Outbreak Company: Volume 13

by Ichiro Sakaki

  That is, why had Her Majesty the Empress, the single most important person in this entire nation, left her castle and come all the way here? Yes, I knew how interested she was in otaku culture, and that she used to come to the school all the time, but after a nasty run-in with a group called the Assembly of Patriots when she had been taken captive, the people around her had been a lot more touchy about when she got to go out.

  “Are you surprised?” she asked as she put a hand on me, smiling.

  “What else would I be?!” I yelped, almost in tears.

  What was going on here? Of all the days for both of them to walk into my school at the same time, the day after that nightmare was almost more than my heart could stand.

  “We came in order to deliver this.”

  “Huh...?”

  I blinked as she puffed out her chest (tragically flat, but that’s a mark of status, too!) and chuckled in satisfaction. Despite her claim that she was “delivering this,” there was nothing in her hands. Could it be that this was—you know? “I’m the delivery!” or whatever?

  I was just starting to sweat when Petralka stuck her hand out to one side. One of the knights approached from behind and respectfully passed her a wicker basket.

  “Huh...?!” In contrast to Petralka’s self-confidence, my own response sounded even stupider.

  A packed lunch? From Petralka, to... me?

  Petralka was an actual empress. I didn’t think going out of her way to give someone a lunch she prepared herself was something empresses normally did. Typically, it was other people who made food for them. Anyway, she’d certainly never done this before now. So why the sudden burst of... lunchiness?

  Wait, this can’t be...

  “We have prepared this especially for you, Shinichi. You are welcome and encouraged to sob with joy.”

  “I’m sorry, uh...?” My eyes flitted toward Myusel, who was still standing beside me. She was clutching the lunch she had brought to her chest.

  “Now, quickly................................... Hrm?” Petralka followed my glance over to Myusel. She blinked, seeming to register for the first time that Myusel was there (actually, she probably was just noticing her), and then she took in the bundle the maid was holding.

  The next instant, one of her finely-formed eyebrows arched in displeasure. Neither of them said anything for what felt like a long moment. There was Petralka, obviously not amused. Myusel took a half-step back under the ruler’s steely gaze, but then she seemed to think better of it and looked the empress directly in the eye.

  U-Um...? G-Girls, am I the reason you’re staring at each other so hard? Perchance? I’m assuming it’s just my imagination that makes it look like sparks are flying between you two. Maybe I’m getting tired.

  I groaned a little, feeling a waterfall of sweat on my back. I didn’t know exactly why, but this seemed bad. Real bad. Actually, I was gripped by an overwhelming sense of déjà vu. Surely it was just a sort of trick of the light that seemed to cause a choice prompt to float in front of my eyes:

  A. Eat Myusel’s lunchbox

  B. Eat Petralka’s lunchbox

  Long pause.

  Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa?!

  “Uh, um...” I could hardly form words.

  I felt two hands slap my back. One on my right shoulder, one on my left. I looked back to find Hikaru-san and Minori-san standing there.

  “It must be hard, being so popular!”

  “No... I’m not...”

  “Not what? A popular guy? Could’ve fooled me.”

  “...............................rk.”

  Darn, these two weren’t going to be any help—in fact, they were clearly going to make full use of this opportunity to make my life miserable!

  So there we stood, me and my quote-unquote “friends,” facing Myusel and Petralka, each holding a lunchbox. You could have cut the tension with a knife.

  My name is Kanou Shinichi. I’m the general manager of Amutech, and it’s my job to spread Japanese otaku culture here in the fantasy land known as the Holy Eldant Empire.

  The world is a tricky place, let me tell you. One minute a guy (namely me) is living cocooned in his room, and the next he’s running an interdimensional cultural-promotion agency. All of it made possible by some truly crazy stuff about Japan discovering a “hole,” a portal to another world, that connected to the Eldant Empire. Not to mention that it started out as a devious ploy by the Japanese government to instigate a cultural invasion by means of—you know what? You’ve probably got this part already.

  Anyway. Let’s just say some very surprising things can happen in life. Things you would have sworn were impossible, or just laughed off, until bam, there they are. For example, a run-of-the-mill otaku having two gorgeous women who looked like they jumped straight out of two dimensions both fall in love with him. That sort of thing can happen, did you know that? And when you find yourself dropped into what feels like a plot line from a manga or a light novel or something, believe me, it’s not easy to know what to do.

  It started not long ago, when a certain Prince Rubert of the Kingdom of Zwelberich, an ally of Eldant’s, proposed marriage to Empress Petralka. In a world with what amounted to Middle-Ages values, getting married in your teens wasn’t unusual. In fact, if you went unwed into your twenties, people might start to talk. So in principle, there was nothing the least bit surprising about Petralka receiving a marriage proposal.

  The catch was that Prince Rubert had a variety of ulterior motives, with the ultimate result that he and his proposal got kicked to the curb. But it seemed to get Petralka thinking, and maybe even to change her mind about a few things.

  “We will not brook your overtaking us while we take our time to think, Myusel.”

  That was something she’d said directly to my maid, and for her part Myusel, who always used to simply cower before the empress, had replied, “Understood, Your Majesty,” in a tone that said “challenge accepted.” At the time I’d been completely flummoxed, but through lengthy discussions with Minori-san and Hikaru-san, I had come to understand that the challenge in question was which of them would be the first to shoot an arrow through the heart of Kanou Shinichi.

  Well, I say “had come to understand,” but maybe “had been made to understand” would be more accurate. Sigh.

  Yes, that’s right: I had finally been confronted with the reality that these two women, Myusel and Petralka, were in love with me. Not that either of them had specifically told me so to my face—and I wasn’t about to be all, “So, d’you love me? Is this L-O-V-E? Ai, amour, amore?” I was floored just thinking about it.

  But speaking of thinking about it, when I looked back over our time together, I had to admit there had been some signs. It was just that, well... For a guy whose years without a girlfriend were exactly equal to his lifespan, a guy who would happily answer “anime, manga, and light novels” when asked about his hobbies—for a guy like that to suddenly be downright popular was just something I had never imagined.

  For that matter, the whole reason I’d become a shut-in in the first place was because, when I had dared to confess my love for a childhood friend, she’d shot me straight down, citing the fact that I was an otaku. Never wanting to experience that kind of humiliation ever again, I’d vowed to myself not to make any assumptions about anyone, ever; reminded myself again and again that an excess of self-consciousness was the root of all embarrassment; and generally set myself up to be oblivious to the way these girls felt about me.

  And yet eventually the fact got through even to me. Oh yes, it did. And once it had, I was left with the need to respond to their feelings in some way, but...

  “Shinichi, which do you choose?!”

  There we were in the schoolyard, where I was sitting on a bench with Petralka’s face very close to mine. She was really, seriously cute—and not just cute, I mean she was genuinely beautiful, delicate as a doll (in the best way), with a face that never flinched.

  And right at this moment, she w
as so close that I could feel her breathing on me. How could my heart not be pounding? It couldn’t not! (Double negative.)

  Of course, this wasn’t the first time our faces had been this close, but those other times, I hadn’t been thinking about love and romance and whatever else, so my only reaction had been “Aw man, Petralka’s so cute!” and heedless moe-ing.

  Now? Now I couldn’t get away with that.

  To add to my troubles, I felt a tug on my sleeve from the other side, the one not occupied by Petralka. I reflexively looked over—and discovered Myusel standing there with her face red, her eyes down, and a firm grip on my shirt. She didn’t say anything. She didn’t have to. Those pale fingers clasping the fabric of my shirt practically cried out, Pick me!, sending my heart into overdrive, bmbmbmbmbmbmbm. It seemed like only a matter of time until my heart rate went over 300. (At which point I would die.)

  Arrgh... What am I going to do?!

  Obviously, a part of me was happy to be sandwiched between two young women. A much bigger part of me felt virtually crushed under the weight. I mean, I’d never been asked to choose between two such beautiful girls before! Sure, I’d done it a few times in the worlds of gal games. I tended to start out by going the main-heroine route, and then trying out the secondary girl later. Always saving before any crucial choices, of course.

  That’s a thing you can do in games. But the situation I was facing now was no game. There would be no do-overs. And if I screwed it up—well, worst-case scenario, I could end up like my nightmare from this morning, or with my decapitated head in a sack, or my beautiful boat being shown on television.

  “So, what are you going to do, Shinichi-kun?” From another bench just behind the one on which I sat frozen between Myusel and Petralka, Minori-san was looking at me with a pained smile. Beside her was Hikaru-san, who wasn’t even trying to hide his schadenfreude.

  “Better make up your mind quick.”

  “Y-Yeah, but...”

  Behind them, incidentally, stood Petralka’s bodyguards. Full armor, swords, the works—just standing there silently, looking intimidating. In fact, the silence was a big part of the intimidation.

  The reality was that nobody dared to come into the courtyard while we were there. One look from those knights was enough to keep anyone from thoughtlessly getting too close to the empress.

  “Urrrgh,” I gurgled.

  “Better pick somebody’s lunchbox, or lunch break will be over before you can eat it,” Minori-san advised, scarfing down her own packed lunch.

  Some advice. The only lunches Minori-san or Hikaru-san had were the ones Myusel had made for them, so they didn’t have to make any choice at all. No doubt, no hesitation!

  “Minori is right! Decide quickly, Shinichi!” Petralka was insistent now, gesturing with her boxed lunch in front of my face. A boxed lunch hand-made by an empress.

  “Shi... Shinichi-sama...” The sight of Petralka was enough to set Myusel back on her heels, but she still managed to hold up the lunch she had been keeping on her knees.

  Ahhhhhhhhhh!

  I was caught between a rock and a hard place! Between the devil and the deep blue sea! Between a tiger at the front door and a wolf at the back! The point is, I had to choose between one of two things, and either of them would obviously lead to a bad ending! That was the nature of my situation. This “game” was impossible!

  A long moment passed.

  No... wait. Wait just a second, Kanou Shinichi. They say despair is the haven of fools. Think! Don’t get tunnel vision. Sometimes there are secret codes, or sometimes you get more choices if you fulfill certain conditions.

  Maybe there was a third option.

  “I... uh, I’ll take both. Happily,” I said, keenly aware of how forced my smile looked.

  Long pause from Petralka.

  Long pause from Myusel.

  Painful looks from Minori-san and Hikaru-san as they chowed down on their lunches. Hikaru-san especially: he didn’t say anything, but I saw him take a sip of tea and then mouth, “Looooser.”

  But what else was I supposed to dooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo?!

  This was the only answer that would save me from hurting either Myusel or Petralka!

  “Y’know, they... they b-both look so good.” I took both of the boxed lunches from the girls and set them on my knees.

  Gotta be honest, there was no actual way for me to know whether they looked good or not with the lids still on, but neither Petralka nor Myusel mentioned that. Maybe they were both too nervous.

  Another pause.

  Okay, start with Myusel’s lunch.

  I opened the lid and there, as was pretty much normal by now, was an ideal packed lunch. I’m not even really sure what that means, but the stuff in there was totally bento-ish. Full of soft colors, the appearance was like the way a traditional Japanese bento box would be drawn in a manga or something. There were some meatball(-like thing)s, some tiny tomato(-like vegetable)s. Even perfectly formed rice balls lined up in a neat row.

  I had a thought...

  “Myusel, did you base this on anything?”

  “Well, yes...” Myusel smiled, her face flushing. “I asked Minori-sama and Hikaru-sama... what would normally be in a Ja-panese ‘bento.’”

  In other words, she went out of her way to make something that would be familiar and enjoyable for me. This wasn’t the first time Myusel had consulted with Minori-san about Japanese food, or tried to imitate it using similar ingredients from this world or even tapping Minori-san’s JSDF connections to import ingredients from Japan. But this time she had outdone herself. The little wiener had even been cut to look like an octopus!

  Where did she get those wieners, anyway? She must have had them brought from Japan.

  My thoughts were interrupted by Petralka, who said, “And wh-what about the ‘bento’ that we brought, Shi-Shinichi?”

  I quickly opened the lid of her lunchbox, too.

  “Ooh!”

  This one was—what’s the best word? Fresh and original. I ate Myusel’s cooking every day, so I had a pretty good idea of how it would taste. It was comforting and familiar. But on some level, that’s another way of saying it wasn’t very surprising anymore.

  For one thing, Petralka’s lunchbox was a riot of color. It included dishes I had never seen, and it had a certain elegance—almost like it wasn’t a lunchbox at all. Finely chopped vegetables, delicate sauces, careful, arcing lines everywhere—it looked like a French meal transplanted wholesale into a Japanese bento box. What was this unbelievably fancy vibe I was getting...?!

  Maybe I should have expected as much from an empress. Honestly, though, I practically felt bad eating it.

  “You didn’t make this, like, yourself yourself, right?” I said. I didn’t mean to say it. I just couldn’t imagine Petralka preparing all this by hand. She must have had professional help.

  “But—But of course we did.” Petralka pursed her lips—ahh, Your Majesty! You are simply too adorable!

  “Huh? So you mean... you did this, Petralka? Chopped the vegetables and everything?

  “Er, no, well—” Petralka trailed off.

  “And you were the one who grilled this thing over here? Look at the scorch marks on it, they’re perfect! And the way this sauce is drizzled over this thing is downright artistic.”

  “Y...Yes, well... That... Ahem. We... We put it in the box.”

  Uh... I don’t think that counts as making a lunch.

  I managed to swallow the quip before it came out of my mouth. Look, everyone has strengths and weaknesses. Honestly, even if Petralka’s contribution had been at the level of a kid helping a parent in the kitchen, she had still gotten this boxed lunch ready for me and brought it all the way here, and nothing changed that. I might question her methods, but never her feelings for me. Those feelings by themselves were enough to make me kind of happy but also kind of embarrassed but also send my heart straight into overdrive.

  “In any event, be quick and
partake of it.”

  “S-Sure.”

  Petralka handed me a fork she had at the ready, and just as she ordered me, I dug in. I started with one of the side dishes in Myusel’s lunch. I tried to really taste it. It had that special savor she was so good at, the gentle burst of flavor I had imagined. She said she had first learned to cook back when she was in the military, so you might have expected her to specialize in things that would really stick to your ribs, and not to have a very fine touch for spices—but I guess that was where her personality shone through.

  I took a sip of tea to sort of “reset” my tongue, then try to bite Petralka’s meal.

  Oooh.

  Talk about a rich taste without (etc.)...

  It was so good, it practically had me quoting from a certain “gourmet” manga. Actually, though, the flavor was sort of at a tangent to what I’d expected. Most times, you could get a sense of how something was going to taste from the color and the smell, but here those things seemed almost completely disconnected; you truly had to taste it with your own tongue. I guess that’s what comes of not actually having any experience with fancy food: the first bite is like a revelation.

  And what a revelation! The flavor...!

  Both of them were...

  “Absolutely delicious,” I concluded, looking at the girls in turn. This, at least, was absolutely the truth. Myusel’s lunch, as I said, lacked the surprise of Petralka’s, but it was profoundly comforting and pleasant. Petralka’s food, in contrast, left me eager to discover what flavor I would encounter next with every bite.

  “I’m so glad to hear that!” Myusel smiled happily, letting out a breath of relief. Like a true “warm-and-fuzzy” character, her smile was infectious, and soon I was grinning, too.