasuring the lady. Bad idea: English. Those brief, stabby motions aren’t doing anyone any good at all. Now, if you could write backwards and forwards, you could do cursive, I suppose. One forward, one back, one forward, and so on.
I’d like to see someone fluent try a little Japanese. Kanji. All those fluid lines, with the tiniest of pulse-raising accent waves. Elvish. A little more staccato, but still a lot of hole-to-tip long licks.
Ladies from the formerly Soviet states dominate porn, modelling, mail order bride-ing, etc. All over my work and social lives, basically. And that Russian alphabet, that’s another literally sweeping language to work on. Maybe I should fund a study.
Sure I can hear you saying, like, “Logan, what a waste of money finding a team to research the merits of various mother tongues, on…well on the tongue.”
But it is my suspicion, America, that herein lies the fallen tower of Babylon, the unifying Rosetta Stone, the answer to One World Order, and free love!
Be a cunning linguist.
Ours
This is actually in my FAQ’s too, it’s one of the most received questions I and many other adult performers get on a daily basis.
Answer, so you can sleep well at night again, is that no one likes 69’s. It’s not just you. You’re normal. That shit sucks.
6
Good Old-Fashioned Sex
There’s this thing. It’s called the Rule of Three.
I think it actually applies to writing.
Or maybe math.
Wicca?
Bacchus knows what it actually means, but the Laws of Logan use it as a sub-thing. Whatever the things are called. Poli-sci was never my strong point.
Please. Please. (You guys know I’d only beg if Jenna Jameson were to ask me with a crop in her hand.) But please. Never do it without hitting three positions. If you are the laziest mo-fo in America, you can go oral-oral-mish.
No one ever craves sex all day just to get twelve pumps in the same old tried-and-true. You don’t have to get crazy. You don’t even have to go different three every time. You can start her on top, so she can get acclimated to your dick, move to you on top so you can control the pace, then finish from behind where you can reach around to stimulate her clit. You can even try first position new and go to the stand-bys for the guaranteed finish.
Point is--switching it up keeps it hot. Tomcats and kittens--keep it hot.
7
Back Door Action
Dear Girl I Brought Home Last Night,
I’ve been thinking about this for almost twenty-four entire hours. That’s a lot of hours, in case you think I think like this about everyone. Nah. Not even.
Can I recap what happened, in case you forgot it? In case this is so depressingly ordinary that you don’t remember me?
We met at a party, a typical porn event. You knew what I did. I knew what you did. You’re a still photographer. I’m the “talent,” whatever that means. (It means I’m the naked body. You’re the actual talent. I’ve just done a lot of sex. You’re the one who’s studied light and F-stops and temperature.)
We weren’t amazing together. It wasn’t love at first sight. But we were fun together. We had a good time. Until we got home.
I was feeling kinky. What can I say, a few too many brings it out in me. You could have said no. When I sucked gently on my index finger and then pushed it slowly inside you. You could have said no. When I spit on you, panting with desire, lined up and ready.
But you didn’t.
You didn’t say no, you just looked at me, over your shoulder, as you winced and then squeezed your eyes shut in fear. That was when I stopped, even though you didn’t ask.
And here’s what I want to tell you. I’m sorry. Not for me, because I wanted to blow your mind and do really cool things to you.
With you.
I’m sorry for whoever didn’t ask. I’m sorry for whoever didn’t listen. I’m sorry for whoever made you feel like you had to do whatever they wanted, when any guy with eyes to see knows you’re better than any of us.
So Dear Guys, get your shit together and get permission. No permission, dudes? Then fuck you. You don’t deserve sex. Anal is the bomb dot com, but only when your lady is into it.
And Dear Ladies,
Don’t do anything you don’t want to, but if you do want to push that limit call me cause I’m super really good at it, just ask the hundred or so girls I’ve done backdoor scenes with.
<3, Logan
* * *
This wasn’t actually a blog post, but when I was clearing out my texts the other night I ran across it. To be sung to the tune of 4 & 20 Blackbirds, or whatever that nursery rhyme is called. I sent it to a girl I knew who is just moving into mainstream porn--’cause God do I love to see her laugh.
*ahem, clears throat*
Sing a song of lubricant
You might be saying, “what?”
But it is the only way to have sex in the butt.
Always use your fingers first
Don’t ever go in dry
And when you come, I hope you’re screaming
‘Logan you’re the guy!’
8
Pillow Talk
Never, never, never skip the aftercare. Yeah, I’m a porn guy, so you might think I’m talking about BDSM. No.
Aftercare should be part of every sex you’ve ever had.
Rough sex? Totally, Vitamin K and coconut oil.
Loving sex? Totally just nice things to say.
Stranger sex? All of the above.
Look. I go out a fair amount. And I don’t get recognized like Brad Pitt, I’m kind of a niche figure. But when I do, it’s inevitably by some dudebro who wants to compare how casually he bangs girls.
Nope, nope, nope.
Look, when dudes get into porn, it’s like--yeah, it’ll be weird to tell your mom, but everyone else will just ask you for hookups. For behind-the-scenes stories. For invites to the bar.
When chicks get into porn? Their sorority sisters aren’t squealing, “When’s your first gangbang?!” Doesn't happen. They get judged and sentenced. To social death. And even though I happen to think girls in porn are kind of the best girls ever, no one else really does, and it makes me super protective of them.
And at some point, the difference between porn chicks and regular chicks got blurred. Look, Guys Of America, (and Elsewhere) any girl at all who will let you put your parts inside of her parts deserves the kind of respect you’d show your wife.
No joke! Odds are, your wife banged at least one guy before you. And isn’t that how you’d want her to be treated?
Yup.
And one last hint? If you can convince your partner (steady partner, this is not for the casual non-professionals) to let you videotape your practice sessions, I highly recommend it. Sure
, they’ll overplay their responses for the camera, but there are a few things that can’t be faked. The toe-curl, the clenched fist, the eye-roll of a particularly intense orgasm--trust me, you’ll love replaying your greatest hits.
And if you’re questioning, you’ll love seeing concrete responses of what really works, versus what they’re nice about.
In the end, porn’s here for you. To learn from. To enjoy. And most of all, to make you a better you. Logan out.
9
How Much Motion Do You Need In Your Ocean
The answer is that if you were doing it right, you wouldn't even be asking, bro.
When a chick says, "Harder," she's either saying it cause she thinks she ought to (sorry, our fault, love porn) or cause she is desperate to feel something ‘cause you aren't giving her what she needs to feel.
Nailing her through a wall still won't hit the magic spot. Welcome to Logan's Anatomy 101. Today's lesson: The Clitoris. It isn't nestled against her diaphragm, gentlemen. More motion does not equal clitoral stimulation.
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