by Jordan Marie
“I’m looking sober. That’s what you really mean, right Ana?”
“Okay, fine. You look like you haven’t been high in a while.”
“I’ve told you a hundred times, that’s my fucking business.”
“Allen, you’re throwing away your life.”
“You don’t live with the memories I have, or the scars, Ana. When you do, you can talk to me about staying sober. Until then, just shut the fuck up.”
“If you could stay sober, there are things we could do to help you cope, Allen. If you let me in, just a little bit, I’ll make sure you have help. I promise.”
“There you go, my goody-two-shoes big sister trying to save me. You don’t seem to get it that I don’t want to be saved. I never asked for your help and I sure as hell don’t want it. You better tend to your own life because trust me, when Anthes finds out that you’re double-crossing him, there will be hell to pay.”
“Allen, he might be…”
“Listening? Do you think I give a fuck? The only reason I haven’t ratted you out yet is because I enjoy watching you squirm. You’ve been too fucking high and mighty for too long. It’s nice to poke at you. If you’re wondering, I do plan to tell him soon. So you might want to find a rock to hide under.”
I wait for Roman to come in, demanding to know what we’re talking about. When nothing happens, I breathe a little easier. “Are you not even going to listen to me?”
“Nope.”
That’s when I give up all hope of ever reaching my brother. I knew it was a longshot, but I had hoped … Hell, I’m not even sure what I hoped. For something more than this, that much is clear. “Will you… will you at least keep my cover until I can manage to get you out of here?”
“Are you working on that?”
“Paul is.”
“Great. The DEA. So I’ll be trading this cage in for a new one. No fucking thanks.”
“Allen, they have you for dealing meth and coke. You have to know there’s not much I can do. My hands are tied. But I’ll be here for you, and by taking this assignment, they’ve told me they’ll make sure you get treatment. You can still live a good life, Allen. We both can. You just need to hold on and help me stay under the radar for a little longer.”
“Tell you what, sis. I’m feeling generous. You have forty-eight hours. After that, I’m singing like the caged canary I am.”
“Allen, I only want to help you. If you’ll just let me try and…”
“You should leave before I decide I’m being too agreeable.”
“I love you, Allen.” He doesn’t answer, but then I didn’t expect him to.
This seems so useless now. Why did I think this might be Allen’s rock-bottom? Why did I think he would accept my help now? Maybe I am as stupid as he keeps telling me I am. This is just one more thing to add to everything that’s been going on. I feel like a small fish being surrounded by sharks and completely out of my depth. I give up and leave because that’s all I can do. There’s more I want to say, but there’s truly no point. Too bad I didn’t realize that before I begged Paul to let me go undercover.
Chapter Forty-One
Roman
When Ana comes outside, she looks so heartbroken that I want to strangle her brother’s neck. I walk over to her and pick her up in my arms.
“Roman,” she gasps, but I ignore her. She’s mine. I might not be able to protect her from pain, but I can damn sure try to minimalize it. “Will you let me down? I can walk.”
“Shut it, Ana,” I growl.
Having her in my arms and feeling her ass pushing into my skin again, that’s what I needed. Last night was the longest fucking night of my life. I’m not giving her room to get free of me. I was stupid to even allow that. She stays tense in my arms during the whole time it takes to get her back to the limo. When I slide inside, Ana still in my arms, I can feel tension leave her. It soothes over some of my anger. She lets her guard down when it’s just the two of us. I like that because fuck if that’s not when I feel alive. If I had no one else in my life for the rest of my years but Ana, I’d be perfectly okay with that. Fuck, I’ve even decided to back out of the deal with Kuzma. He’ll still do his business, but it will just be away from my club. In return I’ll make sure my club is clean so he doesn’t have competition. It works better for me and it keeps that shit away. The things I deal with might be illegal as fuck, but gambling and whores don’t usually have the blowback drugs and guns have. I want Ana pregnant with my child. I don’t want that shit touching her or our baby.
“He’s so angry,” she whispers, and it’s then I notice my shirt is wet with her tears. I hold her close.
“What’s his story?” I ask her.
I don’t really give a damn, but seeing the dynamics between the two, I know there has to be something between them. I find myself changing from wanting to kill the fucking kid to trying to fix him. For Ana. Always for Ana. I’ve already accepted that this is my reality. I may never have planned on claiming a woman, but she’s mine and by God I will move Heaven and Earth just to make sure she doesn’t cry like she’s doing right now. I keep rubbing my hand back and forth on her arm, kissing the top of her head and just holding her close while quiet sobs shake her body. The interior of the limo is alive with her sadness. It’s killing me, but all I can do is let her cry it out.
“Remember how I told you about the man who thought he’d try to turn to me instead of—?”
“Shh… Ana, I remember,” I tell her, not wanting her to repeat it, not wanting to ever hear about it again. I had Bruno track down the fucker who was arrested in the police raid that Banks was a part of. I sent the information to Marcum. He’s gone. I made his head top priority. I can deal with Banks breathing air a few more days. The thought of the fucker who tried to hurt Ana drawing more breath is unacceptable. Completely unacceptable.
“I wasn’t his first choice. That night… wasn’t the first time it had happened,” she whispers the guilty secret.
“Ana?”
“I ran and hid,” she whispers remorsefully. “God, Roman. Paul doesn’t believe me, but I didn’t think he would. I mean I know now I was naïve, but Allen was a boy. A little boy. What kind of sick monster would… Oh, God.”
“Ana, sweetheart…”
“I hid in a closet, not knowing that just a room over that monster was raping my little brother,” she confesses, crying. “When… when Allen finally told me, it had been going on for a week, Roman. A week.”
“What did you do when you found out, pet?”
“I tried to…”
“What, Ana?” Knowing what she’s about to say, the hate burning in my gut is threatening to explode.
“I tried to—” She breaks off, unable to say the words. Her face is buried so tight into my chest that her words are muffled. No one should live with the misery that my woman has locked inside of her. How did she get to be such a giving person? How did she rise above everything that is in her past? More reasons that Ana will always fascinate me.
“You tried to sacrifice yourself to save your brother, didn’t you, Ana? That’s when Banks found you.”
“Yes.”
“Ana, sweetheart, you did all you could do. You were just a kid.”
“Allen was younger. I should have protected him more. I should have known that a monster preys on all children, not just one because she’s a girl. I was stupid.”
“You were a kid. That’s all, Ana. Just a kid. If anyone is to blame, it’s that snake whose bills you’re paying in that nursing home.”
“Allen despises me most of all for that. But I couldn’t just turn her out on the street, Roman. I hate her for what she’s done. But she can’t even go to the bathroom by herself. I can’t just turn my back…”
She can and she should, but that’s a fight for another time and if I have to pay room and board for that bitch the rest of her life, I will, but Ana will never see the woman again. I won’t allow her poison anywhere near Ana.
“I know it
may not feel like it, Ana. But it will be okay. I’ll make it okay.”
“Some things even the great Roman Anthes can’t accomplish,” she half laughs, half cries.
“Watch and see, pet. For you, I can do anything,” I tell her truthfully, making a mental note to call Marcum again. There’s going to be a slight change in plans.
“Are we not fighting anymore?” Ana asks.
The question makes me go tense for a second. “Are you still mad at me?”
“No. You’ve been trying to get Allen clean. Haven’t you, Roman?”
“I would have killed him, Ana. You saved his life, but I can’t lie to you. People don’t cross me without me making an example of them. That’s who I am.”
“Can we forget about who you are outside of the time you’re with me and the same with me? Can we just be Roman and Ana when we’re together?”
“Ana, I’m keeping you. That means the outside stuff will always be there. We can’t bury our heads in the sand and expect—”
“I don’t mean forever, Roman. I mean just a few days. Please? Give me a few days to just have you.” Just have you… I love those words, and for once, Ana and I are in complete agreement.
“Then let’s go back to my house. I have some engagements coming up. We’ll spend our time there and enjoy the beach.”
“Your maid hates me, Roman.”
“She’s paid help, Ana. I’ll make sure she knows you are in charge, if she plans to keep working for me.”
“Whatever you want,” she whispers, her voice sounding very tired.
I relax back into the seat, Ana still in my lap. It’s not but just a few minutes later her breathing evens out and I know she’s sleeping. I gently maneuver to get my phone out while not waking her up—not an easy task. I punch the number in.
“Yeah?”
“Change of plans. I want the package delivered to me.”
“That’s a lot of bread. I’m not in the curbside delivery business.”
“Money…”
“Is not an object. I get it. Did I mention the fact that you’re a needy fucker?”
“Later,” I tell Marcum, not commenting further.
“Later,” he agrees and hangs up. With that done, I hit the intercom to tell Robert to just drive me straight to my house. I have a new wardrobe there for Ana, and anything I need will be there too. I suddenly don’t want to wait one more minute to get her out of this damn car.
Chapter Forty-Two
Ana
“Roman?” I moan, waking up. When he doesn’t answer, I look around the bed to find I’m alone. I glance at the clock and notice it’s a little after midnight. Stretching, I get up, wanting to immediately find him.
We’ve been back at his house for two days, two days that have truly been the best in my life, two days that I truly needed. Seeing Allen almost killed me. Since being undercover, I’ve been pulled into a million different directions. I feel like I’ve lost myself. And maybe going back to Roman’s house and hiding out is running away, but I don’t care. I know things will come to a head with Paul and his crew—and probably very soon. Hell, my brother will be the one to tell Roman before Paul even gets a chance. So, I’m going to take what time I have with Roman and enjoy it. Maybe I can make him so happy that when the truth comes out, he’ll not care. He’ll know I was… Jesus, what was I? In love with him, while setting him up to go to jail?
I love Roman. That revelation makes my heart physically hurt and drum erratically in my chest. I love Roman. I push the thought back before I give myself a mini heart attack. My hand goes to my stomach, resting there. I have so many secrets. So many. I just don’t know how to get out from under them.
I wrap the sheet around my naked body, taking a breath. I pad quietly down the hall, searching out Roman, but careful not to make too much noise. If there’s one dark spot on my time spent here, it would be Mayra, Roman’s maid. He made it clear to her that I am, in fact, her boss now. You would think that would change her attitude towards me. It has, but only in front of Roman. When it’s just me and her, there are waves of hate coming off of her. If I weren’t keeping a million secrets, all of which will blow up in my face soon, I’d call her on it. As it is, right now, I don’t feel I have the right.
“Roman?” I whisper again, this time at his office. I turn the knob and see him sitting there at his desk talking on his phone. His hair is rumpled and he’s wearing slacks and nothing else—and he looks sexy as hell. Roman has a tattoo on his chest. It’s the only mark he has. It says: “Strength and loyalty”. It’s beautiful and I want to lick it every time I see it, even if lately the word “loyalty” makes me feel horrible. Roman deserves my loyalty. He’s never done one thing to hurt me. He’s not the man I read about. That’s the thing. When I took this case, he was words in a file, a means to an end, a criminal. Roman is not that person to me now. Whatever happens, I know beyond the shadow of a doubt that I can’t continue this line of work because, if anything, it has taught me that sometimes the bad guys aren’t all that bad, and the good guys can be rotten to the core.
Roman motions me inside, but I hesitate. “I’ll just go back to our…”
“Sit, pet,” he orders while cupping his hand over the receiver of the phone. He’s smiling. But then, he’s been smiling a lot in the two days we’ve been here. I’m proud of each one because it feels like I gave that to him. When I start to walk around to the front of the sofa and sit, he stops me. “On the back of the sofa, Ana. Sit facing me so I can see you.”
His command sends ripples of desire through me. Which, after the workout he gave me earlier, should be impossible. I sit on the back of the sofa, feeling weird. Roman gets up, all while still talking on the phone about some deal overseas. I’m not really listening; I’m entranced with the look in his eyes.
He comes to a stop in front of me and adjusts the sheet so it gathers at my hips, leaving the entire top part of my body exposed. My nipples tighten and pebble as the cool air hits them. Roman bends down and moves his lips over one, and then the other. I whimper at the feel of his tongue brushing against them. He centers in on my right breast, using his tongue to bathe it, flicking back and forth along the nipple slowly and methodically. Moisture pools between my legs, painting the insides of my thighs. I bury my fingers in his hair, needing more of him. He sucks the nipple in his mouth and I gasp loudly, my pussy quivering. He releases it, blowing against my breast with his heated breath. My eyes close at the sensations he evokes. When I feel his mouth on my nipple again, I thought I knew what to expect, but then he bites it—and not gently. He does it in a way that the pain washes through me and makes my whole body quake because I know with Roman, that sting of pain means more pleasure than I could have ever dreamed before him.
I cry out his name. “Roman! Give me more, please?” I whimper.
When he rises up with a look of satisfaction on his face, I realize he’s still on the phone. I bite my lip hard to keep from begging him to fuck me. Roman backs away to his chair. He sits down, watching me. I swallow against the intensity in his look.
“Maria, we’ll have to finish this discussion later. Something has come up requiring my attention,” he says, hanging up the phone.
“Who’s Maria?” I ask, jealousy firing on all cylinders before I can stop it. Heat hits my face because I know Roman realizes my possessiveness.
“My secretary, pet.”
“Is she pretty?”
“Beautiful,” he says and a sick feeling twists in my stomach.
“Have you… fucked her?”
“Would it matter? I haven’t touched another woman since I saw your picture, Ana. I haven’t even looked at another one.”
“It shouldn’t matter…”
“But it does?”
“I’m sorry.” I know I am being unreasonable, but I’m still wishing I could throat punch his secretary right now.
Then, Roman grins. He grins.
“My possessive little pet. I think I like this side of you. B
ut it doesn’t matter,” he says, unzipping his pants, his eyes never leaving mine.
“It doesn’t?” I ask, losing track of the conversation because I can’t drag my eyes away from Roman as he takes his cock out of his pants. It’s fully erect, and just seeing it makes my insides clench with need.
“No,” he says, but it’s his hand that has my attention. His hand is squeezing his cock and then stroking it so slowly that I swear I can see as every centimeter of his dick vanishes behind his hand. As the head disappears where I can’t see it, I watch as his other hand comes out and massages his balls. His cock becomes shiny with the cum dripping down it. Everything inside of me is demanding I go to him and take him in my mouth.
“Why doesn’t it matter?” I ask, my tongue coming out to lick against my bottom lip, wishing I could taste that one large drop of pre-cum that drops from the head of his cock onto his hand.
“My secretary is a happily-married great grandmother of five.” My eyes move up to him at that and he’s… grinning.
“Asshole,” I grumble. I want to watch his cock again, but the joy in his smile is more captivating. I couldn’t turn away from it if I wanted to. Then, he laughs. A full, deep laugh. If I hadn’t already admitted to myself that I was in love with Roman, this would be the moment. He’s laughing.
“You are constantly surprising me, pet,” he says, and he has no idea. Yet, his words make me inwardly cringe. How surprised will he be when he finds out my biggest secrets?
I swallow, needing to distract myself. I don’t want to think about that. Not right now. Not with Roman stroking himself and my body exposed to him.
“Roman, you’re driving me crazy. I need…”
“What, pet? What do you need? Do you need to be fucked?”
“Yes! God, yes.”
“You need me to pound that pussy, sweetheart?”
“Please, Roman, stop teasing me,” I whimper. I start to slide off the sofa. I don’t care if I have to crawl to him. At this point, I’d do anything—I’m that close to the edge.