by Aly Martinez
Every light in the room was on. My head was thrown back against the pillow, my hand in the top of Porter’s hair, his mouth between my legs.
It should be noted that, while bathroom sex was amazing, a bed definitely had its merits. The best of which being the ease in which Porter could trail his mouth over every inch of my body.
A strangled cry escaped my throat as his fingers roughly filled me while his tongue swirled over my clit.
“Porter, please,” I begged, tugging at his hair.
“Not until you come again,” he rumbled, the vibrations doing some seriously nice things.
“I can’t, bab—oh God.” What started as a whisper morphed into a moan when he twisted his fingers, curling them inside me.
When Travis and I had arrived at the house, a set of nerves I’d never even considered had exploded within me.
Porter had been waiting on the porch for us. But, while looking up at that two-story brick home, I found myself dreading getting out of the car. How was I supposed to walk into that house without feeling like an intruder?
That house was a portal to an entirely different dimension.
A gateway to the world in which my son had grown up.
A world where he called another woman mom.
The same woman who had taken him from me.
Numbly, I’d accepted a kiss from Porter before he’d guided me inside. One step through the door and I realized that it was worse than I’d feared. Images of my son covered the walls in a weird yet charming hodgepodge of frames. As much as I wanted to investigate, memorize, and absorb every one of those stolen moments from his childhood, I couldn’t bring myself to look.
What if she was in the pictures? Holding my son. Smiling with my son. Laughing with my son. Living and enjoying every moment she’d robbed me of.
I’d told myself that the past didn’t matter, but it still felt like a dozen copies of his deep-brown eyes were boring into me from all angles, taunting me with memories I’d never have.
So I pretended those pictures didn’t exist.
Only they became all I could think about.
Curiosity consumed me while self-preservation waged its war.
I smiled on cue. Laughed when something was funny. Held on to Porter as if he could make it stop. But I never opened my mouth to tell him why I was silently losing my mind.
It wasn’t his fault that Catherine had turned out to be a madwoman. But being there, where she had once lived, was smothering me.
After eating a takeout dinner from The Porterhouse—on dishes the woman I hated with every fiber of my being had probably bought—we’d spent the night on the couch she’d probably sat on, my legs tangled with a man who had once vowed to love her and my son playing—and fighting—with her daughter.
She had stolen my child and seamlessly slipped him into her dead son’s life.
Was I now slipping into her life?
During a movie the kids had insisted we watch, they had fallen asleep.
Porter did not delay in carrying them both to their rooms.
And then carrying me to his bed.
Or was it her bed?
Desperate for a distraction from the swirling tornado in my head, I eagerly welcomed his body.
Porter took me long and hard, until we were both covered in a sheen of sweat. But, even after we’d finished, I wasn’t ready to go back to reality.
In the shower, I guided his hands between my legs and pretended for a little while longer. Only I couldn’t silence my mind long enough to find another release. So, when the hot water had turned to cold, it had forced us, dripping wet, through his bedroom, where he’d planted me on the bed seconds before his mouth disappeared between my legs.
“Porter,” I cried as he worked me closer and closer to the edge. I fisted the sheets and rolled my hips against his mouth. My whole body was coiled tight.
Porter never slowed his torturous tongue or his magical fingers.
“Oh God,” I moaned as my orgasm finally sprang to the surface, demolishing me in its wake.
I fell back on the bed, my heart racing but every other muscle in my body going slack.
All except my mind.
How many times had he done that with her?
I slapped a hand over my mouth as the thought assaulted me.
Closing my eyes, I counted backward from twenty, trying to trick my brain into some sort of semblance of calm.
None was found.
“You feeling any better now?” he asked, collapsing beside me on the bed.
Folding my arm over my face, I hid from him.
He moved my arm and searched my face. “Do I need to turn the lights off for you to talk to me?”
“W…what?” I stammered, the promise of the darkness almost as exciting as it was terrifying.
He would have made me feel better in the darkness, but in order to get that, I would have had to confess the landfill of garbage in my head.
He scooted in close and rested his hand on my hip. “You’ve been stuck in your head all night.”
I twisted my lips. “No. I haven’t.”
“Really?” he drawled, arching an eyebrow. “You stared at the wall for over an hour earlier.”
“I’m not a movie person,” I defended.
“Yeah, but you didn’t stare at me like you usually do when you get bored.”
I attempted humor. “Jesus, Porter. I’m not that creepy.”
“You are that creepy. And I fucking love it. But, tonight, you were off in your own little world.” He pecked me on the lips and smiled. “And you didn’t even invite me to come with you.”
Unable to reply around the lump in my throat, I inched into his space until he rolled to his back and tucked me into his side so my head was resting on his chest.
My breathing shuddered as I fought to keep my emotions beneath the surface.
“Jesus, Charlotte,” he whispered, but he didn’t push to make me explain.
His fingers played in my hair as mine gripped his arm impossibly tight while I forced myself to stay in that moment with him and not disappear into the past.
His mouth came to the top of my hair, where he kissed me. “Was tonight too much for you? Like, with the kids?”
I tilted my head back to see him, a pang of guilt hitting my stomach when I saw the worry carved in his face. “No. The kids were great. I love seeing him happy. And Hannah’s a doll.”
He blew out a relieved breath. “Good. Okay. So, was Brady a dick when you picked up Travis?”
I cut my gaze to the corner. “He started to be, but then I realized he’s just sad. Travis isn’t really giving him much of a chance.”
“Yeah. He’s not Brady’s biggest fan. Apparently, Brady’s been talking shit about you to his wife.”
I scoffed. “Well, that’s nothing new.”
His jaw became hard. “Maybe not, but it’s a problem when my son overhears it. He’s got to cut that shit out if he wants any hope of a relationship with Travis. You’re his mother. And, if he was any kind of man, he’d respect that and try to reinforce that bond, not tear it down.”
My mouth was so fast that my mind didn’t have the chance to filter my rough tone before I’d released the words into the wild. “Is that what you’re planning to do for Hannah?”
His chin snapped to the side. “What?”
I clamped my mouth shut and rolled away.
“Charlotte, what the hell?” he questioned as I started yanking my clothes up off the floor.
I gave him my back so he couldn’t read the lie on my face. “Travis and I need to get home.”
“It’s one in the morning, and you told him you were spending the night.”
When I heard the mattress creak, I hurried to get my shirt over my head before he could stop me.
“Yeah, but I just remembered—”
The room plunged into darkness, which sent a tsunami of panic crashing down over me. I didn’t want Catherine in the darkness. That was mine and she couldn�
��t have it.
“No. Turn them back on! Turn them back on! Turn them back on!”
Blessed light flooded the room, and my whole body trembled with relief.
“What the hell is going on?” he rumbled.
“I have to go home,” I choked out, rushing to my shoes and slipping them on.
I hadn’t made it more than two steps when he suddenly wrapped me up in a hug.
“You have to talk to me.”
“Porter, stop,” I cried.
He let me go, but then he stepped in front of me, blocking my path to the door. “Let me in, Charlotte.”
“I need to leave.”
He shook his head and planted his hands on his hips. “Whatever the fuck that has been poisoning your head all night, you gotta give it to me, sweetheart. I can’t fix it if I don’t know what it is.”
My eyes welled with tears. He was right. She was poisoning me. She’d already ruined my life. And, now, she was about to ruin my relationship with Porter too.
“I have to…get away from her,” I admitted.
“Who?” he breathed, taking a step toward me, his hands going to my hips and pulling me close.
“Catherine,” I croaked.
His hands spasmed, but his face softened. “Baby, she’s not here.”
“She raised my child in this house, Porter. I can’t do this. I didn’t think about it before I agreed to come here. But it’s all I’ve been able to think about.”
He blew out a loud and long exhale. “Come with me, Charlotte.”
I shook my head, but when he took my hand and intertwined our fingers, I had no choice but to follow him.
Shirtless and in only a pair of pajama pants, he led me through the house and out the front door.
“Porter, the kids. We can’t leave.”
“We’re not going anywhere,” he said. After guiding me to the curb, he stepped behind me and then pointed to a cute one-story brick house at the end of the cul-de-sac. “That was the house Catherine and I bought together.”
“What?” I breathed.
He shifted my back closer to his front and rested his chin on the top of my head. “Remember the day at Tanner’s pond when I tried to pick a fight with the water? Well, that was the day the kids and I moved out. I didn’t have this one yet, but I refused to stay in that house anymore. Her deceit was suffocating me, no matter how hard I tried to move on. I’d been doing my best to keep the kids’ lives stable after losing her, but I couldn’t close my eyes without seeing her holding him underwater. We moved into my parents’ house while I debated on what to do. I wanted to keep Travis in the same school district, and back then, he had a few friends in the neighborhood. The minute this house came on the market, I bought it sight unseen.”
He turned me in his arms and dropped his forehead to mine. “Outside of a few things in the kids’ bedrooms, there’s nothing in my house of Catherine’s. For the last three years, I kept a picture on my dresser of her holding Travis as a baby.” He paused before correcting himself. “The real Travis, not your Lucas. I left it there so the kids wouldn’t have to feel like they had to erase her from their lives too. But, last week, when I got home from the police station, I shattered it against the wall.”
My breathing shuddered, and I looped my arms around his neck. “I hate her so much for what she did. She ruined my life, Porter. She took the only thing I would have died to keep.”
“And I will never fault you for that. I hate her too. But there’s still a small part of me that feels guilty for not recognizing that she had some serious psychological problems. Christ, Charlotte. I would have saved us all a lot of heartache if—”
I slapped a hand over his mouth. “Don’t do that. That’s the what-if vortex that will swallow you whole if you let it. Don’t go there, Porter. Stay with me.”
He swayed into me as his eyes turned to glass.
I held his stare until he nodded.
Removing my hand from his mouth, I confessed, “I felt like I was slipping into her life tonight.”
“Jesus, Charlotte. That’s some heavy shit. Why didn’t you say anything?”
I shrugged. “Because it wouldn’t have been your fault. I don’t know. I was blamed for a lot of years for something I couldn’t change. I guess I didn’t want to do that to you.”
He hugged me tighter. “I never would have asked you to come over here tonight if there was even a tinge of her anywhere in my house. Hannah is all there is left of Catherine in my life and she’s the only part of that woman I will ever expect you to accept.”
“It’s not Hannah’s fault. She is an innocent little girl, Porter.”
“I’m really fucking glad you feel that way. Because every time she got near you tonight, I worried that she was overwhelming you. I love you, Charlotte. But that’s my daughter.”
“Porter. Hannah doesn’t bother me at all. And if she did…I would have left. I would never put you in a situation where you had to choose. It’s why, back when I was struggling with the fact that you had children, I was trying so hard to figure out a way to be okay with it. I know you love your kids.” I pressed a slow and reverent kiss to his lips. “And, if you want the truth, it might be the biggest reason why I love you. In a world where people told me to move on and let go, with you, I didn’t have to feel guilty for still loving my son as much as I did because, if you were in my shoes, you would have been just as devastated.”
He blew out a heavy groan. “In a way, I was in your shoes for a week and I almost broke. I have no idea how you did it for so long.”
“I don’t know, either. But it’s over now.” I pressed up onto my toes and whispered against his lips, “For both of us.”
“I still have Catherine’s stuff,” he admitted. “It’s in a storage unit across town. Everything from our furniture to her clothes. Picture albums, knickknacks. Whatever. I kept it all for the kids in case they ever want any of it. Especially Hannah. Are you going to be able to live with that if it happens one day?”
My breath caught in my throat. “That’s a long way in the future, Porter.”
“But it’s in the future, Charlotte. And, if this thing with us works out, it’s going to be in your future. And what about Travis?”
My body turned to granite, and my heart stopped at the very idea. “You think he’d want some of her stuff?”
“Now? No. He remembers being in the car with her. But he still loved her at one time. And I think, the older he gets and the closer he gets to you, the more he’ll realize how terrible the things she did really were. But I can’t swear that to you for sure.”
I chewed on my bottom lip. “I don’t know how I would ever handle that.”
He kissed my temple and murmured, “It’s not his fault, either. Just start preparing in case it ever happens. Every now and again, he’ll talk about her. It’s rare. But it does happen.”
I nodded and then buried my face in his chest, sending up a dozen prayers that that day would never come. We stood there for several minutes in the darkness, the light of the moon and the stars bearing down on us.
“So, can I talk to you about something serious right now?” he murmured.
I popped my head up. “More serious than your ex who kidnapped my son?”
He grinned. “Yes.”
“This doesn’t sound good.”
He trailed his hands down until they splayed over my ass. “Relax. It’s good. I promise. At least, for me, anyway.”
“Great,” I smarted.
He chuckled and bent low until his lips were at my ear, where he whispered, “You said you love me.”
My stomach dipped. “No. I didn’t.”
His grin became a full-blown smile. “Yeah, you did. You said that you knew I loved my kids and that was the biggest reason you love me.”
I huffed and rolled my eyes. “I meant…the biggest reason why I was falling in love with you.”
“Still?” he complained.
A laugh escaped my throat before I was abl
e to stop it. “It’s only been a night, Porter. Remember, with a man like you, it’s a really long trip.”
He narrowed his eyes and hissed, “Liar.”
And I was. Because there wasn’t a man in the entire world who would ever be able to compare to Porter.
Not his warmth.
Not his understanding.
Not his heart.
And definitely not the way he loved.
So, for that reason alone, I looked up at him and whispered, “I am. Wholly and completely.”
He tipped his head to the side and arched an eyebrow. “Was that a riddle? You are what? A liar or in love with me?”
I shrugged. “I guess we’ll never know.”
Porter’s glare turned murderous, but his mouth split into a smile that stole my breath.
Less than a second later, the ground disappeared from beneath my feet and I found myself slung over his shoulder.
Laughing, he carried me back into the house.
I did my best to keep my giggles soft as he toted me down the hall and into the bedroom.
And then both of our laughter stopped when his mouth covered mine.
Twenty minutes later, as we lay sated in a tangled heap, I told Porter once and for all that I loved him.
He stared deep into my eyes, a million emotions cascading through his handsome features, and replied, “Too late now. I’ve already moved on.”
He was seriously insane.
But it was safe to say I was, in fact, wholly and completely in love with that man.
* * *
“What if they hate me?” she asked.
I took her hand in mine and laced our fingers together. “Oh, my mom definitely will.”
Her head snapped up. “Porter!”
Laughing, I kept my gaze aimed out the windshield and gave her a reassuring squeeze. “You didn’t let me finish. I meant, she’ll hate you for about ten seconds until she sees him and then she’ll love you.”
Charlotte looked at the kids in the back seat. Hannah was sound asleep in her car seat, as she was so often when we were in the car. Travis was sitting beside her, peering out the window, an epic smile covering his face.
He’d been smiling like that for a week.