by Lee Perry
“Hey, Alex…”
She heard Rossi and turned, trying not to look either surprised or uncomfortable, “Hello…” she greeted him, smiling, “I’m just off to tuck Cameron in for the night.”
“Okay,” he nodded, “settling in okay?”
“Yes,” she assured him, “I ordered a professional router I can encrypt…” His expression was blank and she clarified, “It’s a device that will allow me and everyone else here to wirelessly surf the net completely protected…” Rossi nodded and she continued, “and I’ll encrypt the signal so we’ll basically be untraceable…”
Rossi’s smile widened and his eyes crinkled happily at the corners, “Really? That’s great.”
“Well,” she crossed her arms over her chest, “I’ll need that level of privacy as I start writing these programs…”
“Terrific…” He enthused, “But just so we’re clear, Alex, I cannot stress enough how important it is that you not contact anyone from your old life, right?”
“Oh…” she nodded vigorously, “yes, of course…”
“I mean, not your parents, not anyone… have you seen the news?”
“I’ve actually been too busy to watch the TV in there, but yes, I have seen the news online of the…” She licked her lips, suddenly uncomfortable, “investigation going on at my house.”
“Okay,” he nodded and gave her arm a pat as he continued to his room, “just so we’re clear…”
“Yes…” she said quietly as she followed, stopping at the door to Cameron’s small room, “I understand.” She stood, watching him as he disappeared into his bedroom at the end of the hall. I understand you assume my parents are the only people I would want to have contact with… Her eyes narrowed and she felt her temper rise, I guess it would be natural for him to assume I have no friends… She turned on her heel and went back to her room, and I really have no choice but to say it’s all fine with me! She forced herself to close the door quietly behind her and angrily paced the room, Let’s just dangle a fat credit card with no limits in front of Alex’s nose and assume everything is just fine! She came to a stop in front of the TV that sat on the bureau and snatched the remote that sat on top, turning it on and muting the volume. I even left all my jewelry behind and it’s not like I can ever get any of it back! Her eyes slammed closed and she shook her head in exasperation, Shit! Why didn’t I put that in a safe-deposit box somewhere?
She tossed the remote on the bed and parked her hands on her hips, Screw the jewelry… there’s plenty more where that came from. She sat back down at the laptop and powered it up. Suddenly focused on the task at hand, her fingers flew over the keyboard as she quickly located and purchased a router sufficient for her needs. There… She closed the browser and shut down the laptop, goddamsonofabitch. Getting up from the table, she wandered back to the bed and grabbing a pillow, lay crossways on the mattress. She fumbled for the remote and channel surfed, staring at the screen. You should feel relieved and grateful Rossi brought you in… a small voice chided her and her brows furrowed, Wait… should I? I agreed to work for Rossi but I had to, the only choice I had was to work for him or go to jail… None of this has been my fault. Suddenly tired, she turned off the TV and rolled onto her back, rubbing her closed eyes. She let the hand fall back onto the bed and lay quietly, deciding her day had been eventful enough and she should get ready for bed. I’d better get up before I fall asleep here… she thought, yawning when a flurry of memories flooded her brain; Cathy’s’ funeral, the deafening sounds of automatic gunfire, the feel of bone chilling cold steel when the hit squad flung their weapons onto her legs and feet. “We told you, you were in too deep to quit… Now get back to work.”
She hurriedly got up from the bed and turned on the laptop again, sitting numbly while the powerful processor booted up. Mechanically, she reached for the small flash drive she left sitting in the center of the table and plugging it in, waited for the device to be recognized before beginning to download all the files in the large drive. “Get back to work...” rang in her ears as she watched the green progress bar fill and she swallowed convulsively as tears filled her eyes, You’ll never be able to do this, Alexandra… the small voice mocked her, You are Sales, Cathy was the genius code-writer… not you.
Point Sur, CA
Jordan and Catherine had gone out for a walk and they stood at the rail fence down at the lighthouse when Jordan’s radio crackled to life,
“Hawks? This is Wally.”
Jordan pulled the radio from her pocket and keyed the mic, “Hey Wally.”
“Wanted to give you a heads up; we got a delivery from the bureau, I left the box on your kitchen table.”
Jordan and Catherine exchanged looks, “Thanks, we’ll be back in a bit.”
“Stuff from home?”
Jordan nodded, “Probably, yes.”
They walked in amiable silence back to the head keeper’s house, each woman lost in her own thoughts. When they got back inside they took off their coats and scarves, and Jordan followed her to the kitchen. A manila envelope, addressed to Jordan, sat on top of a large box on the kitchen table and while Catherine rummaged in the kitchen drawers for a knife to open the box, Jordan opened the envelope,
“It’s all your new documents for you and Cameron…” She spread the items on the table, “Birth certificates, social security cards… and you have a New York driver’s license now…” There was another, thick envelope inside, “And this is your new banking stuff…”
Catherine only glanced at the items when she returned to the table, clearly anxious to open the box. She sliced through the strapping tape and Jordan noted how her hands shook when she opened the flaps. She let out an audible breath and Jordan could swear Catherine’s petite frame sagged in relief as she withdrew the shoulder bag,
“My laptop…” she signed then looked inside, withdrawing her cell phone and charger.
“I asked them to send that…” Jordan gestured awkwardly, “I figured it’s probably loaded with pictures and stuff...”
While Jordan spoke, Catherine’s eyes scanned the contents of the box, it mostly looked like her clothes, but when she saw one of the ears on Chelsea’s teddy bear sticking up on the side of the box she quickly closed the flaps.
“Uh…” Jordan licked her lips uncertainly, “Do you want me to carry the box up to your room?”
Catherine drew a deep breath and nodded, “Yes, Jordan, thank you…”
Jordan easily picked up the large box and left, leaving Catherine alone. Squaring her shoulders and drawing a deep breath, she turned on her phone, unsurprised to find it charged. With practiced ease, her finger tapped open the picture file and her eyes slammed closed when a picture of Chelsea and Cameron’s faces filled the small screen. Breathe, Catherine… she warned herself, all you have to do right now is breathe… Her finger slowly wiped across the screen as she scanned the pictures of her infant son and dead daughter and silent tears slid down her face, Oh my beautiful girl… she moaned silently, my handsome boy… I miss you so much… A sob escaped her and she clapped a hand over her mouth. Sniffing, she drew a deep, shaking breath and tapped on a picture, opening the video she took of Chelsea making cookies in their kitchen; she was dropping enormous dollops of dough from a spoon onto a cookie sheet, her small fingers sticky with dough and dotted with chocolate chips, “Mommy, will this cookie be big enough?”
Jordan carefully deposited the box on the floor of Catherine’s room in front of the dresser bureau and quickly flipped open the flaps. She touched nothing, only scanning the items. She took quiet note of the teddy bear tucked in the side of the box, buried in Catherine’s clothes and exhaling wearily, closed the flaps again. She stood and stared at the open doorway, Just go downstairs, she thought encouragingly, if she needs to be alone you can always go hang out with Wallace and Turner for a while.
She slowly descended the stairs and as she approached the kitchen she could hear soft sounds of sorrow; small, involuntary sounds of grief escaping
Catherine’s slowly healing vocal cords. She sat at the table, her head in her hands, sobbing in near silence and Jordan pulled a chair to sit next to her. “Hey…” she said softly, draping an arm around the small quaking shoulders. “It’s a good start,” she whispered into the soft hair, grateful Catherine could finally cry without having her throat swell closed. “You can look at more when you’re ready.” She glanced at the phone on the table; the screen had gone dark and her eyes closed when she felt Catherine’s small hand squeeze hers. “Be sure to make back-up copies if you haven’t already… that way you’ll always have them…” she hesitated before adding, “and the day will come again when you can smile when you look at their pictures…”
Catherine finally nodded and sat up, “Thank you, Jordan…” She picked up the phone, activating the screen again. Another picture of Chelsea posing with Cameron filled the small screen and Jordan murmured,
“They’re beautiful, Catherine.”
Catherine graced her with a watery smile and another sob erupted from her trembling lips. She quickly turned off the phone, leaving it in the center of the table then stood and crossed to the sink. She splashed cold water on her face and after drying it and her hands with a kitchen towel she turned to her, “I need to go for a walk.”
Jordan had turned to sit sideways on her chair and she sat with one arm on the table and the other draped across the back of the chair Catherine had been sitting on, “Of course…” she nodded, not wanting to intrude.
“Will you come with me?”
When they emerged from the house, Catherine had regained her composure and she turned to Jordan, “Are we on the sheltered side of the building? I don’t feel much of a wind…. Shouldn’t it be windy by now?”
“I guess this place is capable of having calmer days…” she shrugged, “maybe we’re in a lull between storms or seasons or something.”
Catherine nodded and shoving her hands in her pockets, began walking up the narrow asphalt road, Jordan beside her. After a few minutes she pulled her hands free,
“My mother died when I was in college… and I was pretty withdrawn after that. I had dated a little, for the first time, really. Before she died, I felt like I had finally arrived, I accepted who I was, a lesbian with a head for math and computer language and writing code… But when she died…” They walked in silence for another minute before she continued, “I was at Symteck for a long time when Alex hired on… and then… eventually she asked me out… one thing led to another…”
Watching from the corner of her eye, Jordan saw the small elegant hands pause in midair before dropping back into her coat pockets. They walked for long minutes before she continued,
“When we moved to New Jersey I wanted to get back into horseback riding… I missed it so much, but Alex wasn’t very athletic… her idea of being physically active began and ended in a gym… She didn’t like going outside for much… but I was so busy with the business… and then when I got pregnant with Chelsea, and then Cameron… I thought I’d get back to it when they were older.”
Jordan looked perplexed, “Horseback riding?”
“I rode a lot in high school… my trainer said I was good enough for the Olympics…”
“Oh my god!” Jordan exclaimed, stopping to regard her in complete surprise, “What? The Olympics!”
“Well,” Catherine snickered at her shock, “I qualified but the snobbism in the sport really got to me so I dropped out.”
“Wow…” Jordan exclaimed, “I must be slipping, because that never came up in my background check…”
“Didn’t you wonder about the barn?”
“Not really,” she shrugged one-sidedly, “lots of people who live in those historical homes have barns but no intention of filling them with horses…”
“I spent a lot of money refurbishing that pole barn, enclosing it and turning it into what I felt was a proper barn for horses….” Her hands slowed again and she looked wistful, “I wanted to teach the kids to ride.” She looked away and added, “Alex was relieved when it became clear I had no time to buy horses… let alone ride and take care of them.”
“It’s a kid’s dream come true…” Jordan sighed, “living with horses… Your very own pony…”
“Do you ride?”
“No,” Jordan shook her head, “but I always harbored a secret desire for a pony growing up…” She caught Catherine’s sideways glance, “Oh yes,” she assured her, “I had a secret fantasy of riding around on my trusty steed, fighting crime…” She shook her head, “Horseback riding,” she moaned self-deprecatingly, “How could I have missed horseback riding?”
“It’s not something my co-workers would have known and it wouldn’t have shown up on my high school record.”
“Thanks for trying to make me feel better.”
Catherine grinned, “Sure… Anyway, my mom was successful but hardly rich, so the riding school owner offered to let me work in exchange for lessons, and I loved cleaning stalls and stacking bales of straw and hay… I also taught riding lessons to kids after school and on weekends.”
“And you took lessons and still you were brilliant in school.” Jordan enthused, “Sounds like you had no time for a love life.”
Catherine shrugged, “Yeah… I was still struggling with my sexuality… and it was just easier to ignore that for a while and concentrate on school and riding.” Catherine came to a stop, turning her face into the gentle breeze and regarded the view, “There’s nothing like it… galloping along, the wind on your face…” Her eyes fluttered closed at the memory, “The feel of that great, trusting thirteen hundred pound animal beneath you… the sound and feel of the hoof beats.” Her eyes opened and she exhaled heavily, walking again, “I’d lose myself in the rhythm of it; walking is a four beat… you trot at two and canter in three-quarter time… It wasn’t just musical, it was mathematical too, it was primal, like a heartbeat. Part of being a successful competitor depended on being able to accurately predict the number of strides your horse needed between jumps, and I got to the point where I could tell just from watching a horse walk, how many strides he would take between jumps.”
Jordan’s brows arched high in awe. “Well, that makes sense…” she shrugged, “if it struck you as math in the first place and you were obviously gifted when it came to math…”
“It felt the same way when I learned Cantonese and Mandarin…”
Jordan snorted aloud, flinging her arms wide, “Of course you did…” she moaned in mock exasperation.
Catherine gave her arm a small, playful shove, “After I started making friends at work I wanted to impress one of my best friends there,” She fingerspelled, “Jun Shen. So I learned Cantonese first because that’s what he spoke then he challenged me to learn Mandarin too since that’s the more commonly used language in China.”
Jordan grinned from ear to ear, “How hard was it to learn all that?”
Catherine lifted a shoulder in a shrug, “I don’t remember, really… But I do remember there was, again, a kind of musical quality to it… a curious kind of rhythm in how it was spoken… and the written languages are iconic or,” She fingerspelled again, “logosyllabic. A character is usually one syllable for a word or it may be part of a polysyllabic word that represents a word or an idea or pronunciation… and the way the characters sort of built on themselves was logical to me.” She looked at her, “You know?”
Jordan looked at her then burst out laughing, “No!” She chuckled, “Not really, no, but listening to you makes it fascinating enough to think I could learn…” Catherine graced her with a shy smile. “I’ll bet your friend was hugely impressed.”
“He was... and I’m sure, still is, a very sweet man. He was kind of a big brother to me. I called him ‘Master Po’ and he called me ‘grasshopper.” Catherine’s brows knitted in concentration when she fingerspelled ‘grasshopper’ and Jordan snorted good-naturedly,
“Try…” she showed her the signs for grass and hop, “Or maybe: hopper-bug.”
Catherine’s head cocked to one side as she watched her and then signed, “Okay… I like hopper-bug.” They resumed their walk, “I made a couple of close friends while I worked there… and I have to credit Alex for that. It wasn’t until she drew me out of my shell and we began dating that I became friends with Rowan and Shen…”
“So it wasn’t all bad with Alex?”
“Not at all… it was fun. Alex could make anything fun and exciting. It was the part of her that made her great at sales…” She signed grandly. “The Master of the Sales Pitch.” Her hands seem to hang in mid air and she sighed, “But now, looking back, I wonder what her endgame was.”
“She probably didn’t have one, Catherine,” Jordan said sympathetically, “some people don’t think about consequences… they just move along in the world…” She hesitated, unsure she should continue; It’s not your place to point out Alex Sparrow’s self-absorption... she scolded silently.
Catherine shook her head, “I think it’s different for gay kids coming out today, Alex never wanted to talk about how she came out to her parents but they obviously knew she was gay… and they always did whatever she wanted…” Catherine clasped her hands together, as though she was stopping herself. “I mean… they did… stay in her life. And they both seemed genuinely happy to be grandparents.”
The sound of her own voice surprised Jordan when she asked, “Were they nice to you?”
“Oh yes,” Catherine nodded, “we weren’t close, for sure, but they were nice to me, even though they weren’t Chelsea and Cam’s biological grandparents they always acted like they were. When I finally met them for the first time, one thing became crystal clear to me about Alex and that was how spoiled she must have been, growing up... The way she spoke to them…” She shrugged and shook her head, “She was an only child too but her parents… The one thing I always struggled to accept was her attitude that the world and everyone in it owed her somehow. To this day, I don’t understand where her sense of entitlement came from… but she was always defensive about it and I always avoided arguments when I sensed she was about to use the ‘I deserve it’ excuse for something.” A sudden gust of wind blasted over the rise and blew Catherine off balance and into Jordan,