by Trina Lane
“I’m sorry, Javier, usually we don’t make people cry until after the appointment.”
He looked up at the deep voice and nearly fell over for a second time in the space of ten minutes.
“Shut up, Malaki.” Bethany said while smiling and wiping her own tears away. “Oh, pardon me, how unprofessional.”
Malaki made eye contact with Bethany and raised his eyebrow. Bethany’s tearful smile turned to a lascivious grin. Oh yeah, the woman’s up to no good.
Bethany placed her hand on Javier’s biceps. “Dr. Alde, this is Dr. Taupo, your therapist.”
Javier almost smirked at the way she emphasized their titles. He held out his hand. “Hello. Thank you for seeing me.”
Malaki’s hands were large and strong. Thick veins snaked up the man’s forearms. Javier rarely felt small in life, but at this moment he was dwarfed by the specimen in front of him. His skin gleamed a rich terra-cotta, much like the brownish-red earth of the Sedona desert.
“We have a lot of work ahead of us. Shall we?”
Javier gripped his crutches, swung past the man away from the reception area and headed for one of the open tables at the back of the room. The place was empty of other patients at the moment. He propped his crutches against the wall and pushed himself up onto the table. He grimaced as he swung his left leg up.
“Here, this might help.” Malaki placed a positioning bolster under his knee.
“Thanks. I’ve been using a pillow at home.”
“So, I read the medical chart you had transferred to us. And I saw that your orthopedic care was transferred to Dr. Dorsey at the Lampton Clinic.”
“He’d referred patients to me in the past and I called in a favor.”
“Well, he’s as good as they come, but, as you know, the real work from this point forward is on your shoulders, with me as your guide. Since you know the score, why don’t you tell me where you’re at?”
“My effusion levels are minimal unless I’ve really pushed myself. I can walk around my apartment without the crutches, but for long distances I find it easier to have them. I don’t have a goniometer at home, but I would estimate that my range of motion is nearly full extension, but maybe only seventy-five percent flexion.”
“Okay. What are you doing about pain management?”
“Over the counter NSAIDs, PRN.”
“As needed anti-inflammatories are fine as long you’re still maintaining your icing schedule, especially after exercise. What about patellar mobilization?”
“I’ve been doing my thirty reps a day.”
Malaki nodded and noted several things on his tablet. “Well, I can see this going one of two ways. Either you’re going to be the easiest patient ever or the worst.”
Javier knew Malaki was making notes on his case history entries. It was a bit intimidating being on this side of the table. And although Malaki wasn’t intentionally trying to make him nervous, Javier still had the urge to peek at what Malaki was saying about him. “Well, we do always say doctors make the worst patients, but I need to get stable enough to find work again soon,” he confessed, trying to tease his way out of the awkwardness.
Malaki raised one eyebrow. Javier couldn’t seem to stop himself from cataloging each feature of the man’s face, from the firm lips to the high cheekbones and over the top of Malaki’s shaved head. The man wore the look well, unlike some he’d seen in the past. Malaki was exactly the type of guy Javier would have gravitated toward once upon a time, but there was no way on this green earth he would allow those type of thoughts to take root.
“Don’t worry, I’m not after your job. I know I’m going to need to find a new employer.”
He didn’t know such dark eyes could sparkle or that such a big smile was possible. Malaki somehow transformed from driven therapist to a man whose laugh lines said he experienced pleasure on a daily basis.
“Let’s get your brace off and a formal baseline.”
* * * *
Malaki sat at his desk, finishing up his chart notes. It was his favorite time of the day, after everyone had left and he had the office to himself. It had been an interesting last few hours. His boss had conveniently taken lunch at the time her former boss had been scheduled for his appointment. Initially, Malaki had been worried that was a sign that Javier was a difficult person, but as it had turned out, that couldn’t be further from the truth. The man had a drive to get better, stronger than anyone Malaki had seen in a long time. And given the hug he’d interrupted between him and Bethany, clearly he’d been a well-loved manager.
He looked at the screen. Javier’s was the last chart-note he had to complete for the day. The moment Javier’s chart had been tasked to his name as the primary provider, he’d locked case-note access to everyone but Sarah. He knew Bethany was desperate to know what had happened to the man, but Malaki protected every patient’s privacy to the extreme. If Javier wanted to share, that was his decision. And there really was no way he could prevent Sarah from sharing information with immediate employees, but he sincerely hoped she wouldn’t do something like that.
God damn, what he lived through is nothing short of a miracle.
Javier’s surgical scar had looked to be healing well, but Malaki had seen other evidence of his ordeal. There was a long scar on his right quadriceps. He’d had an extremely unprofessional desire to touch and soothe away the pain, so much so that he’d clenched his hands into fists, turned his back and spent the most time in his entire career readying the electrotherapy machine.
Just thinking about the scars again got him mad all over. He pushed his chair away and strode out into the exercise area. He needed to move and work some of the tension out of his muscles. He stripped off his shirt with its company logo. The mirrored wall reflected an image that some people considered threatening. He was a large man and his Samoan heritage was enhanced by the massive tattoo that covered the left side of his chest, over the top and back of his shoulder, and down his biceps. He always tried to wear clothing that covered his tattoos at work, but nothing could be done about the fact that muscles covered his body and he towered over most of his patients. He’d specifically sought out a facility that specialized in sport rehab because he didn’t want to scare little old ladies trying to recover from broken hips into having a heart attack.
Malaki kicked off his shoes and stripped off his socks. He didn’t have any gym shorts on him, so his cargo pants would have to suffice until he got to the gym later. He grabbed the jump rope off the hook and got to work.
After several minutes, his heart rate had sped up to a comfortable pace and Malaki increased his speed. He blinked away the sweat that started to drip down his face. He tightened his core and his slick skin highlighted the ripples of his abdomen. The clutter cleared from his mind, just as he’d hoped. Various small scars from his life as a former collegiate athlete and lifelong enthusiast of extreme sports decorated his body. But they were miniscule and meant nothing to him. Javier’s scars were a testament to his strength, and Malaki wanted to make sure he did everything he could to highlight that to the man.
He tossed the rope aside and caught his breath as he walked around the mat. He had so much he needed to do that night. Finish the chart notes and therapy plans for tomorrow, go the gym, stop by the grocery store and complete his meal prep for the rest of the week.
So why do I keep thinking about a pair of soulful brown eyes?
Chapter Five
Sweat ran into his eyes as Javier gritted his way through another set of banded pop squats. His knee burned, and not necessarily in that good ‘working his muscles hard’ way, but he had to get through this last set. His gaze was locked on the timer Malaki had set up for the cycle of exercises he was supposed to complete. Is it possible for time to actually slow down?
“All right, enough,” Malaki ordered.
He bent over and tried to catch his breath. It was pathetic how out of shape he was. Before he’d been taken, he could have done a simple circuit like this in his sleep
.
“But I didn’t…fuck me, that hurts…finish.”
“You did three of the four cycles and it won’t do you any good if you hurt yourself in the process of rehabbing.”
He would have argued some more, but instead he just collapsed onto the mat and tried to hide the fact that tears were starting to mix with the sweat on his face.
Malaki held out a hand. “Come on. Let’s get you iced down.”
“From your lips to God’s ears.”
He took Malaki’s hand and together they got Javier back on his feet. It was only a dozen or so paces to the table, but Javier’s legs wobbled with every step. Finally he reached his destination. Malaki helped him arrange his legs up on the table and slipped the cold water cuff around his knee. Javier laid back and closed his eyes.
“So I know I pushed you today, but you look especially rode hard and put away wet. My keen sense of observation is inclined to think there’s something else going on. Want to talk about it?”
He pried his eyes open and tried to focus on Malaki, who leaned against the table next to Javier’s.
“What do you mean?”
“We’ve known each other for a few weeks now. You come in here three days a week. When you first arrived, you were fired up and determined, had this ‘nothing’s going to take me down’ attitude. But lately something has changed. It seems like just getting through your warm-ups does you in.”
“I’m doing my best.” Javier growled.
Malaki held up his hands. “I know that. I don’t doubt your work ethic. In fact, I think you’re too hard on yourself. But that doesn’t mean I can’t see how much you’re struggling. Listen, I’m going to step outside my role as a physical therapist for a moment. Are you sleeping? Getting at least six hours a night?”
Six hours would be a dream come true.
“Not exactly,” he mumbled.
“Uh-huh. And how about eating? Are you tracking your macros like we talked about? The body can’t recover its muscle mass if you’re not providing the right type of fuel.”
“I could be doing better.”
Malaki sighed. “Okay, listen. I’m not going to sit here and lecture you about stuff you know you should be doing. So why don’t you talk to me about what’s really going on? I’ve been known to be a pretty good listener and, let’s face it, for the next twenty minutes you’re not going anywhere.”
Javier knew he couldn’t keep going on like he was. Lack of sleep was only number one on his laundry list of problems. He jumped at every little sound. If another person snuck up on him, even innocently, he found himself holding back screams. Most nights he ended up haunting his apartment till the pink light of dawn highlighted whatever takeout container he’d left mostly untouched the night before. Of course, none of this meant he wanted to spill his guts to Malaki.
He examined the man waiting quietly beside him. There was no judgment in his eyes or evidence that he was asking out of some sort of determination to pry Javier’s deepest secrets from his soul for his entertainment. In fact, Malaki’s quiet presence was somehow calming. If he really thought about it, then the only time Javier didn’t feel like he was crawling out of his skin was when he was with Malaki.
“I have nightmares.”
“About what happened to you?”
He nodded.
“Is it always the same thing? Not that you have to tell me the details.”
“No. I mean, sometimes it is, but not always. Sometimes it’s about stuff that didn’t happen, but I guess my subconscious is convinced might still happen. If that makes any sense.”
“Fear is one of the strongest forces in the world. I won’t stand here and profess to understand what you went through or try to placate you with empty promises of improvement. But I will say that when I watch you I don’t see a man damaged beyond repair. I can only imagine how exhausting it’s been to survive and begin your life over again.”
Javier nodded. “I’m so tired.” He closed his eyes and felt as though the world started to float away. Warmth enveloped his hand and spread throughout his body, chasing away the bone-deep cold that seemed to be his permanent state.
“Then you just sleep for a little while. I’ll keep the monsters at bay,” Malaki whispered.
* * * *
“How’s the therapy going?” Tyler asked.
Javier looked across the small table of the café they’d agreed to meet at, near his temporary apartment. “Which one?”
“Huh?”
“I decided to take Detective Kirner’s advice and see a trauma counselor. He put me in touch with one of his contacts here, and I’ve been seeing him for about two months.”
“Well, that’s good, I guess.”
“Yeah, I think so. I mean, the nightmares were getting worse and I wasn’t sleeping. Even Malaki started commenting on how jittery I was and the extra luggage I was carrying under my eyes. He’d noticed how I was losing weight too, instead of building my muscle strength back up.”
“Mm, did he now?” Tyler asked, smiling.
“Shut up. It’s not like that. He’s my physical therapist.”
“And I’m sure you have no other interest in the man who you’ve been working intimately with and embodies all your not-so-secret fantasies.”
“Fine, so I’m not blind, but it doesn’t matter for two very important reasons.”
“Please do tell.”
It was obvious Tyler was humoring him, by the glint in the man’s eyes and the fact that he wasn’t even attempting to hide the smile on his lips. Javier was strongly tempted to throw his water in the man’s face.
“Fine. First of all, he’s a professional and to the same extent I am, too. So, we would never cross a line. Second, I have no desire to start anything with anyone now or even in the future.”
Tyler frowned and leaned forward. “Funny that you didn’t add to that pathetic list of excuses whether or not you know he’s gay. Look, I’m in no position to tell you how to feel or what to think, but I know avoiding relationships altogether is unhealthy.”
“I’m not avoiding relationships. I have you and Brandon as friends. I’m social with others in my trauma survivors’ group. I just don’t want…”
“You don’t want to risk your heart again?”
“It was never my heart in danger with him.”
“No, it was your life. And you beat him. Don’t let that motherfucker steal another second from you. Show his goddamn spirit burning in hell that you’re going to live your life to the fullest extent. Love, work and, yes, fuck in defiance of his desires to extinguish you from this earth.”
Jesus, he’d never heard Tyler’s voice with that hard edge to it before. He understood what Tyler was saying. And his friend wasn’t wrong in his thinking, but it just wasn’t that easy.
“I can’t trust myself,” he whispered.
“What do you mean?”
“I never saw it. I never even suspected he was capable of…what he did. I worked with him on an intimate level that went far beyond even that of some long-term partners, but I never saw it.”
“Yes, you did. You stopped training him because you knew the dynamic between you wasn’t working, right?”
“Yeah, but not that he was a psychopath. Part of the dynamic between Dom and sub is understanding your partner’s needs on the most elemental level. He felt the need to, as you said, extinguish me from this earth, and I had no idea. Besides, I don’t even think I’m capable of that anymore. Not after everything I went through.”
“Capable of what? Tying someone up? Making a man’s skin flush and arch into your flogger? Using that deep voice of yours to command a man on the brink of coming to wait until only you allow them?”
He couldn’t catch his breath and he stared into Tyler’s eyes across the table. An alien feeling of desire made his heart race.
“You forget that I’ve been there. I’ve been that man I just described.”
“You’re not even into the lifestyle. Maybe the fact that I
was trying to force it on you should have been my first sign.”
“Stop right there. Regardless of how we ended, you know that I was always there eagerly and willingly.”
“I hurt you.”
“Yes, you did. But not because you were a bad Dom.”
“No, I was just a bad person.”
“Hey, we’re all a work in progress. Besides, I eventually found Brandon and he’s completed my life in ways I had no way of understanding I needed at the time we were together. And you? You found what you needed, right? I mean, based on the people I met at that club of yours, you were a hot commodity.”
Did I find what I needed? Not really. That was why he’d been reconsidering the whole D/s lifestyle just before being taken. His silence caused Tyler to squint and Javier felt like a specimen being studied.
“I can only imagine how your experience has changed you, so if you no longer want or need that kind of relationship with someone, it’s your choice. Maybe start with a cup of coffee instead of a session at the Citadel. Speaking of which, have you at least been back to see the people there since returning to Dallas?”
He shook his head. “I’ve started to several times, but I always chicken out before I can open the door.”
“Okay. So maybe invite your closest friends from there to a neutral location? When Brandon and I were searching for you, I could see how worried they were. Those people care about you.”
“I know. I know. I’ll call Everett and Henry.”
“Good. Now, the reason I actually asked you to meet me today is because I had some good news to share. Wilhelm, a forensic accountant he recommended and I have been looking into what happened to all your money since your kidnapping. That fucker was smart and evil, but my people are smarter.”
“What?”
“The forensic guy was able to trace the money from the moment it left your bank. I gave him your former account numbers, by the way. The money went through a series of electronic transfers into several dummy holdings, but it eventually landed in the Cayman Islands.”