by Leslie North
He opened his mouth to speak, but hesitated. It just wasn’t the right time to talk, though their conversation on the plane weighed on him. They should have a conversation. But not now.
“I just came to make sure everything is all right.”
“It’s going as well as can be expected.” She lifted her hair away from her neck and produced a tie from somewhere. With a flick of her wrist she tied it into an elegant bun. “I was hoping the storm would miss us, but it doesn’t look like it will.”
“Come see me when you can.” He wanted to lean in for a kiss, but he held back. Not now. Not here. Not ever again?
“Of course.” Then she was waving her people forward again, and Nadim saw himself out.
On the way back to his rooms, the sound of Karyme giggling caught his attention. The staff had set up a nursery across from his own rooms, furnished with family antiques. Inside, one of the maids kissed her cheek and laid the tired baby in her crib. A few minutes later, the maid came out, giving him a smile and a nod.
It was time to say goodbye to Karyme. He might see her tomorrow, but if he wanted a quiet moment, now was it.
He went into the nursery and put his hands on the edge of the crib. Karyme had already fallen asleep, arms stretched over her head. Nadim pressed a hand to his chest to try and quell the ache there—a painful, sorrowful feeling that spread across his ribs. He’d only known baby Karyme for a few days. It shouldn’t be this difficult to think about leaving her.
But he had to do more than think about it, didn’t he? He had to get on the plane to Raihan tomorrow and keep his promise to himself. It wouldn’t be good for him to stay here and get married. He would always wonder what might have been. Nadim only had one chance to make a life for himself, and it was right now, no matter how much it hurt.
He took several deep breaths and waited for the pain to subside. Then he cleared his throat and began to sing.
He sang Karyme the old love song from the plane, the one she’d liked so much. In the crib she stirred without waking, turning her face from side to side. Such rosy cheeks. Such a sweet baby.
Nadim made it halfway through the first verse before he had to stop. It held too much meaning, that song. He’d never get through it.
He pressed a kiss to his fingertips and brushed them over Karyme’s fuzzy hair. “Goodbye, sweetheart.” Then he went out, closing the door gently behind him.
9
“Is there anything else, Sultana?” The last of her staffers approached the desk, back straight, a tablet in her hands. “The weather service announcement has gone out, and your video message is set to broadcast in ten minutes.”
Aisha sat down in the chair behind her desk and scanned her own tablet, taking a moment to think. It had been a hectic rush from the moment the plane touched down. She hadn’t even had time to visit with the baby. But that was what it meant to be sultana—she had to solve the problems of the nation first, and then give in to her own personal wants if time allowed.
“I don’t think so. No.” She looked up at the staffer with a smile. “You did well today. Keep up the good work.”
The young woman smiled, then went out, leaving Aisha alone in her office for the first time in hours.
It was hard to settle down in times like these—when a problem was coming, and there was no way to stop it. She’d directed the national guard to prepare for emergencies. She’d sent the announcements. Now all they could do was wait. It was hard, not being able to leap into action, but she couldn’t control the storm.
If only.
In the silence of her office, she tidied up her desk and put the tablet on the charger. Who knew? Depending on how things went with the storm, she might be back tonight, and she didn’t want to scramble for the things she needed. And either way, she’d be here tomorrow, ready to work. The tour with Nadim had been her last break for a while.
The small calendar on her desk caught her attention. No one had torn off the pages, printed with their inspirational quotes, while she’d been on the tour. Aisha tore off five days. When she revealed today’s date, her heart stopped. It was the monthly anniversary of her father’s death, and she hadn’t thought of it all day.
Grief gripped her, tensing all her muscles, but she couldn’t focus on it. There was a more pressing matter than missing her father with everything she was worth, though it didn’t seem like it. Her soul wanted to break down and weep for him. She couldn’t do that now. Not with such a pressing deadline.
Aisha only had three months left.
Three months, and she had to be married—otherwise Jamad would move into the palace the very next day. Time was running out. Moment by moment, it drained away, and she didn’t have any other options lined up. Nadim was the closest to right she’d found so far. A flutter of panic turned her stomach. She hadn’t seen any red flags on the tour, but that almost made it worse. He was so agreeable. Maybe it was just his natural charm. He simply didn’t seem inclined to change his life...and charming as he was, she couldn’t think of a way to convince him to give up his current life plan and become the sultan.
Then again, maybe if she said all the right things, he’d go along with it. They’d had a lovely time on the tour. He couldn’t argue with that.
Aisha sat back in her chair and pressed a hand over her eyes. How could she sell it to him? You’ll be the official king, with official responsibilities. No. He didn’t want that. He wanted to come up with his own plan. It seemed impossible...until she thought of the way they were in bed together. They’d both enjoyed it. A lot. So a life in the palace wouldn’t be all work and no play. There would be plenty of that, if they could set the appropriate boundaries...
But what were those boundaries? She didn’t want him stepping too close, but she also wanted him close enough to kiss the side of his neck. It was impossible.
The only thing to do was to talk to him about it. Time was quickly running out for that, too. Nadim’s flight back to Raihan was scheduled for the next morning.
The doors to the guest suite stood open, and Aisha stepped inside. Nadim wasn’t in the living area. She padded across the floor and went down the hall toward the bedroom. There he was—he moved back and forth across the threshold as she came. Aisha wanted to run to him, to jump on him, to push him backward onto the bed. She wanted to be laughing, not dwelling on the obstacles in front of them. She wanted a release, and Nadim could give her that.
At the very least, she could look at him. And she wanted to look at his handsome face, and his taut muscles, and...every inch of him.
“Hi,” she called out, not wanting to startle him. “I’m here.”
He poked his head out the door, flashing her a smile that heated her from head to toe. “Hello.”
Aisha stopped in the doorway and took in the scene. A suitcase sat open on the bed, but she couldn’t tell if he was unpacking or repacking. The improvised toys they’d made for Karyme were arranged carefully on the dresser. She crossed the room, feeling a bit like an intruder, and picked up the water-bottle rattle. She gave it a tentative shake. How had this little toy come to mean so much?
Nadim stepped back into the room from the bathroom.
“I thought Karyme might want them.”
Aisha put the rattle back down on the dresser and folded her arms over her chest. “I’m sure she’ll treasure them forever.”
He laughed, the sound not quite authentic. Aisha pulled the elastic from her hair and let her locks tumble over her shoulders. Too hot—that was too hot. But she didn’t want to fiddle with it anymore. Instead, she faced her problem head on.
“So.” She met Nadim’s eyes. He stood easily in the center of the room, hands in his pockets, watching her. “You’re leaving tomorrow, then?”
He gave her a slow nod.
“Look.” The awkwardness felt like a sunburn—bright and hot. “I know you said—I know what you said.” Aisha hardly ever fumbled for words like this. Of course her own voice would let her down at this moment. “But my
time to find someone is running out. You said you didn’t want to enter a relationship until you’ve got your life figured out, but what if I said you didn’t have to?” She couldn’t help herself—she took her hair in one hand and twisted it into a shining rope. “A marriage between us wouldn’t have to mean a relationship until you’ve accomplished everything you wanted to do. Lots of people get married without loving each other.” He still hadn’t said anything. Why wasn’t he saying anything? “We can live separate lives, more or less.”
Aisha let go of her hair. Well, she was in it now—she might as well finish it. “You wouldn’t have much responsibility. There’s a decree, actually, called Rule by Proxy. It lets the sultan sign over decision-making power to someone else. It’s normally used for when the sultan is out of the country or ill, but there’s no time limit on it. Promise to let me lead my country as I see fit, and you can do anything you want. We don’t have to be together.”
She’d expected to see relief on Nadim’s face, or his regular agreeable expression.
Instead, his eyes had gone dark. The frown on his face made him no less attractive, but it made her heart sink just the same.
“Really?”
The word cut through her, stabbing straight through the hope she’d been nursing on the way here.
“Really what?”
He raised his eyebrows, shook his head a little. “Do you think so little of me, do you think I have so little honor, that I would marry someone without love? Without committing to a family and partnership?”
“Nadim—”
“When I marry—” Now he looked like the storm itself, breaking over the city in a crash of thunder and lightning. “When I marry it will be because I’m ready to give my whole self to the woman. To the relationship. To my responsibilities.” He paced back toward the bathroom and ended up in the middle of the room again. “Right now, I don’t even know who my whole self is. How could I promise it to anyone?” He made a disgusted noise, waving her off. “I won’t participate in a loveless marriage. Not even to someone as amazing as you are.”
She blinked, stunned.
This had not gone the way she thought it would. Not at all. What was he saying? What did he mean? This was the worst case of mixed messages she’d ever experienced. A man complimenting her even as he “broke up” with her from a nonexistent relationship. Her heart twisted, threatening to break in two. It hurt—it hurt a lot. He didn’t love her. Maybe he could never love her—not the way she’d fallen for him. Nadim would never marry her. It would never be in the cards for them.
Aisha felt crushed, devastated, and it was so out of proportion. What had she been thinking, allowing herself to feel this way about him? What a horrible, reckless mistake. The infatuation had gotten out of control. And worse—because of course it was worse—she’d loved the time they spent together. The wonderful, ill-advised, earth-shaking time. She’d never be able to forget it, and she was set to lose her place in the country.
“Well, thanks for nothing.” She clenched her hands into fists at her side. “I guess you’d better leave, then.”
“That’s the plan.”
Nadim let the words hang in the air between them.
Aisha felt like she was twelve years old again, back in the council room where she’d presented an idea to save the stray dogs in the capital city. She’d come up with the perfect solution, but at the end of her presentation Jamad had jeered at her. Dismissed her as impractical—a silly little girl, he’d said. Nadim hadn’t said as much, but from the look on his face, he felt he same way. That her idea was so fanciful that it was insulting.
She had nothing to say to that.
The silence dragged on. Please, she thought. Back down. Say you didn’t mean it.
But Nadim stood his ground.
She turned on her heel and left. Aisha walked without a plan until she found herself in the situation room, where her advisors were monitoring a bank of television screens showing the weather radar. The low hum of conversation in the room soothed her.
“The sultana,” one of them said, and they all rose to their feet as one.
“Sit down,” she said. “Sit down. We’ll watch together for a while.”
They kept their eyes on the screens. Aisha took her seat at the head of the table and looked at the radar map, covered as it was with screaming reds and warning yellows. It was an accurate picture of how she felt—too big for her own skin and ready to take down anything in her path without a second thought. An indiscriminate pain and hurt and rage. So many possible targets, so many possible paths.
She called for a glass of water and tried to get herself together.
The storm was headed straight for Kendah.
But it had already reached her heart.
10
The moment Aisha was gone from the room, regret swallowed Nadim whole.
He went back out to the living area, his body heavy and aching, and sat down heavily on one of the sofa.
What had happened? How had that conversation gone so horribly wrong? He’d had no intention of fighting with her. That was something he’d been looking to avoid—hurt feelings and bad blood between them.
He’d hurt her.
He hated it.
Nadim stood up and paced in front of the window, the quiet in the room mocking him. It should have gone differently. They could have enjoyed each other one more time before he left for Raihan. And if not that, they could have parted on good terms. As friends, even. Now? He had no idea how they’d ever get to that place. They probably never would.
He’d known all along that getting involved with her the way he had was a mistake.
How could he have been so careless? Yes, she was incredible, and yes, he wanted her badly. That shouldn’t have influenced him so much. He’d been born to the royal family of Raihan, and he knew better than most people that what he wanted shouldn’t always come first. It couldn’t, if the kingdom was going to survive. And he knew, of course he knew, that he had been allowed the most personal freedom of either of his brothers. His parents had put their focus where it mattered the most—on the crown prince and the second in line to the throne. Nadim stopped pacing and looked out at the sky. The storm loomed, and anticipation crowded his throat. Why wouldn’t it just rain already?
He moved woodenly to the phone on a nearby table and dialed. An aide answered on the first ring. “Sheikh Nadim, what can I do for you?”
“I’m leaving in the morning.” The entire palace would know he was leaving. “I—I want to move up my departure. First thing. First light. Instead of after breakfast.”
“Of course.” Nadim could hear the scritch-scratch of the aide writing something down on paper. “A car will be waiting for you at the rescheduled time. I’ll let the pilot know. Was there anything else I could get for you?”
Nadim clutched the phone. Could the aide rewind time, perhaps? Could he find some neutral arbiter that would come down from another plane and tell Nadim what his calling in life should be, just to make things simpler? Could he put Nadim’s words from the fight with Aisha back into his mouth?
“No, that’s all. Thank you.”
The feeling he’d had earlier—of being at home and belonging—had gone. Now he felt like one of the coins in the water-bottle rattle he’d made for Karyme. Rattling around, making noise, but nothing else. Nadim wasn’t even making noise. He could play some music on his phone. It seemed wrong, somehow. He couldn’t think of a single song he wanted to associate with this moment forever.
He went back into the bedroom and finished packing. At least it was something to do. One of the staff could do it for him—all it would take was another phone call to the aide—but then he’d have nothing to do. More than once, he paused at the doorway and considered going to find Aisha.
No. What good could come from starting the fight with her again?
Nadim felt wired and exhausted at the same time. Should he stay up until his flight or try to sleep? In the end, it seemed better to
close his eyes. At least he could drag out the process of getting changed for bed, brushing his teeth, and climbing under the covers.
He’d expected to lie awake for hours, but to his surprise he fell into a restless, dream-filled sleep—he couldn’t open his eyes. Didn’t want to. It felt good to keep them closed. But eventually a sound broke into his dreams, hauling him up from beneath the surface of those dreams. At first he thought it was a train, rumbling over the tracks, but as he came awake he heard it for what it was—rain, slashing against the palace windows and roof. And deep booms of thunder.
The storm had arrived.
The storm had arrived, and Karyme was crying.
That took him a minute to discern, too, because of the distance from her bedroom to his, deep in his suite. He blinked. Was he really even hearing her? It didn’t matter—he’d check on her anyway. Nadim tossed back his blankets and grabbed a robe from the corner of the bed on the way out. The lights in the hallway had been turned to their very dimmest nighttime setting.
Ah, yes—Karyme cried again the moment he opened his door. He moved quickly across the hall.
“I’m coming, sweetheart.”
The baby was sitting in her bed, and when he got close to the crib she reached her little hands up to him, still fussing. He picked her up, still murmuring to her. “It’s all right. I’m here. Did you have a bad dream? Or did the sound of the rain wake you up?”
As he spoke, Karyme settled herself into her favorite position—her head on his shoulders, one hand in his beard. Her sweet baby breath whispered against his skin. Her cries softened, quieted, and then her whole body relaxed. Nadim kept rubbing her little back, her shoulder blades reminding him of tiny wings. He squeezed his eyes shut and tried to memorize the weight of her in his arms and the baby scent of her skin.
He had never expected to get attached to a baby on this tour. It was supposed to be a formality—something to get through with as little effort as possible. Nadim’s biggest goal had been to get his parents off his back about marriage. Funny how, now that he had their attention, it was only to bring him back in line with what they wanted out of his life. He swayed back and forth with Karyme in his arms, letting her relax, humming the love song from the plane.