“In some ways, you would be very right.” He humored her with a gentle smile and started in on a crème brûlée. “Normally, I don’t partake, but it’s a special evening.”
He let out a soft moan as he swallowed, and a shudder slipped down her spine. Her fingers tightened around her fork as she watched him lay back on the couch, his eyes half-lidded with pleasure. Who knew dessert could be so sensual? Emma licked her fork clean and dug into the next piece of cake.
“So, back to the topic at hand,” Sean said, leaning back on the couch. “How do you feel about kids?”
Emma almost choked on her cake. “Uh, I haven’t really given it all that much thought, to be honest. While the idea appeals to me, given time and the right partner, I can’t see it happening anytime soon. What about you, mystery man?”
“Heh, I like that, mystery man.” Sean’s smile died away, his expression becoming unreadable as he looked off at some point over her shoulder.
“Penny for your thoughts?”
He sighed, his eyes meeting hers once again. “I can’t even begin to think about what the future looks like. If my father has his way, I’m sure I’ll be married off to some rich debutante who does nothing but go to garden parties all day. Right now? I’d rather live in the moment.”
“Makes sense.”
She dipped forward to take another sample of dessert and Sean moved at the same time, cupping her cheek in his large hand and sealing his lips over her mouth. The slow, sensual kiss made her gasp. The fork clattering as she dropped it to the plate, she wound her free arm around his neck. All of her visions of how this was going to go down tonight didn’t include this option. Maybe it the vast recesses of her mind, subconsciously, but never—
“Is this okay?” Sean pulled away just enough to ask the question against her lips before she closed the gap between them.
“Perfect,” Emma murmured.
They drew each other in, hard and fast, as if this wasn’t a first kiss where things should have been awkward, tentative, and hesitant. Instead, he moved his hands from cradling her face to rake through her hair and he slipped his tongue across her lips. She opened for him without question. Their tongue’s dueled, a clear give-and-take that made her pulse pound. A dizzying, delicious dance that muddled any attempt at logic that might be creeping through her thoughts.
She stood up, dragging him up from the couch. A clear signal if there ever was one, and he moved with her.
She was surprised, therefore, when Sean pulled back.
“Whoa, okay. Emma, you need to know… If this goes any further tonight, this is only going to be a one-time thing. You can’t wake up tomorrow morning thinking this is going to turn into something more. Can you deal with that?”
“Yes, that’s fine. I get it, totally fine.” She looked him dead in the eye, so he knew she was thinking past the chemistry that was enthralling them both. “I want this.”
“Perfect.”
He didn’t hesitate as he swept her off her feet and into his arms. Emma giggled as he carried her through the boat into a plush, contemporary bedroom suite, as if it were her wedding day.
“A bit much, don’t you think?” she asked.
With Emma still laughing, he tossed her onto the bed, landing her in a heap of over-fluffed pillows and bouncy softness at her back. For a moment, she struggled to do anything but close her eyes and groan in ecstasy. Then he was crawling up the bed beside her—and she only had one thing on her mind.
Chapter 5
Emma
Emma woke up feeling better rested than she ever had. When she pushed her hair out of her face, glanced at the clock, and rolled over to a cold spot in the bed beside her, her stomach twisted into a knot. But, then again, what had she been expecting? Sean had made his terms clear and she had agreed to them. There really shouldn’t be any surprises that he hadn’t stuck around to cuddle after the fact.
Still, she wrapped her arms around herself and took a deep breath. No doubt, she should be thinking of an exit strategy. One that allowed for the least amount of awkwardness possible. Before anything else though, she needed a shower. She didn’t need Sean’s scent moving through her lungs all afternoon, knowing she would never see him again and would only relive the way he had touched her through her memories.
After her shower, she located her clothes, got dressed and hurried out to the deck where they had eaten dinner the night before. What she came out to wasn’t what she had been expecting—Sean was heaping a plate full of pancakes from a pan in his hand. Somehow, she hadn’t thought of him as the cooking type. Maybe that had something to do with the staff of twenty-five aboard the yacht.
“I’m assuming this is for me?” Emma sat down and picked up her coffee cup, grateful that she wouldn’t have to wait until they were back on dry land for the sweet kiss of caffeine.
“Morning, sleepyhead,” Sean said warmly. “Cream and sugar’s on the table. I’ll go get the bacon.” He kissed her on the cheek and headed back into the cabin.
She doused her coffee with enough cream and sugar to knock a Smurf out and took a soothing sip. Perfection.
As the caffeine made its way into her veins, she couldn’t help wondering. Did he do this for all his one-night stands? Or was it possible, that for all his talk of their night being a one-time thing, Sean’s feelings had changed overnight?
There was no denying that their night together had been amazing, better than any fantasy she could have concocted in her mind. Now, combined with the VIP treatment he was now giving her, Emma was in slight shock at what she sensed happening between them.
“The final piece of the puzzle.” Sean winked and put a plate of bacon down on the table. “I can’t start my morning without it.”
“A bacon addict, huh?”
“All the smart ones are. All the calories and fat, gets your brain working in the morning.”
“How very humble of you…” Emma teased.
Sean grinned and took his seat, wasting no time in digging into his eggs. “Eat. We had a long night last night. You need to refuel.”
Emma smiled back and grabbed a piece of bacon, delighted that the easy connection between them had carried over to the morning. Casually sleeping together could have gone horribly wrong, but there didn’t seem to be any awkwardness in the air. Sean was eating with a smile as the morning sun beat down on their shoulders, the slap of the waves against the side of the boat.
Maybe she had read everything wrong? It would be…wrong, not to explore this between them, right? There was no real reason why they couldn’t make something long-distance work, if they both put in the effort.
Based on the delicious breakfast they were tucking into, Sean wasn’t above making an effort.
As they both ate in silence, Emma contemplated her move. There was no reason to hit him with the idea right out in the open. She would have to ease into it, see if he took the bait and go from there. Otherwise, she might risk coming across like some clingy nightmare. It wasn’t as if she had visions of marriage in her head or anything, but she enjoyed the idea of getting to know Sean better. So that’s how she would frame it.
With her mind made up, she opened her mouth—
“What do you have in the works today?” Sean asked, cutting her off, a forkful of pancakes halfway to his mouth.
“I’m catching a plane back to Chicago with the girls.”
“Ah.” He nodded absently and focused on his plate.
“I would love your number, so I could text you sometime—”
He held up his fork, still chewing even as a frown formed on his face.
“Emma, as much as I appreciate the suggestion, I said it before and I’ll say it again: nothing in my life is certain right now. I’ve got a lot to figure out about my future, and until I figure out how that is going to look, everything else isn’t a priority. I don’t need to be nurturing anything with anyone, except myself.”
Well, damn. That was awkward.
Emma retreated into herself, put
ting down her fork and looking anywhere but at him. He had been clear last night, but this morning—everything had seemed blurry again. She didn’t think he could blame her for raising the topic. Now, though, it couldn’t be clearer that she’d had it all wrong.
She cleared her throat, pushing her chair back. “I should—”
“I’ll take you back to shore.”
Still avoiding his eyes, Emma merely nodded, hoping that he saw the gesture. Not caring all that much because whatever food and drink was in her stomach, it was quickly souring.
“Thank you. You’ve been a great…host.” She struggled to get the words out, still avoiding his gaze as she got up from the table and walked over to the railing, looking out at the horizon.
They didn’t talk any further as the boat pulled back into shore, toward the dock that seemed far too far away in the distance. When she looked around at the table, Sean was gone.
She had to hand it to him. He was quick to avoid anything that didn’t fit into his perfect little mold.
“He was upfront, I can’t fault him for that,” she muttered, trying to suppress the unexpected sadness welling in her chest as she stared at the swirling waters beneath the yacht.
Sean might not have his life together yet, but whatever his future looked like, it was clear that she wasn’t going to be a part of it.
Chapter 6
Emma
Allison picked up the pitcher of mimosas and refilled Emma’s glass. “I’m so sorry things didn’t work out for you, sweetheart,” she said. “I mean, who saves someone’s life, sweeps them off their feet, and then leaves? It’s like a romantic comedy gone wrong.” She propped her feet up on the empty chair next to them and crossed her ankles. “At least he gave you fair warning, though.”
“Yeah, I can’t say he wasn’t completely honest. I would never say that,” Emma sighed and took a large gulp from her champagne glass filled with mimosa. “For a second though, I really thought maybe it was time for my life to get that perfect happy ending. You know, like Shelly Davenport?”
“Oh God, that skank?” Makenzie rolled her eyes and rocked back in her chair. “Isn’t she a princess somewhere in Europe?”
Allison and Emma nodded at the same time, meeting each other’s eyes across the small restaurant table. The three friends had met for brunch, though Emma hadn’t touched a morsel following her impromptu breakfast with Sean.
Sean hadn’t come out again until they docked, and that was only to lead her down the gangplank, give her an awkward kiss on the cheek, and then get right back on his larger-than-life boat. He was going to live the rest of his life and she was going to live hers too—and never the twain shall meet.
“Hey girl, don’t even worry about it,” Makenzie said. “You both had fun and that’s all that matters, it doesn’t mean you’re in any way inferior or not good enough.” Advice dispensed, she took a huge slice of watermelon and shoved it into her mouth with her fingers.
“Well, I didn’t feel any of that until you said something,” Emma teased her friend, crossing her arms and pouting as if she were much more upset.
Makenzie laughed, raising her glass in the air. “To wild weekends and making mistakes. May we take nothing back but the friendships we strengthened this spring break.”
The three of them clinked their glasses together and Emma’s grin grew by the second. The three of them had had an amazing time together, that was true. For the first time all week she was feeling a part of their gang again, and she hated the sudden idea of leaving them. Everyone was moving forward with their own lives. They would be enjoying going back to school and then graduation. Sean would be working for his family or bucking tradition and couch surfing with his friends. Either way, everyone’s futures were moving faster and faster, turning into their productive present with every day.
Except for Emma’s future. Hers was the same as it had been since leaving high school and nothing but her apartment number had changed in the last two years. No experiences that drew her closer to finding a purpose. An illumination of what she was really meant to do in this life outside of working as a corporate drone for the law firm. There had to better things out there, but she would never explore them if she didn’t take a chance and realize her future.
“You okay over there? You look like you’re thinking awfully hard.” Allison’s eyes narrowed. “Our flight doesn’t leave for another six hours, Emma, you can’t start pouting now. You hear me?”
“I hear you and I wasn’t pouting.”
Allison and Makenzie shared a look between them that was all too readable.
“Uh-huh. Enjoy what time we have left, babe. We only live once.”
No one needed to tell her twice. For a while now, Emma had been wondering if something needed to shift in her life. Now, following last night’s conversation with Sean, she was determined not to waste another second doing something that didn’t contribute to her overall dream.
“To making every minute count.” Emma raised her half-full glass and signaled for the waitress. “Another round of these and some cheese fries, please. We’re not quite done with our vacation yet.”
Chapter 7
Emma
Ten Years Later
“Thanks for keeping me company while I trek hours out of my way to see you,” Emma teased over the phone pressed to her ear. She shivered and pulled her coat and scarf tighter around her as the icy wind cut through her layers of winter clothing. “You of all people should appreciate how much I’m putting up with to get out there for you.”
“Cry me a river, baby cakes,” Allison said on a laugh. “We’ll have plenty of alcohol and good food. So ditch your big-city airs and get yourself out to suburbia before you turn into a popsicle.”
Before Emma could say anything else, her best friend hung up.
Emma looked down at the phone in her hand with a small smile, dodging pedestrians on the Chicago sidewalk. The people around her were probably all out doing last-minute Christmas shopping, and though it pained her to admit it, Emma would much rather be doing that than going to Allison’s party tonight.
After college, both Allison and Makenzie had come back to their hometown to nest. Now, ten years after their spring-break getaway in Cancun, not only did Allison have an amazing home on the outskirts of central Chicago, but was pregnant with her second child. Her baby shower was taking place that night, and truth be told, Emma was dreading it.
The phone in her hand chirped and Emma looked down at her screen. It was a text from her secretary, confirming a late-night appointment scheduled for after she got back from Allison’s house.
“Bitterman wants to move the consultation up an hour. Does that work for you?”
As a successful attorney, Emma’s clientele was her whole life. After that spring-break trip, she had turned her whole life around. It had taken a couple weeks of reflection for her to narrow down her ultimate goal, but when she finally did, the relief was instantaneous; she didn’t want to spend her life as a secretary at a law firm—she wanted to be a full-fledged lawyer. After years of night school, working nonstop, and busting her hump without any more vacations, she had acquired a job at a small, elite practice downtown as a family lawyer.
“Perfect,” she breathed, typing back a quick confirmation.
“Sounds good. Schedule me for three more meetings tomorrow. Alcide postponed his divorce case so I have a few open slots.”
Even with her whole life being overwhelmed by work, Emma never resented the long and sometimes tedious hours. With her life on track, she couldn’t imagine doing anything else. She had found a pure kind of satisfaction, and bone-deep purpose. That passion had filled up her days and nights for years as she climbed the ladder at her firm, kept her up sleepless and hungry for more knowledge—and so far, she had never lost a case.
It was only now, ten years on, that that sense of deep satisfaction was beginning to wane. Something was missing in her life, and her career was no longer enough to fill it.
Emma shoved her phone in her pocket and tried to stymie the unwanted thoughts pinging around in her brain. She would go to Allison’s, stay for some food and drink, call out early and curl up on her couch in her pyjamas with a few work files and have her meeting with Bitterman. That was a good enough night as anything she could hope for and it was doing exactly what she loved on her schedule.
She had almost taken her hand off the phone when it vibrated again. Unable to resist, she brought up the screen so she could see the incoming notification.
“Any more appointments? Doctor keeps calling. Still want me to cancel?”
Emma closed her eyes and bit the inside of her lip. Painful thoughts readied themselves in the back of her mind, ready to crush the last of her good mood. No, not tonight. She wouldn’t think about any of it tonight.
She dropped her phone into her pocket, determined not to answer her secretary’s texts until tomorrow. Until her fertility doctor took the hint and canceled Emma’s latest appointment without her having to think about their last consultation together.
But how was that really possible when she was about to be a guest at her best friend’s baby shower?
Emma trudged down into the subway station, doing her best to hold off the sharp pain that was squeezing inside her chest. The train car was thankfully half empty, and she put her oversized purse on the seat next to her before she put her face in her hands.
No, she wouldn’t break down in public. That would be way too much.
But the backs of her eyelids burned as she swiped at them. How on earth was she going to get through tonight?
She needed to talk to her friends, she knew. Have the very conversation she had been avoiding for several weeks now. But tonight wasn’t the right moment. Not with so much joy in the air.
Emma sighed and shifted on the seat, trying to work out exactly when she would next have a chance to talk to Makenzie and Allison. She desperately needed their support, but there was no easy way to say what needed to be spoken out loud. Acknowledging it made it very, very real. And she had been avoiding that as much as possible, hoping against hope that her diagnosis wasn’t final.
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